5880 Reviews liked by MobileSpider
Too long, yes, but what a blast: charge-based attacks and dynamic grappling combine into an intense, crowd-control / proto-God Hand gauntlet, and the fashions and music are shockingly fresh. And it had four-player local wireless?! Really hard, but insanely fun.
Beautiful release of act 1, showing off gorgeous art and an incredible sense of 70s aesthetics. The initial plot beats play a little too close to the core Phantom framework without expanding upon them or interrogating its setting more, but its an early release and I'm incredibly intrigued in where the full product delivers its ideas.
Super Metroid
1994
outside of the (understandably) on-the-nose coloured doorways nearly every instance of environmental interaction is rich and tactile. thirty years later it's still a wonder to grope and paw at every (Possibly Maybe) malleable surface and leverage every new upgrade toward greater structural manipulation and command
in ensuring how and when are given as much significance as what and where it forms a relationship between actor and environment that bears uncommonly personal patterns and markings as you learn to use Your body as an implement to interface with the world. sidepaths and back alleys that carve Under - Over - Through reshape the familiar thru layered mechanical discovery and shift the internal v external dynamic in turn; mastery of the self begetting exponential mastery of the other
a fitting problem then that the biocircuitry, plunging intestinal mazes, and gloomy dark ambient synthesis quickly become less something to endure so much as to dominate; the dissonance for show, and the brutality nakedly glamorous and one sided. so much of it exists in service to the pursuit of (Your) power, kneeling with its neck outstretched waiting to feel bones shatter for Your gratification. sure, I feel obscenely powerful, but I'd rather feel anything else
strange scene it is
every thing in flames
in ensuring how and when are given as much significance as what and where it forms a relationship between actor and environment that bears uncommonly personal patterns and markings as you learn to use Your body as an implement to interface with the world. sidepaths and back alleys that carve Under - Over - Through reshape the familiar thru layered mechanical discovery and shift the internal v external dynamic in turn; mastery of the self begetting exponential mastery of the other
a fitting problem then that the biocircuitry, plunging intestinal mazes, and gloomy dark ambient synthesis quickly become less something to endure so much as to dominate; the dissonance for show, and the brutality nakedly glamorous and one sided. so much of it exists in service to the pursuit of (Your) power, kneeling with its neck outstretched waiting to feel bones shatter for Your gratification. sure, I feel obscenely powerful, but I'd rather feel anything else
strange scene it is
every thing in flames
I love this dev. They come up with such smart and high concept ideas, and though this didnt hit in the way 7 Days did for me, I still enjoyed the time I spent with it. Normally, personality tests as a concept are something I don't particularly subscribe to (especially as a gameplay format), but in the case of Refind Self it works incredibly well. Playing as an android, simultaneously teaching her humanity while also exercising your own freedom of choice is a very endearing route of storytelling. The grief and kindness expressed through the options you chose, the limited amount of time you have to play reflecting the wind-up android's existence... as seems to always be the case, this dev is very careful and smart in the way they go about presenting their world. I love their artstyle, love the philosophy behind it. The only thing I could say these games lack is music, as each only has a few tracks (few meaning 2 or 3) that don't loop especially well. Highly suggest this dev's catalog for anyone looking for a unique and short, lovingly crafted experience. Really excited to see what they put out next ☆
Sonic Advance
2001
Check it out, it's 14-year-old me with a GameBoy Advance speaker pressed against his ear canal, mouth open while he pipes the most goopy-ass version of Scrap Brain Zone directly into his skull.
You can add Sonic Advance to the growing pile of reviews where I state, "I haven't played this since it came out." It's in good company, the Burger King Trilogy is in there. It's been so long that abandoning my previously held opinions on Sonic Advance and going in with no expectations was easy enough, though I did assume the consensus from my mutuals would be that Advance is among the best and most cherished of Sonic's handheld outings only to find it's pulled around a 3/5 average. A little surprising considering some of those mutuals think more highly of Sonic than I do, but now that I've closed the 20+ year gap... yeah, 3/5 seems about right!
Congratulations to Sonic Advance, because that practically makes it the best "traditional" handheld Sonic I've played.
