you know me hot and sexy marathoning 30 series at the same time because the god of gaming bestowed upon me the holy gift of adhd so that i would be able to pop my pussy off with all these games at the same time and it kind of is a damn surprise that i even manage to successfully complete at least some games all around maybe im not as bad as my impostor syndrome makes me believe

so gamefags told me ys 1 and 2 were absolutely necessary to play ys origin and that if i actually played it before the first duology all my family would be murderously killed so for all the people reading this who have no idea if ass one and two are actually essential to play this game i say yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees and noooooooooooooooooooooo theres some really good callbacks or callforwards ? this is a prequel so i have no idea but it was nice to see some recurring places items and plot elements completely recontextualised to the point that they felt like nothing more than cameos . theres some degree of story ties that you can make between this game and the others but at their core theyre basically two different beasts I DO ACTUALLY recommend playing ys chronicles first just because some of the stuff youre gonna see here are probably gonna hit harder if you know whats gonna happen in those games but again its not necessary and youre not gonna miss anything in particular if you decide to just start with this one (which wouldnt be something id judge you for because the bumpy dumpy installments are what they are)

so ys origin takes place a lot of time before ys 1 and 2 which means that adol was still not even an embryo that being said you can choose between 2 + 1 protagonists aka yunica hugo and ??? and all of them have different play styles and story beats and shit so the real question here is UMHHHHHHH is it actually worth it to play all the routes ??? i mean if you really want to i guess it IS necessary to understand the entirety of the story because the last playthrough is actually the canon one as much as i know which means that if you play only the yunica one for example you wont see the beefy hot man doing his shit and all but you can still get a self contained story nonetheless

but whatever youre gonna do i dont care because i did play all three of these fucking routes because this game is ADDICTING . AS . SHIT

ys origin actually has a pretty different action rpg gameplay from the ys duology which means that this is gonna get more hack and slashy than it previously was now theres not any bumb system or whatever but some button mashy and skill using and shit and tachycardia . not too bad . now for some reason though they actually mustve laced this game with some drugs because wow the fast paced gameplay is so fucking intoxicating theres a lot to the fighting system the attacks are super fast the skills actually add a lot to the quality of the movements and attacking and whatever and also a super attack mode theres something for everybody lets just say that

and again the fact that all three characters have some different playstyles mean that the replayability is off the roof ………. kinda

see the main gimmick of the game is just ascending this fucking tower and for every single set of stories youre gonna get some different biomes like idk theres the normal one the water one the fire one the sand one (which is the worst one dont get me started) theres something for everybody now the thing is that youre gonna do this for all three of the characters going through the same floors and watching the same kind of events over and over and over which isnt really too much of a problem for me who played nier replicant three times for all the endings but i guess it can actually be detrimental to somebody else

the enemies are the same the events are the same even the way you progress through the floors are the same most of the time even though there may be some events were you have to get a different item and shit but that just stops there like idk hugo is less of a fast paced guy because he likes to stick magic poles up his ass so he needs dragon claws to walk on the sandy passages and shit or like the fact that yunica just uses her harmonica to stop the devil's room music and instead hugo decides to SMASH the fucking pipes with an hammer insane

this is probably my main issue with this game since the gameplay is absolutely stellar the leveling progression is super satisfying the bosses (for once in ys) are good like really good so much so that they reused them 3 times and the tower is an intricate and interesting place to explore with lots of different loots nooks and crannies to get some new equipments or skill upgrades in and thats probably what drew me in so quickly

also its pretty funny cause i cant really say anything anymore about the gameplay my soliloquy ends here like thats basically it that's what you're gonna do in the game period . its not really that complicated but in its simplicity it gets you going and going and the way the routes dont last that long you can actually get a lot out of 8 or like 10 hours each playthrough

that being said the story is also pretty simple it has a good enough premise for whats gonna happen in ys 1 and 2 goddesses vanish the research team is looking for them a tower ascended from the decaying earth yada yada you already know this shit from ys chronicles so personally my favorite one is yunicas route which is such an heartbreaking beginning to this “trilogy” of stories and shes honestly such an amazing protagonist im in love in her and her interactions with the goddesses never failed to make me emotional her backstory is the one that resonated the most with me and since it was also the very first route of the bunch ive played its nuance obviously hit more then the next 2 routes and the fact that shes never gonna come back in any ys game cause they take place after like 700 years which means she's been under 3 feet of dirt for all this time is gonna drive me insane dont talk to me yunica my sweet baby I love you please be my gf

while i definitely enjoy hugos route i dont think hes my favorite character of the bunch and the rude cute boy with trauma isnt a trope im fond of so he definitely didnt tickle any part of my body BUT his story made me realise how much of a girlboss epona is she just skyrocketed to my favorite character top lisr like its nothing shes incredible absolutely jawdropping character development i kinda hated her in yunicas route but she just ended up being so much more than a nosy bitch AND hugos route is a huge introduction to the storyline that the game is gonna follow on the claws route which is probably not only the most complete and satisfying route of the bunch but is also the one that actually finishes in a way that really makes the entire 3 plays worth it and that final boss is INCREDIBLE

plus hes hot and his backstory is probably the most beautiful one of the bunch because umh I cant get into spoiler territory but its reaaaaaaaaaaaally heart-rending to see the lengths he went to protect what was important for him like when the main twist came in my mind exploded and I was a mess truly a mess im so sorry for the FBI people in my pc to see what happened to me

whatever only downside is that the other side characters are pretty monotonous and uneventful like theres the yunica love interest the hugo love interest some cunty cunty cunt huh magician a girlboss who probably scissors with the magician and a gay priest and thats the extent of the characters I remember if there's somebody else in here OH THE TWINK WHO UPGRADES YOUR WEAPONS yeah he's dope I guess but the goddesses really ended up serving the most cunt in the entire cast so the 2 measures are balanced and they're probably the most complex and sad characters of the bunch so OF COURSE i was gonna fall in love with them im not dumb also feena I still have my engagement ring with me please be my wife

last but not least the art direction reminded me of trails in the sky which is a game I replayed 10 times and never finished so that brought up some Afgh4nistan war flashbacks but that being said the art direction is pretty good the character portraits are portraiting and the ost IS FUCKING BOOMING UGHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY PUT IN THIS also the mirror ice palace somehow ended up being my favorite place in TWO games because of the incredible work of art that is the ost called dreaming im not joking whoever composed that shit deserves a kiss ON their mouths RIGHT now

I'm gonna skip this or else I'm gonna start embedding ost videos on here and never finishing the review so bye

i have surprisingly very little to say about this game after how much i enjoyed it but sometimes a feel good game requires no introduction to be made . godtier action rpg really good mystery type of story with a lot of interesting hints to what happens in the original ys and traversing the same places of those games was a joy and mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i guess if youre crazy you can also extend this game to 30 hours or something so theres that

so umh this is probably the game that hooked me and made me realise that ys is actually good or better that ys CAN be good sometimes so im gonna continue this venture until i get to lacrimosa because i REALLY wanna play lacrimosa nothing is gonna stop me

play this game theres yunica . the end

hi kishgal im single and if you want im currently stretching my hole you know what that means

why the fuck did they have to make me cry at the end of yunicas route wow and BY THE WAY the fact that the final pose reah and feena make is the cover art of ys 2 is gonna keep me up at night

psychologically speaking this possibly is one of the greatest deep dive into the mind of a post traumatic experience and dissociative amnesia disorder i have ever seen in a videogame and im glad they managed to convey it amazingly well

as a grim and powerful experience this is not exempt of a shopping list of trigger warning eg Flashing Images Jumpscares Self-Harm & Suicide Severe Anxiety Arachnophobia, Claustrophobia, Thalassophobia, and Trypophobia Cat Death Snakes Child Death Eye & Finger Mutilation Blood/Gore Body Disfigurement Drowning

thats . a lot to sit through and i honestly wouldnt fault anyone to not be able to play this game due to the excessive amount of triggering stuff

but for the people who actually did play this game im sure its actually one of the most unforgettable experience in gaming in a while

i wont dive into too much spoiler territory because this deserves to be played blind even though i think its a bit hard to do now since everybody talked about it for 2 years or something

either way i will just get the general stuff out of the way first

i enjoyed the rpg elements and battle system quite a bit in the first parts of the game but somehow they grew tiring after some time to the point that i rushed humphrey because i just wanted to be done with it

its not the worst rpg ever but i guess for me the battle system got somehow boring after a bit even though i can see that the developers tried to make it as interesting as possible till the very end with skills stronger friendship attacks or whatever the fuck theyre called and top notch boss battles if i can say so

that being said this is still an rpgmaker game so i should at least commend the dev team for making a great battle system for a game whose main point clearly is the story and damn what a story this is

the art direction is outstanding and proves professionality and love for the game by the amazing omocat that somehow i actually found somewhere deep in the web before omori was even released and instantly fell in love with their art style (im still hoping they make new fudanshi sweaters because i never got around to buy them in the first place omocat if youre reading this please i beg of you)

locations are art wise amazing as well gameplay wise hmmmmmmmmmmmmm i dont know i kind of hated sweetheart castle a not so normal amount and again i rushed humphrey because i was really growing tired of the game (the rpg parts)

now you cant really talk about the story without saying that the characters are all incredible and fleshed out in a way that i wasnt expecting this game to achieve since theyre all little kids / teenagers and unbeknownst to me theyre all mentally ill and have some degree of traumatic experiences theyre just like me fr fr and probably thats because the story hits you right in the feelings because you end up caring for every single one of them in the end

aubrey my little sweet angel i love you from the bottom of my heart im profusely cries

as for the story its incredible how 14 something hours of not understanding shit about the plot fucking unfold in 2 hours of mainly story segments and OOF HOW EMOTIONALLY DO THEY UNFOLD

the bittersweet and anxious crescendo till the climax of the story (the final duet) is possibly one of the most well done pieces of videogame narratives i have witnessed for some time now and i cant even put into words how much ive cried in that cutscene i swear that segment was fatal and if i think about it again i feel like tearing up im sorry this game was too much i cant continue this review anymore thats it

this is honestly a game that for me at least has some issues which the story and overall vibe of the game completely obliterate anyway so i can only see the good in a work of art that has so much charm and emotion put into it

im not gonna blame the 0.5 reviewers or whatever because this is not a game that can be enjoyed by everyone and i for once dropped it like 2 times because again the rpg segments sometimes got really tiring but im still glad i pulled through the "chores" to get to the wonderful stuff that awaits you in the end (depression and trauma)

this game is sad as fuck it worsened my mood more than 1 time and i still believe the horror segments or haunting parts of this game make up for a cathartic experience in the end so fuck i will take 15+ hours of mental maladies put into the videogame media any day

that being said

SPOILER ALERT


the slow and steady learning of how sunny and indirectly also basil killed mari is the most accurate depiction of slowly making bad memories resurface from a dissociative amnesia episode and i hope game designers who are making games about mental illnesses or whatever take some notes from this because that was the highest moment of psychological issues representation in a videogame and im not joking rn

all in all omori is great you should try it and get depressed (thats part of the process) and cry (also part of the process) and be deeply traumatised by the black space segments (umh... anyway)

music is great rateyourmusic users say so

hero are you free on saturday im free on saturday if youre free on saturday

me when i go on a date with aubrey and she brings me home: damn bitch you live like this

