472 Reviews liked by TheCalmingStorm


This review contains spoilers

If you try to cut this game any slack, I have to assume you hardly played it. It's unbelievable just how terrible this game really is, it's as if the team behind it attempted to engineer the worst game imaginable. It spits in the face of game design, of fun, of anything one would expect from a 3D platformer.
There's like 80 different costumes, but a fourth of them are clones, another two-thirds are practically useless, and the remaining 4 or so are the only ones you'd ever actually use. Seriously, there's three separate costumes whose only purpose are to stand on these stages that appear in only 5 or 6 levels and play a 5 second cutscene. That is literally it, no bonuses or rewards or anything. There's THREE costumes dedicated to that. There's also only one button in this game, so if you have a costume whose main purpose is to attack, you can't jump. IN A 3D PLATFORMER YOU CAN LOSE YOUR ABILITY TO JUMP!!!!!
This game's progression is terrible; in order to unlock more stages you need to collect Balan statues. The way the Balan statues are littered throughout the game is disrespectful to the player's time, as many of them are completely inaccessible without costumes you cannot get until further in the game. This also means incessant backtracking is necessary to actually continue the game, so you're forced to play the same terrible levels over and over and over. That's just for the statues too; you also need to go back to stages to get costumes because if you get hit ONCE, you lose your costume. So it means if you want to play this game without losing your mind, you need to go back to World 8 and grind out Frost Fairy costumes so you can traverse the stages without wanting to tear your hair out.
Or, you could engage in the best part of the game: the hub world. Feed the little bird things called "Tims" these crystal drops (they're actually Balan's tears, which I am happy with. I am glad that he is sad) and do some convoluted steps to unlock the "Balan" costume that lets you fly. If you decide to play this game, unlock that costume ASAP.
I hate Balan. He looks stupid and all he does throughout the entire game is punch rocks in space during the lamest quick-time events ever created.
World 10 is awful, which is saying something considering the only level in this game I could genuinely say I thought was anything above "god-awful" was World 4. The (pretty uninteresting) character designs aren't enough to save this clunky, unfinished, impossibly boring garbage heap. I got the platinum trophy for this game because I thought it would be funny, and "there's no way it could be THAT bad!" No. It's not that bad, it's worse, it's so much worse. I am so glad Yuji Naka went to jail for this, he deserves it.

A really solid tech demo that utilised the tech very well, as well as having very unique and dynamic minigames that gives everyone something to play. Not all of them are winners by any means, but they're all fun to get medals on.
(tanks!, charge! and shooting range are my favourites)

A silly guessing game that's surprisingly fun to get Akinator confused about who you're thinking and he has really good expressions. Something silly to do every once in a while

Open world games used to be so boring before this game

Y’all are just mad Kill la Kill didn’t get a 2D fighter by arcsys, and I get it, but this game is still good. It’s fun getting crazy long combos and shit. I think I’d enjoy this more if I remembered the story, but it’s been 5 years since I watched the show.

Nothing but respect for attempting to turn shit into something better than shit, and there's a lot of genuinely good changes made here! Definitely the best way for you to play Mega Man X6, even if I'd genuinely consider the original release a rite of passage for anyone who wants to understand how genuinely dogshit Mega Man can get. Things like Reploids actually respawning even if they've been infected so you can't permanently miss parts, the complete removal of any Reploids who don't have items on hand, a retranslation of the script, and way more that you can find via the official changelog. Some of the actually fun stuff, like Zero's Guard Shell being a fucking trainwreck of programming that wrecks bosses in seconds are patched out, so it's not all gravy, but I can't say there isn't a valliant attempt to bring X6's quality up!

But at the end of the day, Mega Man X6 is still Mega Man X6 at its core, and you can't really fix it without essentially making it an entirely different game. Level design, the Nightmare system, some of those fucking boss fights. I can't knock the attempt at all, hats off to them for trying again, but you can't fix what's fundamentally broken, and that stinks, cause X6 still has the great base gameplay of X4 and X5, two games I love to death. It's a damn shame, but it is what it is, as they say.

The idea of this going from a competitive visual novel to a cooperative visual novel is so neat, and it leads to a lot of shared laughter and strategizing.

The writing is exactly the same as it was, so-cringe-that-it's-amazing, and I wouldn't have it any other way goddamnit!

I can't believe this glorified sleep app has more tutorials and mechanics than a mainline Pokemon game.

It's very frustrating that every night I have to sit through fifty pages of dialogue and explanations at about 10 frames per second when all I want to do is go to sleep it's 5 in the morning please I'm so tired-

You actually need skill to win, not cheap rubber banding bullshit.

Sonic Frowny Tears: The Final Headache

Dogshit character from a dogshit series, this roster slot should have been given to a HeroAca character instead

A stunning portrayal of the callous disregard with which the bourgeoisie (Santa) treats the proletariat (the elves), ultimately seeing them as disposable

Brought the Mario series forward and introduced many series staples

Haven’t played yet but he erased his deadname? I’m so happy for his transition

Such a shame that NetherRealm lost to the woke mind virus. I used to admire their commitment to one of the highest values of conservatism: treating workers like shit