Normally if I enjoy a game I'd either try to have fun with my writing and do something corny like roleplaying as a character or go insanely heavy on the showmanship, but for the sake of this I'm actually going to be really vanilla and bore everyone to death.

Before I heel out, I'd like to let it be known that I was rooting for this game. When it was originally revealed in one of the Directs, I clapped, I hooted, and I hollered, for she deserves the universe and everything in it. She's an icon, she's a legend, and she is the moment. I heard it get compared to Wario World, which made me bounce off walls like Spring Wario from the classic Game Boy games. I could imagine it now, Peach womanhandling every bad guy in sight and going on an exciting journey through every genre of artistic theater known by Mushroomy Kingdom history. Unfortunately, comparing Good-Feel to even one of Treasure's lesser developments is essentially like putting silly putty next to an unpolished diamond.

"Engagement" and "difficulty" are two separate things, and it really needs to be stressed that the latter means little in the grand stage of what makes a game do what a game does, which is engage the player and take their mind off life, with the "fun yeah woo" energy replacing all their other thought processes. Spyro the Dragon and Ninja Gaiden are on opposite ends of the spectrum and still manage to be a few of my favorites to ever do it. Just a few days ago, I played Bugs Bunny Lost in Time on stream in a Discord call with one of my friends as she did some programming, and that is a game "made for children" with very little punishment dealt out for mistakes. For how jank and lower budget it was, it was fun with decent puzzles, cool ship combat, car chase segments, and even pretty good boss fights! It's something I enjoyed when I was eight, and still do now as an adult.

Peach Showtime for all of it's poor performing extravagance doesn't even use a lot of the joycon's controls, and many segments are very linear and on-rails with one of the Detective Peach puzzles quite literally having the solution put up on the wall for you. Using a simple control scheme is never a bad thing in itself, I enjoy an Atari game now and then, but the fine art of utilizing that simple control scheme demands creativity that extends beyond auto-scrolling sections that make 100%'ing the game annoying. It would also ask for enemies to master the very tricky art of "moving the fuck around a little" to justify having the world's most lenient parry window. It's frustrating, because for every half-decent powergaming moment that involves throwing hitboxes around enemies that are less threatening than beginner mode Musou soldiers it's spliced between very uninteresting unskippable dialogue, uneventful non-combat plays, auto-scrolling/auto-running sections, and "puzzle" segments that are more trivial than microwave cooking. It makes me drowsy! I've played stuff like Toy Story Activity Center off the Collection Chamber and Number Munchers last year, and that stuff was pretty fun despite the target audience! Hell, I still come back to Wacky Worlds Creativity Studio on Sega Genesis just to screw around with the music maker! It stimulates my imagination, unlike Peach Showtime!

Give kids some respect, or even better give Peach some respect. A little bit of both I feel would go a long way.

....Also, I know I'm preaching to the choir on this subject, but why does the game run so goddamn bad? The loading screen and results screen run worse than a bunch of Atari Jaguar games I've played, was it a bad style choice? It would check out I guess, I may as well be playing a movie game.

A dull direct-to-VHS Disney movie game.

It feels so odd to play a video game and have an actual reaction to the game's story like wtf?? game stories can be good???

Anyway, some parts were a liiiittle unpolished, it's missing some of the bigger advancements of metroidvanias over the past few years, and some of the combat encounters were a bit stupid in their balancing, but for a first-time team, it feels so crazy to me that this game looks and sounds this good on top of having some really fun combat and platforming sequences and a genuinely touching story. I am incredibly impressed by this game and I can't wait to see where they go from here.

a lesser person would say "i'm speechless" when reviewing this. i am not speechless. i got the speech.

this is, somehow, really fucking cool. i love experimental and surreal shit, and this is obviously not exactly a "game" but more of an experience. you watch this weird ass footage while INCREDIBLE music plays -- no shit, this is going on my list of the best soundtracks of all time.

i played this purely out of curiosity. i watched a bit of a gameplay on youtube but i wanted to know how it actually controls, like what do you do while watching. basically nothing. but i still think it's something cool. and i must note, if these weren't images of a near naked woman, i would still love it, hell, i'd probably love it more. if it were bad early 2000s surreal cgi, it would be amazing. this is going on my list of "dream games".

i'll probably not watch this all the way through because i honestly don't care but i'm really impressed lol.

i couldnt just make one review on the game so i made a note file and wrote out a bunch.

Filler: The Game

This game has the worst sound design/mixing of any video game ever created.

I was genuinely surprised at any time this game got even slightly good because of how rare it happens.

Fuck you.

Fuck this game.

How the fuck is this the sequel to my favorite game ever made.

I hate every single character in this game.

I refuse to believe the same person that designed FUCKING PYRA designed the XC3 characters. Monolithsoft is lying to us.

The only way I got through this game was by turning on the cheats with the DLC and making the game dirt easy.

I hope we see Rex's grave in XC3 so I can piss on it.

At some point in my life I will throw a physical copy of XC2 into a pit of fire.

No other game has made me think "Who in the everloving fuck on this dev team thought this was an acceptable decision" more than this game.

This game should be studied on how not to design a video game.

I cried when the credits rolled because I was so happy it was finally over and I never had to play it ever again.

Field skills are actually worst mechanic in any video game ever. This isn't an exaggeration. How in the actual fuck did the developers of this game put this in and think it was fine. I hope the fuckhead that thought of field skills and the bitches that refused to speak up about how shit they are all get demoted to working on Mario+Sonic at the Olympic Games.

OK SO THERE'S THIS RANDOM OBJECT THAT'S BLOCKING YOUR PATH AND YOU NEED LEVEL 4 FUCKING COCKRIDING TO PROGRESS SO EITHER SIT IN A MENU AND BOND BLADES FOR 2 HOURS UNTIL YOU FIND ONE THAT HAS A COCKRIDING SKILL OR YOU CAN FIND A BLADE THAT ALREADY HAS COCKRIDING AND LEVEL IT UP WHICH'LL TAKE FUCKING YEARS BECAUSE THEY ARE TASKS LIKE Find 20 Mechanical Parts AND YOU HAVE TO GO DO OTHER USELESS SHIT UNTIL YOU CAN EVEN PROGRESS WITH THWE STORY

This game made me hate our world a little bit more.

How do you make a combat system that is worse in nearly every way from the original.

In half of the cutscenes the music is so loud you can barely hear the dialogue.

at least the ending was good

I was going to make a review for this, but don't worry! Super Mario RPG drops November 17! Listen!




I was never book smart I'm money smart