Like the Game Gear games, Sonic Advance doesn't match the pace and feel of the Genesis titles, but the better hardware does allow for a much closer approximation, one that's pleasant enough in hand and which is only noticeably off to the kinds of people who are entirely too invested in this stuff. Like me. I just bought another copy of Sonic Mania, I'm up to five now, so I'd like to think I'm qualified enough to say that the way Sonic and his friend make contact with destructible objects and how they bounce off them doesn't quite pass the sniff test with me but it hardly ruins the game.
In fact, Sonic's physics feel perfectly in place with the way levels are designed, and that's really the most important thing. For the most part, stage design is pretty good. There's a nice mix of platforming and speed and plenty of routes that are made or less accessible depending on who you play as. The game does completely hit a wall and burn most of its good will by the time you get to Angel Island, though. The introduction of numerous bottomless pits, many of which the level directly funnels you into, is aggravating, and it's a problem that persists into the two single act zones that follow.
Also, not a fan of Amy. Dislike playing as her immensely. She felt bad in Adventure and she feels even worse here. These zones aren't improved by shafting you with a character that has a lower speed cap and movement abilities that purposefully feel bad. I'm sure there's some lunatic out there waiting in the wings who has dedicated a significant portion of their time to perfecting Amy's tech and will insist that it's not the game, it's the player. I don't care, I'm putting Amy in the contraption now.
Despite Sonic Advance's sloppy end game, I was pleasantly surprised with it overall, and that maybe says more about my insanely low expectations for a handheld Sonic than it does the game itself. Uh, end of review.
You can add Sonic Advance to the growing pile of reviews where I state, "I haven't played this since it came out." It's in good company, the Burger King Trilogy is in there. It's been so long that abandoning my previously held opinions on Sonic Advance and going in with no expectations was easy enough, though I did assume the consensus from my mutuals would be that Advance is among the best and most cherished of Sonic's handheld outings only to find it's pulled around a 3/5 average. A little surprising considering some of those mutuals think more highly of Sonic than I do, but now that I've closed the 20+ year gap... yeah, 3/5 seems about right!
Congratulations to Sonic Advance, because that practically makes it the best "traditional" handheld Sonic I've played.
Like the Game Gear games, Sonic Advance doesn't match the pace and feel of the Genesis titles, but the better hardware does allow for a much closer approximation, one that's pleasant enough in hand and which is only noticeably off to the kinds of people who are entirely too invested in this stuff. Like me. I just bought another copy of Sonic Mania, I'm up to five now, so I'd like to think I'm qualified enough to say that the way Sonic and his friend make contact with destructible objects and how they bounce off them doesn't quite pass the sniff test with me but it hardly ruins the game.
In fact, Sonic's physics feel perfectly in place with the way levels are designed, and that's really the most important thing. For the most part, stage design is pretty good. There's a nice mix of platforming and speed and plenty of routes that are made or less accessible depending on who you play as. The game does completely hit a wall and burn most of its good will by the time you get to Angel Island, though. The introduction of numerous bottomless pits, many of which the level directly funnels you into, is aggravating, and it's a problem that persists into the two single act zones that follow.
Also, not a fan of Amy. Dislike playing as her immensely. She felt bad in Adventure and she feels even worse here. These zones aren't improved by shafting you with a character that has a lower speed cap and movement abilities that purposefully feel bad. I'm sure there's some lunatic out there waiting in the wings who has dedicated a significant portion of their time to perfecting Amy's tech and will insist that it's not the game, it's the player. I don't care, I'm putting Amy in the contraption now.
Despite Sonic Advance's sloppy end game, I was pleasantly surprised with it overall, and that maybe says more about my insanely low expectations for a handheld Sonic than it does the game itself. Uh, end of review.
The good: Beautiful character models and layered stages; a massive roster with some truly goofy deep cuts; decently fun, faux-Jump Stars combat. The bad: Tedious story/mission modes require endless grinding to unlock every character. Would love a sequel, though.
It really is a top-shelf beat-'em-up, with its variegated roster and movesets, and its super-fun combo/juggling systems. The wacky art direction is nicely complemented by detailed sprite work, and it never feels cheap. An unassumingly near-perfect game.
