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Have to perform a certain amount of blowjobs on the cartridge to get the game to work

NES Week: Day #7

So, we’ve finally made it. After enjoying some simple pinball, ‘climbing’ up some icey mountains, hitting a ball with a racket, finding gems as a red blob, being a motorcyclist, and fighting with some balloons, we have finally made it. We’ve made it to Super Mario bros.

I could’ve gone for duck hunt for the last game but I thought that wouldn’t be great enough and that the perfect game to play at last is Nintendo’s mascot himself! My history with this game is pretty short. I used to play quite a bit of it but never get past world 6. Turns out there was a way to getting to world 8 all the way from world 5 so…that was nice to know at last after I’d gone through quite a lot of pain but oh well.

In the game you play as Mario on his way to save princess toadstool from the evil king koopa (or peach and bowser). On the way you’ll come across goombas, koopa troopas and buzzy beetles. You’ll also find lakitus who just love to annoy you every chance you get. As a game, Super Mario bros. has aged pretty well. Not ridiculously well but definitely well enough for it to still be played today. And yes: it is pretty difficult near the end but not as difficult as some other Mario games on the NES (looking at you lost levels) but overall you’ll still be able to enjoy a timeless classic.

Classic, recognisable music, decent enemies, bullet bills come at the wrong time, your princess is in another castle!

Alright, so this is the first time I’ve ever beaten the first Mario on the NES, and after playing a bunch of old games that came out before the first Super Mario Bros, it helped me come to appreciate it to a whole new level. It’s making me interested in doing some kind of analysis on home console games before Super Mario Bros. and after, because just looking through this “History of Famicom” catalog book I got that talks about EVERY game that was made for the Famicom EVER, it’s crazy to see how the first Mario completely turned the gaming world upside down on its head. I won’t go into too much detail for this review, but Super Mario Bros essentially put home consoles on equal playing level with arcades. Not in graphics obviously, but rather in public interest. What would you get a home console for before 1985? To play games from the arcade but at home instead! Sure, these consoles had their own unique games that you might not be able to find at arcades, but the point was to emulate the arcade experience, so the majority of games focused on exactly that. One screen, maybe several if you’re lucky, with usually the same goal: get the highest score!

The only game I feel I can closely compare Mario to from before it came out, is the arcade game Pac-Land. They’re both side-scrolling platformers that feature a silly little guy running to the end of each stage to move on to the next. But Mario took that formula and made it like… good. Really good in fact! Absolutely excellent! Pac-Land isn’t bad by any means, but having to move right and left with two big red buttons instead of a convenient joystick or D-pad is hard to adjust to, and after playing Mario, feels so awkward.


Super Mario Bros itself has aged wonderfully. The controls are great and the levels are short and easy to learn to master, with the final world really putting your skills to the test. The way you control your gameplay through power-ups and physically growing larger and gaining fire projectiles as rewards is insanely unique. The gameplay is enough to offer a challenge, while still being very player friendly. The warp tubes and the start + a for continues is very, very kind to players, while still being hidden enough to not ruin all the fun. My only personal complaint is that Mario does slide around a bit which can be annoying to get used to, but my bigger complaint is the random maze parts in the later castles. I’m such an idiot that I couldn’t figure out the first two, and was forced to look up the pattern I needed to follow, which took away some of the fun, but is really more of a personal issue than a real issue in the game.

Super Mario Bros as a game is just weird too, but in a fun way! We’re so used to seeing him everywhere involving video games that we don’t really think about it… Sure, the Mario character was used before Super Mario Bros, but he was used in environments that fit his character a bit more. Mario, or Jump Man, was always in scenarios with construction and sewers, and is probably why you’re playing an Italian New York man anyways. Donkey Kong is clearly based around King Kong, which takes place in New York, so Mario was branded accordingly. But with Super Mario Bros, you’re in some far off land with a kidnapped princess of mushroom people, fighting off a terrible dragon turtle man to save her… You’d expect some kind of warrior or stereotypical hero to come save the day, no? Well, here’s an Italian-American man in overalls that climbed straight out the Brooklyn sewers to come break some turtles’ backs! It’s so random, it’s so weird!! I guess Mario was randomly hopping on turtles even while in the sewers in the original Mario Bros. arcade game, so at least he's following a theme it seems, but I would honestly have understood a monkey coming to save the day more in Super Mario Bros. because that at least would have fit the Journey to the West inspiration they seemed to be going with! But I’m so glad they didn’t go that route, because now it’s so much more odd and memorable just having this random everyday-man fight in this mystical world. Can you imagine American players seeing it when the NES first came out over there? Here you go kids, some arcade-style games, some sport games, a few shooters, and this random game where you play as an Italian beating the shit out of turtles and helping talking mushrooms... of course! Well, if the game is fun, who cares what wacky cast it uses ⸜(ˊᗜˋ)⸝

