this is the visual novel equivalent of having someone edge you for hours just so they can get up and leave right when you finally start getting close

less cohesive and well-written than it appears to be behind the veil of its exceptional voice acting.
swiftly becomes a where's waldo of 'how many different types of fucked up princesses can I make'
painfully het

This review contains spoilers

the entire vibe of this game feels super predatory. it's Pinocchio, but with the graceless, on-the-nose mall goth writing of American McGee's Alice. wrap it up in Yharnam's discarded skin, and you have Lies of P.

surely round8 studios is aware that Bloodborne fanatics are thirsty for even the tiniest scrap of content, how they're willing to work themselves into a frenzy over the most baseless rumor of a remaster or a sequel, yes? if this sounds like you, be very aware: if you're looking for more soulslike combat, sure, there's some worth here, but you won't find an ounce of subtlety, artistry, or narrative sophistication inside. or, to be more brief: it's fucking lame

the game's final scene features a character droning listlessly into a telephone that "they've found their next key.... DOROTHY!" followed by a jump cut to a girl in red shoes walking off of a train and clicking her heels together. cut to black, credits.

a lot has been said about the phrase "i can't" as a memetic device meant to describe the only communication style left to frappucino-sucking white ladies but, like, when my eyes rolled out of my head after viewing the game's ending and that was the only language left to me, i think i sympathize. i can't. i couldn't. fuck this.

This review contains spoilers

you're telling me that this twink was raised by a fucking dog after his dad died? what the fuck is CPS Paldea even up to? where are our tax pokedollars even going?

anthony burch is rolling over in his grave
yes I know he's not dead

always a pleasure to return to failbetter's fallen london, and after the Constance update, it's a pleasure to be able to assign it a decent score. some lovely writing lies herein, and the actual mystery at the root of the narrative is truly a joy to piece together. also, i'd plow archie until his knees splintered the floorboards.

this entry in the series reads like psychological horror produced by greta gerwig. sh3 explored issues that continue to affect modern women today, such as:

1. coping with the death of a loved one by embracing your hobbies (cosplay)
2. what to do when you've allowed the family dog too much control over your daily life
3. how to eat god while still having enough time to enjoy your blond hair

wow snk really hates making money huh

i was worried that this would be divinity: original sin 3 more than it would be a true successor to baldur's gate II (not that more div:os2 would be a bad thing at all, really) but it does a suitably good job of living up to the originals' legacy while incorporating the polish and production value of some of the genre's more recent successful entries. 5e is a mixed bag, but the game pushes past (most) of the system's frustrating qualities. it's great. (i've also seen porn that is less horny than this game. some of the shit larian pulls in this is absolutely wild and I'm surprised they were able to get away without an AO rating. i deep throated a tentacle????)

anyway the camp f* slur vampire is funnier than every single bioware npc combined

astounding to see this amount of meaningfully impactful player choice in a game about playing with stickers

i can tell that the game is great, I really can; I just don't vibe with the core cast. maybe once a couple of seasons are out I'll find a character that hooks me but for now, I'm happy that other people are having fun with it.

battle tracks are legit ass though

I can understand wanting to make an 'experimental' sequel to your game, but I don't think that "what if we make our game as much like Slay the Spire as we possibly can" is a very good experiment

Originally, I wasn't a big fan of the first installment, with its
cloying setting and uneven storytelling. I wasn't expecting
this game to be as good as it is, but I'm happy to eat crow.
on the one hand, the writing is exceptionally good, with a
particularly darker bent than the first game's feel-good tone.
and on the other, the combat is exponentially cleaner and
tighter than any of its modern jrpg contemporaries.
hot take: Temenos and Crick are boyfriends, right?

there is a not-insignificant overlap between the group of people who feel that this game is too hard and the group of people who earnestly believe that sekiro: shadows die twice is a rhythm game.

the game is good (though I am glad I picked it up post-robust DLC catalogue and not during its shaky development) and is directly responsible for the growing severity of my whole ongoing carpal tunnel issue (but it's fine and I wasn't using that hand for anything important anyway)