The most boring video game ever made. It was such a huge pile of self-indulgent, fart-huffing excrement that I made a thread about it on ResetEra just to express my overwhelming contempt for being scammed into spending actual monies on it. Trash. Garbage. Waste. I've found all manner of putrescence stuck between the seats of my local cinema that have more worth than this crap.

Interesting curio. I can see why it wasn't localised in the end, since on the surface it looks like a survival horror akin to Silent Hill and Resident Evil, but it's actually a point 'n' click adventure with simplistic puzzles and godawful writing/acting. Still, it has a certain charm to it.

2022

Stray is kinda like a Team ICO game meets Radiohead. I loved it. Dense environments, thick atmosphere, and a somewhat simple yet ultimately emotional story about a cat trying to escape an underground city with its newfound drone friend. I adore games where the primary focus is to just explore and soak in the vibes, and this is definitely one of those. The perfect antidote to all those bloated, overlong and repetitive open-world field-roaming simulators.

Can't wait to see what the developer comes up with next.

When you aren't funnelled down a linear path listening to endless unfunny chatter from unlikeable cretins who never know when to shut up, you're engaging in some of the most awful and braindead combat featured in a AAA game in the past ten years. This is a bad game and I can't fathom how it was received as well as it was. A miserable experience on all counts.

Plus it made me hate raccoons.

I only checked this out on a whim because I remember all the praise it got when it came out, and I ended becoming addicted to it over the course of a week or so. I like it so much I played through it a second time in order to keep every family member alive and well by the end. It's not a fun game per se, but the dopamine effect of checking (and sometimes double checking) some poor schmuck's papers and discovering a discrepancy cannot be denied. Likewise, catching a citation for letting someone through by accident is a gut-wrenching shock to the system. It's very easy to get invested.

This review contains spoilers

The end credits have started rolling and I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here. This game is rubbish. I went in expecting something akin to a noir-ish murder mystery that you as the player are supposed to unravel, but Immortality isn't that at all. It's... wank. Pretentious wank. With an overarching supernatural element to the story that's so laughable it could have been written by a sixth former.

You as the player spend all of your time watching fragmented clips. These clips tend to be very dull and full of obnoxious characters being obnoxious. You watch scenes from movies, rehearsals of scenes from movies, some behind the scenes stuff from movies and cryptic nonsense involving immortal beings who have way too much gel in their hair. It quickly becomes apparent that none of this is interesting to peruse. There's little actual drama to sink your teeth into. Watching clips of Minsky just made me want to watch David Fincher's Zodiac again. Watching clips of Two of Everything made me want to watch David Lynch's Mulholland Drive again. Watching clips of Ambrosio made me want to watch some porn.

I give this a 3 out of 10 because, credit where credit is due, the performances are uniformly strong, and one can't help but admire the sheer ambition this has for an FMV game. Many of the scenes are well shot and choreographed. But my lord is it a load of boring wank with zero payoff. If you kept Immortality exactly the same as it is, but changed it so that David Cage's name was above the title, everyone would hate it.

In my opinion, the scariest game ever made. There's a vibe to this game that's unexplainable. It feels inherently evil and unholy. Like Insane Clown Posse say in their post-modern hit song 'Miracles' - it's just there in the air. Sure, the gameplay is nothing to ring home about, some of the puzzles are overly obtuse and the acting can occasionally be unintentionally amusing. But this game has it where it counts and in spades, and that's seriously unsettling vibes. The part where you step outside and the entire town is covered in pitch black darkness still fucks me up to this day.

It's as simple as this: The Last Guardian is the most invested and attached I've ever been in regards to the plight of a video game protagonist and his overall goal. This slow-burning story of love and companionship, helmed with a typically deft and understated hand by its auteur director, registered on a deeply meaningful level for me, due in no small part to the game's centrepiece Trico. A creature of almost intoxicating cuteness and charm, Trico feels like a real comrade thanks to a combination of fluid and expressive animation and A.I.. An ironclad bond is established early on precisely because Trico is such a believable presence, and because of this, everything else falls into place. It's a beautiful, frequently picturesque visual package to bask in, showing few signs of its beginnings on PS3 hardware. The soundtrack by Takeshi Furukawa, while not being as showy as the music that accompanied the magnificent battles in Shadow of the Colossus, is sparingly used but memorably nostalgic, and knows exactly when to tug at the heartstrings. The puzzles, unlike Inside, are naturally integrated into the game without disrupting the consistency of the world and the storytelling. And the set-pieces, while not as elaborate as something one would expect from the likes of Uncharted, are no less breath-taking because of the emotional dynamic between the central duo. Running across a crumbling bridge is nothing new in a video game, but when the ground gives out beneath the boy, and Trico appears into frame at the last second to save him from falling to his death, it's a genuinely cathartic, air-punching moment.

It's already a common sentiment among those who have completed The Last Guardian that it's an unforgettable journey. As the words ”The End" appeared on the screen, it was only too easy for me to see why. It's a game that has lingered on in my mind ever since I completed it. I get that occasional lump in the throat during recollections of my playthrough that serve as a comforting reminder that, despite all the uncertainty and the years of waiting for something that may never come to fruition, what materialised in the aftermath of all that drama was a work of art that I'm glad I never gave up hope on being released.

The best goddamn game of all time.

I was sceptical going in, but this really is as good as everyone says it is.

In my mind, one of the most overrated games ever made. Never understood the praise for it, and I say that as someone who loved the look of Okami and bought it day one on the PS2 (if memory serves). Slow dialogue that's unskippable, cutscenes that go on forever (and are unskippable), recycled boss fights, backtracking galore and a severely elongated campaign. It truly is the game that never ends. And it's so slow and laborious. The only thing really going for the game is its beautiful art style. Everything else is a chore.

Like its predecessor, a masterpiece of virtual tourism and grandiose storytelling, but now with way more combat scenarios and less drawer opening. And it's last three hours or so are so damn ballsy.

Half detective sim, half slice-of-life grief simulator, half kung-fu action game. All masterpiece. Shenmue uses the everyday mundanity that we all encounter in life and uses it to enhance the more exciting moments. This isn't just heart-racing chase sequences and fist fights non stop; there's boring stuff, 'cept it isn't boring because the game does such a good job of immersing you in its world and making you care about its characters. Shenmue is virtual tourism at its finest, the soundtrack is flawless, it has an attention to detail that is rare to find in any other video games and it's ambitious in the best way possible. Sure, it almost made Sega bankrupt, but it was worth it.

A pretty big disappointment unfortunately, which isn't entirely surprising given this game had a fraction of the budget afforded to the two previous installments. It actually starts off pretty decently, but as things progress, you gradually notice all the corners that have been cut. There's barely an advancement in the overarching story, which is borderline unforgivable quite frankly, given how long fans have had to wait. The events of Shenmue 3 feel like a stopgap between 2 and the next mainline entry. And the combat is shockingly poor. It's honestly a major regression compared to I & II, and those are nearly 20 year old games. There's no excuse for how bad the fighting is in this.

At least it manages to do a fairly good job of replicating the original Shenmue atmosphere and 'vibe' on a shoestring budget. But yeah, definitely not a worthy sequel. And it makes me worried about how 4 will turn out.

One of those games where everything outside of the core gameplay is utterly horrible and unpleasant, regardless of how good the gameplay may be. Garish eye sore of an art style, awful characters, awful writing, awful acting, bogus music and the worst implementation of the QTE I've ever encountered. No wonder it underperformed.