LunaEndlessWitch
Chicory's melancholic unraveling was nothing but an emotional walk for me. It has such a real captivating idea of stress, anxiety, and unease. Despite being a very clearly inviting cozier work to get yourself into, it's all about bringing those anxious dizzy and frictional creative thoughts to life. In a world full of conversations and pieces on the "artist's experience", this is most certainly one that paints a very personal and graceful stroke of the brush on it.
And I just... love it. All of it. I love that every screen is an encouraging attempt for you to color the place however you like, but you are never judged for leaving it how it is. Every earnest effort is given praise and a warm hug, and home and support are always a call away. Even if you choose not to, you'll find support yourself as you journey. I love how the 'trials' are just little things, small but poignant lessons that help you find your center. I felt teary-eyed at all times during the last four chapters, just building up to capturing that feeling inside, that urge and real sense of want.
I also adore its setting, this lightly fanciful but towny vibe, people of all colors of life simply living and looking up to you as you go. A lot of them are soft and charming, but I enjoy the rare but notable pointed characters you come across too. I especially like how they all seem to be dealing with their own baggage and your color helps them work through the day too. Even when Chicory is at its most twee and hilariously cute, it never ever feels like you left that light permeating sadness that you'll have to deal with by journey's end.
Come join us in making a painting about life.
And I just... love it. All of it. I love that every screen is an encouraging attempt for you to color the place however you like, but you are never judged for leaving it how it is. Every earnest effort is given praise and a warm hug, and home and support are always a call away. Even if you choose not to, you'll find support yourself as you journey. I love how the 'trials' are just little things, small but poignant lessons that help you find your center. I felt teary-eyed at all times during the last four chapters, just building up to capturing that feeling inside, that urge and real sense of want.
I also adore its setting, this lightly fanciful but towny vibe, people of all colors of life simply living and looking up to you as you go. A lot of them are soft and charming, but I enjoy the rare but notable pointed characters you come across too. I especially like how they all seem to be dealing with their own baggage and your color helps them work through the day too. Even when Chicory is at its most twee and hilariously cute, it never ever feels like you left that light permeating sadness that you'll have to deal with by journey's end.
Come join us in making a painting about life.
Genuinely the best feeling 3D platformer I've played innnnnn gotta be at least 5 years. It's, just, pouring out the seams with charm and earnest love, to the point where the polish feels homemade with its partly-crusty lining. Sometimes for woe though, of course, like when the geometry can ~occasionally~ disagree with your particular momentum and existence. Otherwise it feels as clean as it should be!
It has the makings of doing the Super Mario Odyssey flowchart of hat-tricking, but with detours and digressions from that linear track, encouraged both for score and conserving momentum. Sonic but not-quite-Sonic sprinklings on top, and that all flows together phenomenally. What's altogether more stunning though is it's the only work of its ilk that bothers to really have "level design." There's real guidance through its stages in a way that lets you go absolutely hogwild with its toolkit without ever being 'too open' or 'too constrained.' You can reasonably skip as much as you'd like to by mastering the speed of yo-yo tricks well enough, but there's always some things you Need to do. It's so super encouraging of going for the One-Combo 100% run through its stages, to the point where I actually went and did a few. I can't say a game like this has done that to me! It helps that the music is so bouncy and blissful, and stages never outstay their welcome to where the prospect of "you need to do this entire stage again" is a "absolutely hun let's do even better this time".
My only ~real~ issue is that the swinging and twirling, sadly, lacks enough bite, at least for me. I don't think there's a single stage or moment where the game challenged me, and this is AFTER doing every bonus stage. Sure I can do the one-combos and those can be difficult but with all the skips it's only really as hard as I let it be? Even though it's not uncharacteristic for such a clearly soft platformer, I find myself so unsatisfied with the lengths the game really went to, especially when the final boss was more of a wet fart than a real demonstration of the game's skills, or like, your performance as an artist!!! Give it an encore! A real spicy star road!
It has the makings of doing the Super Mario Odyssey flowchart of hat-tricking, but with detours and digressions from that linear track, encouraged both for score and conserving momentum. Sonic but not-quite-Sonic sprinklings on top, and that all flows together phenomenally. What's altogether more stunning though is it's the only work of its ilk that bothers to really have "level design." There's real guidance through its stages in a way that lets you go absolutely hogwild with its toolkit without ever being 'too open' or 'too constrained.' You can reasonably skip as much as you'd like to by mastering the speed of yo-yo tricks well enough, but there's always some things you Need to do. It's so super encouraging of going for the One-Combo 100% run through its stages, to the point where I actually went and did a few. I can't say a game like this has done that to me! It helps that the music is so bouncy and blissful, and stages never outstay their welcome to where the prospect of "you need to do this entire stage again" is a "absolutely hun let's do even better this time".