Viewtiful Joe
2003
for some reason the last time I played this like maybe 15 years ago i wasn't really into it despite loving it a whole lot when it first came out. i guess i wasn't feeling like getting into all the mechanics again and just kinda dropped the replay.
i can attest now after a long while that i was initially correct there's no other game like this in every aspect. it's stylish, it's gorgeous, it's really fun, it might genuinely be the Kamiya game with most attitude imprinted in it and that's saying a LOT.
Viewtiful Joe tells a fun light story both about how fictional worlds suck due to how stagnant they are and how shitty it feels to be a one-hit wonder in any art career. which is extremely ironic considering this game got like two sequels, one spin-off, a whole anime and then simply -disappeared- from the face of the earth aside from getting costume references and being in 2 vs. titles. No ports, no interest, nothing.
at the end of the day i think i might like this more than Bayonetta in regards to which is my favorite Kamiya game... while Bayo was definitely influential to me in a lot of important aspects, Viewtiful Joe might just have changed how i viewed videogames as a whole.
i can attest now after a long while that i was initially correct there's no other game like this in every aspect. it's stylish, it's gorgeous, it's really fun, it might genuinely be the Kamiya game with most attitude imprinted in it and that's saying a LOT.
Viewtiful Joe tells a fun light story both about how fictional worlds suck due to how stagnant they are and how shitty it feels to be a one-hit wonder in any art career. which is extremely ironic considering this game got like two sequels, one spin-off, a whole anime and then simply -disappeared- from the face of the earth aside from getting costume references and being in 2 vs. titles. No ports, no interest, nothing.
at the end of the day i think i might like this more than Bayonetta in regards to which is my favorite Kamiya game... while Bayo was definitely influential to me in a lot of important aspects, Viewtiful Joe might just have changed how i viewed videogames as a whole.
Homestar Ruiner - 6/10
Strong Badia The Free - 7.5/10
Baddest of the Bands - 7.5/10
Dangeresque 3 - 10/10
8-Bit is Enough - 8.5/10
When I played this for the first time in middle school i thought it was the bees knees, but it's got a lot of filler coming back to it - the rapid-fire razor-sharp comedy of homestar is hard to stretch out to 5 games at 4-hour length each. The snippets of good content is definitely worth the trip though
Best part of the experience was getting to Dangeresque 3 in a call with Vi, it's always a treat seeing ppl react to strong bad stuff for the first time
Strong Badia The Free - 7.5/10
Baddest of the Bands - 7.5/10
Dangeresque 3 - 10/10
8-Bit is Enough - 8.5/10
When I played this for the first time in middle school i thought it was the bees knees, but it's got a lot of filler coming back to it - the rapid-fire razor-sharp comedy of homestar is hard to stretch out to 5 games at 4-hour length each. The snippets of good content is definitely worth the trip though
Best part of the experience was getting to Dangeresque 3 in a call with Vi, it's always a treat seeing ppl react to strong bad stuff for the first time
I'm tired.
Let's play armchair game designer, because lord knows we don't have enough of them on here.
Before you can run, you must walk, and boy does Nathan Graves enjoy walking. Nathan just adores going on a stroll in Camilla's castle while his master's getting his toenails ripped off in preparation for being slaughtered in a satanic ritual. Mr. Graves wouldn't know how to run even if I slapped his dump truck ass with the world's most painful block of wood. It's a godsend that Camilla's basement houses the very shoes he needs to be able to find the joys of exercise again after he forgot how to sprint when Count Dankula played his Trap Hole card in the introduction scene. One must wonder how long it would've taken if Drac's minions didn't make such a fuck up as to leave shoes for Mr. Graves to wear for his aching strolling feet. Even with these shoes Nathan only knows how to barrel forward with wanton disregard for his own being. Alucard had it figured out already, just run with care. That's all you gotta do. For Nathan though? Only two speeds exist. Tortoise, and drunken hare riding on a Kawasaki Ninja.
