an even better version of an already 5/5 game. an adventure game, a crpg (in the vein of planescape: torment), a detective sim, a sprawling choose-your-own-dementia jamboree, a dreary mucking-around in self-destruction, inner dreams, despair, love, hope (?!), and loads of politics. you're the sorry cop, the hobocop, the broke-dick disco king of dire debauchery. an absolute scumbag who, just maybe, wants the world to be better. you have the coolest partner, kim kitsuragi: a moral anchor of sorts—sympathetic, albeit amply capable of becoming... displeased with you. it all depends. there are many ways to blaze your trail through revachol. in the milieu of computer games, disco elysium is a rare flower reeking of human life, history, and the yearning of loneliness in a capitalist shit-world. breathe in the stink and let the heartless wind run its fingers through your hair.
2022
i like this game (and i will leave it at that). i do not like the terfy little chuds on this site who will think i'm on their side simply because i like this game. fuck them and fuck bobby kotick.
2010
i have not played replicant ver. 1.22 at all and i imagine it may be some time before i do, but i wanted to take a moment to say a couple things about this game. mostly, i wanted to talk briefly about nier's particular place in recent games history in the west.
think of what video games looked like in america in 2010: extremely dominated by AAA western games design, to the point that many games by japanese developers were coming from increasingly disadvantaged development studios trying to keep up with what sold. jrpgs were at an all-time low—call of duty and gears of war reigned. final fantasy was as maligned as it would ever be. from japan, we saw the likes of binary domain, quantum theory... lots of cover shooters and miserable militarized shootmangames. (don't get me wrong: binary domain is cool!) there were certainly examples to the contrary, mostly niche games in staple genres, but this was the prevailing flavor of the day.
so: demon's souls? while not a massive departure from western aesthetics, it clearly signified a resurgence in fresh, inspired games from japan. i don't think it would be a significant stretch to suggest that nier may have benefitted somewhat from the renewed interest demon's souls and bayonetta elicited, but much more than that i'd say it owes its success and its legacy entirely to itself. nier came out swinging: fuck you, this is japanese games. bullet hell shooters, farming sims, references to zelda and resident evil, the sheer weirdness of it... it was a game that seemed to be proud of japanese games, unwilling to bow down to the demands of the western market. and i think the success of this approach speaks for itself. just look at how things have turned around over the last decade! and these days, how many games can be praised for this level of sea change?
think of what video games looked like in america in 2010: extremely dominated by AAA western games design, to the point that many games by japanese developers were coming from increasingly disadvantaged development studios trying to keep up with what sold. jrpgs were at an all-time low—call of duty and gears of war reigned. final fantasy was as maligned as it would ever be. from japan, we saw the likes of binary domain, quantum theory... lots of cover shooters and miserable militarized shootmangames. (don't get me wrong: binary domain is cool!) there were certainly examples to the contrary, mostly niche games in staple genres, but this was the prevailing flavor of the day.
so: demon's souls? while not a massive departure from western aesthetics, it clearly signified a resurgence in fresh, inspired games from japan. i don't think it would be a significant stretch to suggest that nier may have benefitted somewhat from the renewed interest demon's souls and bayonetta elicited, but much more than that i'd say it owes its success and its legacy entirely to itself. nier came out swinging: fuck you, this is japanese games. bullet hell shooters, farming sims, references to zelda and resident evil, the sheer weirdness of it... it was a game that seemed to be proud of japanese games, unwilling to bow down to the demands of the western market. and i think the success of this approach speaks for itself. just look at how things have turned around over the last decade! and these days, how many games can be praised for this level of sea change?
with winter having arrived and snow on the ground, i've been stricken with an urge to play a bunch of skyrim... largely to try some mods i've long been curious about, like the fully voiced and uniquely smart and funny khajiit companion, inigo. my character is one with a background in thievery and a curiosity for the arcane, now become a full-on wizard complimented by magic of stealth: silencing illusion spells and conjured bows... having long thought of skyrim as the most restrictive of the elder scrolls especially with regard to magical creativity, i'm discovering there's more to it than i'd known. naturally, this brings about a need to talk about one of my favorite games:
morrowind.