i hope the final boss fight gets earthbound final boss disturbing level of recognition in 2040 top 10 sinister videogame moments youtube videos

this was a long review i wasnt planning to make

ys chronicles encore kind of goated but also really damn flawed I'm conflicted

hi im once again marathoning an entire series for the purpose to play a single game in that same series but I do love going in chronological order when there's some kind of story or lore involved and all of this just to play lacrimosa of dana but whatever im enjoying this run

so ys 2 what can I say its basically ys 1 part 2 with all the same praises and gripes that I had with the very first one I think as a remake this is absolutely gorgeous I've seen videos of the original installment and lemme tell you I wouldve NOT played ys 1 + 2 if the only available one wouldve been the fucking turbografx whatever version so im actually glad they polished the OG king to this extent to make a really old and dated vidya kinda modern it has that charm of a low budget rpgmaker game I don't know I really like this

so umh as I was saying this shit is the same the combat is the same bump into enemies and see them explode before your eyes get some items and equipments yada yada BUT !!! they spiced things up with new spells (even though the actual combat spell is only the fireball one but its so fucking fun to use for no actual reason) and in general there's a lot of different useful and or interesting spells to use like the light spell or the morph one theres something for everybody (furries) let's just say that

and yknow the main issue I had with the first one kind of vanished because for some reason in ys 1 the leveling stopped right at level 10 so that I wouldnt be able to grind my way to the bosses which actually made the bosses HARDER because why the fuck would you not make me grind for levels to make the bosses easier thats like the main rpg philosophy fuck you falcom

anyhow this game is not the case you can level up stupidly fast by targeting strong enemies in the solomon shrine and the game kiiiiiiind of becomes easier but its still ys so the bosses are still tough as shit if you don't know what you're doing or you're getting all the danmaku balls in your face and stuff

mind you it gets more unbearable as you go but it's still pretty accessible if you want to grind a little bit more in the longrun that being said the gameplay department got better but at the same time the map and dungeon designs got so much fucking worse now why would you put as the very first dungeon of the game a cave with so many different exits like I'm not gonna rage quit this fucking game ASAP literally lost so much time in there I was getting crazy now not gonna talk badly about the volcano or the sewers they're fine BUT THE SOLOMON SHRINE ???????? you must be joking screens and screens of labyrinth where you have to go from one point to the opposite one and then back again for the story to progress I don't wanna see that shit anymore in my entire life love to see it

so yeah this is what mainly confused me about this stuff there's a lot of innovations in this new installment for better or for worse the combat is tighter and you get more than one fucking item at a time theres a lot of “customization” (practically it's like X item needs to be equipped in Y situation) with a ton and I say A TON of different items but then youre left with these weird game design decision and youre like mmmmm okay

gotta say the story completely blew me away the story of the first installment was simple and it was good it had a nice little mystery element in it and this is the game that actually answers all the questions you couldve had in the first game kind of like higurashi/umineko question/answer arcs you feel me some different plot twists here and there that made me tear my hair out and a more interesting conflict and villain than the one we had in ys 1 and feena and reah in this one are stellar I love them I almost cried in the ending ALMOST don't get me started

unfortunately most of the characters still feel one note and uneventful I only remember the main trio and thats basically it Keith was actually a nice pal and lilia was l my little sweet angel I loved her so much she meant the world to me in the first 10 minutes of the game and then I completely ignored her bye

soooooo I don't know guys its still the same praises I gave ys 1 nice presentation for a remake of a game so fucking old the ost is bombing absolutely timeless and pumping in my ears like its ** pumping in my *** the combat is still pretty fun and with the new additions it's even more enjoyable I have no idea what the fuck they smoked in the falcom headquarters because those map designs should be illegal and punishable yada yada whatever I don't care anymore I just want to move on to ys origin thank you these 2 games were good but now I can move on to installments that hopefully won't take the soul out of me thanks see you soon

I want WANT feena you don't get me

RE marathon continuation and at this point we came back to the heart of it all the remake of the ps1 game and arguably even better received and more beloved than the cult classic and still having played the original too i can think of them as 2 different beasts entirely

sidenote

every single playthrough i have done of resident evil 1 i did it choosing jill because even though you can sneeze on her and get her at CRITICAL status she got 8 item slots that really streamline the game a lot . i chose here in the original resident evil and i chose her when i played REmake on gamecube BUT i found out that you can choose chris but with the resident evil 5 screen and what happened is i moaned came in my pants and chose him over jill in a 0.2 seconds whim and that is the very first playthrough i ever did with chris fucking redfield and ironically also got to know who rebecca is for the first time in my life since after the release of resident evil 0 they locked her in a bunker or something and never brought her existence back to life

first things first the art direction of this game and also retrospectively compared to the original is possibly the most beautiful revamping work ive ever seen in my entire life every single room of the mansion is filled to the brim with details the camera angles are absolutely jawdropping and make for some incredibly unforgettable sceneries (ive played this game years ago and i could predict the precise camera angle that was gonna show up thats just how iconic every single game of this game is) and the lighting work is mesmerizing i cannot begin to tell you how much the artistic department of this game fucking snapped and brought this mansion to life

in the original one it can be said that the yellow disgusting rooms and kind of aseptic sceneries may have been 50/50 intentional AND due to technological constraints but here they took the spencer mansion and completely overhauled it into a gothic / renaissance chiaroscuro artist (EG caravaggio) wet dream and mine alike

character models are also absolutely fucking insane not because theyre like high tech whatever but because they blend so well with the overall environment its just UGHHHHH also jill looks hot as fuck as always im not a fan of prepuberal chris redfield and thats why i chose the other skin so as for re5 chris redfield ? hes so fucking hot he could smash my head between those biceps and i want him to fuck me raw until i cry my eyes out that being said rebecca why the fuck are you wearing a cowboy vest and boots what the hell

all in all the core feeling of original resident evil is here and thriving the survival horror feeling is not only completely untouched but also improved now you get zombies that get up in a stronger form if you dont burn them and thats pretty fucking funny also the mansion got incredibly expanded and theres also some new areas AROUND the mansion that give some more insight to the game and more runtime to the exploration the puzzles were also revamped a little and the progression isnt as linear as you may think this game is absolutely fantastic

you got also a new boss and storyline with the lisa something but it deeeeeeeefinitely feels like an EXTRA than something that got entwined to the main story flawlessly but its fine because the design of the monster is actually kinda great even tho the boss fight can be done in 12 seconds if you know what you need to do

the music is somehow more atmospheric than the original but somehow less memorable ? i have no idea if that makes sense but some tunes from the original one are engrained in my neurons and will never get out i fear

the story is the same nothing to add you get infodumped at the last 20 minutes like every single resident evil and honestly im here for it

so umh great resident evil game or whatever people are right when they say this is the greatest remake of all time and also a masterpiece of a game theres really nothing that feels quite like this

i love videogames

in fact I live my daily life ⅓ of my time thinking about videogames ⅓ thinking about furry stuff/drawing things/university exams and ⅓ thinking about dick and sex and boys

even though people may not think so videogames are a form of art lately experiences like outer wilds shadow of the colossus fata morgana nier replicant arches really helped me through a lot of stuff happening in my life and even changed my worldview in some cases

this ? this is disgusting absolutely fucking garbage a cashgrab like no other I wish to say that its so bad to make me laugh but this is genuinely the worst of the worst incredibly uninspired just trying to monopolise on youtube playthrough hollow minded content creators grabbing any rubbish with some gripping background to get clicks from people mentally aged at a whopping 8 years old level of intelligence

ok im joking this was too aggressive im not that mad at this but genuinely what the fuck this game has original portal level of environments and it made my gaming personal computer fucking explode can you even believe that

trying to hop on the "mascots for babies are actually scary" train these famously untalented people in the industry just tried a quick clickbait kind of game and somehow succeeded accordingly

if you want you can complete the game in 20 minutes all you're gonna do is go around doing some elementary school level environmental puzzles with a drone and getting eggs around the playground and omg… there's a chasing sequence from a pink bird… so spooky omg omg im so scared I pooped my pants no clickbait this game made me shit my pants 100% real (legendado) andate a cagare coglioni dai I can't say this in english

anyway the art design is purposely uninspired there's assets that you can get fom free on the Internet and the couple of stuff they actually put is abysmal thank you for your effort but you failed

five nights at freddys is a great example of this trope used accordingly . it created a genre it was really original for its time and played a really haunting experience even though kind of janky and king of cheap

this one ? allegedly it's an horror game and I genuinely believe it's a better source of laughter than dread and if you genuinely get scared from this shit don't ever touch silent hill or resident evil and I don't even get scared by those game cmon

in the finale you get a boohoo cliffhanger with a jumpscare omg I shat my pants im so ready for the sequel fuck yourself this is the first and last game in this series im ever gonna play even if garten of banban 9 gets a 4.5 score on this hell site I will never touch it thank you for making this game because my bar got so fucking low that I will now regard saya no uta as a masterpiece bye support me on my furry art twitter

sometime in the past i wanted to check out ghost trick for ds because everybody told me it was so good it was so great it was so special it will make you cry and whatever the fuck

i tried to play it and i definitely didnt vibe with the puzzle gameplay even though the premise of the story was pretty interesting

now after some time they decided to give it some remaster treatment and im glad they did because this really made me decide to finally get into the groove and complete this game once and for all and i can say that im really glad they did

obvious stuff out of the way theres no more 2 screens to play the game but only one and this translates into a fairly trickier experience BUT i can say that 90% of the time i didnt have any issues with it unless i needed to take the ghost line in between 2 objects or shit like that but i mean not a huge problem if you ask me then the art direction got an entire HD overhaul realistically the art style of the game is already fucking amazing the portraits with those thicc ass lines and amazing character designs to boot really drive this goofy and emotional experience home an when you get them into HD glory it really shines of a new light im not entirely contrary to the original ds pixel style even though the character models do just look like a bunch of random flashy pixels that move but still good and then the ost is probably one of its strongest suit but was really damaged by the fact that the sound power of the nintendo ds was the same of a nokia in 2006 so you know its pretty bad and thats why they made an ENTIRELY ARRANGED OST and guys it slaps dear fucking god they really did an amazing job on this one its absurd how good this can get when technology isnt the one of 2010

so all in all really good remaster i wished they had done some more stuff for the game itself such as stretching it to fit 16:9 and incorporate the hourglass into that screen instead of just giving some black bars on the side and putting the stuff there but i guess its fine its really a great remaster they even put some more stuff like concept art and illustrations and music and some challenges i didnt play because i hate the gameplay

as for that i cannot say im the biggest fan of the gameplay granted im a huge hater of puzzle games because they make me feel stupid im not a really patient person and im too adhd to keep my attention on the little details here and there in the game BUT before someone comments that i should die i can say this is a very elite time for the puzzle genre it has a lot of different places with different objects to use the main gimmick of possessing stuff and using it do defy death against a time limit is really fun if you ask me and i can see how they put some good thought into this and as soon as i was starting to be overwhelmed by the complexity of levels and overall kind of tired they introduced a banger new way of playing and thats very clevel