Mario absolutely blew up the home console market, and made it so getting a Famicom or NES was a must have, not just to enjoy arcade favorites in the comfort of your own home, but to enjoy video games in general! Sure, you could argue there were more complex and advanced things already happening on home computers, like the PC-88 for example, but the Famicom, and in turn Mario, was insanely user-friendly in a way many had not seen before. It makes sense why the system was such a hit, with Mario really helping push the future of gaming into millions of households throughout the entire world.

4.5/5

Having played this game a couple of months ago, finally going through all of the game's levels for the first time (I always used Warps before), it's nice to experience the entirety of this classic game.

It's no secret to everybody reading this review that Super Mario Bros. is one of the most iconic games of all time, with very recognizable graphics, music and its very fun gameplay.

When looking at a lot of other NES games, even some of the other popular ones, I'm surprised at how well this one has aged, in terms of controls and overall difficulty!

For a game released in 1985, I'm surprised that the game is not as overly difficult as a lot of other games that were released in the 80's, and even some in the 90's.
The only thing I didn't like was the big difficulty spike that suddenly appeared in World 8, but besides that, it's relatively smooth-sailing.

There's not much to this game that I can add that others haven't added. The controls are nice; the graphics, while simple, have their charm; and the music, while limiting, is well composed and catchy.

Super Mario Bros. is a classic in videogames, and without it, many other games wouldn't have existed.

It is crazy that every other video game company in the world spent ten solid years trying to make their own versions of this game and basically none of them were even close to this good.


The hitboxes can be weird but everything else is smooth, special shoutout to piranha plants and 7-4 cuz their only purpose is to annoy me!!

Firing up Super Mario Bros. for the first time in 2024 feels less like playing a game and more like looking at a museum exhibit. Every few minutes, another now iconic piece of music, scenery, or enemy will pop up to remind you of the cultural impact this game had.

Unfortunately, the gameplay didn't really grab me. Mario's moveset feels fairly restrictive compared to modern titles, and the game seemingly tries to make up for that with its extreme difficulty. Perhaps it works better on an NES controller, but playing it with joycons on a Switch made me rely on the rewind feature to make it through a lot of the stages. While games like Celeste have the decency to respawn players at the beginning of a screen, Super Mario Bros. will completely reset the player's progress after a few deaths.

All in all, I recommend at least trying the game to see why it has its place in gaming history, but I suspect only hardcore gamers will make it through it without relying on save states or cheats.

Eu definitivamente não usei save state pra zerar esse jogo.

Dito isso, vai tomar no cu Hammer Bros, filhos da puta do caralho.

It'sa me, Mario! I run and jump around to save the princess, wahoo!

The original Mario game, not much else to say. its aged great and is still super fun to play. its very hard though (switch online reset is what got me through this game)

Overall, I wouldn't consider myself an NES game fan. I feel like most of the games released on the NES are a tragic blend being too difficult and built without the experience of practiced developers. The only games I feel that defy this are Super Mario Bros. 3 and PunchOut! even though they can also be guilty of these outdated game making styles in certain ways. This game is no exception. Obviously it was incredible at the time and has become a genuine icon of gaming however that doesn't save it from being judged like every other game. This game is terrible to play. It's incredibly janky and the engine it plays on is less complicated then a straight line. It's level design makes up for it though, being fair and smart with difficulty and mechanics. It's not a horrible game however. I feel like it is a must play for Mario fans just to see how far the franchise has come. However I don't see myself ever playing it again beyond that reason.

O melhor: Apontar pra tela e dizer "Hey, eles já faziam isso desde o primeiro jogo!"
O pior: Entrar em um cano que leva para uma fase aquática
Bowser calvo: Sempre em nossos corações

Já assisti a tantos speedruns de SMB que foi curioso jogá-lo do começo ao fim, sem warp pipes. Algumas fases são tão simples que a impressão que dá é que jogaram uma meia dúzia de Goombas e um pipe de decoração. Ao mesmo tempo as fases no Castelo com "puzzles" de loop são interessantes, assim como o próprio conceito do "Fake Bowser", seja acidental ou não.

