I’ve known about this game for a minute and just avoided it because of the cover art. It didn't really look like my kind of game. What reminded me of this game's existence was seeing a tweet around a week ago that Wild Woody was added to an NSFW kart racing game. I had to do a double take, but it was actually real. I shouldn’t be surprised considering the name of the game, but, like, wow. I consider myself to be a fan of the Sega CD, so I did want to give this game a try.

The controls are some of the worst I’ve seen in the medium. When jumping, Woody stutters when rising and falling, so it ends up feeling like you’re rubber banding in an online game. Woody’s main form of attacking is jumping on enemies, which will play out an animation where he sinks into the enemy while erasing them from the level. There’s been times where I would try jumping on enemies upwards of 5 times in a row and it would still not register! He’s also got this sketch ability where you’ll have to press the pause button, flip through the sketch book to find the ability you want to use, and activate it, which plays out an animation. Admittedly, a cool idea, but badly integrated since you can only use 2 of these before having to get a powerup later in the level. For the most part, these are useless in the sense that they obstruct the flow of the game and are never good enough to where you’d even think of using them instead of just damage boosting through whatever enemy is in front of you. Abilities are mostly some awkward projectile or something that transforms you into something for more jump height and movement speed, all controlling as bad if not worse than your standard form. For example, there’s ones that turn you into a kangaroo and hobby horse.

This game is not good in the level design department either. Wild Woody has the design philosophies of Sonic CD with these large, incoherent mazes I’ve gotten lost in for some embarrassingly long times. Also cluttered with enemy placements that, at times, make taking damage feel unavoidable. It’s so bad you’re better off just damage boosting through everything since you’ll probably take more damage trying to avoid them. The enemies also really like throwing unfair projectiles, which you can’t even avoid at times. It’s evident this game was a rush job, and the stage design really makes that show. I get the vibe that they made the levels and didn’t even try playing through the game because a ton of stages have platforming segments that are way too awkward to perform consistently. In the Mount Olympus stage, there is a part where you literally have to take a leap of faith and hope you land on a small platform instead of falling below the area and having to climb back up again. I haven’t mentioned yet that Woody has an ability where he can erase areas of the map to find secrets and progress through the stage. That’s fine; at the start of the game, they highlight these areas to let you know you can erase them, but past level 1, they never mark them again. So, there are areas I’ve gotten trapped in where you just have to waste time guessing where the erasable floor or wall is. Funnily enough, they also increase the time to do so in later stages if it wasn’t already cryptic enough, because then you’ll have to wait longer to erase things with no prior indication.

First impressions of the music from stage 1 sound bad initially, but make more sense since Ron Thal who did the music, said that he made the soundtrack start off silly and progressively get more intense throughout. So even though the first song sounds like a prog rock cover of a nursery rhyme, it does start to pick up the pace with the later stages. My favorite songs are the space stage theme and this song that went unused due to a presumed programming bug. It's a bit goofy, but the high-tempo drums and the piano make for a pretty kickass boss theme, so it’s sad this song didn’t make it in.

How was this released?! Ristar literally came out earlier in the year, and this was supposed to be the swan-song for the Sega CD? How unfortunate… It’s a shame because I think this game had the potential to be pretty cool. I also think it's hilarious that the platforming mascot shit got so out of hand that they made one for a fucking pencil… At least the soundtrack is good.

The title is for brand recognition. Don't expect this to be a Misako/Kyoko adventure apart from those manga cutscenes.

I like playing old school beat em ups so I'm gonna be a bit biased in saying that it has some good combat, but of course don't expect this to play like RCG1+2. The enemy's behavior can be unfair at times, particularly with their blocking/dodges, but generally you should be able to get through the game with the use of your special moves and jump kicks. It's good to see Kunio-tachi no Banka get a re-release with an official English translation (comes with 2, actually), so thank you, WayForward.

It also has some story elements that tie into the story of River City Girls 2, so it should still be worth it for RCG fans.

1000XResist is so skillfully recursive, it folds back on itself so effortlessly, it wrenches your heart out and soaks you in addictive melodrama.

There is a core within the core of this game here. Some of the most on the nose stuff, the relation to the Hong Kong protests, I don't care about and wasn't moved to care for. I thought some of the allusions there were inelegant. I have other raw feelings on this but they're unimportant, the point is that despite not really feeling anything for the game's big metaphor and not being really convinced that I should care, it didn't matter.

1000xResist is such an accomplished angsty brood that any clumsiness can be easily forgiven. It takes on all questions, all comers, and leave them wondering what they've been doing with their lives. It is utterly confident in its voice and as powerful a game narrative as I've ever experienced.