still ! not my favorite aspect of the game at one chapter (you know the one i will give you an hint egg statue) i completely lost it and opened a walkthrough im sorry shu takumi i know you tried to make me enjoy this gameplay but i just couldnt

where this really shine is the narrative and interactions between characters throughout the game with some funny moments (i havent laughed a single time not my humor but i guess they should be addressed as funny moments) and great exchanges and an overarching plot that spans for a decade

the main intrigue of the story is what pushes you till the end of the game you are a dead guy who doesnt remember anything of his past and all of the sudden he begins to use some ghost powers to manipulate stuff and save a detective cute redhead girl called lynne and oh this is not the only time youre gonna save her shes gonna die a lot in this fucking game rest assured

still the plot twists really hit and the story gets some more into the paranormal aspect of things which i thought was kinda weird at first even though this game is already kind of bizarre but at the same time it gets so fucking emotional if you ask me and its really cool to go from house to house from place to place to resolve murders and getting to know each of the different characters and their quirks

lynne the sweetest little cupcake in the entirety of the universe i love her shes so brave and cute i enjoyed her as a side heroine throughout i swear to fucking god also kamila is pretty great and i enjoy her sisterly relationship with lynne and she has one of my favourite character designs of the game and also UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH MISSILE MY SON I LOVE HIM SO DEARLY I WANT TO HOLD HIM AND PET HIM FORREAL then daddy jowd is also kind of interesting i didnt particularly vibe with his martyr vibe but hes incredibly hot and goofy so i think hes gonna get a pass for that and special thanks to the woman with the red hair being pretty funny if you ask me i enjoy the drunk sexy mom trope too much if you ask me then the 2 gay guards in the prison i know youre in love dont hide it and then the blue dominatrix woman with the whip i want her to peg me

the end basically i love all of them

i dont like cabanela his personality is ass hes not funny and hes not even hot can i say this here

umh i mean how the story unraveled is pretty cool and the main plot twist at the end of the game made me both gasp for air and scream my lungs out and cry for a quarter of a hour and thats pretty fucked up if you ask me after giving me the sweetest ending ive seen since basically every single ace attorney game shu takumi knows what hes doing if you ask me

so thats it im glad i could finally play this fucking game and missile you will always be in my heart im not joking bitch

sorry i could not get myself to like the gameplay i guess i deserve jail

you won't believe how fun it can be to stretch an ass

you know this little furry game does say NSFW content but I wouldn't really consider it a "hot" game does that make sense ? like it didn't make me want to get my junk out and jerk off thats the kind of +18 vibe I got from this now it is VERY sexual and VERY out there so your discretion is advised

that being said this is super straightforward point and click game where you go around the house to get stuff up your ass to stretch for your boyfriend whose dick is ginormous and you don't understand what this guy puts up his ass for the love of god

the art is pretty simplistic and kinda funny altogether and the writing is supposed to make you laugh (I didnt laugh) and the ass physics was something I was not expecting that shit was really great honestly

plus I don't understand if my version was broken or something but there were no sounds at all but i guess that's also a miracle the sounds in this game would be splattering cumshot sfx really dirty slimy sfx a pop sound every time you get your hole bigger sfx and elevator music

all in all kinda fun ! now I would also want trustworthy friends to help me stretch my ass with their dicks but I guess true happiness comes in very different forms for the eye of the beholder

cute ending :) no sex :(

I fucking love music wow and I'm writing this while watching sanremo so you know im crazy

some part of me really wanted to enjoy this game way more than I actually did its probably one of the most artistically pleasing mechanically deep genre bending queer narrative driven puzzle adventure ever created and also probably a super slog to go through PLEASE DONT DOX ME YET PLEASE WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

so I'm famously known nationally as a hater of puzzle games because my IQ is so below the average that I have to look up solutions after solutions to actually get the façade of a bump-less experience throughout . now puzzles in this one are not the worst shit ever because of the main mechanic being not only super interesting and ever shifting but also characterised by puzzle segments that are not super long (but sometimes could get really trying and repetitive) and not super difficult (once you understand the secret formula) and still I ended up kind of hating those parts after a while the game makes a lot of effort to shuffle things up a bit but I'm not the target audience for this type of gameplay

now the main gimmick is pretty fun !!! since youre a bard most of the stuff youre gonna do ingame is sing so most of if not the entirety of the puzzles are gonna be about you matching notes with the cues that are gonna come out of nowhere USUALLY since the developers are so fuccking intelligent thay they managed to bend this simple premise to new heights with some of the most forward thinking use of a simplistic gameplay mechanic to the point that it could rival undertale and the little bullet hell heart literally at first I thought this was gonna be a rhythm game but a part of me is super glad that is is absolutely fucking NOT a rhythm game at all for some reason you should be using the analog stick to match the notes but what these developers end up doing with it is absolutely insane

so yeah for this stuff I actually did enjoy going through the game because they just kept reinventing the main mechanic every 30 minutes and for that I'm genuinely so impressed I have no idea how they did that SURE sometimes the sing circle isn't really the most comfortable way of expressing the design philosophy the developers were aiming for but it comes real close its janky yes but also a damn blast throughout thats definitely one thing that kept me interested till the end of the game

again while this should be a praise sometimes it hindered the experience in some ways because of the puzzle segments I wish these parts were either streamlined or integrated better because they're whole areas of JUST puzzles that honestly made me go insane sometimes its not like they're hard or anything most of them are pretty easy but it's just that why would you put puzzle pieces in a narrative driven game if the reason is to make me more engaged in the game rest assured that you're doing the exact opposite ong which is basically what happened when chicory went full puzzle and to this day I still can't finish it for the life of me because wow do I hate puzzle segments

the narrative driven moments are definitely some of the best parts of the game but NOT ALWAYS the pirates arc was boring as shit the beginning of the game was really slow and I actually began to be enthralled by this whole experience when the game decided to go full majoras mask and until then I actually played this sporadically throughout the months because wow is this game slow and boring sometimes wow please don't kill me

it's not like it's inherently bad and I think if it weren't for my mind numbing adhd I wouldve probably enjoyed this laid back experience way more than I did but there's some really weird pacing throughout where either nothing really happens and you're left with countless and countless of boring dialogue or everything happens all at once - wait isn't this the title of that movie

I'm not against laid back experiences I'm so much in love with night in the woods my heart could explode and what really sets them apart is that wandersong while having basically the same structure fails to make me care for anything happening in the world or any single character appearing on screen

most of the events of the game arent moving until you actually get at least ⅓ in which isn't a lot for a 10 something hours game but it can be detrimental to the pacing nonetheless and the characters are either one trick ponies that are used for some kind of interesting dialogue interactions but then they're just taken out if the entire picture which makes me just not care for any of them UNTIL miriam comes in and im gonna talk about her plenty in a second and at that point i start caring for everything in this game all of the sudden

so yeah these are my main issues here puzzles i hate puzzles one note characters (they're not bad they're just how do you say usa e getta in english mmmmm disposable ??? yeah something like that like they're used for a single joke and then killed off screen . not cool man) and the story takes a lot to digest

it could also very well be that I wasn't in a particularly good moment that's also an interesting point of discussion

moving on the art direction is absolutely flawless now lemme just address the elephant in the room I'm not a huge fan of the art style………. but they managed to make me love it WOW the characters are incredibly well designed and diverse theres a lot of variety in the sceneries youre going to traverse in this pilgrimage the vivid colors are trying to make you wake up while you're snoozing theres a lot of expressions for the bard even though he's basically a mannequin the pop up book aesthetic has a lot of charm and while YES I don't like it it doesn't necessarily mean that I didnt find it super intriguing and gorgeous I can not like something but also praise it like I do with giottos painting they have that lobotomised use of perspective that would make everyone go crazy but you have to still understand that that was the blueprint of the art we had in the renaissance and so forward

that being said for a game with huge emphasis on music it's pretty weird how the songs can range from soothing to anonymous to epic to bopping to basically whatever they could make on a soundboard and they did a good job my only complaint is that there's a lot of good songs here and there like the ghost chant or something that get outright RUINED with the player-controlled bard noises which is probably a result of me being ass at this game but I don't think most of the time the bards singing actually has some good impact on the tunes in the background that you're gonna emulate does that make sense is that rude to say

the music is still godlike though I hope the die hard fans of this game arent already releasing my IP on the dark web hitmen pages because wow I still need to play a lot of shit please wait at least a few more years ok umh ……. at least persona 3 reload

so yeah art direction and sound design top notch we get it moving on im sleepy

some of the thematic elements of the story deeeeefinitely hit real close with stuff like inadequacy and depression which was something that I was NOT expecting for this game to dab into because it started out as this incredible positive journey of saving the world and living life at the fullest yada yada and shit like that until it actually is NOT and the game starts throwing a lot of deep shit at you like themes of loss and grief themes of not being good enough or not being worthy enough friendship and betrayal and existentialism and idealism if you had seen my fucking face when I realised the sheer variety of stuff the game explores I probably would've been munchs the scream

I do not think this should be overlooked most of the dialogues in the game can be taken as jokes and sometimes they really are but if you dig deeper you can see how sensitive the writing is to the themes its trying to convey and I swear some of them do hit . like . a . truck . some scenes of the game are forever printed on my eyelids and I not even bleach would be able to wash them away

the main trio is probably the main focus of the game and its in their interaction that all of that gorgeous luscious writing starts flowing abundantly and lemme be clear I did not care for the bard or any of them in the beginning but wow I ended up loving all of them so dearly

for some reason I think it's fitting how the bard starts as such a blank character until it actually grows a spine and some balls to confront injustices enemies and while literally the end of the world . he's definitely not my favorite one in the game and i would've preferred a more interesting approach to the protagonist BUT the way his character changed from this dilly dallying carefree bard to an idealistic mid-apocalyptic dummie is probably the best character development I couldve asked for in a game like this

I gotta give the developers an Oscar for creating my most hated character in the entire world now Audrey is a fucking pain I tried and tried to like her I cried for her I pained listening to her but she was MADE to be hated and they succeeded if I were there I wouldve showed shibuya a real incident

now

drums

my baby

my wife

my beloved

miriam

most of the reasons why I actually ended up enjoying the game as much as I did even despite all the problems I talked about can be summarized in: miriam

shes a grumpy little witch serious impatient and hates the bards attitude towards a more positive demeanour and at first I thought she was gonna be another one of those characters just falling in the background but she sure as hell became the most important character of the story for me

most of the game she just closes off from the entire world and doesn't really think about opening up to others in any way shape or form but slowly she begins to sweeten to the bards presence and starts sharing a bond that could be called friendship

while I definitely don't think this is the most convoluted character writing in the entire world I relate to her to a personal level and I think she's possibly one of the sweetest 2d beings I got to know till now just thinking about all the cute interactions she exchanged with the bard is making my heart warmer not even talking about the trauma dump or the finale literally words can't express how much I love this stupid fucking bitch I'm in love with her I want to adopt her and I want her to be happy for the rest of her life im not joking

i won't go into too much detail but miriam is special miriam deserves the world and miriam is the best character in the game bar none and if you wonder if you should play this game just do it for miriam im crazy for her

she got an inferiority complex and copes with anger issues she feels like an outsider and is scared of friendship and emotional intimacy she's just like me frfr

what got me was that the real reason saphy sent miriam on a quest to save the world and told the bard to go with her is simply because she wanted her granddaughter to make a friend before the world ended

point is I could talk about miriam forever so lets just

wandersong is perfect but also flawed it's interesting and boring it has a lot of great ideas and weird execution incredible characters and monotonous ones its such a fucking dilemma how they managed to either make me go crazy cry tear my hair out or

oh

forgot to say

cried like a fucking bitch too this game got me if you played the games you know the miriam scenes I'm talking about literally could not see the screens through the years . embarrassing