É fácil enxergar SMB como "só" uma peça fundamental da história, mas honestamente ainda acho ele um jogo bem agradável e divertido. Obviamente ele foi ultrapassado no próprio NES por SMB 3, mas é um "blueprint" muito sólido. O que definitivamente não tem ressalva alguma é a trilha sonora de Koji Kondo, praticamente eterna.

I've never actually legitimately beaten this game and it's all because of world 8. All the other levels are pretty easy in comparison.

Fuck hammer bros.

I played this game a lot as a child. I had access to it because it was on Super Mario Advance on the GBA. I found it particularly short, and I remember often challenging myself to finish it as quickly as possible. A good way to kill time on a long car journey.

I also remember that levels 4-1 and 6-1 (the one where a character on a cloud sent us spiked shells) were particularly fun and almost required us to speedrun.

Playing the game again, I found it to be a little "empty", and not really making the best use of the challenges it provides. The difficulty is poorly managed over the long term: it's either too simple or just irritating (hello hammer-throwing turtles, your patern is harder to read than Elden Ring's Malenia). The 7-4 and 8-4 puzzle-solving aspect is also annoying.

Although the graphics are very "early nes", I think Nintendo has done a particularly good job with its choice of colors: they're all warm and well-matched, and a real treat for the eyes.

In short, mythical but skipable.


if you think this game “plays weird” and don’t get the hype i beg you to play 5 other NES platformers then come back, relax, and feel the lushness of the first true strand type game.

super mario bros is not the primordially simple jumping game it is often introduced as. platformers had ages to mature in the hypercompetitive arena of the arcade throughout the 70’s and early 80’s. aside from its understatedly elegant aesthetic, the ambition in SMB is in the elevation of movement from merely a mode of traversal to a gymnastic, expressive activity.

megaman, simon belmont, and ryu hayabusa are all transparently simple state machines— the amount of possible actions they can take is finite and countable. super mario bros did not invent momentum in platforming, nor was it the first to leverage the additional complications that a more involved system of movement entails. the friction between the player avatar and the ground. the acceleration from a dead stop to a full run. the short moment after taking your finger off the jump button before the character truly starts to fall. all the little intricacies and details compound to make mario a much more expressive vessel for a player to inhabit. what sets SMB apart is that the movement is honed to the extent it becomes even more natural than the comparatively simple systems of the above games.

mario’s body doesn’t literally move like the human form does, but negotiating the balance of a jump in mid-air, trying to establish steady footing on unhelpful terrain, and wheelin and dealing with newton’s first law in general is central to the human experience. in super mario bros, nintendo squarely refocuses the platformer from a cabaret of obstacles to a celebration of acrobatic motivity

and so, it became the bedrock upon which their castle was built

The flagpoles at the end of each stage are a perfect expression of the design philosophy that underlies the whole game. The flagpole encourages you to reach for the top and rewards players that manage to pull it off with extra points. This reward never becomes stale because the game always finds new and slightly more difficult variations to this simple challenge that often smartly encompass the elements already introduced in the stage itself. But these penultimate tests of skill remain mostly optional and don’t hinder less experienced players from finishing the stage itself. It is perfectly alright to only catch the flagpole at the bottom (turns out it is even better when you speedrun the game) – you’ll still advance to the next stage like everybody else without carrying over any disadvantages for the rest of your playthrough. Even the occasional eruption of fireworks is completely unrelated to how well you performed. The game just occasionally celebrates you for making it one step further.

Despite Super Mario Bros. being the most important and influential game of its time, it is remarkable just how much its design philosophy differs from most platformers that came after it. Sidescrollers on the NES were predominantly about creating difficulty by asking an increasing level of precision from the player while at the same time punishing their mistakes more severely the further they came. This means that you either need expert reflexes or minute memorization of the game to make it through to the end and the vast majority of players won’t acquire either skill without repeating the same obstacles over and over again. Of course, learning through repetition is not problematic in and of itself. Only when combined with limited lives and a general lack of checkpoints or other save options does the habit of placing the most unforgiving challenges towards the end turn many of these games into a more frustrating and unfair than motivating and rewarding experience. In effect, the most difficult challenges become the same ones that players have the fewest chances to practice and experiment with, which completely undermines the idea of learning through repetition.