Gonna be hard to go back to Stellar Blade after this.

I have severe schizophrenia and also I review Super Princzss Peach game boy afvance. Her name Peach and she must free the blowjob brothers! At this point in time, who knows what Nintendo was cooking? I'd say having her gimmick be getting emotional is not dodging the bullet, but we must respect wahmen even if they cry during an Avatar movie, so I'm not sure if there's any tree I can bark to. I don't know why they gave her a cool parasol with thoughts and then did the same with Mario's hat but she pioneer'd that shit! Also Mario doesn't count it was a ghost and also

A chairman is not a humanoid chair. Unlike that, Peach is a true firewoman she just fire and shit. Wanna do the 4 elements again? Because we have fire, water and air aaaand she can eepy but not on the ground. I can't in good conscience approve of labelling it the earth element. That healing ability, or "Emotion: Calm", is probably why I've yet to see what the game over screen looks like. Make no mistake though, it is over. As soon as they told me to get all the collectibles to get to the credits. Why they do this 🤣🤣🤬

It's a platformer and you can hover if you just wanna reach the finish line. But, huh, don't do dat!! I swear our game is interesting. There are crying goombas (they learned about the Smash community) and angry koopas (they learned about the Smash community). You're not asked to go the extra mile and do complex puzzles, what interactions there are between your emotions and the environment can be solved by their target audience. Which is apparently girls, but I cannot confirm at the present. Come on Miyamoto today's girls play Elden Ring, re-evaluate your judgment mf 😂

Le story is garbajio, it makes Showtime read like a masterpiece. Is that what Luigi was reading in bed before hitting the snooze frame 1 in that one gif? Did he learn there was a v-bucks shop where you could buy a proper moveset? I think the takeaway from this is that the levels have quite the meat on them but sometimes, I'm just vegan and that's ok. Or the other takeaway could be that Toadsworth is fake asf and has never given me a call because he drove the kingdom into severe bankruptcy. Oh, to be a princess again... ( I do miss that mf he seldom appears these days)

US Saturn Release #004 - Panzer Dragoon

Played on a real American Sega Saturn with the Fenrir ODE

As of writing this I have yet to beat episode 5, though I have gotten close. I'm completely new to this game so I still have some learning to do. Though, with this experience I can say confidently that this is something incredible. This is a phenomenal arcade rail shooter, feeling like an evolution of After Burner, which I enjoy a lot but have a hard time actually playing. This was more comfortable yet also equally as challenging when you get farther in.

I really commend this game for its difficulty balance. the first 3 stages are easy conistantly up the challenge, giving you more opprotunities to learn how the game works and develop your skill for the jump in difficulty with episode 4. It's tough and really disorienting at a first play, but you very quickly develop strategies, understanding when to use your single shots and when to use your lock ons. Hell, the fact that there's points to use the single shots over lock ons really shows that this is a well thought-out game.

Even though restarting an entire level can be a hassle when you get so close to the end, it really isn't that frustrating because this game is just that fun, just that thrilling to go through, and each time I go through it again I find myself performing better than the last time.

Like many of my favorite video games, Panzer Dragoon is tough but fair. With its toughness is excitement, and with failure comes a strong desire to try again. It's addictive and never a bore. This is a must-have Saturn title, definitely the launch's killer app (saying a lot against the already wonderful Daytona USA)

9/10

Celebrated for its narrative sophistication, “Marry Me, Misato!” ingeniously unfurls within the intricate tapestry of the “Neon Genesis Evangelion” mythos, focusing with fervent dedication on the enigmatic persona of Misato Katsuragi. A testament to its thematic ambition, the game intricately weaves a narrative tableau that provocatively explores the interstices of love, longing, and existential yearning within its central protagonist.

At its core, the gameplay mechanics serve as a conduit for narrative progression, affording players a nuanced agency in steering the course of their journey. Through deftly crafted dialogues and morally weighty decisions, players are enhanced in a labyrinth of diverging paths, each beckoning toward an array of climactic denouements.

Augmenting this narrative odyssey is the exquisite visual tableau, which, while perhaps lacking the polish of mainstream counterparts, exudes an evocative aesthetic that admirably evokes the hauntingly atmospheric ambience of royal queen Misato’s world. Complementing this visual splendor is a meticulously curated auditory accompaniment, suffused with melodic motifs that ensnare the senses and evoke a poignant resonance with the thematic undertones.

Central to the game’s allure is its emphasis on character development, wherein the protagonist’s multifaceted persona is meticulously parsed through a tapestry of interpersonal dynamics and emotional reckonings. Supporting characters too, such as Bystander #1 & Bystander #2, are imbued with narrative gravitas, their nuanced interplay as both catalyst and consequence within the unfolding drama.