The input for running in this game is bad enough with requiring me to dash dance on the dpad and kill my thumbs, but Nathan's whip attack is noticeably sluggish compared to past Classicvania outings. It may not be noticeable at first, but try ducking and whipping and go back to playing as Simon in any of the past games and you'll definitely feel it. Nathan can jump like a stiff pong paddle and can even wall jump, and trust me I'm proud of him for being able to do so, but he should stick to his day job. Wall jumping in this is automated for at least two seconds as Nathan pauses on the wall and propels himself into the direction of enemy fire that sends him careening back down the pit that he was trying to make his way up from. You will encounter this scenario a lot, I assure you, especially with Circle of the Moon's obsession with slap dashing Armor enemies everywhere with annoying attacks that can bop you from the other side of the screen. No joke, I had a moment where I thought I was hitting an Ice Armor enemy in the underground waterway safely, only to get a very pleasant surprise in the form of another spear flying from off screen and stabbing me through the adam's apple thanks to the second Ice Armor that was behind him.
The primary system is collecting some shitty Yu-Gi-Oh cards and playing Blackjack with yourself to combine two of them and give yourself some form of power up, which could range from boring effects like your whip getting an elemental bonus, or actual cool shit like turning into a bone-throwing skeleton that dies in one hit. Unfortunately, the card for turning into a glass jawed skeleton is about 95% into the game and requires killing a very specific candle enemy that requires backtracking to a who-gives-a-shit area, and kindly asking it to drop the damn card sometime this week. This is where I get to bitch about the worst part of Circle of the Moon besides Nathan's completely useless movement, and it's the outrageous drop rates. That card that I'd need for the aforementioned skeleton transformation? The drop rate is zero point four fuckin' percent. That doesn't just effect the cards either. Health items? What are those?!
Seriously, I went for hours playing this game and didn't think healing was even a thing in Circle of the Moon besides the absurdly paltry potions that give a measly 20 hit points back, or getting to one of the sparse save points that fully heals you. Hell, you don't even get healed after boss fights. I beat probably six bosses before a piece of meat suddenly dropped from an enemy, where I double-taked and went back just to stare at it for a while. There is not a shop to speak of either, shopkeepers aren't welcome in Circle of the Moon. No buyable health items for you to help with the horrendous onslaught of tedium, but you can go ahead and enjoy all those completely useless armors you get to lug around on your person. Sure is a hard game we got here, would be nice if I could have some items, but Dracula is against formal goods trading.
Circle of the Moon is about inconvenience. It inconveniences you with movement that isn't convenient for the challenge that is set up for you as it would be for past entries. The only way to make your pathetic movement less inconvenient is to find cards inconveniently hidden away in an unknown enemy's back pocket that could potentially make certain encounters flat out trivial, like the normally problematic ice element in the underground waterway, or Dracula's nigh-impossible to dodge meteor attack in the final battle. It's all an inconvenient excuse to grind if you lack information, which this game inconveniently gives you none assuming you're not playing the Advance Collection version, which was the only convenient bit from my experience. Thanks M2.
It took me about three months to finish the save file I started on the Advance Collection a ways back after I completed Harmony of Dissonance and it's toilet noises, and it's mindbogglingly to me to realize that it was around last Christmas that I replayed and finished Aria of Sorrow again on the same collection. It wasn't necessarily a skill issue, it was a thumb issue from the horrendous dash input, and my complete apathy to this game's entire philosophy of wanting to train me on it's solitaire system only for the battle arena to give me the middle finger, and take that same system away in the ultimate show of disrespectful inconvenience. It was optional, sure, but it's existence is more than enough to make me want to transition into a volcanic state. It was even more aggravating to find out that Konami apparently bumped the experience requirements up for the western releases, thus demanding me to update the list for all the times they fucked us in the ass. I needed a lot of Picross breaks, and apparently a detour to that Peach game I didn't care about.
It kinda goes without saying, but the thought of replaying this on original hardware with the bad GBA screen, no suspend save, or in-game overlay hints of what enemies are carrying cards is less appealing to me than taking an epilator to my ballsack. I'll give it a pity star for Dracula's final boss design, I guess. I guess.
Thus concludes armchair game designer session, if you enjoyed what you've read, please like, comment, subscribe, ring the dingaling, and maybe sing me a nice song.
I'm going to bed now. Goodnight.
hoooooonkmimimimimi.
+Nathan Graves dump truck ass
+Rakugakids reference
+Yo Camilla call me
+Proof of Blood
-Nathan Graves dump truck ass
-Sinking Old Sanctuary?! More like Stinking Old Sanctuary!
-Why is my hair not as nice as Hugh's
-Where's my burrito
Let's play armchair game designer, because lord knows we don't have enough of them on here.