actually, i really want to talk about both. i want to talk about the nature of roleplay in these games, and what it means to inhabit these characters of our own making and imagining. see, there's been plenty of debate as to whether bethesda care any longer about making 'true' rpgs, having in many ways simplified the experience on a granular level, depriving the player more and more of their options and ownership over the experience of playing their games. i do think there's a lot of truth to this, though i feel there's more to be said.
getting to the point... before considering all the differences in the systems—how you build your character and develop their skills, defining their nature through mechanics and so forth—we have to consider the very concept of these characters, the intentions at work before we get involved. i'm setting oblivion aside here because it's a bit of an outlier in that you fill the shoes of an interloper, while the "real hero" of the story (the one who'll be remembered in the history books) is martin. in skyrim, you're meant to be the dragonborn, undeniably enjoying the favor of the gods unless you deliberately avoid the main quest (perhaps even going as far as installing an alternate start mod so you can just be a bandit in the wilderness or a fisherman or whatever). in my current run through the game (more like run around, given how these work) i've decided to embrace this blessing and use it to better the situation in skyrim as much as i can. my traveling companions are a vampire princess (my gay wife) and a recovering skooma fiend. (the latter is entirely a mod creation, while the former is augmented by several mods and they interact with voiced dialogue and radiant ai conversations and everything!) so, getting to morrowind: things are considerably more ambiguous and complicated, here. i'm going to keep it somewhat short because i'd prefer not to ruin the experience for anyone interested in giving the game a try—suffice to say the whole matter of whether you're any kind of chosen one is up for debate, and the range and options you have in the course of defining who your character is are considerably... more. or, well. at least it seems to be that way. it largely is... but it's also just different.
your choices in skyrim are essentially reduced to yes or no: yes, i will explore this destiny as dragonborn. no, i will not. yes, i will go to the college of winterhold and become arch-mage, or no, i'd rather not do that and perhaps instead become a nightingale, master of thieves. of course, you can choose to do all of these things—or to do none of them. and it sometimes does go further than that, such as when faced with the matter of joining the dark brotherhood. (i'm going to spoil some things here, so skip to the next paragraph if you'd rather avoid that.) having taken it upon yourself to murder the terrible, abusive matron of the orphanage in riften at the request of a young boy calling upon the infamous death cult, their leader eventually abducts you and locks you in a cabin with three blindfolded strangers, tells you that one of them has a contract on their head, and forces you into deciding which one to kill. a cruel initiation. (an interesting note is that the clairvoyance spell points toward one of them, though there's no other indication of which would be the correct choice, if any.) you have one alternative: kill your captor, free the others, and set about laying waste to the entire dark brotherhood. this is an actual questline, its availability as a path of action not readily apparent given the gravity of the situation—a bit of thinking on your feet is required to discover this. it's not always easy to stumble into these sort of options given the nature of questing in skyrim, where you're typically pulled along by quest markers... but they are there, and it's always refreshing.
morrowind is another beast entirely. beyond acceptance or denial, the matter of how you proceed is dramatically more self-driven. there are no quest markers. rarely will an npc tell you exactly where to go, and even when they do it's up to you to find your way. and then there's the question of how you'll go about accomplishing whatever task, left entirely up to you. you're not just an adventurer or a mercenary—you're an investigator. you keep a journal describing most of your interactions and observations in the game itself, and it's never a bad idea to keep notes of your own outside of the game. i've seen plenty of others describe dialogue as a bunch of wiki pages or whatever, entirely boring and so forth, but holy shit do i feel the exact opposite. i don't think there's any other game that fills me with such a desire to delve into its world and learn everything i can to understand its nature, its history, its people, and my role among them. reincarnation of a legend or not—and it's up to you to decide, not just via yes or no, but in the text, in your imagination, your headcanon, in the details. my favorite nerevarine is an iconoclastic wanderer who feels empowered by her otherwise bewildering involvement with the blades and, as an outlander to native dunmer 'culture', places the eradication of the enslavement of the khajiit and argonian races high on her list of motivations. becoming a demigod through her own efforts (albeit guided by prophecy) is just the icing on the cake. you could play through (in, around) morrowind a dozen times and find a new path, deepen the path(s) you've previously found interesting or exciting... it's just a game that makes me dream like no other.