Although Super Mario Bros. works largely with the same elements mentioned above (finite continues, no permanent checkpoints, increasing demand of precision with a growing number of deadly obstacles), the act of mastering its challenges has far less to do with memorizing enemy placements or optimizing a perfect series of inputs than the impressive speedrun history of the game may suggest. Instead, Nintendo designed the game from the ground up to make the process of learning through repetition – in other words: the game itself as you experience it – as fun and engaging as possible.

The level design often offers multiple routes in almost every course. For example, the path on the ground can present a bigger gauntlet of enemies while the way forward above has more difficult platforming ahead. Hidden passages underground or in the sky might let you skip a tricky section of the level, but perhaps also make you miss out on a valuable power-up. Players have to make real decisions on how to progress, and their choices are likely to change on later attempts depending on their familiarity with the game. However, this is rarely because one option turns out to be clearly better than the others. Rather, the different decisions usually correspond to a player’s level of experience, which means they are primarily between a risky but more rewarding options against a safer but slower approach. Take a basic enemy encounter with a Koopa: It can be avoided, immobilized, or turned into a projectile against other enemies. While the last strategy sounds most tempting, it can also sometimes quite literally backfire. Even the power-ups adhere to this trade-off between risk and reward. The Mushroom and Fire Flower are mostly there to aid less experienced players by giving them extra health or an easy option to deal with opponents. But at no point are they required to beat the game. On the contrary, playing as little Mario has its own advantages like a smaller hitbox or being able to use tiny passages.

The process of active decision making is complemented by Mario’s movement, which allows for great flexibility and even split-second adjustments mid air. You can progress through the game at breakneck speed as well as slowly and methodically and it feels great to race past a course that posed a real challenge a couple of tries earlier. The wide range in Mario’s mobility also makes it pretty likely that you stumble upon small or big secrets fairly regularly, even after dozens of attempts. Every Green Pipe and breakable block not only functions as part of the obstacle course, but also might hide a new short-cut or power-up. Even the simple act of miss-timing a jump can turn into a discovery when you suddenly hit an invisible block. Especially the early levels hide alternative routes that allow you to completely bypass most of the challenges and you only have to beat eight of the 32 levels once you found out about the warp zones, no glitches required.

In the end, the whole point of the flagpole is to give players another opportunity to demonstrate their mastery of the game without punishing those that have not reached that level of skill yet. Super Mario Bros. trusts you to figure out your own way to have fun with it, while still carefully guiding you towards a better understanding of its mechanics and teaching you everything you need to know. This balance occurs so rarely that I could not help but be impressed by how seemingly effortlessly Nintendo found it this early.

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More Super Mario reviews
Super Mario Bros. 3
Super Mario Bros. Deluxe

More NES reviews
Castlevania

I used to always look back on Super Mario Bros. as antiquated and poorly aged. However, I decided to give it a proper shot this time, as before I'd always use save states and warp zones. This time would be different; play every level; no save states, not even for game overs; warp zones can only be used to get back to where I made it previously. Playing it this way took a game that I always believed was obliterated by the passage of time, and made me truly appreciate it.

This was honestly some of the most fun I had with a game in a while. Even through the multiple game overs I got, I was constantly having fun. I saw myself getting better and better after each failure, it felt great. Everything truly clicked when I saw myself consistently speeding through 4-1 without halting momentum, even against the piranha plants and flagpole stairs. Each run I'd get through tricky stages like 5-2 faster and consistently jumping off the springs in 6-4, I was always improving. Man... I now understand this game, and why so many look so fondly on it after all these years. Even then, I find it all so strange.

Super Mario Bros. has jank, levels are fairly basic compared to modern day platforms, the physics are strange (at first at least), etc. However, I believe that is what makes this game so special. Its simplicity it was makes it stand out to me, it's platforming at its purest.

I'm so glad that I gave this game another shot and to play it like how I view it is intended to be played. To others that write off this game as old and antiquated, give it another go, without all of the modern hand holding. Maybe you'll see something special like I did.

The hero we needed AND deserved. The one to save them all, as they say. Super Mario Bros.' legend has been retold countless times. It took part in reviving the video game industry as a whole and instantly became a timeless classic.