My only ~real~ issue is that the swinging and twirling, sadly, lacks enough bite, at least for me. I don't think there's a single stage or moment where the game challenged me, and this is AFTER doing every bonus stage. Sure I can do the one-combos and those can be difficult but with all the skips it's only really as hard as I let it be? Even though it's not uncharacteristic for such a clearly soft platformer, I find myself so unsatisfied with the lengths the game really went to, especially when the final boss was more of a wet fart than a real demonstration of the game's skills, or like, your performance as an artist!!! Give it an encore! A real spicy star road!
There's a moment at the end of world 2 where a cutscene plays, with the whole crew in a desert as Kirby lags behind, desperate for food as they then imagine their friends as said items. Of course, Adeleine makes food for everyone with her paintings and they have a nice picnic right there.
It's that kind of heartwarming, powerful energy that runs through the whole experience. This friendly, childlike pleasantry as you go across the galaxy with fun poplike music playing through the speakers, as your friends join you in a great amount of the levels to assist you. Whether that be sledding with waddle dee to king dedede himself helping you across lava chasms there's always a strong aura that feels like one very warm hug. If anything the only small issue is just that sometimes the game reminds you that it's a little old and shakes your attention by forcing you to grab a powerup twice from a completely different area for the true ending. But even still, the whole playthrough is rather forgiving, in that you can actually get a powerup mid-level, quit out of the level, and still have that powerup on you, including all the crystals you got in the level so far!!
Crystal Shards is very much a nostalgic, but also genuine fav of the kirby games for me. I'll always think about that final level where The Squad helps you out one final time before Ribbon carries you as you rail shoot an utterly corrupted angelic entity that bleeds while the game pleads with you to Tough It Out!!!
It's that kind of heartwarming, powerful energy that runs through the whole experience. This friendly, childlike pleasantry as you go across the galaxy with fun poplike music playing through the speakers, as your friends join you in a great amount of the levels to assist you. Whether that be sledding with waddle dee to king dedede himself helping you across lava chasms there's always a strong aura that feels like one very warm hug. If anything the only small issue is just that sometimes the game reminds you that it's a little old and shakes your attention by forcing you to grab a powerup twice from a completely different area for the true ending. But even still, the whole playthrough is rather forgiving, in that you can actually get a powerup mid-level, quit out of the level, and still have that powerup on you, including all the crystals you got in the level so far!!
Crystal Shards is very much a nostalgic, but also genuine fav of the kirby games for me. I'll always think about that final level where The Squad helps you out one final time before Ribbon carries you as you rail shoot an utterly corrupted angelic entity that bleeds while the game pleads with you to Tough It Out!!!
2015
Still thinking a lot about how much Black Mesa's Xen feels like a complete disgusting counter to everything it's supposed to represent. How it feels much more like a portfolio-driven set of levels in terms of design rather than anything cohesive. How, despite being on a completely alien majestic world, the way you actually interact with said world is obscenely familiar, trivial. You do the same sort of puzzles you did in stuff like Office Complex or earlier. Even in space, you cannot escape 30+ minutes of connect power cord, walk to area, shoot 2-3 enemies, connect power cord. Xen is not Alien. It isn't an apotheosis either. You are empowered to enact a simulacra of other games instead, like later half-life games with the elevator and chase sequence. I do not hold Xen in HL1 in the highest regard possible (nor do I for HL1 much in general anymore, honestly :/), but it was at its core a fervent 'betrayal' of the familiar. It's reviled for this decision but it is altogether fitting, how platforming is a disgusting poor feeling challenge because, well, this planet was not built for the likes of you. You're simply fighting through a world that was never expecting you to be here. But in Black Mesa it doesn't even bother to truly be dangerous. Granted, that's true of Black Mesa in general the more I mull over it. There's a lot to dissect on how Marines function both as an aesthetic issue and a mechanical one here vs all of the other HL's enemies. In a way, Black Mesa is a betrayal in of itself to me because it seeks not to conserve any spirit of what it's remaking as much as it pushes it through a meat grinder (albeit, with soft hands working the parts, I won't say crowbar's effort was exactly soulless) of HL2 and later design. And to that it breaks down most of those foundations until you have something almost unrecognizable for those who played HL1 and Opposing Force in terms of feel and play and understanding. The aesthetic, on a technical and story lens, is conserved to some degree, in grander majesty. But at what cost?