A tour de force in narrative branching, “Marry Me, Misato!” boasts a superlative replay value, inviting players to traverse a labyrinthine expanse of divergent pathways, each proffering a kaleidoscope array of denouements. It is within this dynamic interplay of choice and consequence that the game’s true brilliance shines, enshrining it as a magnum opus within the pantheon of fan-driven interactive storytelling.

In summation, “Marry Me, Misato!” stands as an exemplar of narrative ingenuity and thematic resonance, offering a transcendent journey into the labyrinthine recesses of one of anime’s most iconic characters. Its marriage of narrative sophistication, visual splendor, and evocative storytelling renders it not merely a game, but a profound testament to the enduring power of interactive art.
(sorry for bad English)

Dawg there's no way 😭😭 where did yall get your license Make A Wish??😭 weakest Constitution dissenter.

We have Sonic Drift at home! Not really, not really. It does have Smash Melee's UI and SFX 🫢 a lot of elements were brought back in some form in Smash. I think Sakurai really likes Air Ride. Just a hunch. Air Ride's claim to fame is its famous portrayal of the west vs east mentality, what I mean by this is the contrast between box arts. Kirby you are not you when you are hungry, LUCKILY he's actually able to suck and get new abilities mid race. Sakurai has great priorities. There's not a humongous number of them, but truth is Kirby's on a diet. Indeed, that is why he's getting into baby's first sport. Yeah boi enjoy ur baby warp star, the "fuck it we ball drunk & driving" phase is very far away, but that doesnt mean it'll never happen. How many crimes has the pink puffball done? HOLY GUACAMOLEEE pulls out comically long video scrolling through war crimes.

The easiest stray compliment Air Ride can get is its presentation. The races design, progression and scenery all make a fine cake. You'll need more than one try to tame the beast. It appears however that I be pregnant cuz my ass is expectin. As I am beholden to this earthly shell and realize my time on Earth is slipping away, it has come to my attention that the lack of mechanics and the minimalist control scheme truly put the "L" in "Kirby Air Ride". It just gets old fast, unfortunately. it has to rely on the challenges checkboard and that's a telltale sign you will be stuffed to the brim! Hey now, for "Air" riding, the invisible walls trapping us in course jail have the tendency to make aerial control a gamble. The issue can be mitigated if you consume thoses races like crack, but as it stands for a new player, you pick a god and pray you don't facetime a wall of translucid concrete expeditiously.

Of the three gamemodes, the 2nd is a weird one. Top Ride has a niche fanbase, but nothing to quite put the capital R in it. It's meant to be chaotic as heck, clearly capitalising on multiplayer. You don't see shit tho 😂 get me a beer son! it's like watching an underground chickens race. Which can be pretty funny, sometimes I'm just wonderin why the invincibility candy is just a regular candy, gives me a lot to ponder about. I can't imagine myself trying to complete the checklist for that one. I'd be driven cuckoo so fast. Are a few music tracks and being able to ride a Toyota worth the grind. The "Air Grind" if you will. Ah! This is a sub mode in Nightmare in Dream Land ahah. Atleast we know what Korby Air Ride would be like as a mobile game my brethrens

Ok and for last, we have City Trial. Notice how it's not called Cities Trials because there is a singular city and only one struggle. It is like a Mario Party where no skill is required and only luck is involved, the apocalyptic events got me tweaking they are very uncanny Mario tier, Dyna Blade can just decide your life license is forfeit and no council can overthrow the decision. There are gift wrapped stats boosters across the one map, some might say performance enhancing doping not being frowned upon in the Kirby universe is quite the bold statement, yet I can only say "but of course.". It's about the journey not the destination and they were so right! The concept of gathering upgrades for a minigame showdown is very cool, too bad all the minigames are unbalanced and not my cup of tea to put it mildly. This racing business may not be Kirby's strongest suit, we goin back to fighting games and low effort 3DS apps with this one 💤

I DID IT WOOOOOOOOOOOO

still traumatized by the stress i experienced during my playthrough so instead of reviewing it (which i've already done 2/3 times) i'll just summarize my winning run.

So let me just first say that I was starting off fucking AMAZINGLY. I messed up a little on Yamato, but was still able to beat Robot X with 1 life and 2 continues left. This was it. All I had to do was not mess up.

I then beat the 1st part of Stage 6 before the timer ran out, and completed it with 1 continue and 4 lives left. God had blessed me. NO matter what I did, I couldn't mess this up, I was sure of it.