I was saying

or bore me to no end irritate me and make me regret all my life decisions

but maybe that's fine I slowly started to be seduced by this game it started to seduce me and it delivered

still conflicted to no end but I'm glad I got to play this miriam you're a part of me I will never forget you

gg it has homosexual yeti monsters fucking raw

sexy mutyumu recommended this to me as part of this list thanks dude

a journey so heroic and thrilling in every aspect it covers and yet instead of the triumphant and joyful glory of an impossible quest being completed at the end of it all i was left with nothing but sorrowful reflection and existential dread surrounding the human condition

im not joking bitch

this is how emotionally drenched this game is to the point that i was left speechless till the very end of the ending screen

and i would do it again a 100 times

after loving ICO too much I ended up playing shadow of the colossus because 1 it was recommended to me and 2 i felt it was just handy playing it asap on the ps3 collection and 3 it always looked sexy af . and it was a fucking experience what the hell i didnt think id love this game as much as i did but i was completely bewitched by this masterpiece and i can't stop thinking about it oh my god

i will get to the JUICE of the story topic at the end this time so I can be as spoiler free as possible but an introduction is due

you play as wander a nameless traveler accompanied by his cute horse agro that after a long and perilous trip finally arrives to his destination aka the forgotten lands (kirby cameo) through a narrow and immense bridge with an architecture so slick id recognize it among other 100 similar bridges . try me the bridge comes to an end at the shrine of worship a gigantic and towering structure in the middle of the land that almost seems to observe every part of its environment and when entering the main hall containing an altar it is revealed that wander was in fact bringing the corpse of a young woman to this temple and eases her down on the stones

while he does this shadows come out and he draws his sword with mysterious powers that emits some beam of light and vanquishes them

at this sight a pair of voices fill the room interested in the ancient sword the boy is carrying and wander begs dormin (the voices) to revive mono (the girl) and after some thinking the voices grant him a deal

kill the 16 idols that line the walls of the shrine and mono may be revived and to do so you will have to kill the living incarnations of these idols known as colossi

and so the titanomachy begins

the version i played is the ps3 one and (allegedly . i have no idea what the ps2 one is like) it fixes many framerate issues from the ps2 original and upscales the textures to give them that blocky HD sexiness but i dont care about these that much but since i got the power (of a big pc) to play this version why wouldnt I (+ that 60 fps fluidity in a game like this is something so erotically charged that gave me a mind erection)

uedas design by subtraction (stripping away every aspect of the game that doesnt add to the experience) is a prominent and unique design method that ends up being not only effective but even atmospheric to a point that I coulnt think of this game without this art choice

your only objective is tracking down 16 colossi in the massive land of fucking nowhere and killing them . in your trip to kill these fuckers youre met with yes stellar and absolutely breathtaking landscapes but apart from that ? its just land over land over land and the only stuff that even feels alive is the shit lizards that roam throughout the world and maybe some birds ? the end it could be a completely shut off ecosystem made of this stuff and thats the entire world building around it you got nobody to talk to (maybe mono if only she wasnt fucking dead or agro if she wasnt a fucking horse or even dormin if he wasnt a fucking god that speaks in monologues and only tries to guide you to kill these colossi) and thats it youre left with the vastness of the world and the shadows of these colossi hiding somewhere in these lands

now if the world is fucking vast how do you even begin to search for the colossi

first of all dormin gives you an introduction to that colossus and slowly guides you step by step through this hecatomb and suggests the place that theyre resting in BUT STILL thats clearly not enough and this is where the sacred sword comes into play basically it can reflect the rays of light in such a manner that the more focused the rays become the more accurate is the (linear) direction of where the colossus is supposed to be

now this is already a mechanic so interesting that i was kinda shocked when it was first introduced but the fact that since this effect depends on the availability of light in a precise point in the land if youre sitting in a shadowed zone the sword will be unable to reflect any light and it will give off a shy sparkle that can hardly point you to any direction . i was screaming the first time i noticed that i swear i was ecstatic

sometimes locating these colossi can be tricky but the whole point of this ends up being enjoying every second of the journey feeling the solitude of this magnificent land and admiring every natural formation and every architectural element to the point that i would sometimes just stop and stare at the landscape in front of me endless planes populated with trees castles or fortresses in state of decay and ruin isolated forests and refreshing lakes arid deserts falls cliffs canyons caves literally everything makes you awe in complete disbelief at this absolute behemoth of a game its just a pleasure to simply roam and not think of anything (p hard when I suffer from adhd but I was close to complete enlightenment)

now to the meat of the game which is fighting the colossus

at first I was convinced this was an action paced stuff and you had to slowly take down these titans with the power of button mashing but that couldnt be more far from the truth and in reality theyre slow and contemplative experience that work more like a big ass puzzle instead of a 1 on 1 battle for your life (I mean its also that but you get what I mean)

how this works is every colossus has some weak points (signaled by a mystical mark or whatever) and to get to that you have to "solve the puzzle" observing and figuring out how to climb it to the weak point (most of the time on the top of their heads) and you can do that by logic or maybe try and error but if youre stupid enough (me) dormin will give you hints from above on how to expose their weak points (that also can be made visible by pointing a ray of light with the sword towards the colossus)

now the nature of the colossus is always different it could be a land "animal" and walk around or a flying beast soaring in the sky or a leviathan submerged in a lake or a big ass worm in a desert theyre just v diverse and interesting and are also characterised by their demeanour they may go from completely ignoring you to willingly attacking you

anyhow once you understand how to climb the colossus or get his attention you will meet with the sexiest part of the game . together with the health bar and the little icon of which weapon youre holding theres a (at first) small circle that shows your stamina and its used basically every single time climbing the colossus since to do that youll need to catch onto some fur or maybe stone ledges to get to the top and it will already slowly drain your energy but the colossus will also get fed up and try to make you fall (lowering drastically your stamina every time) and at this point you can either stand on a stable place on the colossus and replenish your stamina or fall like a dumb bitch (also me) and start all over again

these bars will also get bigger after killing a colossus (I think only the stamina one in this case but im not so sure) but you can also search the land for lizards kill them with the bow and get their loot to lengthen the stamina and/or get some weird fruits from some v evidenced trees that can grow your health

and so the gameplay loop is born you get an idea of where the colossus is with the help of dormin you find the colossus you kill the colossus get back to the temple and do it all over again until youre done

but something that should feel massively heroic starts to feel way too off and hauntingly wrong

the colossi start to feel less and less like dangerous tyrants and more like innocent preys that were slayed during their eternal slumber and this is also emphasised by the fact that most of them wont even get into a fight (notice the blue eyes = calm) unless you directly pester them for an unwilling battle they were just minding their business frfr and you instead transformed into the predator

besides that the whole aftermath of a fight feels sketchy as fuck when you slay a colossus a black shadow engulfs the late figure of the creature and black tendrils skewer the body of wander until he's left unconscious and unknowingly transported to the temple again to see a gangbang of shadows surrounding him an idol statue of the corresponding colossus getting completely crushed and dormin trying to lure you into another fight but after all this you realise that slowly these black tendrils are rotting the figure of wander from the inside he gets paler and paler his hair gets darker and his skin gets all crumbled apart and veiny and his clothes get muddier and blackened by the blood of the slain giants and at that point you realise (actually I realised he was worsening by the second only at the end of the game) that this deal with dormin may actually be v dangerous but its already too late youre into this loop of slaughtering gods and after a while you even get used to the tendrils and darkness flowing into you (the game even makes it almost a positive affair since this slowly extends your stamina bar for the next fight)

ok so NOW we will get into more SPOILER ISH territory so if you have not played the game yet . stand back and play it or I will look for you and make you play it by force

when you get to 4 colossi left it is revealed that wander is being followed by the leader of his tribe emon and with 1 colossus left dormin actually tells wander to make haste because they are looking for him

on the road for the 16th and last colossus you get to the most distressful game moment ive ever witnessed in my life while wanders riding agro a bridge starts to collapse and in order to make him reach the other side agro sacrifices herself and falls into the lake below . guys I was BAWLING MY GOD I was completely shocked traumatized unable to speak I needed a moment . as a creature that accompanied me throughout the whole game I grew attached to it somehow and it felt v unfair like why would you make me miserable just like that what the fuck I hate this game

but whatever wander battles with the final boss while emons company makes their way to the shrine and observe with horror as the last idol statue gets completely crushed and dormins power breaks the seal and while theyre praying wander appears in the room in a twisted and corrupted appearance his skin is a white purple hue he grows some horns and his eyes are now black basically the depiction of the devil

the ancient sword falls to the ground and it is revealed that in fact it was an artifact stolen from the tribe that was used by wander for his selfish goals and at this point the soldiers brutally impale him but he isnt killed and gets shrouded in shadows and grows into a colossus-like big ass specter or something and thus dormin is reborn

while you control dormin emons men manage to escape and create a vortex that completely sucks every dark force out of dormin stripping away wander of any shadow and leaving him in a videogame sequence that still haunts me rn that im making this review after like a week from finishing the game

you cant do anything you cant run away you cant call agro you cant fight back you cant get back (or the vortex will suck you in) youre completely alone trying to escape from this massive force that is trying to seal you forever and the camera is fixated on mono . like youre struggling to live and yet the only and last thought in wanders mind is still directed to mono and no this is not exactly explicit it COULD be that wander got incredibly corrupted to the point that he didnt even know what he was even doing here in the first place but i will just take it as him trying to get back to mono even in his last moments and after that cutscene where he gently caresses her this is a hill i will gladly die on

the amount of trauma i had to witness god bless

wander gets inevitably sucked into the vortex and the bridge to the shrine finally collapses rendering it unable to be visited ever again but back in the shrine dormin has kept his promise anyway and revives mono and she wakes up in this unfamiliar environment and meets up with AGRO MY BABY MY SWEET CHILD IM SO HAPPY SHES ALIVE and where the vortex once was she finds a baby with horns she picks the child up and even tho the bridge is now collapsed they manage to get to the higher part of the tower where astoundingly life here is brimming and flourishing and with that the game ends

wow

theres actually something very haunting in the finale when you see all the corpses of the colossi leaving no more life into the forgotten land like youre just confronted with what youve done and what you had to do for the sake of only one life

this is a game that made me actually consider a lot of stuff story wise and more about its themes and atmosphere and for a game that has 1% explicit lore its actually incredible to this moment i got no idea what brought mono to die or why dormin actually granted wander his wish or lots of other stuff

i guess its up to you to understand using the little details what the motivations behind this whole story are but in the end its still just a beautiful tale of the heroic yet wicked nature of the human soul something that has been used and reused in many other medias but here its just stripped to the bare minimum and thats probably why its just so straightforward and effective theres no other reason why wander would do something so selfish something so profane something so foreboding but grief for the loss of a loved one which is so thematically human and near and dear to our existence that im sure everyone will just understand the raw emotions of the protagonist even after just 20 mins into the game

