I have a lot to say because Persona 3 is really important to me. I played Portable back in the day, and it was the first time a JRPG resonated with me besides the classic Chrono Trigger. I used to play P3P everywhere, and it helped me in a pretty rough period of my life, it was clear to me the game was becoming my favorite game of all time. However, as I grew older and tried to play all the versions of the game again, I never felt the same feeling like I used to feel when I was younger. When I played Persona 5, this got even worse because the game made me feel the same things that Persona 3 couldn't do for me again. I never stopped loving the game; I just thought that maybe it wasn't as special as my memories made it seem. Well, it's been 6-7 years since I first played Persona 3. Since the leak of the remake footage, I was mildly hyped for it, but I wasn't betting all my chips on it.

But today, I just beated the game and... everything came back to me. Persona 3 is indeed my favorite game of all time. I felt everything the same way as I felt the first time, even the chills when the Velvet Room choir plays on The Battle for Everyone's Soul. I love the characters, the themes conveyed in the game, the world, the songs, the atmosphere, EVERYTHING I used to love about Persona 3 is here, but there is a catch! ATLUS improved all things gameplay-wise that used to bother me in the old game, and not only that, but they also added some new cool mechanics to make the gameplay even better. Tartarus finally is not a pain in the ass to explore, and you can now play all of the game in beautiful 3D without the need to give control of your party to a clearly outdated 2006 AI. God bless technology! Persona 3 Reload is not only a good remake, but ATLUS's magnum opus, and I hope they keep pushing even further and making even better games. Persona 5 blew me away, and there are still things Persona 5 does better than Reload like dungeons, but Persona 3 means too much for me. I absolutely wasn't expecting it to be this good. Just play this game; I cannot recommend it enough, and Persona 3 is right back to the spot of my favorite game of all time.

The year…is 2012. The London olympics have been hosted, Whitney Houston died, and West Ham beat Blackpool to return to the premier league. But I feel like we are missing something important, a small piece to this very large puzzle. A year ago to this year, Skylanders spyros adventure released. An experimental game to not only attempt to bring back spyro, but to also birth a new gaming trend: toys to life. And so, on 2012, that is when, I finally got my first toys to life game: Skylanders giants. To any onlooker of this series, they would simply assume giants is quite possibly the weakest and most cashgrab entry. But today, I’m here to disprove that, and hopefully give people a taste of what one of my favourite games as a kid was. So without further ado: let us begin.

The story is pretty simple, basically these Skylanders have been brought to earth and forced to just be these figures, which we the ‘portal masters’ have to save by spending actual currency to put them on a FLASHING LIGHTS portal and then they get brought back into the game. Simple right? Well we also have to stop this evil dude called kaos, who is just as evil as me when I leave the toilet seat up. He basically is trying to reawaken the arkeyan robots whom the giants stopped years ago. And that’s it in terms of plot.

Gameplay wise it’s VERY simple. You scan a Skylanders onto the FLASHING LIGHTS portal and then that Skylander is put into the game. You then go through really simple and basic levels. You beat the enemies, do a tiny bit of exploration, and you move on. At certain points you’ll find certain areas that can only be unlocked through having a skylander of a certain type (fire, water, etc) so you know what that means! Spending time! There are also little puzzles and also…the legend that is: skystones. Remember tetra master from final fantasy 9? It’s basically that but better in every way. It is the quintessential card game.

The music is also something I have to stop by and talk about. Lorne Balfe put his heart and soul into this soundtrack. Levels like the junkyard isles and wilikin village give me an instant hit of nostalgia that is unparalleled. The other tracks as well are also quite memorable and honestly he did a really great job of giving the game that cinematic feel to it.

To be perfectly honest, I do kinda miss this franchise. Not to sound like I’m 8 but man collecting the figures was a lot of fun. Fortunately I still have mine and I do look at them from time to time just because I can’t get rid of them. Even if I could I’d only get a penny from them and that’s the unfortunate downside of toys to life as a whole. But that’s a story for another day. Giants would also be the game to bring other competitors in, those being Disney and Warner bros. and oh man, this is gonna get real big and go down very quickly. But until then, I hope you enjoyed my thoughts on a classic childhood game of mine. Gone but certainly not forgotten.