Before you can run, you must walk, and boy does Nathan Graves enjoy walking. Nathan just adores going on a stroll in Camilla's castle while his master's getting his toenails ripped off in preparation for being slaughtered in a satanic ritual. Mr. Graves wouldn't know how to run even if I slapped his dump truck ass with the world's most painful block of wood. It's a godsend that Camilla's basement houses the very shoes he needs to be able to find the joys of exercise again after he forgot how to sprint when Count Dankula played his Trap Hole card in the introduction scene. One must wonder how long it would've taken if Drac's minions didn't make such a fuck up as to leave shoes for Mr. Graves to wear for his aching strolling feet. Even with these shoes Nathan only knows how to barrel forward with wanton disregard for his own being. Alucard had it figured out already, just run with care. That's all you gotta do. For Nathan though? Only two speeds exist. Tortoise, and drunken hare riding on a Kawasaki Ninja.
The input for running in this game is bad enough with requiring me to dash dance on the dpad and kill my thumbs, but Nathan's whip attack is noticeably sluggish compared to past Classicvania outings. It may not be noticeable at first, but try ducking and whipping and go back to playing as Simon in any of the past games and you'll definitely feel it. Nathan can jump like a stiff pong paddle and can even wall jump, and trust me I'm proud of him for being able to do so, but he should stick to his day job. Wall jumping in this is automated for at least two seconds as Nathan pauses on the wall and propels himself into the direction of enemy fire that sends him careening back down the pit that he was trying to make his way up from. You will encounter this scenario a lot, I assure you, especially with Circle of the Moon's obsession with slap dashing Armor enemies everywhere with annoying attacks that can bop you from the other side of the screen. No joke, I had a moment where I thought I was hitting an Ice Armor enemy in the underground waterway safely, only to get a very pleasant surprise in the form of another spear flying from off screen and stabbing me through the adam's apple thanks to the second Ice Armor that was behind him.
The primary system is collecting some shitty Yu-Gi-Oh cards and playing Blackjack with yourself to combine two of them and give yourself some form of power up, which could range from boring effects like your whip getting an elemental bonus, or actual cool shit like turning into a bone-throwing skeleton that dies in one hit. Unfortunately, the card for turning into a glass jawed skeleton is about 95% into the game and requires killing a very specific candle enemy that requires backtracking to a who-gives-a-shit area, and kindly asking it to drop the damn card sometime this week. This is where I get to bitch about the worst part of Circle of the Moon besides Nathan's completely useless movement, and it's the outrageous drop rates. That card that I'd need for the aforementioned skeleton transformation? The drop rate is zero point four fuckin' percent. That doesn't just effect the cards either. Health items? What are those?!
Seriously, I went for hours playing this game and didn't think healing was even a thing in Circle of the Moon besides the absurdly paltry potions that give a measly 20 hit points back, or getting to one of the sparse save points that fully heals you. Hell, you don't even get healed after boss fights. I beat probably six bosses before a piece of meat suddenly dropped from an enemy, where I double-taked and went back just to stare at it for a while. There is not a shop to speak of either, shopkeepers aren't welcome in Circle of the Moon. No buyable health items for you to help with the horrendous onslaught of tedium, but you can go ahead and enjoy all those completely useless armors you get to lug around on your person. Sure is a hard game we got here, would be nice if I could have some items, but Dracula is against formal goods trading.
Circle of the Moon is about inconvenience. It inconveniences you with movement that isn't convenient for the challenge that is set up for you as it would be for past entries. The only way to make your pathetic movement less inconvenient is to find cards inconveniently hidden away in an unknown enemy's back pocket that could potentially make certain encounters flat out trivial, like the normally problematic ice element in the underground waterway, or Dracula's nigh-impossible to dodge meteor attack in the final battle. It's all an inconvenient excuse to grind if you lack information, which this game inconveniently gives you none assuming you're not playing the Advance Collection version, which was the only convenient bit from my experience. Thanks M2.
