aughhhh
BACKER
2015
on the one hand, this game's modding community is one of the best I've ever seen; on the other, i absolutely cannot fathom why this game has the amount of erotica that it does
2019
M A D R I G A L S
OUCH!! THAT HURTS
PLEASE... DON'T KILL ME
OH.... BUT I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE TO... DOO HOO HOOOOO
PLEASE... DON'T KILL ME
OH.... BUT I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE TO... DOO HOO HOOOOO
this is the one where you don't kill hitler. maya remains the most likable persona protagonist, but "let's positive thinking" is a maxim that just could not exist in 2022 and so this game is forever rooted in simpler times. pink handguns akimbo are a serve regardless
1997
lizard dance.avi
2013
it's vanillaware so it's gorgeous, but also the invention of the sorceress created a great karmic imbalance in the universe so until we get an eventual remaster where they introduce a male fanservice character that drags his massive cock behind him like a deceased eel, the damage this game has done will never be healed
child me found a copy of this at a church rummage sale in the late 90s and boy let me tell you i was not prepared to see the bright coral pink skin of the butler and maid's bare asses as they were having full on VGA graphics softcore time. this definitely left a longterm impression on me (gay forever, roberta williams' fault)
2006
this game exists at this weird intersection of "absolutely amazing, groundbreaking narrative" and "borderline unplayable dogshit gameplay" and i don't really know how to quantify that with a numeric score; can i just score it a question mark instead?
if this game did better then the red crayon aristocrats could have been the root for an entire generation of wlw
if this game did better then the red crayon aristocrats could have been the root for an entire generation of wlw
base rise was aggressively mid but this expansion stepped the game's whole pussy up. each weapon feels fun to play, monsters feel challenging with enough variation to keep from feeling samey, and you can turn your dog into a gun.
sure all of the assets are reused from world, but bahari can sit on my face and i'd thank him
sure all of the assets are reused from world, but bahari can sit on my face and i'd thank him
sometimes when polly speaks there is an accompanying audio clip of her saying "CELEBRATION TWERK!!"
and i think that is very good
and i think that is very good
2022
a slow, quiet 15th century mystery rendered in the visual style of illuminated manuscripts of the late middle-ages & early renaissance. it is certainly something special in the games-as-art genre, and therefore is not for everyone.
(in this case: everyone means monster chugging twitch streamer bros with a tier 3 amouranth sub who enthusiastically finger themselves to completion every time they get to watch kratos pull off a kill animation)
(in this case: everyone means monster chugging twitch streamer bros with a tier 3 amouranth sub who enthusiastically finger themselves to completion every time they get to watch kratos pull off a kill animation)
2019
uh, i dunno. hold on, let me check the forecast. temperatures are a balmy 72 degrees, but i'm not seeing anything about rain - oh, but look, we're going to have wisps on friday
(on friday: everyone is burnt to death by wisps)
(on friday: everyone is burnt to death by wisps)
2015
while the rest of this game is fine, this five star review is specifically for the use of the line "understand the palm of my hand, bitch." poetry.
it's definitely not the best game in the series (although iceborne helped improve a lot of the vanilla release's faults) but it's one of the ones i enjoyed playing the most, and this is why:
1) you pick up a lot of dung in monster hunter world. like, a lot. You're sniffing dung for tracks, you're making bombs out of it, so i think my friends and i decided that canonically the titular Monster Hunter you play as is an extreme scat fetishist. (which, i guess, is fine; i'm not here to yuck your hunters' yum.) but you definitely, definitely play with actual shit often enough for it to be Notable.
2) my character in monster hunter world was a lady with a blonde bobcut, and at one point during the game's early stages when the teostra armor was meta one of my friends made the offhanded comment that she looked like the princess of a fairytale germanic country, if that germanic country was extremely fascist.
3) this resulted in one of the enduring memes in my personal friend group, where my entire time spent playing this game was in character as Princess Glockenspiel of the enduring Kingdom of Glockenspiel, who hunts monsters for pride and sport, and to help fund the economy of the isolated nation through its export of its national dish, which is just literal Shit. I don't know why this is the meme that stuck around, but I really committed to the bit and I can't extricate the experience of live-rping this horrible shit eating fantasy eurotrash woman while bashing and smashing my way through the game.
my time with mh:w is viewed entirely through scheiße colored glasses.
1) you pick up a lot of dung in monster hunter world. like, a lot. You're sniffing dung for tracks, you're making bombs out of it, so i think my friends and i decided that canonically the titular Monster Hunter you play as is an extreme scat fetishist. (which, i guess, is fine; i'm not here to yuck your hunters' yum.) but you definitely, definitely play with actual shit often enough for it to be Notable.
2) my character in monster hunter world was a lady with a blonde bobcut, and at one point during the game's early stages when the teostra armor was meta one of my friends made the offhanded comment that she looked like the princess of a fairytale germanic country, if that germanic country was extremely fascist.
3) this resulted in one of the enduring memes in my personal friend group, where my entire time spent playing this game was in character as Princess Glockenspiel of the enduring Kingdom of Glockenspiel, who hunts monsters for pride and sport, and to help fund the economy of the isolated nation through its export of its national dish, which is just literal Shit. I don't know why this is the meme that stuck around, but I really committed to the bit and I can't extricate the experience of live-rping this horrible shit eating fantasy eurotrash woman while bashing and smashing my way through the game.
my time with mh:w is viewed entirely through scheiße colored glasses.
this game is the metric that i have to gauge the content of any other game by. "this game has so much to do!" someone says, and then i say "but does it have as much content as MH4U?" and invariably it does not. i'm not sure anything does! when will i find the next game that will suck the life and soul out of me like this game did? my life and soul are bad, and i don't want them anymore!