…also for those who might ask, my favourite was jet-vac.

Ok story, simple gameplay, brilliant music, skystones is peak, also the drill-x rap lives in my head rent free

A short while ago I read that article about Naughty Dog and how they literally suppress use of the word “fun” within the studio. I think it paints a picture of a company so up its own ass, so out of touch with the medium they’re working in, and I think it stands in stark contrast to a game like Tekken, which is so unabashedly a video game above all else. It’s combat is refined and technical, yet accessible enough that a new player can jump in and jazz up combos on the spot. It’s got a full roster with all my favourites from Tekken 3 back. It’s full of customization options, side modes like the arcade mode, Devil Within (which isn’t as good as Tekken 3’s Tekken Force, but it’s still a fun little bonus) and it even comes with the first three Tekken games. It’s so full of content, creativity and fun-loving character, and I love it.












It was also neat of them to give the final boss a move that straight up just wins him the round, fucking Jinpachi with your fuckass stun and your fireball.

you might be asking yourself “falco umhhhhh that's not … that's not a 4.5 game right there” ok and you know what shut the fuck up I'm the only one with the universal jurisdiction to say if a game should deserve this high a praise and i can tell you with absolute honesty that ive never had such an experience in gaming industry that stimulated every single sense of my body and brain in more than one way possible and just for that this deserves to be in the top of everything i love about videogames fun gameplay lovely art and music and gay sex cue the usual disclaimer

ALERT THIS IS A GAY PORN GAME ! which means I will be talking about my private time experiences with the material and the licentious content of this game that might hurt your over religious conservative puritan homophobic beliefs or maybe you just dont want to read about what turns me on and I don't fucking care you've been advised

paradiso guardian was a project that i saw roaming around during the last years and i was pretty sure nothing wouldve come out of it i thought it was just a cute experiment that would never see the light of day well im happy to say that team level something released this gem of a game just so that i would look like a fool and also jerk off

those who know me in the audience are well aware that symphony of the night is one of my favorite games ever created in this world absolutely such an incredible work of art that i will never get tired of playing and replaying literally it has everything a masterpiece has to offer and also boom sexy alucard

so then bussy guardian follows closely the example of the greatest blueprint of the metroidvania genre and aims to create a tribute for symphony of the night that could rival to one of the most influential games ever created and im glad to say that they came damn close and when you think about it without the gay porn stuff paradiso guardian is an incredibly novel concept all the aspects in this game are brimming with professionality and im glad it came out as good as it did

lead twunk lenga is a colorful angel residing in heaven which is actually getting ravished by loads and loads of demons and penetrated until the seams start to fall apart im still talking about heaven not about lenga keep up SO the guy being a sweet little guardian angel goes on a mission to actually track down the culprit of the invasion that is destroying the paradiso and to fuck him up . pretty simple but a good enough setup for whats to cum

as i was saying this is heavily inspired by sotn and i was definitely not expecting for the developers to not only follow closely almost every single element of castlevanias masterpiece but also actually managed to create an experience that feels almost if not identical to the former for starters lenga albeit quite stiffer than the blonde vampire but its still such a joy to move around and while theres not as many movement options its still pretty fun to run around the “castle” in this case

gameplay wise this is also pretty similar and competent you got the usual equipments and items with different battle styles then you got the usual skills but with a twist because you dont have to use fucking fighting games combos to activate (dont @ me i love those in sotn but im glad they didnt put it here even though theres a scroll that can activate those kind of skills but im too poor to buy it sorryyyyyyyyyyy) and some summons it's pretty varied I gotta say even If obviously derivative but it IS a tribute game