The systems are fruitless, the construction is tainted, everyone will use these mechanics of 'justice' for their own ends because they have accepted that where one comes shadow they must also come with shadow. But that doesn't mean that light, that 'truth', doesn't exist. To avert your eyes and act like the pursuit of truth and justice is naive and nothing more, is cowardice. Cowardice at the enormity of the issue, the complexity, the sheer size of the web. We must strive "to keep going down the straight and narrow road."
The politics are all simplified, but I couldn't help but have it hit me within a current situation that has me viscerally frustrated both in my ability to speak and others' ability to speak. In the modern world the idea of acquittal is a self made one in that the players of power and in power will do everything to keep control of the exploits they've crafted to stamp on my rights, so even if one untouchable person was brought down, nothing would change. In a sense, Resolve, asks for some hope in the people to find their way. The comparison is trite if I try to make it any more tangible, it's simply a feeling I had while trying to keep my positivity afloat amongst the sludge of pain recently. I'm not even in a good enough emotional state to try to conclude the train of thought on what I should be doing, it's radicalizing and disgusting to continue to swallow. So really I don't know where I'm going with this to a very insecure extent. I guess what I'm trying to say is that at the least, GAA2 Resolve offers comfort in a belief that we'll get there together again. I doubt me saying that will offer any solace, and it's of no use to others to oversimplify this shit.
But like at some point you have to confront the message of the work, what the characters believe, if you want to talk about it right? "To fight those who dwell in the darkness requires at least some of us to occupy the darkness ourselves." is wrong, that's wrong. It doesn't feel good though. Like an hour and a half ago I watched an excruciatingly fucked up 3 minute video of some absolutely infuriating vein-popping preacher openly saying to kill queer people with the only response being applauding and agreement, and to my side my SO is watching a 5 minute news clip of senator's arguments juxtaposed with other real senators full audibly feigning to care about mental illness of a school shooter to then say trans is the problem. If I loaded up any additional social media right now it would be a hilarious juxtaposition to the game I just played because it would be complete doomscrolling. Because like, what else is there to do? they'll say.
I want Sholmes' ray of light. I want to believe.
The politics are all simplified, but I couldn't help but have it hit me within a current situation that has me viscerally frustrated both in my ability to speak and others' ability to speak. In the modern world the idea of acquittal is a self made one in that the players of power and in power will do everything to keep control of the exploits they've crafted to stamp on my rights, so even if one untouchable person was brought down, nothing would change. In a sense, Resolve, asks for some hope in the people to find their way. The comparison is trite if I try to make it any more tangible, it's simply a feeling I had while trying to keep my positivity afloat amongst the sludge of pain recently. I'm not even in a good enough emotional state to try to conclude the train of thought on what I should be doing, it's radicalizing and disgusting to continue to swallow. So really I don't know where I'm going with this to a very insecure extent. I guess what I'm trying to say is that at the least, GAA2 Resolve offers comfort in a belief that we'll get there together again. I doubt me saying that will offer any solace, and it's of no use to others to oversimplify this shit.
But like at some point you have to confront the message of the work, what the characters believe, if you want to talk about it right? "To fight those who dwell in the darkness requires at least some of us to occupy the darkness ourselves." is wrong, that's wrong. It doesn't feel good though. Like an hour and a half ago I watched an excruciatingly fucked up 3 minute video of some absolutely infuriating vein-popping preacher openly saying to kill queer people with the only response being applauding and agreement, and to my side my SO is watching a 5 minute news clip of senator's arguments juxtaposed with other real senators full audibly feigning to care about mental illness of a school shooter to then say trans is the problem. If I loaded up any additional social media right now it would be a hilarious juxtaposition to the game I just played because it would be complete doomscrolling. Because like, what else is there to do? they'll say.
I want Sholmes' ray of light. I want to believe.
Going from the original to this is a significant leap ahead, a swansong that pays its tribute to the miles and miles of experience, refined to such a degree that you can really feel it to an almost clinical level. In a sense this already fails at matching up to what it's paying respect to years in the past, as its edge is mostly sanded, the unique artistry of the single stream of consciousness replaced by a more general structure. Things rise, things fall, go to one climactic finish that blissfully spreads its message of a loving companionship versus the mechanical ends of humanity.
But yeah I love that more. An easy victim to the usual, the violent swells, the compounding final boss rush, the absolute insanity of an XBLA-vibe masterwork. What I felt with the original was that it lacked "impact", and even though it's on the more appreciation-over-time end, I kind of kicked its ass. It was too easy for me on Normal and I didn't spend a credit. The almost-but-not-quite formless nature of most of its music enshrouding its levels left me feeling very miffed and unflinching towards things on an initial level. For whatever inexplicable reason, though it's significantly less of an innate strength in tone versus the OG's harsh and heavy beat vibetown, I could really feel the energy through each mission in Star Successor. But it's definitely possible that it's more many things coming together in ways that definitely appeal to me way more. Treasure is simply encapsulating the most awesome parts and aesthetical sensibilities of the generation they're in.