Super Mario Bros. is about as simple as you can get. Upon this most recent playthrough of mine, I was surprised at just how much fun I was having despite the game's simplicity. Every time I play this game, I feel a thrill that I can't say I feel with many other games. This game puts me on the edge of my seat in the best way possible.

The physics, while not seeming like much by today's standards, were revolutionary at the time. Coming off of Mario Bros., what I feel is a slippery mess in terms of its control, Super Mario Bros. controls like a dream. The advent of analog control with the jump button is a game changer. Combine that with the tight turn controls, and you set yourself up for a fun platforming adventure ahead of you. One minor issue I have with Mario's controls is how he gains speed. You'll notice that Mario goes from 1 to 100 on a dime, and if you're near bottomless pits or some other hazard, it's usually too late before you take damage, as Mario takes quite a bit to slow down/turn around.

Being one of the first of its kind, I can understand that the level designs weren't necessarily out there aiming to leave much of an impression on players save for 1-1. Most of the levels mold together in my head, due to the very small amount of level themes the game presents as well as the reusing of layouts at times. I'm also of the opinion that the inability to backtrack hurts this game a lot. There are a number of times where I'm either caught between a rock and a hard place, or I miss out on a mushroom because it ends up traveling in the opposite direction.

It amazes me just how much fun I had with Super Mario Bros. with the bias of hindsight being prevalent. It's a fun pick up and play game that can be beaten under an hour, and I rarely ever get tired of it. It's no wonder this game gets the praise and legendary status that it has, as I can only imagine how amazing it must have been to be able to play this game back in 1985.

8/10

Despite being a Nintendo fan since forever, I just recently played the OG, that many still consider a title that holds up

And in a sense yeah, it still is kinda decent, definitely not a bad time.
But as a platformer especially considering what will come up later... the original SMB is weird.
If we have to compare it to something I wanna say that Super Mario Bros is like..... the Formula 1 car of Mario Games.... lemme explain.

Racing cars tend to go all out: they tend to reach victory as quickly as possible, while also try to make riskier moves to give it all... but once they try to turn around they feel slower than anyone else, meaning that changing direction is kinda stiff, since turning a high speed going car is tough and may take some time.

I know it is a weird comparison, but Mario in SMB feels really similar to me: he is fast and you feel tempted to go forward at higher speed. The game kinda makes you want to sprint forward with less hesitation, for different reasons: you can't go back on the left side of the screen so going forward is your only option: whenever you exit pipes, piranha plants step where you were, as an indirect signal to suggest you to go forward; running at higher speed means you can potentially find hidden passages like the infamous pipes in 1-2, that makes you literally jump worlds. Jumping Cheep cheeps and Lakitus can be completely skipped if you just keep on running,

The issue is that the moment you hesitate..... ehhhh mario feels like a car that is struggling stopping: it's not and immediate top but it's slippery and extremely janky. I feel that enemies like Hammer Bros and Bloopers are so hated mainly because they tend to stop your flow and more likely kills you because of the wackier way you turn around.

Most of the levels are also linear, with the only exception being the castles with labyrinth like paths (which kinda sucks, I can't believe these have been brought back in some instances of NSMB Wii), meaning that you barely get this feeling of turning a car on the highway, but it doesn't mean I felt it kinda too much. I ain't sure if this is because of the version present on the NSO, or the fact I grew up with later titles before jumping on SMB, but regardless I felt the jankier controls way harder.

Not to mention that the variety of the levels, while of course revolutionary at the time, today ust feel too samey. I swear I remmeber playing a level in world 7 and being pretty sure it was the same I found in world 2 or something. Having all levels not changing that much compared to other titles also bland the whole mushroom kingdom together, and you feel kinda like you saw everything the game has to offer around the fourth world or something.

Overall of course SMB is a mile stone that everyone should try at least once, its importance cannot be overstated and so on,... but I feel it didn't age as well as other people may claim. Sorryyy.

Não sei se seria exagero chamar esse aqui de jogo mais importante da minha vida. Acho que está ali empatado com Super Mario 64... e até ontem à noite eu meio que nem me lembrava dele. Foi só quando estava vendo alguns vídeos à procura de um outro game (Mario & Luigi, encontrado em todo santo computador na minha adolescência) que parei pra checar se não seria o primeiro Super Mario Bros., afinal de contas, quando--ei, esse aí é o jogo que passei a infância jogando no Dynavision! Que loucura, como não tinha adicionado ainda?!