I genuinely didn't think this could be that good because since this is an hybrid porn game i 100% thought the metroidvania aspect was gonna be half jank but its so fucking GOOD for no absolute reason every single place of the castle is full of interesting monster designs some bomb ass segments a fluid gameflow and the slowmo duck ability was goated I had a lot of fun even though the game isn't that long most of it I actually completed in mayyyyyybe 5 hours ??? theres a lot of stuff to discover battle tactics to use get lost in the castle again and again and again basically every single metroidvania element is present and thriving and im here for it

for a good chunk of the game I was so impressed that they managed to recreate the sotn feeling not only in the gameplay department but also the art style which is literally so close to the sotn one it could be a dlc from that game every single sprite is moving so flawlessly monsters backgrounds castle pieces bosses everything has such a good fucking spritework that is just a joy to witness and in general I did not think the whole castle could be characterised so well even though theres like 4 different areas it's absolutely insane godlike work

and for some reason the music is also pretty grand AND emulating the neoclassic darkwave or whatever the fuck the name of sotn music genre is and BRIMMING with details it sounds like a fucking live orchestra and thats something I felt last time only in castlevania it's insane the lengths this team went to get to the players the tribute they wanted and there's a lot of different tunes that are ALL . SO . FUCKING . GOOD and my absolute favorite one of the bunch is of course club moment

do you know when that plays . exactly when lenga is getting FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED

so let's talk about the MEAT of the game right now I tried to be as safe for work as possible for straightos stumbling here but that is no more

during lengas ascent in heaven to find and fuck the big bad up theres gonna be a lot of different people trying to get in lengas way which could be some friends trying to stop him from doing something dangerous of full on enemies and what happens is that lenga is a fucking nymphomaniac and every single boss beaten is gonna get a damn huge crush on him and fucking him up as they should

so what happens is you get into a boss battle you beat the boss and lenga proceeds to slurp their meat up until they cum and go back to the headquarters of paradiso waiting for another chance to get a 1 on 1 with lenga

at this point you can get into the headquarters and offer the different men some gifts so that you're gonna strengthen their bond until you unlock some difficult challenges to replay the boss battles

want to know what happens after you beat these battles ??? that's right you get a special skill im joking yes you get a special skill but you also get a damn good fucking back to back to back

so I'll be direct I beat my meat off at least 50 times on these cgs my dick started aching after a while because I would just be beating it all the fucking time I'm not joking these CGs are incredible the different character portraits are already a damn joy to look at every single character is hunky as shit super sexy and has so much beef that would fill an entire butchery but the SEX SCEEEEENEEEES OOOOOOH THE SEX SCENES are some of the best I've ever had the pleasure to masterbate to

for starters the voice acting of this game is absolutely unbelievable every single character is not only thriving with personality but the sex scenes have so much moaning and gasping and dirty words that I ended up cumming in like 10 seconds every time absolutely insane AND the artist has a damn good understanding of what makes anime CGs so exotic theres a lot of different positions and camera angles incredible situations and masterful pornographic writing I bet every single gay guy or gay porn connoisseur would just be thriving with this game I'm not joking

so there's 4 different main guys in the pool floody is the childhood friend archetype big beefy guy cannon in hand another cannon in his pants has a really great perverted bottom / shy top dynamic with lenga and while not my favorite guy of the bunch I probably ended up enjoying his CGs set the most (probably because he's always on the giving side and I love seeing lenga take a huge fat cock and moaning maybe im biased) and in general floody is so fucking hot definitely a good time then you have the oni prince shuten who instead has the “I want him as my wife” simp dynamic which I'm not usually a huge fan of but he's pretty hot to begin with so there's a lot to love in his sets and seeing lenga actually switch was a fun time then you got vitos who instead is a demon that ends up eating lenga inside out he's also pretty great not my favorite CG set of the bunch but he's pretty hot and for that I gotta respect him and anD AND THEN MY FAVORITE BOO RADIAN UGHHHHHH so if you know me irl you know im a huge fan of daddies and radian is absolutely . fucking . hot plus the dad x son (NOT RELATED BY BLOOD !!!) dynamic here makes me so fucking horny you guys won't believe what was going through my mind during those scenes anyway again this is not my favorite CG set of the bunch but radian is the hottest guy in the entire game and the last scene with him was probably my most fapped to of the bunch so so so so gorgeous

that to say if you want a lot of jerking off material you're looking at the perfect game

now you would think lenga would stop here but he goes to the extent to fucking or get fucked by not only guest bosses that can be summoned but also the god of thunder which is among my favorite scenes of the game literally replayed also this one so many times you couldve donated 50 gallons of sperm im not joking here absolutely hot hottie hottest hunk of a thunder deity I want to be dominated by him if it's the last thing I do in this life and lenga also goes to the extend of doing a SPOILER huge fucking orgy with the entire cast AND the final boss ??? (who's also a snack unfortunately you only get one scene with him)