also, you can (if you so choose) eventually craft spells that let you jump across the entire island of vvardenfell. or simply fly. you can't levitate at all in these other games! (well... without mods.)
i'm really enjoying my time with skyrim right now, and i think i've found a way to play a role i find fulfilling and comfortable with my own personality... but these games always lead back to morrowind, for me. it won't be long before i feel the pull back to vvardenfell once more.
morrowind.
actually, i really want to talk about both. i want to talk about the nature of roleplay in these games, and what it means to inhabit these characters of our own making and imagining. see, there's been plenty of debate as to whether bethesda care any longer about making 'true' rpgs, having in many ways simplified the experience on a granular level, depriving the player more and more of their options and ownership over the experience of playing their games. i do think there's a lot of truth to this, though i feel there's more to be said.
getting to the point... before considering all the differences in the systems—how you build your character and develop their skills, defining their nature through mechanics and so forth—we have to consider the very concept of these characters, the intentions at work before we get involved. i'm setting oblivion aside here because it's a bit of an outlier in that you fill the shoes of an interloper, while the "real hero" of the story (the one who'll be remembered in the history books) is martin. in skyrim, you're meant to be the dragonborn, undeniably enjoying the favor of the gods unless you deliberately avoid the main quest (perhaps even going as far as installing an alternate start mod so you can just be a bandit in the wilderness or a fisherman or whatever). in my current run through the game (more like run around, given how these work) i've decided to embrace this blessing and use it to better the situation in skyrim as much as i can. my traveling companions are a vampire princess (my gay wife) and a recovering skooma fiend. (the latter is entirely a mod creation, while the former is augmented by several mods and they interact with voiced dialogue and radiant ai conversations and everything!) so, getting to morrowind: things are considerably more ambiguous and complicated, here. i'm going to keep it somewhat short because i'd prefer not to ruin the experience for anyone interested in giving the game a try—suffice to say the whole matter of whether you're any kind of chosen one is up for debate, and the range and options you have in the course of defining who your character is are considerably... more. or, well. at least it seems to be that way. it largely is... but it's also just different.
your choices in skyrim are essentially reduced to yes or no: yes, i will explore this destiny as dragonborn. no, i will not. yes, i will go to the college of winterhold and become arch-mage, or no, i'd rather not do that and perhaps instead become a nightingale, master of thieves. of course, you can choose to do all of these things—or to do none of them. and it sometimes does go further than that, such as when faced with the matter of joining the dark brotherhood. (i'm going to spoil some things here, so skip to the next paragraph if you'd rather avoid that.) having taken it upon yourself to murder the terrible, abusive matron of the orphanage in riften at the request of a young boy calling upon the infamous death cult, their leader eventually abducts you and locks you in a cabin with three blindfolded strangers, tells you that one of them has a contract on their head, and forces you into deciding which one to kill. a cruel initiation. (an interesting note is that the clairvoyance spell points toward one of them, though there's no other indication of which would be the correct choice, if any.) you have one alternative: kill your captor, free the others, and set about laying waste to the entire dark brotherhood. this is an actual questline, its availability as a path of action not readily apparent given the gravity of the situation—a bit of thinking on your feet is required to discover this. it's not always easy to stumble into these sort of options given the nature of questing in skyrim, where you're typically pulled along by quest markers... but they are there, and it's always refreshing.
morrowind is another beast entirely. beyond acceptance or denial, the matter of how you proceed is dramatically more self-driven. there are no quest markers. rarely will an npc tell you exactly where to go, and even when they do it's up to you to find your way. and then there's the question of how you'll go about accomplishing whatever task, left entirely up to you. you're not just an adventurer or a mercenary—you're an investigator. you keep a journal describing most of your interactions and observations in the game itself, and it's never a bad idea to keep notes of your own outside of the game. i've seen plenty of others describe dialogue as a bunch of wiki pages or whatever, entirely boring and so forth, but holy shit do i feel the exact opposite. i don't think there's any other game that fills me with such a desire to delve into its world and learn everything i can to understand its nature, its history, its people, and my role among them. reincarnation of a legend or not—and it's up to you to decide, not just via yes or no, but in the text, in your imagination, your headcanon, in the details. my favorite nerevarine is an iconoclastic wanderer who feels empowered by her otherwise bewildering involvement with the blades and, as an outlander to native dunmer 'culture', places the eradication of the enslavement of the khajiit and argonian races high on her list of motivations. becoming a demigod through her own efforts (albeit guided by prophecy) is just the icing on the cake. you could play through (in, around) morrowind a dozen times and find a new path, deepen the path(s) you've previously found interesting or exciting... it's just a game that makes me dream like no other.