Hoje em dia é uma outra experiência. Quase dá vontade de falar que lembro dele ser mais difícil, mas não é uma comparação justa: jogar isso aqui sem a opção de salvar do NSO e sem poder conferir algumas coisas, como o caminho certo em alguns dos castelos finais, devia mesmo ser uma experiência de outro mundo, e não no bom sentido. Mas eu adorava, então acho que dá pra dizer que é uma maravilha de qualquer jeito, em qualquer era.

A menos que a gente esteja falando do Lakitu. Lakitu, você é horrível e merece a PRISÃO. Você sabe o que fez.

This game has kinda became underrated. Started the best game series ever and is still to this day one of the best. Great levels, music, and art design. It can be a little janky but that's every NES game.

Score: 4.5/5
Letter Grade: A

First time playing a Mario game other than the Mario Kart series. Pretty fun game aside from the last level, which confused the hell out of me. Solid start! I'm currently playing through all of the high-rated NES games for the first time, and I think I still prefer the Ninja Gaiden games so far, but the majority of them have been enjoyable!

This review contains spoilers

The true start of Super Mario! This game is now over 38 years old which is surely something to behold, but has this game aged well? Well might as well find out I suppose! :0

The controls feel quite tight yet snappy with some slippiness to go along with it, they work fine overall. However it sometimes can very much can very much get you killed too, multiple times. Which can be slightly annoying, turning around can also be quite awkward which throws a bit of a wrench in that side of the controls, yet with some precision it can also be a bit of a strength! It's quite satisfying to jump narrowly over a very close piranha plant in a pipe for example! Among other situations. Power-up wise it's simple yet effective, the fire flower being quite useful for clearing out long lines of enemies in your way, they're also just fun to mash out!! Quite satisfying. Though outside of that there's not much other power-ups to note of, which I personally don't mind too much here. Overall a solid base control-wise for the beginning of 2D Mario! Yet still not quite there yet, understandable for the first of it's lineage.

The levels themselves are mostly...well, pretty alright! Most of the time they're pretty decent, the castle levels however can be a bit of a pain especially the more later ones with pick-a-path level design which can just pointlessly waste your time, considering the fact I've played this game many times however it's not too big of a fuss. The music of each level is quite iconic! I myself enjoying the Underwater Theme most, despite the fact...there are only 3 water sections in the whole game! Which may or may not be a plus, depending on preference.

Over in all, Super Mario Bros is a short game, 32 levels with some secret exits along the way! Which certainly makes speed-runs of the game very impressive and quite cool to see! For the first of the 2D Mario Series it certainly marks a good starting point and while it may have some flaws that come from it being an older game, it's a fun game never-the-less, wahoo! :]

Why did I play this.

To utilize something Tim Rogers once said in his fantastic Action Button Reviews episode about Pac-Man, I would call playing Super Mario Bros to be the video game player's equivalent of doing your taxes. It's vaguely important, but not particularly fun.


It's so straightforward and simple that it's impossible for this game to have aged poorly. I kinda suck at platformers, but this was my first, and it was a great intro

I’ve picked up and dropped this so many times. It’s so fucking difficult for me. The slippery movement makes me feel like I’m ramming my head against a wall. Sat down to try and hammer through it for Mar10 day but just can’t do it. Maybe I’ll force myself to complete it eventually but for now I just don’t think I will

O começo da franquia Mario (e a minha primeira review)

Mario. (não, ele não está no meu armario :v) Ele é um encanador que resolve salvar a princesa do mundo dos cogumelos enquanto um dragão tartaruga/Bowser rapta ela enquanto o Mario avança de castelo em castelo.

O que dizer desse Jogo? Este jogo foi basicamente o que salvou o crash dos games e também ele é muito bom para o que se propõe na época, mas a gameplay em certos pontos não se adaptou bem pros padrões de hoje em dia porque ele é bem simples para um plataformer atual. 6/10

Most NES games have aged like milk. This aged like milk but if you put a bunch of preservatives in it. If I played this in 1985 I would've cummed my little pants off. But I did not. I played it 39 years after the fact: when every single merit of this game has been triumphed tenfold. Thus, my pants remain firmly un-cummed in.

Ultimately, it was pretty fun to see where it all began. It was not fun to see how bullshit the hammer bros are, or how annoying the bloopers are, or how level 7-4 is the dumbest thing ever made by the hands of man.