Is and will always be my favorite game of all time. The gameplay, the story, the graphics, the propaganda for the military industrial complex; it’s all just perfect. The only thing that could be more fun than this game is making a dumb gimmick account as something to do when I’m bored during work and getting a surprisingly high amount of clout amongst a community I mostly chose not to engage with. Thanks for 10,000 likes.
Also, Fidel Castro is like the rawest video game character of all time and I wish he was real so fucking much.

that selfish deed really was not freedom

edit: shoutout to a G O O D friend of mine that was so fucking ass at this game they rage quit which made me come back to this review to say

fuck you, this game is good; its stupid as fuck, but its good

"My slumber was disturbed by a mighty roar heard across worlds. On every world, a CRISIS. On every alternative, a new apocalypse. A doomsday. A last judgement. A conclusion that never comes but continues to arrive. An endless EVENT."

-----------------------------------------

When I first wrote about Halo Infinite, I described it as where you need to go to find an avatar of the Modern AAA game experience. Having now finished the campaign, I would like to expand that further to include the modern media landscape as a whole in 2022.

Halo Infinite begins without beginning, and ends without ending. It is an eternal middle, starting after everything is established and stopping before anything is concluded, a promise of content to come, an eternal conflict Master Chief wages to stop Halo from being fully reborn, that in it's waging produces a thousand tiny moments of HaloTM content to enjoy. Or, perhaps, not even to enjoy; to simply consume, one after another, turning blue icons grey until there are no blue icons that remain, until the next feast of Blue Icons arises, until the wheel turns again.

In a world where each day, we are presented with news headlines demonstrating time and time again that the pillars that make up our modern world are in fact the very same thing choking the life out of it, it is perhaps unsurprising that the Shared Universe, previously the niche domain of geek franchise fodder that produced such delightful ephemera as the Yuuzhan Vong or Faction Paradox, has emerged as the definitive modern storytelling mode. How else do we justify the obscene contradictions of the world in which we live than by performing necromantic rituals on dead worlds and stories, ensuring they stretch on forever and ever, insisting upon their own existences far beyond memory and relevancy or even their own endings. A world where marvel superheroes can face their Endgame and keep going, a world where The Dead Speak, and, of course, a world where Master Chief continues to fight the good fight forevermore, clearing outposts on the infinite sprawl of Zeta Halo.

Do you remember Halo 5: Guardians? Halo Infinite, hopes you do and do not, at the exact same time. That game happened, to be sure - the illusion of the Shared World cannot allow something like a game with a number attached to simply Not Occur without shattering the shared delusion of meaning and import that continuity represents - but it was followed by a phantom Halo 6 that never came out, a game that resolved the conflict with The Created that Halo 5 set up, a game where Master Chief had his tearful final confrontation with Cortana, a game that properly introduced The Banished and established them as an equal threat to the UNSC, a game that conveniently resets everything to it's most comfortably anthromorphic and predictable states. The green guy and the aliens on the ringworld, the rebel alliance and the empire. On and on it goes. Halo 6 exists now only as a wound that Infinite spends the entirety of it's runtime picking at, a gap in space and time that exists only to be filled in by content, audio logs and and lore podcasts and theory videos, Content upon Content, nothing but Content in this blasted land. Master Chief emerges from this black hole of a Game That Never Was to find Halo in the process of rebooting itself, and wearily sets himself to prevent that goal. Bereft of advancement, regressing to the Iconic Version of himself, and aided always by a false simulacra made by the image Cortana represented in prior games, against a nameless, faceless enemy, literally called The Endless, always out of sight and out of firing range, dangled forever in front of the Chief as he runs along on the hamster wheel of Halo's corpse forevermore, listening to the voices of ghosts explaining what happened in games that never were, all the while, a Final, True and Ultimate Threat hangs just out of reach, an Empty Hand holding an Energy Sword of Damocles that will never, ever fall.