also, you can (if you so choose) eventually craft spells that let you jump across the entire island of vvardenfell. or simply fly. you can't levitate at all in these other games! (well... without mods.)
i'm really enjoying my time with skyrim right now, and i think i've found a way to play a role i find fulfilling and comfortable with my own personality... but these games always lead back to morrowind, for me. it won't be long before i feel the pull back to vvardenfell once more.
2022
concerning the bones of the game i'm of two minds: signalis avoids puzzle scenarios that end up having me running back and forth wondering what the fuck i'm missing, which is something that tends to interfere with my enjoyment of the older resident evils—though it's also perhaps straightforward to a fault. the puzzles are refreshing in their cleverness, though they will most likely seem a bit too easy to some, and the navigation of each section never even begins to confuse.
my rating is maybe a bit generous, but i don't really care. i'm actually restraining myself, being honest. the presentation and vibes are immaculate. familiar survival horror dosed with traces of BLAME!, nier: automata, blade runner, a little alien 3 (strictly in the bleak feel of its setting), the shining, etc., all steeped in the cosmic horror of otherworldly malevolence plaguing this post-singularity world of ruin. it is by turns coldly alienating and dreamily sapphic. everything feels solid and tactile—this is a game crafted with care, and it feels like it has the integrity of a ps1 or mid '90s pc game with more modern interface and sound design. there's tech everywhere that you want to touch, and it reminded me a lot of alien: isolation in that regard.
signalis is suuuper comfy, and i guess i could be irritated that it never really scared or challenged me, but... again, i don't really care. i just loved being in this haunted sci-fi world.
my rating is maybe a bit generous, but i don't really care. i'm actually restraining myself, being honest. the presentation and vibes are immaculate. familiar survival horror dosed with traces of BLAME!, nier: automata, blade runner, a little alien 3 (strictly in the bleak feel of its setting), the shining, etc., all steeped in the cosmic horror of otherworldly malevolence plaguing this post-singularity world of ruin. it is by turns coldly alienating and dreamily sapphic. everything feels solid and tactile—this is a game crafted with care, and it feels like it has the integrity of a ps1 or mid '90s pc game with more modern interface and sound design. there's tech everywhere that you want to touch, and it reminded me a lot of alien: isolation in that regard.
signalis is suuuper comfy, and i guess i could be irritated that it never really scared or challenged me, but... again, i don't really care. i just loved being in this haunted sci-fi world.
2005
so much of re4 comes down to the tension of its moment-to-moment play, and i bear this in mind as i consider the possibilities of the remake and the crucial matter of how the action feels if the pacing and your maneuverability is significantly increased or 'improved' — as we expect it to be.
looking back at the original game (and its various ports), especially having now played the re2 remake and a number of similar modern tps games, there's a vaguely king's field-like sluggishness to re4 and its tank controls and slower forward movement. combined with its wild action setpieces and a synesthetic style resembling an arcade game (especially apparent in the character models, their faces and the particular expressiveness of their voices, the scope and flair of the boss fights, the button-mashing qte stuff, etc), this very deliberate and yet very flexible approach to action in balance with tension is something which continues to set re4 apart from the rest. in praise of games which offer interesting friction to your mobility, rather than endlessly seek ways of reducing it. amen.
