Twennytoo Five Hundo
In future year AD2022 I apparently logged 500 video games (mostly just played, not finished - can you even imagine). Am I proud of it? Of course not, brother, pride is a sin. Here they are in their entirety in order of play:
500 Games
The first PS2 game iterated on slightly, i.e. very good. You should play these!
Every ship just being a flying gun is incredible, but I didn't much like it beyond that, partner.
Metal Slug-ish. Not as good as any of those but still okay!
Impossibly fast. Possibly made to see how much the NES can't handle? If there's anyone out there who has 1CC'd this they should be preserved in a museum.
Peak of the series here, I think. Copen is a great addition and is super fun to play.
A better game than Lords of Thunder despite coming first.
This is probably one of Konami's better licensed efforts if you're a fan of the comics, but I don't really give a shit about Asterix, sorry.
Got suckered in by the Hiroaki artwork. Lackluster beatemup for anime perverts. I'm good, thanks.
Wanted to like this more than I did (due to it being a few characters removed from being called Dynasty Warriors).
Cool game. Iceman's post-mission dialogue is incredible.
Another game where if I'd played it at the time I would probably love it, but now just doesn't really hold my attention.
It's really fun that a game devoted to a mainstay Italian cinema duo exists, and it looks really good, but the gameplay could never be accused of being deep. Whole bunch of beatemups like this.
It took me a bit to realise how you actually speed up, and then when I did I found I was either trying to win the race or trying to shoot stuff but trying to do both wasn't really working out. Interesting experiment but I'm not in a hurry to replay it.
Looks great, plays bad. Tale as old as time.
Definitely seems like Psikyo games follow a formula. Not my preferred style but this game still has some charm to it.
I don't think I really got this one. Might need to replay.
I really wanted to like this, but it's too slow. Put Sonic Blast Man in a better game please.
I finished this one but am totally blanking on anything about it.
Started this whilst I was on a bit of a Holmes kick from watching some of the Jeremy Brett series. I cooled off but I'll get back to it eventually!
Replay. So, so boring, which is a huge shame considering the license. Come on.
Oh, this is just Beatmania. Well cool, I like Beatmania! Also I'm terrible at Beatmania!
Another free PS+ game. Serviceable beatemup, it's way longer than it needs to be but the combat is decent and I had replayed Sifu a few days before so I was in the mood for more kung fu.
Just looked and felt low-rent, like a Flash game you would have played in the early 2000s. The whole ancient warriors fuck yeah thing isn't really for me either.
Can't really remember it. Looks good from screenshots though!
Still sitting unfinished. A cool look and concept but the race gameplay feels a bit sparse. I'll get round to it eventually.
Supremely frustrating game because it looks and sounds absolutely awesome - they are clearly pushing the Neo Geo to its absolute limit - but it plays like complete ass. It takes two full attack strings to break open an item barrel. Every aspect of gameplay is coated in extra thick molasses.
The essence of the arcade game. You're on a hoverboard, you punch stuff. It's good.
Replay. Bad. Everyone knows it.
The kind of TV show adaptation game we deserve more of - missions are presented like episodes of the show, you get the little title stings, the eyecatches, all of it (The Space Sheriff Spirits is also very good for this stuff). Gameplay-wise it's an otherwise unremarkable TPS but if you like VOTOMs you will probably get a kick out this for a while. You skate about, it does the noise. Mission accomplished.
This Legend has been entirely forgotten by me.
Haven't played any of the other games in this series but I didn't expect this to be as linear as it is. I guess it's okay but I can't say I was too impressed.
This is how you use a license, because it is 10x funnier to try and pass this off as a John McClane adventure. Mental game. There's a review on here that calls it the father of the Yakuza series and they're completely right.
Started this in 2021 but got around to finishing it in 2022. I like the new cel-shaded look but I'd rather play SW4-II. A little too light on character variety. Shikanosuke Yamanaka is very dreamy!
More of the same from Die Hard Arcade, and I'm perfectly fine with that.
Not much here. Platformer with some rules quirks that you can finish in one quick sitting. Again, one you play once and never go back to, but that's fine.
Replay. Superseded by the remakes but this is still okay. Obviously the music rules.
A little sluggish for the time, but full of cool monster designs for you to punch. Also has a fun title to say.
It's fine. I don't like that title though.
Just a very average game. Apparently a Playstation launch title in Japan? Only thing really notable about it.
Another NES platformer that wasn't very good. Think I was playing these because they had translations.
This has about as much relation to actual Double Dragon as the movie does. Total slop, don't even think about it.
Decent enough for an arcade movie adaptation, although it's a little long. It's Irem so it looks good.
Not really a kart racer guy but this seemed decent enough. Did you know Yoshinori Ono of SF4 fame was the composer for this? Crazy!
A better beatemup than the original game is, but still not particularly great.
Better than Guardian Heroes, although I didn't finish it at the time. I remember thinking the combo system was actually pretty good. Will get back to it.
Don't have much to say about the game, but Joe Madureira should be outlawed.
I feel like your ship moves a little too slowly and your hurtbox is massive.
I think this is the one where you can possess enemies? Not great but an interesting attempt.
It's Warriors Orochi, it's good. I think this one isn't quite up to the same level of 3 Ultimate, but you're still guaranteed a fun time. The designs of the new characters are very funny to me - stupid sexy Hades!
Not a good game at all, but the obvious big thing here is that it's one of the first instances of microtransactions, and is pure evil.