It took me about three months to finish the save file I started on the Advance Collection a ways back after I completed Harmony of Dissonance and it's toilet noises, and it's mindbogglingly to me to realize that it was around last Christmas that I replayed and finished Aria of Sorrow again on the same collection. It wasn't necessarily a skill issue, it was a thumb issue from the horrendous dash input, and my complete apathy to this game's entire philosophy of wanting to train me on it's solitaire system only for the battle arena to give me the middle finger, and take that same system away in the ultimate show of disrespectful inconvenience. It was optional, sure, but it's existence is more than enough to make me want to transition into a volcanic state. It was even more aggravating to find out that Konami apparently bumped the experience requirements up for the western releases, thus demanding me to update the list for all the times they fucked us in the ass. I needed a lot of Picross breaks, and apparently a detour to that Peach game I didn't care about.
It kinda goes without saying, but the thought of replaying this on original hardware with the bad GBA screen, no suspend save, or in-game overlay hints of what enemies are carrying cards is less appealing to me than taking an epilator to my ballsack. I'll give it a pity star for Dracula's final boss design, I guess. I guess.
Thus concludes armchair game designer session, if you enjoyed what you've read, please like, comment, subscribe, ring the dingaling, and maybe sing me a nice song.
I'm going to bed now. Goodnight.
hoooooonkmimimimimi.
+Nathan Graves dump truck ass
+Rakugakids reference
+Yo Camilla call me
+Proof of Blood
-Nathan Graves dump truck ass
-Sinking Old Sanctuary?! More like Stinking Old Sanctuary!
-Why is my hair not as nice as Hugh's
-Where's my burrito
Cosmology of Kyoto
1993
Undoubtedly an interesting game, especially for the time, but not exactly what I was expecting going through. The surreal and more outwardly superstitious aspects were really intriguing and made me keep going, but the rest didn't grab me as much; it felt more like an abstract history lesson. Not that that's a bad thing, mind, but it didn't compel me to push through the dated playstyle and bugs that my copy had. If a die-hard fan of this game sees this, if there's any way to play this without game-ruining bugs (that of the blank text boxes), please let me know. I want to like this more, but from what I can find, it's just pretty good.
i am ADDICTED to this game. Not this game, specifically, but the actual trading card game. My experience with Yu-Gi-Oh, which was incredibly negative and had me staring in the mirror like the Damaged cover art, didn't completely turn me off of card games entirely. So I figured, "I'll give Pokemon and Magic a shot." Magic I am still entirely confused by, but not turned off of, but Pokemon I am in LOVE with. This card game is so much fucking fun to play with my friends.
More specifically, my partner! We have been bonding over this game and playing it every night, going to the game shops in Omaha to buy cards and test out new decks. It has been awesome! This is the crazy thing though: I have no real interest in Pokemon otherwise. As a kid I only liked the show and Pokemon Stadium, and a few years ago I REALLY loved Pokemon Unite as a much leaner and more fun League of Losers, but other than that? I couldn't have cared less about these Pocket Monsters.
What changed? The format did! I like the structure of the card game, as it is truly turn-based and there are no instants and spell cards (Instants I don't really have a problem with since you HAVE To spend a resource to use them, whereas in Yugioh you can just get fucked for free.) each turn feels more focused on getting your best cards into your hand as fast as you can, so you can build up a supply of firepower to blast your opponent to kingdom come while hoping they don't find a way to throw a wrench in your plan. Honestly, having your plan derailed might be even more fun, because it then becomes a game of improvised strategy. "OH fuck, they took away my Switch card so I'm going to have to retreat, but I can use Dialga's ability to get that energy back, so I just need to get Corviknight on the field and I can turn the tide again."
Also this version of the game is pretty cool. The battle pass sucks ass, and it gives you coins that for the life of me I think are genuinely useless as I can't find a way to purchase card sleeves or custom coins or whatever the fuck. I bought sleeves for my real deck for 4 bucks! It was super easy!
I would recommend this game to learn to play, but after that? Go get a deck and play some friends, as it is so much more exciting that way.
More specifically, my partner! We have been bonding over this game and playing it every night, going to the game shops in Omaha to buy cards and test out new decks. It has been awesome! This is the crazy thing though: I have no real interest in Pokemon otherwise. As a kid I only liked the show and Pokemon Stadium, and a few years ago I REALLY loved Pokemon Unite as a much leaner and more fun League of Losers, but other than that? I couldn't have cared less about these Pocket Monsters.