looking back at the original game (and its various ports), especially having now played the re2 remake and a number of similar modern tps games, there's a vaguely king's field-like sluggishness to re4 and its tank controls and slower forward movement. combined with its wild action setpieces and a synesthetic style resembling an arcade game (especially apparent in the character models, their faces and the particular expressiveness of their voices, the scope and flair of the boss fights, the button-mashing qte stuff, etc), this very deliberate and yet very flexible approach to action in balance with tension is something which continues to set re4 apart from the rest. in praise of games which offer interesting friction to your mobility, rather than endlessly seek ways of reducing it. amen.
i think i can finally accept this as the definitive version of dark souls, particularly when fixed up with the original armor textures (which were horribly flattened in this one, for reasons i cannot fathom), a reshade profile which adjusts the lighting and contrast to be a bit closer to that of the original game (gotta have that heavy chiaroscuro and golden glow), and a mod which augments and meshes with the game's own online functionality to cycle through each location for possible invasions whether within the limitations of your own soul and weapon levels or infinitely upward. i haven't waited more than a minute or two to invade with this mod, and for me this is an absolute godsend since i am far more interested in 'organic' invasions, world pvp style, than i am in sweaty arena duels at the oolacile township bonfire.
i hadn't actually played this game at all since moving back home to michigan (from portland, oregon) at the end of 2019, and... well, "it feels like going home again" isn't what i want to say: it's more like a refreshing reminder that i haven't lost everything, though sometimes it feels that way. i don't think of too many video games as being mine, made for me, but this is one of them.
i hadn't actually played this game at all since moving back home to michigan (from portland, oregon) at the end of 2019, and... well, "it feels like going home again" isn't what i want to say: it's more like a refreshing reminder that i haven't lost everything, though sometimes it feels that way. i don't think of too many video games as being mine, made for me, but this is one of them.
i don't really wanna put a rating on a thing like this, though i kinda wish i could put a <3 on it the way you can with letterboxd. but anyway. this hits very close to home.
i moved back to my original hometown in michigan after living in portland, oregon for about 13 years... at the end of 2019. at the end of a relationship which had lasted for nearly 10 of those years. i stayed with family briefly and then moved into a smallish 1-bedroom apartment that i hate (with my cat, kismet, who i brought home with me because i couldn't stand to leave her (and i wish i could've brought more of my cats with me)).
one big difference (between myself and this game's creator, according to the game itself) is that my mental illness gets in the way of me keeping jobs and i've been unemployed for most of the time since. i'm currently receiving assistance through september, and i need to have some sort of income before then. i also want to move. living alone is killing me.
honestly, i don't even know if i'd still be here without the small irc channel occupied by longtime friends providing me with some sort of anchor. i do wish i could hear people's voices more often, though. one of the things i miss most about living with my ex (and, for a time, a roommate) is that constant source of company. i just need to be near people, even when we're all tending to ourselves, in our own space (within the same space).
my desk is positioned right in front of one of my 2 windows and i have a decent view of trees and sky, but the loneliness is inescapable. i don't live downtown, either, so i rarely feel like going outside unless i have a place to go - otherwise the aimlessness of "going out for a walk" just makes me feel even lonelier.
my cat cries a lot and i think she's lonely and bored. i feel awful about it. i would like to get another cat, but i'm too poor and i pretty much only spend my money, whenever i do have it, on video games and weed. sometimes booze.
writing this isn't actually making me feel any better.
damn it
i moved back to my original hometown in michigan after living in portland, oregon for about 13 years... at the end of 2019. at the end of a relationship which had lasted for nearly 10 of those years. i stayed with family briefly and then moved into a smallish 1-bedroom apartment that i hate (with my cat, kismet, who i brought home with me because i couldn't stand to leave her (and i wish i could've brought more of my cats with me)).
one big difference (between myself and this game's creator, according to the game itself) is that my mental illness gets in the way of me keeping jobs and i've been unemployed for most of the time since. i'm currently receiving assistance through september, and i need to have some sort of income before then. i also want to move. living alone is killing me.
honestly, i don't even know if i'd still be here without the small irc channel occupied by longtime friends providing me with some sort of anchor. i do wish i could hear people's voices more often, though. one of the things i miss most about living with my ex (and, for a time, a roommate) is that constant source of company. i just need to be near people, even when we're all tending to ourselves, in our own space (within the same space).