Of course, the biggest demonstration Star Successor has on offer is how it has simply mastered layered action in its gameplay. There's actually such cool shit to how bullet patterns and enemies come together onto your mental stack, testing significantly more within its frame of movement than ever before. If nothing else, Star Successor is quite literally the best mechanical rail shooter, and it's lovingly difficult!!! Despite the intense "who the fuck would want to 1cc this" length, each mission is a perfectly paced piece with some of the best positional boss battles to rival most action games! While not the exact back-to-back variety you'll see on the N64 the whole of Star Successor also doesn't feel like it quite ever does the same thing twice, although there's some overlap. I was so expressively losing myself in the final stage too. Real piercing the heavens stuff. Good shit.
I apologize though, you'll have to forgive me for comparing the two so strictly. Star Successor is not Trying to be the original again, and while there's merit to meshing the two together to see their more apparent differences and how much the developers have grown, it's still a battle of appeals. People should be playing both of these because as a sequence they're reflective on the absolute best of us and how that culture of the best of us moves over time. The most poignant note is that we'll be making 100 different versions on the same determination of our spiral united power, yet still result in beautiful wholly unique stars that inspire the way forward.
But yeah I love that more. An easy victim to the usual, the violent swells, the compounding final boss rush, the absolute insanity of an XBLA-vibe masterwork. What I felt with the original was that it lacked "impact", and even though it's on the more appreciation-over-time end, I kind of kicked its ass. It was too easy for me on Normal and I didn't spend a credit. The almost-but-not-quite formless nature of most of its music enshrouding its levels left me feeling very miffed and unflinching towards things on an initial level. For whatever inexplicable reason, though it's significantly less of an innate strength in tone versus the OG's harsh and heavy beat vibetown, I could really feel the energy through each mission in Star Successor. But it's definitely possible that it's more many things coming together in ways that definitely appeal to me way more. Treasure is simply encapsulating the most awesome parts and aesthetical sensibilities of the generation they're in.
Of course, the biggest demonstration Star Successor has on offer is how it has simply mastered layered action in its gameplay. There's actually such cool shit to how bullet patterns and enemies come together onto your mental stack, testing significantly more within its frame of movement than ever before. If nothing else, Star Successor is quite literally the best mechanical rail shooter, and it's lovingly difficult!!! Despite the intense "who the fuck would want to 1cc this" length, each mission is a perfectly paced piece with some of the best positional boss battles to rival most action games! While not the exact back-to-back variety you'll see on the N64 the whole of Star Successor also doesn't feel like it quite ever does the same thing twice, although there's some overlap. I was so expressively losing myself in the final stage too. Real piercing the heavens stuff. Good shit.
I apologize though, you'll have to forgive me for comparing the two so strictly. Star Successor is not Trying to be the original again, and while there's merit to meshing the two together to see their more apparent differences and how much the developers have grown, it's still a battle of appeals. People should be playing both of these because as a sequence they're reflective on the absolute best of us and how that culture of the best of us moves over time. The most poignant note is that we'll be making 100 different versions on the same determination of our spiral united power, yet still result in beautiful wholly unique stars that inspire the way forward.
1998
Walking away from this was like peeling back from a closed arcade cabinet, heart beating and smiling radiantly going "gosh I can't believe that happened." Sure, the game wasn't made for arcade cabinets in mind, but you can certainly Imagine it. It really felt that way. I put one coin in and was tossed into a racing world of beautiful yellow with beats that'll just carry with me to my grave. I want to race again.
2019
A memorial and portrait of a time "lost", with the paint bleeding through the page to imprint on the user, hoping for them to understand what we might bring to today. Each brushstroke an elegant capture of people and the communication between them, shared through the tendrils of corporation forever omnipresent then as it is now. And they all share the same message. There's no going back. Reflect now and move forward, because we as a people still are the same expressions of love and joy, regardless of how much it appears to have superficially changed.
2013
Gone Home is v difficult to talk about divorced from the context it came out in and the upheaval that surrounded it shortly after. And honestly I really wouldn't like to, as now it ends up being a formative part of why this game is important to talk about still. Said underpinnings of that upheaval being marred in seriously toxic rhetoric and extremely tred-on ground prevents me from really talking about the history of the game's release though, and it's better I just skip right ahead to the point I want to make with this. And it's that ground hasn't really ever ended, as sincerely as some people would like to hope.
