It's bad Kero Kero Kerorin.

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Oh, you're still reading? Okay. In theory, the traversal game with wholesome aesthetics works the same as the GBA cult classic. In practice, however, the game's low budget cuts corners where it cannot afford to, leading to lacking pathing, but most of all, lacking hitboxes. These issues make a run impossible without tool assistance, in the most literal sense. Even with a modifier, the end game is nigh undoable.

I don't like doing this, but I had to abandon the game in a later level, where it doesn't recognize a restart, which forces manual resets in a 30-40 second process each time. For stages that only take 2 minutes each, it grinded any patience I had to a nub. I just can't go through it any more.

I can only assume that Spinfrog, at best, only had playtesting done by the developers themselves or their friends that were too shy about addressing these glaring faults, because there is no way that this should've been made for sale in the state it is in.

At the €4 I paid, it's good enough to be reminiscent of its actual inspiration for a dozen or so routes. Anything beyond that is pure agony, which is a horrible shame.

EDIT: I have since forced myself to finish the last few stages. There is no improvement in the above statements.

The simplification of a once formative strategy franchise. Three Houses is about one thing: Dating lovable anime people. This sole focus leads to dozens of hours of busywork, with even battles being used as a device to strengthen relationships.

There is, luckily, some payoff in the deepened bonds, with some truly charming moments for plenty of the interpersonal relationships. Almost every character is worthy of love and attention. The meat of the combat, however, quickly becomes a routine action. Poor scaling makes characters capable of one-shotting literally any supposed threat except for the very last enemy.

Three Houses isn't a "bad" game; there's enjoyment in helping to build the world, one monastery visit at a time. However, it could've done with a ton less of these chores or shortened its run to fewer than 80 hours, so that it would have the replay value it alludes to having.

DOOM's John Romero made a game with Crusader Kings publisher, Paradox Interactive. Imagine the potential!

Now crash back down to reality, where this turn-based strategy and city management game barely functions, let alone manages to do anything worthwhile. Repetitive from the first to the 50th hour, its dozens of confusing menus and options boil down to shooting people in the face endlessly in X-COM Chicago. Diplomacy, economy, strategy; it's there, but none of it matters.

The Switch version in particular is in the running for the worst game on the platform. It should not exist, period. Nintendo 64 textures, single digit frames, frequent crashes and even more bugs put it up there with shovelware, despite being a boxed release.

I have never seen a game so fleshed out with bad, contradictive game design. They put so much careful consideration in this clunker that it is gut-wrenching to see it through, just for it to not produce a single redeemable quality.

"HOTSY TOTSY"

The increasing priority on, admittedly, incredibly cool licensing has shifted development ever away from having a functional game. Every game drops to 12 frames per second, opponents disappear or aren't where the game shows they are, a different lag glitch appears every few seconds.

The game is no longer playable on certain platforms, despite still being able to spend money on it. That's not exactly an enriching experience; not for the user, at least.

I hope to edit this review, one day.

A 3-star game if ever there was one, this role-playing game turns a fetch quest into the entirety of its scope. The grind features retreading old stomping grounds for resources and picking up items for villagers, to give to other villagers.

It can be infectious to get lost in the chores, mostly as it is broken up by periodic, rhythmical combat and the odd platform puzzle. Some serviceable writing equally breaks up monotony enough to trudge through the next section.

Still, the visibly low budget is very apparent, making the full release unable to stand against peers like Monster Hunter. It's just kinda okay.