"Fuck Nintendo" Moments

I may or may not get a lot of hate comments over this. But enough is enough.

Uh… whoops!
Nintendo announcing a port of this game for the Switch, but for Japan only, was like tearing open a scar after it spent decades trying to heal.
At least region lock doesn't exist anymore.
One unnecessary RPG remake was sold at 60 dollars, so let's make sure the other one is too.
What if The Elder Scrolls VI took place in Skyrim, reusing most if not all of the previous game's geometry?
"For good measure, another one of your favorite Mario games was also on a deadline and is now only accessible through Dolphin. Apologies!"
"...we made a sequel to Super Mario Galaxy?"
Imagine making a mainline installment of Pikmin after a decade, calling it PIKMIN 4 (FOUR) (QUATRO), and then making its story a reboot.
I still like the game, but I'm telling you, Miyamoto is a hack.
I am not a Zelda fan, but this game just had to be on the list.
There was a reason why people absolutely flipped their shit when Twilight Princess was later announced.
Wait a minute, what would otherwise be the best game in the series IS the best game in the series? Better use Twitch as a puppet to curb its influence.
The artbook of this game is the most depressing shit since Epic Mickey. New Donk City got completely gutted, Bowsette was THAT close to being official, Rosalina was planned to appear as a guitarist, and those just make up the tip of the iceberg.
Fuck Nintendo's rules regarding the Mario brand, seriously fuck them, fucking FUCK.
Old footage from a GDC talk revealed that Mario had a much different design, evoking a breath of fresh air from the NSMB sterilization.
Then the big wigs at Nintendo screamed "NOOOOOOO! We made a 'Perfect Mario' figure just so that you idiots wouldn't do this!"
"No, you cannot play a remake of Metroid 2 before our version of it comes out."
"And no, you cannot nominate a fangame like this for 'Best Fan Creation' at The Game Awards."
The Pokemon Company may have spared Pokemon Showdown, but the same couldn't be said for Pixelmon.
I just really, REALLY hate this game, in so many ways.
But I'll leave it at that instead of writing an essay over it.
The Mario Kart maps in this game are being removed or rethemed for Dr. Robotnik's Ring Racers.
Wait a minute... that's a good thing.
#FreeMelee.
Need I say more?
What is the point of remaking this? Why not just put the original version up on the virtual console?
Oh wait, it's because they wouldn't be able to sell it for the low, low price of 60 dollars. Boo hoo!
This game isn't bad, but Kirby GCN looked so much more fun...
This game should not even exist. Splatoon 2 was right there, on the same system. A cashgrab in every sense of the word.
Nintendo carpet-bombing the Steam Workshop is the incident which pushed me into making this list in the first place.
On a related note, fuck SMG4. He made an entire story arc making fun of Nintendo's aggressive copyright practices, only to back down by replacing some of the Nintendo characters with his own designs. What a bitch.
Imagine taking one of the best-looking games on the Wii U, and then wiping shit all over it by porting courses from a mobile game.
"I will deliberately gimp what would otherwise be the best game in the series, because Melee players were having too much fun."
- Masahiro Sakurai
"Oh I'm sorry, you wanted to play your favorite Mario game through legal means on the Nintendo Switch? You missed the deadline and we are never selling it again, keep using Dolphin."
...actually, there is more to say, because Nintendo gave some special middle fingers to Splatoon fans for daring to defend Melee fans.
I could add every single 3DS and Wii U game on here, but this is what stuck out the most in people's minds.
The "Stop Killing Games" campaign came too late. You will be missed, Splatoon 1.
Turns out that Nintendo yanking custom levels featuring Mario was the warning sign of what would eventually happen to Garry's Mod.
"Release it now, finish it later."
Hold on, didn't that phrase appear earlier on this page?
The beginning of the end for Mario as a brand.
Even after the release of Wonder, the series has never fully recovered.
I haven’t played this game, maybe it’s fun, but it’s absolutely NOT how I would have reintroduced F-Zero to the public masses.
What could have been one of the best games in the series is the worst game in the series, just because Iwata didn't want 3DS players to feel left out.
"No, you cannot play an unofficial Pokemon generation for free."
"And no, you cannot nominate a fangame like this for 'Best Fan Creation' at The Game Awards."
A good idea that Nintendo was sure to make unplayable by any means necessary, whether by shutting down a fangame or by having the servers for an official version open for a very limited time.
Gee, I sure wonder if the sequel to Garry's Mod will allow Nintendo content on the Steam Workshop either...
"Release it now, finish it later."
At least HAL was allowed to atone for their mistakes by following this up with Forgotten Land.
I thank the divine powers every day that a build of Dinosaur Planet eventually got leaked.
Now please leak a build of Kirby GCN, thanks.
"Release it now, finish it later."
But in this case, I already knew that the game was doomed the second I saw characters other than Miis.
Pikmin W.I.P. deserved better.
What other Nintendo-based game modes have I missed out on?
I wonder exactly how much effort went into Dark Horse Comics' promotional book before Nintendo cancelled it.
"Release it now, finish it later."
And while they're at it, let's also infect this once bold and daring spinoff with NSMB sterilization.
Miyamoto is a hack who cannot move on from the past.
If this game didn't prove it, then Pikmin 4 certainly did later on.
An announcement that was made in such poor taste that Nintendo panicked and tried to course-correct by revealing Prime 4 a couple years later.
Everything between this game and Origami King is why I vowed to never touch a Paper Mario game for the rest of my life, or at least until Nintendo makes something other than a remake.
I will not suffer like the fans did.
Wouldn't it be really funny if the Wii U was the only console since the Gamecube to lack a mainline Animal Crossing installment?

1 Comment


28 days ago

yeah, garry himself just verified that the takedowns are real
i love nintendo, and from what i've heard they're a decent company to work for but holy shit their legal team is so fucking petty


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