If the negative reviews of this game aren't already an implication of this, reading them will kinda reveal that the romantic pairing and overbearing levels of emphasis on such might've not been without reason today. While I wouldn't ever prop-up Gone Home's narrative as a fantastic success especially even compared to its peers of today in the same genre, it certainly was one that struck me enough back then and proves to me that lgbt acceptance is still a long way to go, especially for me. I didn't come out as enby until very recently, or coming out as being bisexual until a few years after this game's release, but looking back on this now that 'feeling' of what I could come out as being monstrous and haunting to those unfamiliar with it definitely bounced in my head back then.
Not to imply that's the intent of the house being somewhat terrifying when you walk in, but exploring through nooks and crannies in the dark and desolate to find out truths about who you are is a lot more relatable and passionately strung together than a lot of things I could name. Even still, if that kind of narrative slides off you, I'd argue Gone Home is a pretty effective puzzle thread game, even if the structure is a bit linear! So to continuously see its reputation tarnished most definitely for the fences it made, and the comments made to it being so snide and without much understanding for what it is, I end up defending it for the simulacra it stands for me. And idk that's definitely some individualist toxic cross to bear, but i don't care.
If the negative reviews of this game aren't already an implication of this, reading them will kinda reveal that the romantic pairing and overbearing levels of emphasis on such might've not been without reason today. While I wouldn't ever prop-up Gone Home's narrative as a fantastic success especially even compared to its peers of today in the same genre, it certainly was one that struck me enough back then and proves to me that lgbt acceptance is still a long way to go, especially for me. I didn't come out as enby until very recently, or coming out as being bisexual until a few years after this game's release, but looking back on this now that 'feeling' of what I could come out as being monstrous and haunting to those unfamiliar with it definitely bounced in my head back then.
Not to imply that's the intent of the house being somewhat terrifying when you walk in, but exploring through nooks and crannies in the dark and desolate to find out truths about who you are is a lot more relatable and passionately strung together than a lot of things I could name. Even still, if that kind of narrative slides off you, I'd argue Gone Home is a pretty effective puzzle thread game, even if the structure is a bit linear! So to continuously see its reputation tarnished most definitely for the fences it made, and the comments made to it being so snide and without much understanding for what it is, I end up defending it for the simulacra it stands for me. And idk that's definitely some individualist toxic cross to bear, but i don't care.
This work is too fucked, its problematic pain points harder to swallow over time for me, but I cannot reconcile that discomfort when this was a very heartfelt comfy experience during a more formative time in my life. So in some ways I avoid and reject that, but one thing I feel righteous in rejecting is the notion of a work being too 'online' to experience, as if something that reminds you of the too-many-hours you spent on twitter or whatever is a not-very-valid perspective. We're in an era of people who are going to spend further or similar time looking through the internet in a way that fragments their personality into ways that become a part of what they are and having that be called "too online, feels like twitter/reddit/etc." is honestly a bit frustrating for me! I guess it's cuz i'm too online, I suppose.
Anyways Jill is me that's what I'm getting at
Anyways Jill is me that's what I'm getting at
2019
The coolest thing about this game is that the act of finishing it is a smokescreen. If you actually went all the way to the end, and did everything, I salute you, but the real point for most is to stop playing the campaign and pretty much spend all your time using the custom workouts or something that feels right for you. To go at your own pace.
The amazing heartfelt purpose is simply to establish a routine, pushing you on, congratulating you, giving tool tips and etc. just to get you into a workout mindset. With enough body positivity I was able to come back and establish what I need to do, giving myself a full regimen to stick to for the past week or so now. The gamey part falls away, now earnestly happy to just let you use it to your heart's content. Feels great.
The amazing heartfelt purpose is simply to establish a routine, pushing you on, congratulating you, giving tool tips and etc. just to get you into a workout mindset. With enough body positivity I was able to come back and establish what I need to do, giving myself a full regimen to stick to for the past week or so now. The gamey part falls away, now earnestly happy to just let you use it to your heart's content. Feels great.
2016
I don't know HOW I could talk about this shit without completely devolving to absolute gushing. This is such an unreal hype action game packed to the brim with charm, complete riding adrenaline and just so insanely good to get me screaming "PINNACLE OF GAMING". I'm screaming and jumping and losing my mind at every world, roaring at every level screen, the only thing painful is how criminal it fell under the radar. I'm only now near the end of normal and I cannot wait to go through hard mode too I just have to get this apex of ecstatic energy out to everyone's minds! Give it a shot I guarantee you won't regret this.