This is Halo: Infinite. The promise of ephemera, imagery, and writing that once Meant Something, that had cultural and artistic significance emerging from the time it was created, placed into a vacuum-sealed Platform to sustain itself in perpetuity, without beginning or end, a mobius loop greedily devouring it's own tail because there remains nothing else. An existential nightmare existence without progress or retreat, where Master Chief fights forever against an enemy he cannot ever defeat, yet cannot ever defeat him in turn. Where the only victory to be found is the perpetuity of the world that Is, stretching on forever and ever. The Covenant can become The Banished, the Empire can become The First Order, Dark Souls can become Elden Ring, Overwatch can become Overwatch 2, but nothing can ever actually change. Nothing can actually evolve, not even combat. The world can never be allowed to end, to die, to allow new flowers to sprout from it's corpse as it becomes a part of the earth that spawns it. No matter what happens, Master Chief must always be on a Halo, shooting a grunt with a battle rifle.

And it's still fun to shoot a grunt with a battle rifle. But it's been over 20 years since Combat was said to Evolve. When will the war end? Will it ever, or are we trapped in a perpetual conflict with an enemy that is both tremendously weak and cowardly and infinitely powerful and terrifying? When will the galaxy be at peace? When will the covenant finally be defeated? When will Durandal look back on the world that was, and wonder who we were? How many more Ancient Evils remain to be defeated? How many more Banished/Covenants exist to be broken? How many more Grunts are there to be shot with my Battle Rifle? When will the credits roll, when will the screen fade to black, when will anything come to an actual, true end?

I don't know. But I know I'll probably play the DLC. Because I don't know the way out of this world any more than you do. And at the end of the day, bereft of anything better, I'll keep shooting grunts in the face with a battle rifle.

Three stars.

-----------------------------------------

"'In the End'? Nothing ends, Adrian. Nothing ever ends."

It's the best fighting game launch ever. I love it and everything about. Who fucking cares.

What I do care about is going to a public lobby and watching a scrub on Classical get completely washed by a new Modern player and then the Classical scrub going on a tirade about what they think is wrong with the game and society only to then get obliterated again, now with a full lobby of spectating people make fun of them for being a little bitch who needs to get good.

I am seeing that salt every day now. We now have the chance to see the most toxic parts of the community get obliterated by a guy who picked up this game because he heard it was cool and Modern Luke is kinda fun.

Revolutionary.

IF YOU'RE NOT A FAN OF THE WORDS:
PEAK FICTION
GOAT
RAW
FIRE

Click off the Review.

So, Hi-Fi Rush came out of fucking nowhere and kinda took over my life for the past few days. I love rhythm games and Character Action games, so having something like this which has this and a ton of personality to boot might actually be one of the best surprise drops in gaming history.

The story doesn't start out mind-blowing and Chai could be a bit much at times, but both him and the story get much better as the game goes along and ends in a pretty sweet place. I love ALL of the other characters, except maybe the villain. Sonic doesn't really have much of a presence throughout the game and isn't all too threatening, but he's still fun for what the game is. But the others? Awesome. I love Chai, Peppermint, Korsica, Macaron, the other bosses, this game is so fucking clever with its dialogue and so endearing in its tone that I grew attached to this little band of misfits quick.

And that's before even mentioning this game's incredible presentation. The comic book inspired art direction fits really well and at times gives me JSR flashbacks. The animations are crisp both 2D and In Engine, the soundtrack is an absolute fucking BOP from beginning to end, and the game looks and runs really good technically as well.

As a beatemup character action game based around rhythm, it definitely took me a bit to get used to, but once it got going I was having a BLAST. Timing all of the hits, jumps, and dodges to the beat was super fun and optimizing my runs with special moves, ally attacks, and passive abilities was incredibly fun. There is SO MUCH CUSTOMIZATION HERE.

And the bosses are all amazing and the movement is mostly fluid and the voice acting throughout the game was cheesy and fun without sounding grating like another video game that released this week! This game just should not be REAL. I almost feel like I'm playing an early 2000s Cartoon Network show with incredible rhythm based combat.

I love this game so much, and even if it isn't perfect and the character and controls troubles does keep it from the 5/5 it probably deserves, I am just so SO happy that this game exists.

Also Peppermint is a bi icon, sorry ya had to hear it from me!