my desk is positioned right in front of one of my 2 windows and i have a decent view of trees and sky, but the loneliness is inescapable. i don't live downtown, either, so i rarely feel like going outside unless i have a place to go - otherwise the aimlessness of "going out for a walk" just makes me feel even lonelier.
my cat cries a lot and i think she's lonely and bored. i feel awful about it. i would like to get another cat, but i'm too poor and i pretty much only spend my money, whenever i do have it, on video games and weed. sometimes booze.
writing this isn't actually making me feel any better.
damn it
2019
i think it's abhorrent that this thing ultimately wants you to smash the bird with a rock. this bird who might be dying, but otherwise appears to be at peace. i've had birds as pets, and even held sick and dying birds in my hands, and i would have never, ever thought to do something as violent as crush them with rocks and sticks.
"getting help isn't making me weak, but refusing it is" says the text bubble, as if these are the bird's final thoughts. i just find it strange and clumsy. who is supposed to benefit from this?
i removed the stick and the rock from my sight and then placed each flower in a crescent around the little bird's face. compassion comes as simply as being there, requiring no bloody "act of mercy" beyond sharing in one's suffering, hoping to bring comfort by doing so. obviously, there are situations where granting a living creature release is the right thing to do, but that all seems outside the scope of this thing. closed the window feeling a mixture of heartache and disgust. i miss my birds.
"getting help isn't making me weak, but refusing it is" says the text bubble, as if these are the bird's final thoughts. i just find it strange and clumsy. who is supposed to benefit from this?
i removed the stick and the rock from my sight and then placed each flower in a crescent around the little bird's face. compassion comes as simply as being there, requiring no bloody "act of mercy" beyond sharing in one's suffering, hoping to bring comfort by doing so. obviously, there are situations where granting a living creature release is the right thing to do, but that all seems outside the scope of this thing. closed the window feeling a mixture of heartache and disgust. i miss my birds.
comfy doom and gloom. while its early parts feel small and a little oppressive, i still find it really easy to get into the tempo of king's field 4 and its slow-dance combat. and this one's even sludgier than the first 3 — which, if anything, might be attributed to the dreamlike, harpsichord-laden, sometimes even giallo-esque atmosphere i tend to associate with fromsoft's unique dungeon crawling action rpgs preceding demon's souls. of course, metaphysical dark fantasy mythopoeia remains the soul (forgive me) of their work, but king's field 4 distinguishes itself. being a game with some gnarly ps2 interlacing didn't hurt, if you ask me. if you can get used to the controls, this game is frankly quite refreshingly low-key (and i enjoy revisiting it).
2022
playing this for about half an hour and then watching the current top time/score's replay was like playing with fire without understanding how to even start one - flailing in the dust before touching the monolith - and then witnessing god/aliens descend from the blazing sky in incomprehensible fractals. i will never be that good at this, and some people mastered it in an afternoon. absolute fuckin warlocks
incredible game
incredible game
2022
as a purely sensory experience i found this sublime in a way that took me back to how it felt seeing and hearing doom for the first time in 1994. my computer could only just barely run it well enough to be playable, but one of the college kids living nextdoor had a high end 486 and he let me play it over there for a little bit. doom made me think of games as spaces in a way far more powerfully than anything before it.
scorn isn't the elegant action masterpiece that doom eternally remains, but it is a vivid ontological crawl through the biomechanical macabre which instills feelings of curious awe, revulsion, and anxiety (when i hear that puzzles are a big focus in a game i get anxious regardless, and this unholy paradise of giger and beksinski had me exceptionally filled with queasy dread). a hideous experience i cherish.
scorn isn't the elegant action masterpiece that doom eternally remains, but it is a vivid ontological crawl through the biomechanical macabre which instills feelings of curious awe, revulsion, and anxiety (when i hear that puzzles are a big focus in a game i get anxious regardless, and this unholy paradise of giger and beksinski had me exceptionally filled with queasy dread). a hideous experience i cherish.