I then lost 3 lives during the 1st part of Stage 7, and 4 in the 2nd part with those stupid ass conveyor belts.
I was mortified. If I didn't get the fights against Dr Dahm and Robot X perfect, it would end my perfect run.

Thankfully, I DESTROYED Dr Dahm with no damage taken (he IS the easiest boss in the game though), and got ready to take on Robot X.

I went in for a jump-kick as soon as the fight started, however, instead of going in the circle movement he usually goes in, he immediately grabbed me and slammed me onto the floor. However, a few seconds after that, one of my specials knocked him off-screen, which allowed me to use the jump-kick strategy (if you don't know what that is, i'll leave a link showing it in action right here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07-Zi2ynuPE). I continued it until he only had 2 health bars left, which was when he broke out of it. I was thankfully able to get him back into the cycle, and watched as his life-bar went lower than mine. I allowed myself to enjoy my victory. Mr X is killed, and All is Well.

Would I recommend putting in the effort to beat this game on normal? Well, it's your choice, man. All i'll say is that BK3 and SOR3 are both very different experiences. Even if it's a butchered version of a way better game, this shit still fucks.

I was prepared to be more down on this game, but then I hit the ending and I was like "you know what? That was good, actually." I do think it's a little more frustrating than the other Dragon Quests I've played that weren't literally in the process of hammering out the genre, mostly in terms of its gameplay. Its fight design just feels meaner throughout than any of the other DQs I've played have felt, and I can't really explain why I feel that way aside from unlocking the class system a weirdly chunky way through the game. I feel my assessment of the class system itself is also colored by the fact that I played 7 before this one, because I liked 7's implementation better, even if it ended up being a lot fiddlier in some ways.

I also agree with the assessment that there's just, like... too much game? There's two full maps, and then one map has an undersea map where the locations don't actually show up on the ingame map item. So you just kind of have to remember where the undersea locations are. I think this is the first Dragon Quest where I just gave up trying to figure things out for myself and glued myself to a guide because I was tired of keeping track of everything. I feel like the plot starting to meander is kind of making a thematic point, but it kind of made it hard to actually know... where I was going.

I still definitely think this one's as worth playing as the rest of the series, despite my criticisms. When it hits, it hits. I feel like both the games that debuted on the SNES do a really good job of making you invested in your blank slate silent protagonist. 6 definitely isn't as in your face about it as 5, but there's still some interesting stuff going on with this protagonist, and I'll admit that I liked him as soon as he looked at a bookshelf in a castle and started rearranging the bookshelf in alphabetical order. To say more would be getting into spoiler territory, but I think there's stuff involved in his story that I'll be thinking about for a while. I'm sorry I mistook you for Erik from DQ11 in fanart, Mr. Protagonist. I didn't recognize your game. Dragon Quest often feels like it's seen as the Mario to Final Fantasy's Sonic, but I really do think there's something in every Dragon Quest that'll leave you staring at the wall for a while. Especially the bit immediately before the credits, man. Christ.

The rest of the cast is great, too. I'd say that it's up there as one of my favorite playable casts. It was great seeing the actual context for Terry and Milly, as someone whose first Dragon Quest was the original Dragon Quest Monsters, and everyone has some really good moments. I think the only non-optional character I feel got the short end of the stick was Nevan, who feels like he never really got anything particularly important after his introduction. The party banter was also generally a lot of fun, outside of like. more than one instance of "oh no, CROSSDRESSING." it WAS 2010 but come on.

There were also some very fun optional characters, even if only one of them was really a character. I feel like the game would have been worse had I screwed myself out of recruiting Amos, who was a delight. I do wish the monster party members you pick up throughout the game were more Actual Characters, but I'm not going to lie. Goowain saved my ass in the final boss fight. I'm glad I sent him to dance/goof off school so he could be a luminary and we could hustle our way to not dying horribly. You are truly the best of us, Goowain...

I feel like the weakest part of the character end is the antagonists, which is... not uncommon in Dragon Quest. 4 and 5 had more charismatic antagonists than Murdaw and Mortamor, although I do have to give a shout out to the phase transitions in the final boss fight. That was some absolutely sick sprite animation. It didn't quite dethrone 4's final boss fight phase transitions for me but it did elicit a "YOOOOO" from me the first time I got there.

There's a fair amount of side stuff that I didn't get too deep into, like Slime Fight Club, the fashion shows, and stuff that required DS internet. I think they were neat, but I didn't feel particularly compelled to delve too far into that or try and go into postgame content. I did enjoy my time with DQ6, but somehow that 40-some hours felt way longer than Dragon Quests I spent considerably more time on... and I'm not really sure it'd be as fun if I can't have that Dragon Quest Story charm.