What changed? The format did! I like the structure of the card game, as it is truly turn-based and there are no instants and spell cards (Instants I don't really have a problem with since you HAVE To spend a resource to use them, whereas in Yugioh you can just get fucked for free.) each turn feels more focused on getting your best cards into your hand as fast as you can, so you can build up a supply of firepower to blast your opponent to kingdom come while hoping they don't find a way to throw a wrench in your plan. Honestly, having your plan derailed might be even more fun, because it then becomes a game of improvised strategy. "OH fuck, they took away my Switch card so I'm going to have to retreat, but I can use Dialga's ability to get that energy back, so I just need to get Corviknight on the field and I can turn the tide again."
Also this version of the game is pretty cool. The battle pass sucks ass, and it gives you coins that for the life of me I think are genuinely useless as I can't find a way to purchase card sleeves or custom coins or whatever the fuck. I bought sleeves for my real deck for 4 bucks! It was super easy!
I would recommend this game to learn to play, but after that? Go get a deck and play some friends, as it is so much more exciting that way.
Home Safety Hotline
2024
Press on, employee.
My friend Larry has been acting a little weird lately. He keeps standing in the corner staring at me, telling me we should play Home Safety Hotline in a voice that's not his, and there's this really horrible smell like rotten eggs that's been filling up my apartment. I don't know if it's related, but Larry - who has taken to crawling on the walls and ceiling - showed me the trailer and explained that it's created by Nick Lives, who previously worked on Hypno Space Outlaw. I was intrigued and then partook in a large feast of cornmeal that had been curiously laid out on the dining room table, as the voices in the walls demanded.
Home Safety Hotline sits the player down with a bestiary of common home hazards ranging from bees to Boggarts, house flies to Dorcha, which the player must refer to in order to properly diagnose the problems of callers who are currently in various states of duress. True to the real-world experience of working in a call center, the loop of taking a call and finding a solution can be a bit rote, and much of the challenge is borne from callers providing inaccurate or conflicting pieces of information. On some level, it almost feels like a Loveline simulator. Lot of calls about kids getting eaten tonight... Must be a full moon.
Caller: It... It... It stole me...! It stole me!! I'm not me anymore, I'm... it took me! I can't see myself anymore, I'm gone! Help me!! Help me get b--
Adam: Alright, I'm putting her on hold. Sick of her already... Drew, how many times do we get calls like this and the answer is always carpenter ants?
Drew: All the time.
Adam: Helen? Get yourself some Raid, babydoll.
Those expecting the heavy puzzle solving and obtuseness of Hypno Space Outlaw might then be a little disappointed with how straight-forward Hotline is, but it's really more a vehicle for some very imaginative and entertaining writing, and the excitement of seeing new entries in the bestiary unlock during each subsequent shift dulls how samey most nights are on a mechanical level. You won't hack into a bunch of weird databases or decipher codes here, and Hotline's central mystery doesn't leave many unanswered questions by the end of its short 3-4 hour run, but that's fine. In fact, after biting into several incredibly long games over the last couple of months, it's preferable.
My only real complaint is that the game only leverages audio queues once, and calls rarely share the same answer, which trivializes the late game through a simple process of elimination. Otherwise, I am so into what the game is going for that it feels like targeted content. It's hard to dig into specifics without spoiling some of the more inventive entries or giving away the plot, but I do appreciate how ranged and varied a lot of Hotline's creatures are. You'll frequently diagnose problems caused by benign beings like toilet Hobbs, which enjoy cleaning your bathroom and can be placated by providing them a single egg at night. You'll also have to deal with more abstract and frightening entities like memory wisps, which essentially give their victims Alzheimer's. No cure for that, you have to let them run their course. What can you say other than "good times?"
Maybe I'm predisposed to whatever kind of weird horror Nick Lives is putting out into the world (Night Signal looks interesting and I'm way into the premise of Please Insert Disc), reviews on here appear more mixed, but I do think this is worth checking out if you want something short, simple, and backed by some really fun writing. I have to go now, the soil is calling me...