I love this lewd angel with my entire being I relate to him I wouldve done the same with so many hunks around me

so anyway I lost the point what did I want to say oh yeah this game is incredible absolutely fucking jawdropping I love a game that makes me stress on boss battles and makes me relieve that stress after the boss battles hand free incredible what other games does that ???

this is not a perfect game and it doesn't deserve the 4.5 rating but I'm literally the target audience for this game so if I'm not the one giving this a bloated rating who is gonna do that if even a single person reading this is gonna jerk off to this game think about me while you do that I'm gonna grow more powerful

so there's that thank you for reading another infodump about my sexual experiences foe whoevers interested I got the save files with everything unlocked and 100%ed so that you can instantly look at the gallery and jerk off im not gonna delete the game files until I'm tired of doing onanism on these CGs so yeah

umhhhhhh the end I guess see you at the next gay porn game probably coming out on top because I'm playing that rn

So, you’ve come hoping for a really in depth and detailed review? Unfortunately I’ve only ever played this game once and to be honest…it is a much MUCH more interesting story. In the future, I promise I will actually sit down and review this game. But for now: get a drink and a nice snack, sit back, and enjoy my glorious tale.

It was around about 8 years ago I’d say and me and a friend were in a random arcade. We were sort of browsing around, looking through all the different games they had to show. And that’s when…we saw it. Time crisis. For those that don’t know, time crisis is essentially a first person on rails shooter which were pretty popular in the arcades during the late-ish 90’s. The thing is here is that you have a small pedal which if pressed: will allow the player to duck down and reload their weapon. So when me and my friend saw this game, we decided to give it a go. How hard could it possibly be? We said to ourselves.

I’m sure this is the point where in your mind you’ll probably hear thinking ‘oh this is the part where he reveals how hard it actually is and then there is some funny moral to the story later’. Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to crush those expectations.

So my friend inserted 50p of British currency into the machine and started playing. We’d both agreed that he’d have the first go and later I’d have a go after he died. But after 10 minutes or so, we realised that he was better at time crisis than we thought. He was brilliant at it in fact. I just sat there watching him. He decimated every single enemy in his path. The villain laughed: thinking that he was some sort of joke. But, he was so, so wrong. My friend kept pushing the pedal like there was no tomorrow and landing every hit. After a while, I began to wonder if the machine was rigged. But those thoughts were soon put to sleep as finally: he beat the game.

So what is the moral to the story then? Just because you think a game is gonna be really hard doesn’t mean it always will.

Great gameplay, story happened, pedal was harmed, ACTION! RELOAD!

Ah,Celeste, how much I missed being so bad at playing you...

The fact this was developed in little over a week makes me think that the team at Maddy Makes Games, on top of being masters at design, are capable of bending time and space. Fragments of the Mountain puts a beautiful bow tie to what was already an amazing 2D platformer and an outstanding story, a little treat that feels reminiscent of low poly platformers and the original Celeste itself.

Seeing this collection of memories of the mountain in 3D warms my heart and playing through this sort of open little world —that in retrospect really reminds me of the archipelagos in Bowser's Fury or if all of the Bowser Stages were placed around Tall Tall Mountain from Super Mario 64— is the definition of a blast. Madeline's move set lends itself perfectly to 3D, and even some new tricks are added that fit perfectly and really open up the potential for shmoving. Like yeah, going through the challenges normally is super fun, but it's even more fun to do a little bit of level-skipping and getting a strawberry you REALLY weren't supposed to, if a 3D platformer has those kinds of moments, then you know it's good...

Even at 64 too bits the challenge still feels the same, which at some points it can go a little bit against it since the control never feels as precise as its 2D counterpart, and as much as I love the tape levels and their Mario Sunchine sounding-ass theme, it sometimes feels like you either get the exact angle with the camera you need, or youa re completely screwed... wait a minute... it's exactly like Sunshine now that I think about it!