EDIT: HOLY FUCK
EDIT: HOLY FUCK
2023
This review contains spoilers
I ended up stopping rather early because many things about it were starting to make me very uncomfortable over time. I was,, kind of enjoying myself I feel half the time. The lovely ~next gen~ presentation, a level of genuine aesthetic fidelity that actually gave power to how scenes evolved, rather than feeling fleeting or weightless. Combat for the most part kind of rode that roller coaster too, being technical and combo-y and rather fun to mash. It's not deep enough for me to personally come back, not as far as I got anyway, but the functions of it were kinesthetically lovely, and I liked to optimize where I could. Also the general vibe was making me really like,, two of the characters. Clive in particular, which I feel is probably obvious, as the narrative certainly favors him by design. But he feels really human, very much at odds with a sense of broken adolescence and vengenace and multiple levels of emotion he lets pull him and be earnest with. Side quests especially make that apparent, and those are all good I liked those!! They're fun and hammy and Worldbuilding and feel a kind of neatly alive in a way I like about 7R's sidequests but with just more of that flavor here (also especially the way Clive acts in response he's so cute).
There's also Cid, who's kind of just hot, but like, really really hot. His smoked-several-thousands-of-packs voice had me off my talons a little, you know? And there's that very YA ooo he's dealing with some demons in the dark but he's holding strong OOOO.
But, to dig down on something, 'favored by the narrative'. There is a stringent commonality on who is actually 'favored', at all times. The first time I felt rather taken aback is with Clive's mom, a scene where she is clearly disfavorable of him, and then further when the dad is not just keenly aware of that but practically works around the ~crazy uncaring figure~. And then WOW it turns out she's spoilers sleeping with him still for political gain and didn't really care about any of them. Oh and the other girl lead we've seen so far is sleeping with guys in a way she doesn't enjoy for political again. Oh and Jill is there in an explicitly subserviant role to the family, even if she is family. Oh and next time we see her she's in chains and smacked down to the ground before we free her. Oh and next time we see Benadiktra or whatever it becomes a thing that Cid knows about and she's soooo bad to herself and her body. Oh and there's more violence against women scene to scene. Oh it's NOT stopping??
Yeah it's gross I don't feel good about it. The further I went the less charity I had. The more time I spent away from it around like, chapter 6(?), the more I didn't feel good about myself and what this game might be for. It's not like I couldn't push aside some of this stuff and jive with the dudesss rock a little,,
So I sat through the whole story on youtube because I wasn't planning on spending too many hours on it, just needed peace of mind. Like maybe it gets better? Maybe what I feel is just some negative nanny while everyone else is enjoying themselves! Not the first time it's happened really.
I got to the Garuda scene and promptly lost what remained of good will. Almost closed it out but kept going just to see where it ends.
I shelve it now instead of dropping because I know, I love final fantasy too fucking much. Maybe I'll read someone's thing that opens up a whole new door for me for it, or something. But until that time comes I detest this shit. God awful FF. Do NOT go down the rabbit hole further trying to justify the development somewhere (this lead writer made Heavensward?? What the fuck happened??), you might find out shit like this https://twitter.com/aitaikimochi/status/1688248192968912896?s=20
There's also Cid, who's kind of just hot, but like, really really hot. His smoked-several-thousands-of-packs voice had me off my talons a little, you know? And there's that very YA ooo he's dealing with some demons in the dark but he's holding strong OOOO.
But, to dig down on something, 'favored by the narrative'. There is a stringent commonality on who is actually 'favored', at all times. The first time I felt rather taken aback is with Clive's mom, a scene where she is clearly disfavorable of him, and then further when the dad is not just keenly aware of that but practically works around the ~crazy uncaring figure~. And then WOW it turns out she's spoilers sleeping with him still for political gain and didn't really care about any of them. Oh and the other girl lead we've seen so far is sleeping with guys in a way she doesn't enjoy for political again. Oh and Jill is there in an explicitly subserviant role to the family, even if she is family. Oh and next time we see her she's in chains and smacked down to the ground before we free her. Oh and next time we see Benadiktra or whatever it becomes a thing that Cid knows about and she's soooo bad to herself and her body. Oh and there's more violence against women scene to scene. Oh it's NOT stopping??
Yeah it's gross I don't feel good about it. The further I went the less charity I had. The more time I spent away from it around like, chapter 6(?), the more I didn't feel good about myself and what this game might be for. It's not like I couldn't push aside some of this stuff and jive with the dudesss rock a little,,
So I sat through the whole story on youtube because I wasn't planning on spending too many hours on it, just needed peace of mind. Like maybe it gets better? Maybe what I feel is just some negative nanny while everyone else is enjoying themselves! Not the first time it's happened really.
I got to the Garuda scene and promptly lost what remained of good will. Almost closed it out but kept going just to see where it ends.