since i said that i will just close this long ass review saying that the gameplay (even tho flawed) is the most enjoyable one ive ever experienced in a while

traveling through the forgotten land engulfed in a sense of solitude and awe is an extra corporeal experience that few games managed to achieve and this one completely mastered it (the camera literally moves so that you can explore and enjoy every nook and cranny of this absolute wonder of nature)

the story is powerful and the themes struck even harder

and even tho i havent talked about the ost till now i swear its some of the best orchestral scores a game like this could have
the sound department is usually very silent but as soon as a battle with a colossus begins the ost makes sure to heighten the experience to another level entirely
listen to this or this and tell me this is not a game to try AT LEAST for this amazing ost alone

i dont usually give this high a score to a game but this is honestly one of the most beautiful videogame experiences to the point that i was brought to tears too many times by how jaw dropping everything in this is

lemme just finish this or else i will talk about it forever just play it i feel like everyone should experience this masterpiece at least once in a lifetime

the end cool game

its pretty interesting to me that dormins voice in the beginning is backed up by another female voice to give it that sense of familiarity and tenderness that completely vanishes when he is summoned again . the details behind this game i swear

idk if the finale is implied to be a prequel to ICO but this is still pretty interesting im not so sure wanders reincarnation IS ico but maybe its about his descendants but anyway i still will treat them as standalones so i dont care that much

now i wanted to play the last guardian but its PS4 exclusive . suffering

AGRO AGRO AGRO whistles AGRO

is it me or the first colossus is hot as fuck im sorry

basaran (9th) fucking sucks thats why this game is a 9 and not a 10 i think

top 3 ok VALUS MY BF 4th and maybe 12th ? actually i love all of them but VALUS UGHHHHHHHHH valus im free on saturday if you wanna hang out and stuff on saturday when im free

this DLC is fucking phenomenal and i cant stop thinking about how good this is

in my head this is a Final Mix add-on and its divided into 3 sections so i will be exposing them accordingly

the remind stuff is basically a rehash of the final story beats of KH3 and what a great rehash that is it adds some insights into the story events and i LOVED THEM they added so much to the scenes and i wish they were in the base game but whatever and also the ability to play as specific characters in some parts and i can say confidently that playing as roxas was the best thing to ever happen in my life to be honest i love him so much my sweet little baby and yeah you can play as other peeps even tho theyre kinda weak compared to sora but its fine ok its fine i love them i birthed all of them

tho this also means you have to go through the same bosses you fought in the base game but for me it wasnt that much of a pain because i loved those battles maybe playing this right after finishing kh3 isnt the best choice but i am me

also clearly i cried again for the roxas axel xion reunion lmaooo

after the boss rush you get to a segment that i loved which is exploring scala ad caelum which is something that i wanted to do in kh3 but couldnt because of how it played out so having this amazing landscape to run through is absolutely breathtaking

also theres a part where you fight with every single keyblade wielder as one youll get what i mean if you play it and a super badass moment from king mickey himself ? damn everybody got a spotlight in this

and then final boss with kairi FINALLY i can see (and play as) kairi fucking beat some asses i needed that in my life so bad

boom FINALE explaining more stuff that happened

great stuff

final cut is basically kh2 data battles and theyre fucking majestic but also incredibly hard so downside is you got to play the base game get to like level 99 get ultima get good gear and then you go do these fights without tearing your hair out

theyre kind of a greater and harder and more showy version of the final fights in the game and i wouldnt want them in any other way and possibly my fav one is the fight against xion that one is absolutely stunning and also v difficult and vector to the heavens is some of the best song ever in kh3 so yeah thats great

cool stuff

then theres a secret episode where you fight against sexy yozora and that ones a REAL HARD ONE hes fucking insane but also the best combat in the entirety of kingdom hearts so thats a +
you get some kind of mysterious ending that fan theorists will have a blast thinking about and hearing sora (+yozora) say ive been having this weird thoughts lately like is any of this for real or not kind of made me mentally backtrack the whole series and wow its just a mindblowing cliffhanger and yeah

GOAT addition

i think im finally done with kingdom hearts and probably i shouldve left these considerations in the kh3 review but i dont think there will ever be something that feels quite like kingdom hearts i have no idea what is it about this series that bewitched the entire world and me too but its just idk it feels like a series so personal and with a lot of love put into it that even with all the high highs and low lows i just cant help but enjoy it abundantly be it the characters or story or music this series is something that everyone should experience and im happy to have finally completed this fucking marathon and i beg everyone to at least get to kh2 to decide what to do next but i assure you that at that point you will already be hooked

i will miss it for a while and will be waiting for kingdom hearts 4 or whatever comes out before of that

peace nomura goated

damn first thing on re mind is gon just be luxord way to make me horny again after a good cry

i know that the master of masters is hot as fuck please take your coat off

PLAYING AS ROXAS IS SOMETHING ELSE I SWEAR PEOPLE IN THE BACK

exploring scala ad caelum is something else I swear

ven complimenting roxas just made my day tbh

that mickey sequence tho was cool af

ok sora you hugged kairi in outer space but you still got a bf waiting

THEYRE MAKING ME PLAY AS KAIRI LETS GOOOO that flower keyblade is sending me

I just noticed how cute kairi looks with short hair

also noticed how ugly axel looks with his new clothes and how cute xion looks with hers I was too busy crying last time

oh no leons really hot

OH NO CIDS HOT how are his shoulders so big umh sorry this is not the place to thirst

randomly a katamari damacy ost came up while i was studying and listening to a Best VideoGame Music Ever ™ playlist and i havent been the same person ever since

now i always had an idea that katamari damacy was a game that everybody loved and adored for reasons that were outside of my conscience and since i had never watched any gameplay or shit like that i was like “people love this game ! ok next” and like saw the cover art and i thought it was probably gonna be a nostalgia filled childish videogame with okay ish mechanics and a silly story and id say i was half right

after listening to masterpiece roll me in i HAD to take a leap of faith head first into this game because that ost is completely insane im not even joking if you havent just listen to it its breath taking and the fact that it single handedly lured me into a game where you roll a fucking ball is so funny to me but im glad it did

sooooooooo whats katamari . i kind of got no clue but i realised that katamari damashi aka 塊魂 means clump spirit and its honestly the funniest shit ever and also the kanji look so similar thats probably another reason why they chose this wacky title

and you can even witness how FUCKING wacky this game is by the absolute insane opening this is the closest thing to a heavy drug trip i ever experienced im not joking

basically the story follow the little prince who got ordered by his father (fathers?) king of the cosmos to roll up some katamari > clumps to make some stars out of them because he destroyed the entire universe after a psychotic episode or something like acid LSD i guess trip since he also says he had fun so . yeah its up to the little prince (cutest character ever i want to smooch him hes soooooooooo + hes like half a feet tall so best little baby man lil lil baby man lil lil baby baby man) to get the galaxies back up there using the other main character THE KATAMARI a ball yeah its basically a ball so

apart from the weird as fuck premise something that completely took ME out was the character design that i was witnessing the king is a sight to behold completely and to this moment i still cant recover from that i dont understand how they came up with this Giga Chad ultra wide hammerhead shark non binary fellow i really want to see the behind the scenes of his design im not joking im reaching out to the art direction of this game because this is unreal

hes not the only hammerhead person here the little prince and the queen (non existent character basically) and all the cousins of the king have this weird genome something that causes them to have this incredibly weird shape but i love them theyre my babies and i will protect them from people trying to stomp on them

and also yeah theres people in this game and funnily enough one side story is about a square faced family trying to get in a space station or something i got no idea while the prince is in the meantime rolling around entire cities but ok its fun i like this game

so if i tell you this game has the most stupid story and also the most stupid gameplay ? yeah masterpiece . what you gotta do is push the katamari around which ok we settled it its a ball ok a sphere so you have a tutorial where you understand how this works its kinda weird at first but you will get the hang of it in no time im stupid and i managed to get the jist of the mechanics in like 3 levels so youre fine that being said . thats it thats the gameplay you roll this ball around and run over everything that you encounter and make the ball bigger to ingest even more stuff and/or explore new areas

this is possibly the most simple concept ever created but i can assure you its a drug theres something so rudimentary and primal about the need for a person to create a mass of junk and roll it around like youre in a dung beetle simulator im just idk this satisfies possibly every need of creativity i had in my life its just so stupid like my mind goes “hehe get things ball bigger hehe swoosh” the end some new level of zen entertainment meditation people have been real silent since this dropped

so anyway this has also quite some complexity in the physics department or else it would be boring so thereslong object such as poles and arrows or shit like that that will unbalance the katamari and make it leap from time to time or when you collapse with something too big you will lose some stuff that was in the katamari in the collision and you can push the katamari up some steps if its big enough and thats it i think the end of the depth in the mechanics

so the levels follow some kind of progression and theres 2 types the "get to a certain diameter of the katamari" OR "get a certain number of objects" and thats basically it

diameter levels have some progression in scale youll begin being really small and suck up pins or coins and till the very end of the game youll be able to roll up cars people animals entire cities or entire masses of land so thats funny as hell

object levels center around the object of the constellation youre trying to recreate so thats pretty straight forward stuff sometimes the king require only one (1) object and these levels can last for and im not joking 10 seconds at best

at the end of the levels youll get a rating but nobody cares about that and some super fucking funny comments from the king i hate that bitch i swear hes so random

and thats basically it this could be the entire description of the game if only . IF ONLY there wasnt another thing that made me reach nirvana

the ost in this game is phenomenal its jaw dropping its absolutely unbelievable songs like roll me up and que sera sera or even UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WALKING ON A STAR but basically every single track in this game is an experience of its own and it has so many different genres like theres pop ???? electronic??? jazz ummmmmh ambient stuff and some piano bar and different talented artists its honestly absolutely incredible that a game like this has some of the most varied and perfect pieces of music in the videogame medium please just play it for the ost im begging you just do it for the incredible stuff that your ears are gonna listen to

so ugh

umh

i think im already done with considerations on this game damn that was fast but the fact that this is kind of a short review doesnt mean this game doesnt deserve praises its more about the fact that sometimes the most simple and straight forward stuff can be the most artistically evocative and im just leaving that here folks

this game makes me feel like a 7 year old again like this idea wouldve come out a childs mind

i watched a 1 hour documentary about this game thats how much i wanted to know about the thought process that gave birth to this odd ball + the fact that the objects ingame were modeled by students from some art school or something is so cool

the girl going “i feel it i feel the cosmos” might be the person with the most opened chakras ive ever encountered in my life i so aspire to be her her connection with her spiritual side is to be envied mooooooooo

still angry the king didnt visit italy are you italophobic

the fact that all the songs either say katamari somewhere or have some sort of pun on rolling stuff and balls its so fucking hilarious i cant believe this game is real

my only complaint would be that the levels might get kind of samey in the end and thats because it they reuse the same assets for every single level but thats fine i can close an eye for this one and its a thing that theyll fix in katamari 2 so ITS FINE ITS FINE ITS STILL GREAT

+ the sound design is fire nothing like hearing people scream in my ears animals cry and lands getting eradicated from earth