My friend Larry has been acting a little weird lately. He keeps standing in the corner staring at me, telling me we should play Home Safety Hotline in a voice that's not his, and there's this really horrible smell like rotten eggs that's been filling up my apartment. I don't know if it's related, but Larry - who has taken to crawling on the walls and ceiling - showed me the trailer and explained that it's created by Nick Lives, who previously worked on Hypno Space Outlaw. I was intrigued and then partook in a large feast of cornmeal that had been curiously laid out on the dining room table, as the voices in the walls demanded.
Home Safety Hotline sits the player down with a bestiary of common home hazards ranging from bees to Boggarts, house flies to Dorcha, which the player must refer to in order to properly diagnose the problems of callers who are currently in various states of duress. True to the real-world experience of working in a call center, the loop of taking a call and finding a solution can be a bit rote, and much of the challenge is borne from callers providing inaccurate or conflicting pieces of information. On some level, it almost feels like a Loveline simulator. Lot of calls about kids getting eaten tonight... Must be a full moon.
Caller: It... It... It stole me...! It stole me!! I'm not me anymore, I'm... it took me! I can't see myself anymore, I'm gone! Help me!! Help me get b--
Adam: Alright, I'm putting her on hold. Sick of her already... Drew, how many times do we get calls like this and the answer is always carpenter ants?
Drew: All the time.
Adam: Helen? Get yourself some Raid, babydoll.
Those expecting the heavy puzzle solving and obtuseness of Hypno Space Outlaw might then be a little disappointed with how straight-forward Hotline is, but it's really more a vehicle for some very imaginative and entertaining writing, and the excitement of seeing new entries in the bestiary unlock during each subsequent shift dulls how samey most nights are on a mechanical level. You won't hack into a bunch of weird databases or decipher codes here, and Hotline's central mystery doesn't leave many unanswered questions by the end of its short 3-4 hour run, but that's fine. In fact, after biting into several incredibly long games over the last couple of months, it's preferable.
My only real complaint is that the game only leverages audio queues once, and calls rarely share the same answer, which trivializes the late game through a simple process of elimination. Otherwise, I am so into what the game is going for that it feels like targeted content. It's hard to dig into specifics without spoiling some of the more inventive entries or giving away the plot, but I do appreciate how ranged and varied a lot of Hotline's creatures are. You'll frequently diagnose problems caused by benign beings like toilet Hobbs, which enjoy cleaning your bathroom and can be placated by providing them a single egg at night. You'll also have to deal with more abstract and frightening entities like memory wisps, which essentially give their victims Alzheimer's. No cure for that, you have to let them run their course. What can you say other than "good times?"
Maybe I'm predisposed to whatever kind of weird horror Nick Lives is putting out into the world (Night Signal looks interesting and I'm way into the premise of Please Insert Disc), reviews on here appear more mixed, but I do think this is worth checking out if you want something short, simple, and backed by some really fun writing. I have to go now, the soil is calling me...
Fate/unlimited codes
2008
I love 8ing fighters, their basic motion and impact animations are so deeply satisfying that playing them even at a casual level is always fun. It's a deeply esoteric game with a sky-high skill ceiling, busted tech, and a microsopic community, but great fun regardless.
Yellow Taxi Goes Vroom hooked me from the trailer, and I'm glad to say that fully playing the game pleased me more than I thought it would. I ended up falling in love with the gimmick of figuring out how to maneuver through a platformer with no jump button, and I feel really confident in saying how it ended up being some of my favorite controls for a 3D platformer I've played ever. I've said before that I'm not a huge platformer person, and I'm not, but something with Yellow Taxi Goes Vroom hits me just right. Maybe it's my hidden obsession with tiny toy cars, maybe it's the way the bright colors mixed with the polygon graphics and music, maybe it really is those tight controls - all I know is I'm not a platformer person and yet I 100%'ed this game over the past couple of days. I have never had a platformer completely cloud my thoughts in the way Yellow Taxi Goes Vroom has to the point that when I wasn't playing it, I was just thinking about playing it. It's perfect: in control, design, length, story, everything! I finished the entire goddamn thing and I'm still thinking about when I can play it again!
Absolutely a shining star for new releases in 2024. Can't wait to see what else Panik Arcade has up their sleeve, because they have gained a very loyal fan.
5/5
Absolutely a shining star for new releases in 2024. Can't wait to see what else Panik Arcade has up their sleeve, because they have gained a very loyal fan.
5/5