But what Fragments of the Mountain also has is the heart; never mind how lovably goofy Madeline and the rest of the returning cast look, but the dialogue (which to be honest I didn't expect to be any going in) between these lovable figments, the amazing Lena Raine's OST that brings me back to a childhood I never had and what's possibly the single most adorable Special Thanks section I've seen in my entire life make Celeste 64 far more than a simple tribute, and while it also isn't a full continuation, is amazing endnote that I hope to see one day followed up, and I'd love to see more of this tridimensional small world.

I got my ass kicked, yes, but I welcome it, it's good to have one last little adventure collecting strawberries, flying through feathers and collecting cassette tapes; it's a good final farewell to this mountain, before moving on...

So…I’ve been putting off this review for a while, it’s mainly because I’ve been afraid, afraid that I’m gonna fuck this review up somehow. But it’s time I face my fears and finally returned to review this game and finish the 90’s sonic games. When it comes to Sonic Adventure 2, I’ve always preferred the original, however I’ve had a slight soft spot for this game and that’s why it has a similar score to SA1. So let’s get into it and see what I can say about a very loved sonic game.

We have quite a few new characters, mainly shadow and rouge. The story is split into the hero and dark sides though they all culminate with the same end. Basically eggman finds that his grandad left him a secret weapon named shadow, who is a hedgehog just like sonic. So him and eggman decide to find all the chaos emerald to conquer the world, with rouge joining later as she secretly works for the government. Later it all culminates in the ark where we find out shadow was doing all this naughty shit because of a girl he used to know, named Maria, told him to help mankind yet he interpreted it differently. Basically getting it completely confused and almost completely obliterating Maria’s wishes. So him and sonic defeat the finalhazard and that’s the end of that for now. And there was a lot of piss on the moon.

In terms of gameplay, it’s similar-ish to sonic adventure 1 with a few very clear differences. The structure is much more linear and follows a straight path. Instead of getting to choose characters, you’ll simply go from one level where you play as someone like sonic and then move onto another with playing as knuckles or someone. After every level as well you are forced to be into the chao garden which I’ll talk about a little bit later. The level types as well are mainly inspired by sa1 or at least the better level types. The sonic levels and knuckle levels made it over and the gamma levels somehow made it through though a little modified to make it fit with tails and eggman’s levels.

The chao garden also makes a return. We have 3 gardens actually: the neutral garden, the hero garden, and the dark garden with the latter two being unlocked after raising a hero and dark chao. you basically just raise the chao like you did in the last game. Raise the insufferable, puny, disgusting, cute, adorable, funny, little guys.

The music is also absolutely brilliant. Crush 40 return to do their work on the game and this is probably the only part of the game which I believe completely outshines the last. The music is phenomenal in every single way. I did like how sa1’s ost did have neat callbacks to the older sonic games, especially sonic cd, but this soundtrack is just absolutely exceptional. If anyone hates city escape then you clearly are just hating for the sake of it.

Unfortunately, after sonic adventure 2 released, it was soon announced that the Dreamcast would be discontinued and Sega would end up becoming a third party publisher. So sonic adventure 2 ended up being the end of an era, one full of lots and lots of creativity and experimentation. Even though later games would also experiment I felt that it was a lot more grounded through the Sega genesis (mega drive) era to the Dreamcast era. So with that, it ends my talk on some of the main sonic games for now. But who knows, maybe I will talk about 06…nah.

Great story, decent characters, excellent music, chao return, how do you like that Obama?

Living throughout the 90s and going into the turn of the century was a big deal for many of us kids, on the onset it looks like just a number, a useless metric made up by us. In hindsight however, those four digits all turning at once into a brand new number ushering in the beginning of a millennium truly did mean something big. I remember the days and nights going by as we approached the new year, my tiny mind had great fear over it. What's gonna happen? Is the world gonna explode? Are the refrigerators gonna come alive and enslave us all? You laugh, but a mind that young is full of creativity, which comes with a side effect of believing a lot more than you should.