NOOOOOOOOOOO EMMA STAR

"I just wanted to be with… you rei and you, ryu… my family…"

after putting more than the hour counter can actually count (it maxes at 99:59) I can finally review this fucking game

there's absolutely nothing that feels quite like breath of fire III it sits right there into the classic JRPG genre and cornucopia of titles and still it's one of the most unique and innovative title in the scope of the genre legacy and its so weird to me that a game filled with love talent and professionality for a game that is sure to leave an impression may it be good or bad but you WILL remember bof3 for something even the most minuscule detail

breath of fire has always been sitting there as one of those really interesting series that I wanted to check out but never really gotten into because of reasons i guess

ive tried bof1 many years ago and it was honestly kind of an underwhelming experience i never finished it because it seriously got to be a fucking chore just after a couple of hours into the game and I can't honestly really say im that excited to get back to it

bof2 was an interesting step up from the predecessor but still it wasn't THAT gripping to make me insanely enthusiastic in continuing the journey so it got dropped really fast im so sorry

now bof3 is the one bof3 is the super hot mysterious guy sitting in the corner that gives you all kinds of emotional ecstasy and turmoil and this is probably now one of my favorite games not only in the franchise but in general as a whole in the wider sense like I'm completely hooked on this I just cannot begin to tell you how emotionally attached I am to the story to the characters and to each and every single aspect of the game

still having the skeleton of the first 2 games bof3 delivers an experience that feels true to the series in itself and yet tries something completely new in all departments

gameplay wise this is the usual jrpg experience youre gonna find everywhere you get a simple battle system you get some party members you level up and you defeat god as usual but of course its done with incredible care and love I cannot overstate enough how good this shit is

the battle system is something that blew me away for how simple it is but also for how customizable it can be when you know what you're doing apart from the usual stuff like leveling up skills shit like that you're also gonna get some nuance that the game DOESNT even tell you about like theres the ability to examine enemies and this will give you some additional skills like the blue mage in final fantasy and you have the possibility to make your party members study under masters now this master mechanic is fucking amazing you can basically change the level progression and points attribution making the character study under a physical master or a magical master you can do whatever you want AND after some levels you can learn some skills from the master itself and thats where it all shines PLUS you can also use some skill ink to move the skill from one character to the other so the possibility of customization is beyond what I was expecting forreal

that being said the battles are pretty uneventful and straightforward if it weren't for another mechanic which is the dragon genes . your protagonist being a dragon breed is able to turn into a dragon and throughout the game you can acquire something like 20 something genes and you can mix them up however you want theres genes with elemental values theres genes that change the attributes of the character and genes that make things that I genuinely don't know because I didnt experiment enough honestly also my ryu build was mainly physical so I didn't have that much AP to do enough dragon breed play

and what's interesting is that most of these have different sprites ??? THATS SO FUCKING COOL UGHHHHH

understandably enough this is actually gonna add a lot to the gameplay which is already pretty rich and that means that you can tackle the main bosses of the game in so many different combinations of abilities skills tactics and party members that the possibilities are rightfully endless you can do whatever you want and the game always rewards a little curiosity here and there

allegedly this was dubbed as one of the hardest jrpgs around and honestly after playing smt3 (which isn't the hardest jrpg by any means anyway) I can tell you that this is a breeze to go through maybe this is the SMT aficionado DNA doing all the work during this game but I didnt have that many issues apart from the final boss which is honestly pretty tough

apart from that maybe the real difficulty spike is during the beginning of the game where you don't really know what is happening and how to actually exploit the main mechanics of the game but after that it's pretty chill not really a surprise because of the BIG difference that makes leveling up (this is no +1 atk the difference is pretty massive and youre gonna finish the game at around level 40 or something and at least as I managed to understand by watching levels go up every level counts)

that being said the exploration aspect is also interesting but it's more about treasure hunting than real exploration the main traveling you will have to do is strictly entwined with the main quest and youre not going to have the entire map available to you until you actually get pretty late in the game and you're gonna get there through the story events so yeah the real exploration is gonna be like scavenging for treasures here and there until you find new equipment new items or even new masters sometimes

there's a fishing minigame which is pretty great I was purposefully ignoring it but a main quest requires you to actually fish so I went there and actually had a lot of fun what the hell I was NOT expecting that but ideally im not one of those "I love fishing minigames" guys so i cannot really give this minigame a rating of course it didn't make me change my opinion on these ones but at least it didn't bring me to mental anguish

and another thing that I didnt actually MIND that much but it made me kind of confused and weirded out is the fact that during the second part of the game which is obviously the climax of the story in itself youre stuck with doing a lot of minigames and a lot of puzzles here and there now as I said I don't think this is inherently an issue but when you're going after the true bad ™ and the games says OK but actually why don't you just do a "getting water from a well" minigame or a "tug of war" minigame or like 10 others like this its actually pretty anticlimactic and it broke down the pacing but whatever this game is still perfect im not gonna say a single bad word about it

another shit that absolutely FUCKS ASS is the art direction and music department

now yknow I'm a sucker for art style and art direction more than I am of graphics because everybody can get a 4k texture or model from the web and put it into your game development engine but most of the people here don't actually know how to work IN FAVOR of these aspects you can't just put RTX on graphics with zero sense of design and call it a day cmon and thats also why sometimes old games shine brighter than some games releasing nowadays NOW PLEASE dont say shit like "UGHHJ BOOMER YOURE SAYING ALL MODERN DAY GAMES SUCK" no im saying either old or modern games with no sense of art direction are doomed to suck AT LEAST in the art department maybe they're gonna be the best fps you'll ever play but I won't be here to praise it one bit

and this game UGHHHH the pixel art is GORGEOUS every single expression and action is animated not only during the cutscene segments but the animations during battles are absolutely fucking insane when you cast a spell with garr his necklace is gonna break and hover around him making a circle and when you cast a spell with momo her rifle is gonna make some fleshy enchanting lights

and the bosses have some bomb ass sprite work and the animation pushes them to their limit like the dragon lord is hot as fuck the gazer blew me the fuck away and then myria being myria she's absolutely gorgeous incredible to the end and to top all of this kaiser dragon form is the hunkiest transformation for ryu like it made me sweat like crazy this guy8

like this is not the best pixel art ive ever seen in the entirety of my life and doesnt even compare to the one in bof4 but the sheer amount of love put into every single character design every single animation every single pixel can be felt through the screen and right in front of your fucking face theres nothing that feels quite like this and it would amount to nothing if it werent for the jawdropping character designs

and also the character portraits in the menu are so cute im sorry I love each and every one of my kids

the 2d sprites also have a 3d background the entirety of the world youre gonna traverse is made up of 3d models that make such a great contrast with the characters this is something that I also saw in xenogears and yknow that game is also gorgeous as fuck the ps1 jrpgs are absolutely out of this world I cannot believe this

all of this accompanied by such a great OST that it still really surprises me by how different and unique it is from the usual jrpg flare you get in other games songs

some people say this soundtrack is not really memorable and I have to both agree and disagree . people when say a soundtrack isn't memorable they probably mean there isn't a strong score in the repertoire and to that I have to agree theres not really a song that shines brighter than the other or a song that's catchier or bouncer and to that I have to say that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE SONGS IS GOOD SO OF COURSE ITS NOT GONNA BE "MEMORABLE" UGHHHHHHHHHH this score is full FULL of amazing tracks theres not a single track that made me go "ugh this again" and they also have such a nice vibe most of them are jazzy moody tunes with simple and straightforward instruments but also a lot of variety in the genre and every single one of them pumps like they're absolutely fucking incredible this cannot be a coincidence this is masterfully done by a composer that lives and breathes my same air in this planet its pretty insane if you think about it (unless they're that and at that point im really sorry)

so yeah tracks like the main battle theme which is already pretty incredible and the boss battle theme which is absolutely fucking insane honestly I just vibed to the tune every single time tutututuuuuutu stuck in my head for weeks and weeks to come theyre amazing

also theres something so hypnotic about the cedar woods theme I can't really explain it it feels so familiar and so nostalgic at the same time to the point that even if you just encountered rei and teepo they feel like family already and possibly the greatest game over theme ever like this has such a nice vibe to it its amazing and also one of the saddest theme ever created in the universe thrown at you in the most unexpected moments ever and yknow many other different soundtracks that I'm not gonna talk about or else I'm gonna just link the whole ost here ong

so now we're gonna get to the juice of the game and the main reason why I think this is actually such a strong addition to the jrpg catalogues out there

the characters are perfect I care for them I love each and every one of them I absolutely enjoy seeing them smile and having fun and shit like that and to talk about them I'm gonna get into SPOILER TERRITORY SO HERES THE TIME FOR YOU TO GO BACK