I shelve it now instead of dropping because I know, I love final fantasy too fucking much. Maybe I'll read someone's thing that opens up a whole new door for me for it, or something. But until that time comes I detest this shit. God awful FF. Do NOT go down the rabbit hole further trying to justify the development somewhere (this lead writer made Heavensward?? What the fuck happened??), you might find out shit like this https://twitter.com/aitaikimochi/status/1688248192968912896?s=20
2009
Masterclass in indulgence and responsible for too many things in my life.
This one's for all the real witches,,,
This one's for all the real witches,,,
2011
Feels like I'm walking out of the corner of a dark room, pulling open a forbidden tome. Any time this work is mentioned, whether by friends or strangers, I feel like I'm stepping on glass recommending or giving it any sort of positivity. It is inextricably bound to my personal baggage, the way I came across it, what it meant for me, and how it's pretty much front up a problematic work I cherish. The characters featured in this work are underage, you bet your ass there's adult content, and there's all manners of triggering topics. I'm sort of walking a mental tightrope thinking about what to say because I feel like there's hounds at the heels and, honestly, I find myself idealistically clashing whether to go through with detailing my thoughts at all because of that issue when I could just keep it locked up fully private. But I want to be true to myself as well as my thoughts on art, so before going on, if the latter sentences already have you on guard, that's fair enough. I'm not going to support the morality of this kind of work being a-ok in japan, the economic incentives of japan otaku, etc.. I just want to talk about how this work means a great deal to me.
I think before picking up Fruit of Grisaia, a lot of my thoughts on romance were pretty, i guess for lack of a better word very edgy/disgruntled. Extreme bachelor/bachelorette for life vibes. Not quite incel territory but the sort of mental justification of removing yourself from the equation and thinking in some way that makes you better. I'd read a couple works, Spice and Wolf for one although I didn't finish it. Anime kind of offers itself as kind of easy to fit yourself into when you're this subtype. It was maybe 5 years ago now then where I started reading Fruit of Grisaia off a friend's tacit recommendation.
What followed wasn't transformative exactly but my mentality changed as the story progressed. Grisaia initially offers comfort with the common route, as these polar extremes of character archtypes all mesh into one classroom and you laugh and slowly get to know their quirks and deeper personalities. The dialogue is pretty great, these characters are so excellently defined in their rapport and they have a multitude of different edges that make them feel more like people than softer rounder stereotypes, slowly removing itself from the idea of archtype altogether.
It's when each character's route comes in, that it starts fully exploring their traumas and slowly uncovering realizations on the ways we think after dealing with the extreme ends of our grief. Suddenly 'quirks' make a lot more sense, motivations that feel promptly niche for some people or weird become tangible, and kind of falling down a rabbit hole of grief spirals and guilt. Guilt for many things, blaming ourselves for our own issues, and wallowing in that despair underneath while still putting on performative smiles and seeking friendship to heal over the wound. That's the VN's main appeal, that continuous grieving and self criticism, and then after acknowledging them, learning to deal and move on with them. And that way Grisaia points towards moves me on to the next point that really span my world around.
Companionship. As a still pubescent mind that I have to reiterate kind of strove away from the romantics the ways Grisaia had me invested in these characters' union with a MC (who is a total asshole gamer dork) started to really change my ideas on what I wanted in life and what I was doing acting on my own. I fell deeply in love with the romantics, how these characters comforted each other and slowly ran through the checklist of genuinely well communicated relationships. So at one point I had to sit down while reading and look at myself. Was I afraid of being hurt? Was I afraid of opening up? Do I too have issues I have to come towards and deal with, that I'm feeling comfortable sticking under a facade of stern emotions?
The answers are complicated but the year after finishing Fruit I took what I felt were the mental lessons. A year later I'd gotten into a relationship for my now 3-years going SO. I started expanding outward, letting myself be more vulnerable, I discovered or more like acknowledged my queerness, got really into romantics, found solace in being the internet punching bag furry. I don't think Fruit was entirely alone in moving this boulder but it's because it's so heavily responsible that it's ironic I never thanked or called back to it going forward. Sometimes the way you grow up or find real lessons in empathy comes from the worst places you can think of, and thusly I have no unbiased way of really acknowledging this work without again putting my personal baggage on full display.