Interesting as a weird curiosity - a beatemup spinoff of House of the Dead - but otherwise not much to enjoy here. I do like that they threw in a Yusaku Matsuda-inspired guy for no reason.
Didn't blow me away but it's fine. I'll play it a bit more at some point.
Probably the best of the bunch overall that I'd played on PC-Engine up to this point.
A little overlong from what I remember, but otherwise pretty much on par with King of Dragons.
It was good, but it's possible that Gaiden has ruined me for the rest of this series.
Indiana Jones shoots hordes of animal poachers and also an alien (?). I dunno, I think this game is pretty cool!
Decent enough indie shmup, although it doesn't really have much visual personality.
This is what I wish wizards in movies and stuff were like. Just firing huge amounts of magic shit at everyone constantly. Doing a highest level Dragon's Dogma spell 50 times a minute. ZAP
Metal Slug-ish, but before Metal Slug, by the folk who would make Metal Slug. Covering a wider arc because of your dual guns is cool!
A throwback to Renegade, so not something I really want to bother with.
This shifted between regular respawning and moving back to checkpoints on death, which was very annoying!
Mainly played this port to hear the music. Sadly not as good as I was hoping, but this version also has a bunch of low-rent cutscenes where the Brothers Lee are Kenshiro clones with turn of the 90s anime hair. Dope.
Looks really cool, but I wasn't too bothered about finishing it. I'll pick it back up at some point.
Not good. I think the only notable thing about this to me is that Grifter isn't in it. Is he not this comic's only popular character?
These polygonal entries don't ever really seem to have the oomph of their 2D counterparts, but it's still a good game and I had a big smile on my face when the one boss shifts into TFIV player form and Lightning Strikes Again starts playing.
Okay idea but I don't think EDF gameplay needed streamlining. Also pretty racist!
Decidedly less cool.
Same as Gunbird.
Did not feel good at all to control, so I dropped it pretty early on.
I'm not really sure who this is for.
Memory not found. I'll take your word for it.
Replay. Thought this game was cool as hell as a kid, and hey, I still like it! The first-person sections are still very fun. Did this have Menacer support?
Fun throwback shooter - I'd never heard of it but a friend said hey, you might like this and they were right. Nice!
Replay. This isn't a good release, but the core gameplay of VF5FS is great, so if you have no other access to FS you should get this. Can't say enough good things about Veef.
Replay. I've been dipping in and out all year, only at this point that I decided to actually log it. This game is always going to hold a very special place in my heart, even if I've done pretty much all I want to do in it.
Got nothing. Gone.
A much worse NES platformer that I played for the license.
Just okay. By this point I'd definitely cemented that I preferred Cave to Psikyo.
Has that high-quality Irem look but I remember it feeling really slow.
Nothing like the PS2 game, but a lot like a whole bunch of garbage beatemups. Don't bother with it.
More bog-standard stuff.
Think this was an Eighting one? Tiny bullets. Tiny!
Very easy Mega Man clone. I'd seen people say that Beck is hard mode, and I guess he is in relative terms, because I replayed this later in the year as Gunvolt and I could probably have done it with my eyes closed.
Bad. Move on.
Emphasis on the melee attack is cool, but otherwise I wasn't that into it.
The title of this game is so funny. It's like a weird post-apocalyptic setting! Undercover cops for what?!
Anyway it's decent, it's Irem so everything has that slightly Metal Sluggy look.
Anyway it's decent, it's Irem so everything has that slightly Metal Sluggy look.
Weird not-very-good game that feels like it's some in-joke I'm not getting between steamers or something.
Thought this might be cool but as soon as I saw the battle system I nope'd straight out. Not in the market for turn-based beatemups, sorry.
At least, another actually good Double Dragon game! It can be frustrating at points (staring directly at the final boss) but I think the dodge stuff is really fun. Not huge into the 80s throwback stuff, it's always under about ten separate layers of irony, but it does have the single best rendition of the Double Dragon theme.
Free on PS+. I don't follow the UFC (a friend of mine refers to it as a putrid cretin spectacle and I may be forced to agree), and maybe that's just as well cause if I did I'd have ended up wasting my money on this. Series peaked with Undisputed 3, all downhill from there.
Darius Gaiden's little brother. Great atmosphere and boss designs makes up for slightly subpar gameplay.
One of the best - maybe the best-looking arcade games of the era. Seriously, it's ridiculous! I'm amazed this has never had a home release. Gameplay-wise, well, it's yet more Golden Axe. If you like it you like it. I like it!
Okay I don't remember this one.
This game can fuck right off. Honestly.
Probably would have liked it a lot if I played it at the time of release, but this ended up being a big-time disappointment. Just felt sluggish and killing things took forever. Obviously looks awesome, though.
Much better than the original. Weird, kind of grotesque designs and Winkysoft doing a Winkysoft as hell soundtrack. Final boss music just sounds like a Masou Kishin track, which is a-OK by me.
Genuinely astounding effort for one guy. Awesome combo system, this was walking the Streets of Rage 4 walk before that game existed. Only problems I have with it are the lighting is a bit much at times and the main girl leans way too hard into anime fanservice for my taste. Genuinely really good game.
Replay. Golf It night with the boys. Get a solid custom map and it's a great laugh.
An interesting deviation from the standard belt scroller formula, but not very engaging beyond that.
Kind of cool, but just a little too annoying for me.
4 Comments
Damn this is impressive
Did you complete Ring Fit?!
@Vee this took me days lol
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
Vee
1 year ago
Bayou Billy is one of the most unfun NES games I ever played, goddamn what a slog-filled and mean-spirited game.