Obviously, none of that happened. It was just another New Years Day, but little did I know that it took a bit longer than that to truly feel like a generation was ending and another was coming into it's own. Rookie mistake of course, I was still learnin'.

There was this advanced futuristic console coming, the supposed sequel to what was....and still is my favorite system. The PlayStation 2. Bang. The Dreamcast didn't even see it coming, I am so sorry my friend, it seems you were simply the harbinger. What game could possibly lead the charge and rally the troops to Sony's cause? Well, I loved Tekken 2. I loved Tekken 3, and here we are. The Tag Tournament to end all Tag Tournaments. Tekken was big enough to not need a crossover, Tony Stark wants no part of Paul Phoenix, and to this day they say that Logan is scared shitless of King giving him a Muscle Buster. Tekken 3 was the big fighter on the block, but part of me always missed Kazuya and his purple suit. But here he is, staring at you on the cover. Like, "I'm back bitch."

The introduction cinematic even starts with that beautiful cityscape, with Kazuya simply getting up out of his chair to make his way to the elevator. He's the only one I know who can make something so simple look so damn awesome. When I get out of my office chair after typing this up, I'm gonna pretend I'm him. He'd have to be pretty awesome, considering the reason he's going to the roof of his building is to turn into the most awesome final boss of all time and blast his laser into the sky to show off his dominance. A perfect opening cutscene to prepare us for a new system, with high-fidelity futuristic graphics, 2-on-2 matches, and a gigantic roster featuring everyone that isn't Gon or Dr. B. Kazuya fired them, and I approve.

It's mindboggling, because Tag Tournament wasn't even a part of my opening lineup of Christmas games to go along with my console. Twisted Metal Black, Dynasty Warriors 3, and Metal Gear Solid 2. Killers row, but I'm not sure I'd ever associate them with the advent of 365000 sundowns. That's probably because Tag Tournament still existed prior to my system thanks to playing it in arcades way back. You know the drill, get chaingrabbed by a King player who's ten years older than you with no idea how to defend. The good stuff. Being a practice mode warrior at the dear age of 9 years old could only do so much. Alas.

So ends the ballad of big ol' cartridges and CD-ROM, and thus the bringer of the new age in the form of DVD and little Nintendiscs starts the last hurrah of my nostalgia. An age that I personally consider to be the last truly great era of gaming. Is it nostalgia, or is it true? Who cares? I'm gonna uppercut you into the moon, because I'm Kazuya Mishima and I'm bowling a 300 against True Ogre.

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"MID SLOP PEAK SOULESS SLOP MID MID SLOP SLOP PEAK SOUL SOUULL SOUUUUULLLL" 😐

i don't care about this game, but it made me avoid any sort of discussion about it ever since release. i will be staying as far away from any sort of conversations surrounding this game as possible. and for the love of god, please stop spamming the words "soul", "soulless" and "slop", having posts about this game show up with the same three buzzwords used 500000 times made me never want to see them used in any sort of context again for the rest of my life

mymymy we are back to the fire emblem shithole you had to see my face when i ended up enjoying shadow dragon way more than the gba counterparts in the series maybe my tastebuds are busted because this was very flawed and very good at the same time even though kind of a weird installment in the series but we love to see it nonetheless

soooooooo im playing this series completely wrong and it was time to play this wicked game from the most powerful console of the entire planet with some of the most next gen graphics and incredibly clean audio apparatus thats right the godsent nintendo ds

I wasn't expecting too much from this installment but it definitely managed to crash my expectations out of the way from most of its playtime at least

while I definitely did enjoy most of the things here I gotta address the elephant in the room rn or im gonna go crazy . unfortunately the art direction in this one is SUBPAR the character portraits have this really weird art style that is like anime ish that looks pasted upon a 3d model which is definitely not the worst thing in the world but it just looks kind of weird compared to the gorgeous spriteworks of the earlier gba titles . the overworld sprites arent too different from the usual ones and the maps kind of look good ill give them that but what really sets this game wayyyyyyyyyyy below the other ones artistically is the in-battle ugly as shit 3d models now i usually end up disabling the animations because im adhd yada yada we been there that being said i have never disabled them THIS fast literally such a fucking step down from the earlier titles theyre not ugly for the ds but they wouldve benefited with some more sprite animations (which honestly already refined incredibly well in the previous titles so might as well use them again but i digress) . fortunately enough theres some bomb tracks most of the time (the song that plays out after you seize is SOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD and epic FOR NO FUCKING REASON)