ryu is a silent protagonist so there's really nothing incredible to say about him apart from the fact that most of his motivations are pretty straightforward and clear and he's kind of a hotty when he grows up seeing him go from powerless little baby to godslayer is a recurring them in the industry and yet here it's treated with so much care to the point that you also grow up with him when you see how he changed through the timeskip and what the world has come to you suddenly get a sense of scale and responsibility that wasnt present in the time of ryus childhood and still he's an interesting character to explore and its pretty funny to me that the main way to know what ryus thinking is by "talking" with peco and hearing his thoughts about him . probably not my favorite character in existence but it's unbearable to me that this game isn't sitting in the rightful throne of unique jrpgs experiences out there
NSFW WARNING rei is my favorite character in this one and apart from the fact that he's so fucking hot and I want to suck him dry either in human form OR tiger from and I want to be wrecked from the insides out and railed to hell and back and spit in my mouth and called slurs and derogatory terms and left without any power in my legs and also with a myriad of babies in my ass umh what was I even saying oh right rei he's pretty interesting and seeing him go from chill little thief of the hometown to scarred big bro in just a timeskip is devastating as shit and while most of ryus childhood he tried to be a father figure to both teepo and ryu you can actually feel his care for the little guys to the point that in times of danger he protected them in every conceivable way and when you get to the timeskip he's absolutely powerless he's no more the big bro figure to ryu but instead it's ryu trying to save rei from complete madness where the grief for losing teepo consumed his well being to the point that he goes ape shit crazy into weretiger mode and kills people all around . he doesn't really change that much after you get into the party but the striking realisation that he's no more the easygoing cheerful pal of the prologue hurts like he'll he's great and he's design is incredible I want him in my ass
nine may be the second best character of the bunch for me mainly because I love her type of characterisation . when you first get to know her she's the little rebellious princess of the main kingdom of the land with responsibility and honor to think about but she's just gonna leave home and follow ryu and friends like its nothing to my surprise she was also a fairly conflicted character because of her gratitude to ryu but also for her ties to her parents and this actually follows her throughout the adventure with her regretting from time to time her decision and STILL she's incredibly tough she cares for ryu like nobody else around and probably is the main person of the OG gang to defend ryu in front of absolutely everyone and everything she's willing to go to the end of the world for him and this kind of friendship really takes the cake for me . when she grows up its not a surprise to see an accomplished woman who's rightful empowered and outgoing to the point that you're gonna meet her while she doesn't some arrest around the town like ok miss girl do your thing and even though she's grown up she has a bomb body she's hot she's fierce and whatevet the hell she's still that little baby you remember at heart she still cares for both ryu and her parents and this create a great fissure between what she wants to do and what she has to do and THIS KIND OF CHARACTER IS UGHHHHH I LOVE IT plus her entire design is probably the best nina design in the series like the dress the hair the wings
momo is also great im saying that every single character is great because its true she's kind of the comic relief of the bunch and while she IS a fucking clown she's still some of the most charming and easy to love character of the entire circus she's absolutely in love machines due to her ties with her father who was also a mechanic and shes absolutely obsessed with them but this is not the main point of the character her main character issue is the distance that she feels from her worth and her father's worth and this makes for some real depressing moments in her character development that will probably feel close to some of you like it did to me and yet even though she struggles with this she cares for the other guys and always does her best shes a sweetheart I love this woman
garr is an enigmatic character and I can't really put my finger on it he's an angel ???????? yeah pretty weird if you ask me he's built like a dragon and he's…… pretty beefy and hot at that I really want to see his cock if I'm being incredibly honest with you but no hes an angel and the main issue is that he's from a long line of guardian angels whose main mission was to annihilate every single dragon in existence for the peace of the world and thats also the reason why he's gonna join ryu and trick him to kill him in angel tower and this really gives some kind of perspective into the character and also when you get to the town of the guardian you begin to understand that garr is actually hiding something like why is everybody calling him guardian angel and didn't think of saying that to the others but anyway after the timeskip he realises that he's fucking dumb and that ryu isn't a bad guy to begin with he's not gonna get into manslaughter or shit like that and thats when he gets into this redemption arc type of way UNTIL he just sacrifices in the ending like WHYYYYYY GARR WHYYYYYYY UGHHH I wanted to see your dick first the fuck
peco is an interesting one since he's basically a plant and doesn't talk or think or anything UNTIL he does because he's a root of yggdrasil or whatever and that also makes a lot of sense because when you see yggdrasil in the overworld where he can become your master peco is the only single who can talk to him I was suspecting something like this when he began to talk in ryus mind but I didnt think it was actually this anyway hes a nice addition unfortunately I didn't use it at all during my campaign also due to the fact that he has few skills and can't equip most stuff
teepo I'm so sorry … I loved teepo as a kid he's shrewd and charismatic he's a little bro to ryu or like equal age bro and still sometimes acts as a big bro to him too since he's the latest addendum to the party and honestly he's cute he's intelligent and he's the sweetest baby who didn't do anything wrong in his life after the timeskip where you just lose track of him when you meet him again you get to know that he's a dragon too and that he's living in an artificial world as the goddess is asking to and while he's living comfortably in there ryu can't do the same and so they fuck each other up and teepo dies . this is actually insane if you ask me after years of searching for your childhood friend due to dissenting opinions youre either gonna get killed or kill him and even though he's become more mature and more gloomy I feel like he's still the teepo I know at heart I love you

the other characters apart from these guys are actually just addendum to the story like the pegasus guys deis the 2 guys in port whatever that end up fucking the sea guy ninas parents the other guardian who is also HOT AS FUCK UHHHHH guardians are damn hot im sorry so yeah nothing to say about them I want to eiffel tower with the 2 horse guys

the story is actually a highlight too and flows accordingly

the prologue is probably my favorite part of the game where you escape from the mine and get to know the other main characters of the game and create the very first trio you go thieving you go scavenging you live life and make memories until NOT and they set your house on fire and kidnap you

its probably one of my favorite prologues in general it feels reminiscent of childhood as a whole and it has this really specific vibe of big bros trying to help out this stranded little kid creating a somewhat functional family and the found family trope is soooo MMMMMMMMM to me like these people cared for each other and if it weren't for this they would've continued to live together and thats why it makes it even worse to actually confront teepo at the end of the game all of this wouldn't have happened if it weren't for some weird coincidences of fate and a bad luck all around and there's that

after this during the childhood days the main quest will concentrate around trying to find rei and teepo and in the meantime you will get to know the other main cast of the game nina in her steel fortress momo in her ruins and garr during the tournament and this last encounter actually seals the deal to head to angel tower and shit

the pacing in this part of the game is absolutely enchanting back to back to back incredible stuff story unravels and mysteries increase you begin to slowly grow up and grow accustomed to how the world works to how friendship is actually cultivated and to how stigmatised you are for being a dragon something that people treat as either a circus attraction or a menace to society as a whole

the events of angel tower seal the deal for the timeskip and actually kind of make up for actually not really advancing the story for 20 something hours

the timeskip events are weird because youre gonna meet back your friend group soon enough but garr is actually more introspective and actually sorry about what happened nina changed for the better and peco is still peco everything changed you yourself changed but the hatred for the dragon kind is still there and that's why the new mission for these guys is to go directly to god herself and speak to her as to why this is happening

after recruiting rei and doing some more main quests stuff that actually feel like side quests stuff and a LOT of time later you will get to the new continent in the other side of the outer sea and be confronted with the greatest place of the game with a weird name

now little excursus the environments in this game are unmatched everything in the overworld is alive and brimming with life each town has different layouts general aesthetic and vibes the town of the tournament feels like a nighttime casino city ryus village is calm and chill the castle town is overpopulated and so on so forth and that applies to the dungeons too theres not really a dungeon that I can deem as bad at least in the artistic department each one is distinct and beautiful but what I wanted to say is that most of the stuff youre gonna go through here and there is mostly natural when you get to the new continent youre gonna get a stark contrast in which most of the towns and the final dungeon will have heavy machinery hi tech technologyyy and claustrophobic vibes something that doesn't happen in other parts of the game and thats already an incredible accomplishment

the final dungeon is kind of a pain in the ass but I dare you to find a final dungeon that isn't mostly shit so anyway theres this stark contrast between the final dungeon AND where teepo is living which is a Eden full of green and trees and other stuff and this kind of feels even worse to do because this kind of world was something ryu and rei and teepo were trying to achieve together and instead it's the place where you're gonna kill your childhood friend for the sake of your ideals

there's nothing I can say to give justice to this scene its something so fucking powerful you have to experience firsthand and im still kind of sad how things proceeded even though that was to be expected

that being said the final final dungeon with the kind of long and tedious traversing but not AS MUCH as other games honestly this one is pretty chill apart from some weird tricky endgame enemies and the fact that you'll need to heal every 3 seconds

the final boss is nothing TOOOOOO difficult but still difficult and the emotional final confrontation is done SOOOOO well with you speaking with every character and just going there and smashing the face of the bitch ass goddess of the dick and after that garr is gonna sacrifice himself for ryu :*(((((((( garr I'm so sorry I loved you so fucking much and then youre gonna just escape from this fucking place and youre gonna be left with an ending scene where the characters actually have sprites that resemble their clothes in the character art

and thats it this game is incredible

this may not be the most perfect game in existence but it sure managed to not only surpass my expectations but soar the highs of my tierlist to the point that it became one of my favorite games of all times characters are great art is impeccable gameplay is fun and story is unmatched there's literally nothing out there that can emulate the uniqueness that this game oozes from every pore

teepo you will always be in my heart I just wish you could be happy with your family

"Now, go home, Link. Regain your lost time! Home... where you are supposed to be... the way you are supposed to be…"

a statement

nothing ever came close and will ever come close to the absolute might that this game means to the video game genre as a whole and to an entire generation of people playing ocarina of time at the end of the last millennium in 1998 you could say that video game as a media peaked here theres legit something magical about this game an aura of sacredness and monumentality that it feels weird to talk about it like this tackling this game isnt easy but not for the game in itself but for what it means to everyone who played it and what it meant to people who worked on it and theres nothing I could ever say that hasn't already been said times and times again but I'm gonna be the next guy in the queue of people who want to praise this game to heaven stay tuned

sexy mutyumu recommended this to me as part of this list thanks dude

ocarina of time is a game that doesn't need any kind of presentation whatsoever and I'm not gonna sugar-coat anything since you already know its fucking good I won't be daddling in weird deets just so you know i played the original n64 one but i never finished it so im glad this sudden zelda marathon made me realise what a fucking fool i am yknow

first and foremost I'd like to talk about the remake aspect bitch this is basically one of the most safe remake of all times and really understands the source material to a tee I know for sure the grezzo team were shitting their fucking pants because they just opened pandoras box and whatever they did to diverge from the original game wouldve been horridly received so they made the right decision to just give it a modern overhaul and leave it almost untouched just adding some QoL and tweaks to famously despicable parts of the game but apart from that the journey is mostly the same

now i really love the new graphics theyre absolutely beautiful and really complement the original art style adding just the perfect amount of spice here and there link is super cute both in the baby and adult model every single character of the game is brimming with details and personality beloved places across hyrule got completely modernised with those delicious “HD” textures and enemies and bosses are as intimidating as ever really this art direction takes the cake for me it leaves the original feel untouched and thats probably what also happened with the ost . the songs are recreated entirely but no single note or instrument has been changed because lets be real the music of the original was already perfect it had not fucking need to be changed

everything of this version is perfect BUT im gonna nitpick here and no its not about the sheikah stones because i used them when i needed and no its not about the 360 camera being absent from this game unlike majoras mask 3d but i absolutely despise the fact that they used the touch pad for most of the menu and item management

now i wont lie i emulated the shit out of this game and that means that every single time i had to use a touch prompt i had to use the fucking mouse and completely destroy my pace while playing with the controller like why would you do that im not gonna complain that much because this is not a game breaker but the real issue to me is why the fuck would you put touch screen as the ONLY OPTION for the remake of a game that DIDNT HAVE IT like why i dont understand and also i have no idea if theres somewhere a patch that makes you use some buttons instead of the touch screen but i couldnt find it so yeah it is gonna be a problem for me that being said this game is fucking perfect lets go

ocarina of time is one of the few games that will absolutely make my heart heavy as soon as i listen to the title screen ost theres such a sense of peace nostalgia joy EVERY SINGLE EMOTION was POURED into this music i have no idea in my ignorance who composed the music for this game but i hope you have or had everything you want or wanted from your life (update i looked it up its koji kondo everythings fine I know the guy) this is such a generational masterpiece when you just boot this game up it HITS link and epona ride across the fields of hyrule with incredible scenography for the time heavy focus on the nature that encapsulates this game and BOOM title screen

if you make a title screen that leaves such a big impact you will be remembered for better or for worse games like kingdom hearts and persona 3 fes made such an incredible impact on me JUST with their title screen now tell me if you ever booted up kingdom hearts and listened to dearly beloved or persona 3 fes and listened to brand new days the beginning and havent started to get all emotional and teary eyed at second 0.3 im not even joking

if i were alive in 1998 and had played this game for the very first time i wouldve never NEVER forgotten this title screen this is absolutely insane compared to the standards of videogames at the time and even now that we have so many different genres franchises games spinoffs remakes everything that can be played with a controller im not gonna joke theres nothing that hits AS hard as this title screen

some of you may know me as the absolute number 1 fan of twilight princess im gonna defend that game always forever until the day that i die twilight princess was for me what ocarina of time was for many people older than me and maybe even people around my age i had never played a zelda game and when i booted up the title screen for this game i was absolutely dumbfounded enthralled and emotional it struck close to me as something so personal and epic that nothing else could ever come close in the games that i played at that time such powerful ost and art direction