And of course, Fruit of Grisaia isn't really perfect at all. The way the traumas are brought up aren't dealt with with the most deft of hands, and a couple of its conclusions to move forward with these issues are very anime magical and not really giving the trauma or disorder the attention it really deserves. In some ways that's fine because Yuuji as MC is designed to have to find some way to magically give some solace or solution to these characters, and the best part is that at the least, Grisaia acknowledges that none of these are perfect solutions and all the characters of Grisaia have to still, live with that trauma, even to their final days. There's still a couple asterisk quite disgusting triggering scenes as well, and it's certainly above the 'peak kamige' genre in many many ways by one) not having the MC rape at all (wow what a concept), and two) having care and context for when these triggering scenes happen. But it's still colored in shades of an individualistic but remarkably partially otaku lens nonetheless.
Still, it's going to go down in my life as problematic media #1 or close for a good deal and I'll live with that. I obviously can't recommend this to most people in fear of them finding that the stack of cards that is my mental rationalization and experience with this might be even more deeply flawed than I already acknowledge, but I'm not going to fuck around saying it's anything but amazing to me.
I think before picking up Fruit of Grisaia, a lot of my thoughts on romance were pretty, i guess for lack of a better word very edgy/disgruntled. Extreme bachelor/bachelorette for life vibes. Not quite incel territory but the sort of mental justification of removing yourself from the equation and thinking in some way that makes you better. I'd read a couple works, Spice and Wolf for one although I didn't finish it. Anime kind of offers itself as kind of easy to fit yourself into when you're this subtype. It was maybe 5 years ago now then where I started reading Fruit of Grisaia off a friend's tacit recommendation.
What followed wasn't transformative exactly but my mentality changed as the story progressed. Grisaia initially offers comfort with the common route, as these polar extremes of character archtypes all mesh into one classroom and you laugh and slowly get to know their quirks and deeper personalities. The dialogue is pretty great, these characters are so excellently defined in their rapport and they have a multitude of different edges that make them feel more like people than softer rounder stereotypes, slowly removing itself from the idea of archtype altogether.
It's when each character's route comes in, that it starts fully exploring their traumas and slowly uncovering realizations on the ways we think after dealing with the extreme ends of our grief. Suddenly 'quirks' make a lot more sense, motivations that feel promptly niche for some people or weird become tangible, and kind of falling down a rabbit hole of grief spirals and guilt. Guilt for many things, blaming ourselves for our own issues, and wallowing in that despair underneath while still putting on performative smiles and seeking friendship to heal over the wound. That's the VN's main appeal, that continuous grieving and self criticism, and then after acknowledging them, learning to deal and move on with them. And that way Grisaia points towards moves me on to the next point that really span my world around.
Companionship. As a still pubescent mind that I have to reiterate kind of strove away from the romantics the ways Grisaia had me invested in these characters' union with a MC (who is a total asshole gamer dork) started to really change my ideas on what I wanted in life and what I was doing acting on my own. I fell deeply in love with the romantics, how these characters comforted each other and slowly ran through the checklist of genuinely well communicated relationships. So at one point I had to sit down while reading and look at myself. Was I afraid of being hurt? Was I afraid of opening up? Do I too have issues I have to come towards and deal with, that I'm feeling comfortable sticking under a facade of stern emotions?
The answers are complicated but the year after finishing Fruit I took what I felt were the mental lessons. A year later I'd gotten into a relationship for my now 3-years going SO. I started expanding outward, letting myself be more vulnerable, I discovered or more like acknowledged my queerness, got really into romantics, found solace in being the internet punching bag furry. I don't think Fruit was entirely alone in moving this boulder but it's because it's so heavily responsible that it's ironic I never thanked or called back to it going forward. Sometimes the way you grow up or find real lessons in empathy comes from the worst places you can think of, and thusly I have no unbiased way of really acknowledging this work without again putting my personal baggage on full display.
And of course, Fruit of Grisaia isn't really perfect at all. The way the traumas are brought up aren't dealt with with the most deft of hands, and a couple of its conclusions to move forward with these issues are very anime magical and not really giving the trauma or disorder the attention it really deserves. In some ways that's fine because Yuuji as MC is designed to have to find some way to magically give some solace or solution to these characters, and the best part is that at the least, Grisaia acknowledges that none of these are perfect solutions and all the characters of Grisaia have to still, live with that trauma, even to their final days. There's still a couple asterisk quite disgusting triggering scenes as well, and it's certainly above the 'peak kamige' genre in many many ways by one) not having the MC rape at all (wow what a concept), and two) having care and context for when these triggering scenes happen. But it's still colored in shades of an individualistic but remarkably partially otaku lens nonetheless.
Still, it's going to go down in my life as problematic media #1 or close for a good deal and I'll live with that. I obviously can't recommend this to most people in fear of them finding that the stack of cards that is my mental rationalization and experience with this might be even more deeply flawed than I already acknowledge, but I'm not going to fuck around saying it's anything but amazing to me.