but whatever where this game lacks in art direction it more than makes up for it in the other departments

ill get this out of the way the story isnt the most intricate shit in the world prince marth got exiled and he has to take his throne again going through (and annihilating) all the other pieces of lands and thats the main gist of course theres some kind of insight on some characters and characters interactions but it doesnt get too deep than that then you add a dragon at the end and boom you get the title of the game . ideally i liked a lot of stuff here but its so damn weirdly paced theres some chapters of nothing and than chapters where stuff happens all at ones (not as bad as binding blade tho lets be real) so it definitely was kind of weird for the most part but still has some good moments if i gotta be honest

i did find most of the main characters likeable caeda is an highlight im literally in love with her and i was expecting a damsel in distress kind of archetype but when i realised shes one of the cuntiest girls in the fire emblem franchise literally cunning persuasive hot determinate gorgeous a fucking beast on the battlefield and waited 25 chapters for marth to get a clue of her undying love for the twink LITERALLY an angel i love her dont touch me i will be a dog and bark for her wag my tail roll all that for the other characters i gotta say theres SO FUCKING MANY ??? i think this is the game with the biggest character pool because each chapter they would just throw at me 2 or 3 characters like theyre trash and then be like “ok do something with them i guess” and sometimes they would just die on me and i would be like ok whatever but the reality is the best characters are the ones you get at the beginning of the game and theyre the only ones worth to actually put some work into leveling up all the other characters youll get later are just there so that you could steal a steel lance or sword from them also the fact that theres no supports is so fucking detrimental to the character development because theres literally no way in hell i should know a characters whole 3 pages essay of personality after one (1) interaction

so if you want my serious ass lineup i gotta say Cain (i want to fuck him) Abel Frey Catria Palla (i want to fuck her) Sedgar (i want to fuck him) Barst (i want to fuck him) Lena and then idk for the other units i just put Ogma Wolf sometimes Minerva sometimes Julian shit like that

now you have to know that im fucking stupid and i forgot to get merric in chapter 4 and i remembered hes in this game in like chapter 15 because suddenly the game required me to go against magic users and i was like umhhhhhhh why do i feel like im missing something and THEN i realised i FORGOT MERRIC ???????? and because of that i had to skip an entire chapter because i didnt have a strong magic user to go against the dragon guy literally ruined my entire playthrough what the hell

also i cannot stress this enough but i basically played the entire game with caeda solo shes so fucking CRAZY literally forged wing spear and she would kill anything in front of her and when i got the shield to protect her from archer weakness if i wanted i could end the game with her alone at this point so much fucking fun

so these are the characters that i used now this is definitely not as hard as binding or blazing blade but it sure has some really fucking hideous stuff like 10 reinforcements in a chapter that come out completely out of nowhere (that are usually wyverns so end up instakilling your weaker party members i MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM) a lot of janky mechanics like only marth able to visiting towns and the fact that the rescue option is completely gone this was pretty much for the detriment of the usual gameflow but i still had a lot of fucking fun (savestates required) and in general i liked this way more than the gba titles which makes me wonder why people are so rude to this installment sure its not the greatest game in the series thats shadows of valentia but i dont feel it deserves so much criticism sure i havent played the original because i dont like cock and ball torture but it was a good remake that made me experience marths story without the need to cut my veins and ballista maps made me really consider it lets just say that

im not an expert on the series nor am i the biggest fan of classic fire emblems but this was a good ride nonetheless the plethora of characters and short but challenging maps made for a really great bite sized experience with a lot of personalisation and variety maybe this was not the remake people were expecting but seeing caeda serving cunt was all i needed peace

the other day i realised that fire emblem is inspired by shogi and not chess and my brain expanded to no limits

forgot to say that I think ogma has the biggest cock in the entire cast and I also think its very homophobic for him not to show it to me