and after some years you could see me tearing my hair out when i realised that the twilight princess title screen was basically a reimagining of ocarina of time title screen and its absolutely jarring to me that i had no idea beforehand like how can someone be so dumb BeReal with me rn

so maybe thats also why the ocarina of time title screen hit me THIS HARD due to the fact of being not only the main inspo of twilight princess title screen but also as the original it can eat twilight princess alive

sure i will always prefer twilight princess over everything its not only one of my favorite zelda games of all times but also one of my favorite things in the whole world it means so much to me that i could not even put it into words… actually i will when i play the HD version lmaooooooooo

ok enough of twilight princess propaganda i need to talk about ocarina of time

this game also feels kind of reminiscent of the other games in the series and specifically a link to the past somehow they were making a breakthrough into the 3d perspective and they thought ok actually since most of the people around here fuck with alttp a little to the past we are gonna make a game that has basically the same core progression and they're gonna love it

and we did

ocarina of time has a structure really similar to a link to the past with the first 3 dungeons to get the spirit stones and then some others 5 dungeons to get the sages and then a Final Mix++ Final Dungeon so yeah I will call it the 3+5(+1) progression I got war flashbacks from math classes anyway yeah more so than zelda 1 or links awakening this really feels like an homage to alttp

then again this game absolutely broke every record whatsoever and alttp became the lesser zelda so whatever and its incredible to me how this one's title theme is parallel to that one a link to the past stars with a strong epic fanfare youre here for a monumental journey to save the day now instead ocarina of time dabbles into something new . nostalgia and existential dread don't we all love that

the prologue for ocarina of time is absolutely beautiful its dreamlike and emotional you get to peek into links life friends and family and even though youre gonna go away from here asap this has such a beautiful atmosphere

kokiri are magical beings and links not one of them if you didnt understand it after 3 seconds and so he doesnt have a fairy but boom enter navi the games biggest mouth and somehow the most cute character in this game i really have a lot of gripes for this fucker she never shuts her mouth and she will never be midna but when i tell you that she brings so much comfort i love being with her im not gonna lie when shes not with you i get uneasy its true

navi is a cutie i love her a lot and then you meet the deku tree that dies instantly as soon as you make it into the dungeon of the great tree which is honestly an incredible first dungeon of the game absolutely streamlined but interesting example of whats to com e for the next dungeons youre gonna explore in this game and its still probably one of my favorite ones in the game if you know what youre doing you can finish this dungeon pretty quick

so whatever finish this dungeon get a nice story about goddesses DEATH and then adventure in the hyrule field

hyrule field is pretty fucking hollow theres not much stuff in between places apart from dungeons here and there but this is also so fucking comfortable going through this land has a pretty similar feeling that i had with shadow of the colossus with the sense of wonder and greatness

so whatever get to hyrule castle and the town here is brimming with life absolutely beautiful place you get some minigames here and there a lot of stuff to do and character interactions with NPCs and possibly the greatest town in any single game ever its really small compared to towns in other games and even minish cap has a bigger town but this is super simple and super effective just another day in a peaceful kingdom

syke

introduce zelda the princess you get to her and she tells you about the end of the world about ganondorf having a big nose and about a hunky lesbian nanny and she tells you her song zeldas lullaby possibly one of the greatest songs in any game ever im not gonna lie teehee and this is the absolute greatest link youre gonna construct with zelda youre 2 little kids trying to save the world without even knowing whats gonna be out there its just such a personal conversation that strikes your heart strings as fast as possible and even this little conversation will make you care for zelda

that being said the side things are cool instead of having heart pieces unreachable with current items or behind some secret passages like in other games theres actually some depth to getting this stuff you can do minigames you can do side quests explore every single part of hyrule and still discover something new its fun

the next 2 dungeons are interesting the fire cave of the goron tribe makes for an immediate increase in the challenge and its gonna make you aware that not everything is gonna be fun and play in this game and the zora tribe jabu jabu stomach is some of the most disgusting dungeons ever and the doors are buttholes and carrying ruto around get tiring really fast this was probably for me harder than the water temple im not gonna lie

ruto is a really cool character and somehow reminded me of mipha even though mipha is 100 times better and also dead but ruto has a really cute little dynamic where she wants to fuck him and hes as clueless as ever i love my cute little guy hes great

so thing thing happen get the master sword boom adult

becoming an adult in this game is some of the most heart wrenching part of the game and really hits home with the metaphorical value of the scenes ganondorf destroyed everything adult link doesnt use the items he used when he was a kid because theyre in fact toys and not appropriate for an adult anymore zelda is gone and the howl is gone you get some poetry from a mysterious sheikah tribe guy melodies to dungeons are now harder and actually less memorable than when you were a joyful kiddo and everything that happens in the game is now gonna be way way fucking harder

a bit of a stretch but THATS ADULTHOOD !!!!!!!!

a lot the big ass contrast between this reality and the reality of link as a kid and the tragic nature and consequences of what happened into the land of hyrule youre gonna find long lost people but theyre now more mature or more sad theres not hope or joy anymore like they were in the childhood days and youre left alone . with navi . i love navi

i guess this is gonna be SPOILER TERRITORY

ok good now the game is gonna concentrate on dungeons over dungeons theres not really anything to keep you entertained or minigames to live life happily theres just gonna be nothing like that theres you and the dungeons and everything bad that can happen is gonna happen

the forest temple is probably my favorite one of the entire game it has so much fucking detail the vibes are unmatched the entire structure is diverse and beautiful and the mechanics are entertaining enough to not make me want to kill myself

the fire temple was probably the easiest one for me but the fact that it was completely set into an active vulcano where you feel danger everywhere around you and a single misstep will get you fucking killed good fucking dungeon

the water temple is bad we all know its bad im not gonna give this dungeon any merit apart from being absolutely fucking beautiful and the verticality of it all is really pleasant to see in a myriad of dungeons traversed horizontally

the shadow temple is mostly good but theres some stuff that i didnt enjoy that much and that somehow killed the whole pacing of the level and puzzles but damn is this fucking dungeon atmospheric as shit and the final boss is kinda hot like look at those shoulders daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn i want him to crush me frfr

the desert temple is probably my favorite one of the bunch and honestly the entire gerudo part of the game is incredible the stealth part in the gerudo valley the colossus thats gonna watch over you every time in the dungeon the fact that you need to tackle this one as both child link and adult like i just enjoy this dungeon too fucking much and the boss is also one of my fav ones like the hot mage is peak

that being said these dungeons way harder and way longer than the first dungeons youre gonna meet in links childhood and that really drives the sudden harshness of the situation home

while i did think the final rehash of the already visited dungeons i felt ganons castle was a really incredible narrative segment with every single sage wishing link good luck for the battle to come and yeah i grew pretty used to this segment super fast and it went through pretty easily (apart from the shadow one please kys)

now talking a second about the story here im absolutely in love with revisiting already explored parts of the world but when youre an adult now going back to kakariko village and seeing what remained of it and what actually changed or seeking your bestie sarya in the forest temple and getting reunited with your friend (the final message going i will always be your best friend HIT ME i could not move for 5 mins because i was crying im sorry this game is so much for me) or even going back to lon lon ranch and meeting malon now grown up and getting epona back to ride her through hyrule like all this stuff has so much emotional wait in it because you know its been 7 YEARS since the timeskip and it hits it HITS

sheik is also an enigmatic character that speaks in poetry and the realisation that its actually zelda its a fucking jaw dropping moment that wouldve been really incredible if i hadnt known about this plot twist since 10 years old but its still super heavy

now im not actually a fan of zelda turning back to a damsel in distress like you were a fucking ninja speaking in poetry disappearing using weapons playing music doing a lot of great stuff and now you cant even fend for yourself gworl what in the fucking hell

this was actually kind of anticlimactic to me since its basically said that she learned every single battle secret of the sheikah tribe from impa fought bad guys for 7 years and is pretty hot and now she cant do shit but alright im not gonna complain about it because meeting zelda again is always a good thing im not gonna lie

the final battle with ganon is pretty great even tho its basically volleyball and somehow my favorite part was running away with zelda something that really feels reminiscent of running away from the castle in alttp its pretty cool being with her again after all this time and also she can do some weird magic to open gates pretty handy

the final final battle is easy as shit but i love it so fucking much WHAT THE HELL first of all this version of ganon is pretty fucking hot and can rail me whenever he wants second youre gonna be using your items because he pushes the master sword away and then you get reunited with navi with some incredible punch lines and then you just cut his tail lmao ok that IS anticlimactic but i love this game

after everything zelda thanks you and she rewinds time till before ganondorf actually getting evil power for you to never see her again apart from her past counterpart

this finale is absolutely fucking sad i cried like a bitch and after the credits when you see the little scene with baby link going back to baby zelda you wont believe how much i cried i was absolutely mentally unwell it ruined me from inside

somehow the plot of this game is really usual zelda flare but you add a time skip flavor to it to make it more engaging AND more depressed at the same time we love it

that being said the music of this game should be put in the best albums ever made for a game but also in general in the music tradition in humanity as a whole im not even fucking lying this shit it is incredible and while i would like to talk about it forever i wont because i got stuff to do but theres video essays everywhere do that

so music time

i already talked a lot about the title screen but im gonna say it again the title theme is absolutely incredible and i invite everyone to listen to it RIGHT NOW

going into the overworld and listen to this is such a fucking joy and probably one of the most upbeat songs of the entire game since it kind of reminds me of pokemon and shit like that and its also i think one if not the longest song in the entire game since it goes on for like 5 minutes with a lot of nuance put together like it gets really chaotic at points i love this one shit

zelda’s lullaby is incredible this is absolutely not the first game in the series where this song appears but its so iconic and so beautiful that if i were nintendo id have no doubt that this would be the main song of the series for decades and decades to come its just so so so amazing

lost woods is FUCKING ICONICCCCCCCCC ITS SO GREAT IT HAS NO RIGHT OF BEING THIS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD I DONT GET IT I DONT I ABSOLUTELY DONT i would come back to lost woods just to listen to this every time you get in there its just a fucking joy theres so much peace in this song chile

great fairys fountain is iconic and timeless im not gonna say anything about it the song speaks for itself

song of storms or as id like to call it the dubstep one is insane and i would like everyone to know that this is one of the best songs in the series and if you dont think so youre a fraud and you should not be trusted

now i gotta say that the temple songs in the adult time are way more atmospheric and ambience than i thought they would be but theyre still fucking good like every single one of them is good and when you listen to them again without link going HYAAAAAAA you realise how fucking spooky they are what the hell

gerudo valley . thank you nintendo

so yeah every single song is thats the point

ocarina of time is a timeless game a time capsule of a time long lost time time time time time time time time time

and the thing is when you realize that this game is talking about life as a whole of day to day life and the interactions we have and issues and obstacles and links and memories and the inexorable passage of time its no surprise that this is regarded as one of the most incredible work of arts that humanity brought to life in a medium that probably till now was regarded as just toys to fiddle with and emotionless pastime
time is a thing that i think a lot about and this game helped me make sense of it for the most part and i dont think even nintendo understands the absolute might of this games story but its incredible how to this day it touches the hearts of so many people

you could say it defeated the test of time amirite HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that was bad heres my favorite sheik quote

“The flow of time is always cruel... its speed seems different for each person, but no one can change it... A thing that does not change with time is a memory of younger days…”