2020
the whole uproar about its premature release aside, i would say that (both collectively speaking and for myself) the primary grief with cyberpunk 2077 is its familiarity. there is—understandably, i think—a sort of unspoken and paradoxical desire for cyberpunk to simultaneously push boundaries and somehow return to what most would see as its conceptual roots: neuromancer, blade runner, and other works which set forth the feel and iconography of future worlds run by tech and overwhelming corporate power and corruption, as well as a profound posthuman interest. all of these ideas are well beyond familiar, now. this doesn't mean there aren't new frontiers for the genre... it just means that cd projekt red opted for nostalgia and pastiche. this isn't entirely a bad thing. (even those recent shadowrun games were very character-driven, nestled comfortably in their established and frankly derivative universe. and they're great!) it's a perfectly serviceable backdrop for character-driven stories, and for better or for worse, 2077 is abundant in this realm. for the most part, i think it's all really good! i mean, i really like some of these characters and enjoyed spending time with them unreservedly. to the point that... well, the culmination of my time with some of them almost left me feeling a bit empty, knowing there would be little left to look forward to outside my own imagination. (sux 2 b lonesome... heh heh.) maybe there is something "cyberpunk" about playing a game that makes one feel so forlorn in this era of everyone being so terminally online, connected by tech, yet no closer for it... seriously, i fuckin dream every night of finding someone who loves me and... uh, i kind of love those dreams despite the bittersweet aftermath of awakening.
2014
i remain convinced this game will have its overdue reevaluation. the evil within (aka PSYCHO BREAK) is peak video game horror with just the right balance of jank and big budget bombast. silent hill with the grimy, glistening, bloodsoaked aesthetic of a SAW movie. resident evil 4, the last of us, and killer7 are other points of reference. it begins strangely enough, and it only continues to get stranger—very much a descent into things darker and more apocalyptic, always threatening to break the fourth wall with its apparent absurdity but always stopping just short of explicitly doing so. indeed, rather than ultimately push outward from its glass prison, the narrative draws inward, refracting upon itself, convincing us that what we see is really happening while its unreality compounds and entraps us. our uncertainty—sebastian's beleaguered mental state—is reflected in the instability of the environment, the suddenly and constantly wrenching contortion of the world around us: ruvik's world. ruvik, the mind exerting the most control over this layered simulacrum reality. not insignificantly, sebastian can only overcome the chaos by retreating further into the nightmare by way of a safe room entered via mirrors...
replaying this to prepare myself for finally giving the evil within 2 a try. seems most would say otherwise, but i consider it to be one of the peak game experiences of the 2010s.
replaying this to prepare myself for finally giving the evil within 2 a try. seems most would say otherwise, but i consider it to be one of the peak game experiences of the 2010s.
1984
just finished watching the new tetris biopic on [streaming site] and there's probably a lot to be said about this movie's angle on various things... which i only want to touch on briefly. specifically, i don't think this is too simple a tale of capitalism triumphing over communism: it does a fair enough job of illustrating failure and greed on both sides of this specific conflict, thugs and liars, howard lincoln calling atari "those motherfuckers," etc. it is perhaps telling that henk rogers, the international entrepreneur (and developer of the first turn-based rpg released in japan) who had a hand in the worldwide emergence of tetris — specifically its relationship to the game boy — is presented here as the central protagonist, and even alexey's personal american jesus. a man who risked everything for the absolute jackpot that this game could be. i mean, uh, for pajitnov and his brilliant game. yes.
still, the story of tetris itself is a compelling one. a friend said in irc, wondering if someone else would have eventually made the game if pajitnov hadn't, "it seems like a sort of inevitable game." i agree: there is a sort of visually mathematical quintessence to it — like pythagoras's triangles. like, i'm a total idiot who hates math and even i can see that. everyone can; it's just that good. a perfect game most of us play quite imperfectly and it always feels good from the first tetromino. it's like a key that unlocks something as you play it. something like love or truth, maybe.
still, the story of tetris itself is a compelling one. a friend said in irc, wondering if someone else would have eventually made the game if pajitnov hadn't, "it seems like a sort of inevitable game." i agree: there is a sort of visually mathematical quintessence to it — like pythagoras's triangles. like, i'm a total idiot who hates math and even i can see that. everyone can; it's just that good. a perfect game most of us play quite imperfectly and it always feels good from the first tetromino. it's like a key that unlocks something as you play it. something like love or truth, maybe.