ALL OF 2022, RANKED
2022 was a good year and I spent way more than I needed to on games - most of which were mid! But there were still a lot of highlights and fun laughs over vc. My tastes didn't evolve much, but I felt my linguistics and understanding of old favorites maturing.
This is EVERYTHING ranked - plus blurbs for the Top 50.
(Set to 'List' view for best reading of the blurbs, or 'Grid' for best display of overall ranks.)
Excluded replays:
-Dynamite Headdy -Vectorman 1/2 -Star Allies -Time Crisis 3 -Sonic CD -Ninja Gaiden -Knuckles in Sonic 2 -Barney's Hide & Seek Game -Darius MD [Extra] -GG Aleste -Jurassic Park (Arcade) -Warlords -Sonic & Knuckles -Sonic Classic Heroes -Shinobi III
Excluded new plays:
-Super Cream 64 -Radar Mission -Top Pro Golf 2 -Answer These 10 Questions And I'll Tell You What Kind of Lover You Are -Death Crimson -Two Girls Punch Me Repeatedly -Prehistoric Isle 2 -Boxy & Prisma -New 3D Golf Simulation: Harukanaru Augusta -New 3D Golf Simulation: Waialae no Kiseki
This is EVERYTHING ranked - plus blurbs for the Top 50.
(Set to 'List' view for best reading of the blurbs, or 'Grid' for best display of overall ranks.)
Excluded replays:
-Dynamite Headdy -Vectorman 1/2 -Star Allies -Time Crisis 3 -Sonic CD -Ninja Gaiden -Knuckles in Sonic 2 -Barney's Hide & Seek Game -Darius MD [Extra] -GG Aleste -Jurassic Park (Arcade) -Warlords -Sonic & Knuckles -Sonic Classic Heroes -Shinobi III
Excluded new plays:
-Super Cream 64 -Radar Mission -Top Pro Golf 2 -Answer These 10 Questions And I'll Tell You What Kind of Lover You Are -Death Crimson -Two Girls Punch Me Repeatedly -Prehistoric Isle 2 -Boxy & Prisma -New 3D Golf Simulation: Harukanaru Augusta -New 3D Golf Simulation: Waialae no Kiseki
230 Games
After mulling it over and suppressing the urge to be a sniveling contrarian, I have to agree: This is probably Capcom's best beatemup not named Final Fight 1. Very bold to just make every enemy type a reiteration of cinema's most iconic monster and then give you their best arsenal of moves and weapons to plow them with. Missing the tight design of their more refined games but definitely the best to play out of pure indulgence. Guns, motion inputs and throws for days.
Funky. Peak gaming is dumb control schemes just because you can. Kind of a mess but what wouldn't be more appropriate for this brand of monkey business?
One of the few replays I opted to include in the list because it was so eye-opening. The safest and most edgeless entry in a trilogy predacated on high-budget tech-demo thrills, but still a smooth runtime with solid production value in spite of that. Flaccid and biteless compared to most 3D platformers but it knows not to push your buttons with unruly mixups. Very Foxbox-core too.
Monkey brainfood. Not even somewhat balanced or intelligently designed but it's a totally-stuffed romp of quirky, playground-y pleasures through overpowered tools and wacky worlds.
Target Earth/ASL was the biggest 'I want to like this game but can't' crisis I had this year - powerfully-innovative but mindlessly-cruel in difficulty. The remake takes cues from classics like Armored Core and Ranger-X, adding improved control while respecting the sense of weight and agency a mech has. Peak OVA gaming.
(Genesis)
A cool jetbiker girl rides through the endless sea, eliminating foes while jamming out to jazz-rock. An extremely solid yet overlooked Namco gem - and to me, a shining star of the early MD library.
Like the best intersection of early Capcom's traditional beatemup design and late Capcom's gimmick-driven beatemup design. Very cool.
C-C-C-commando
(Master System)
There's another universe where this is in the top 5 - it's COOLSVILLE's Castlevania. Everything achieved solely out of desire to be 'shonen meets shoujo'. But, it was oddly annoying to play, somehow moreso than most of its more-challenging siblings. Definitely prioritizes the 'style' factor too much - and as a result, many things feel like they were designed brashly, then later neutered. A lot more frustrating and obnoxious than other Classicvanias despite being regarded as the easiest among them.
A witch looking for her lost cat in the alps but the witch is Europe's strongest they/them and the alps is the prettiest church in videogames
Somehow more exploitative than divine sealing
And the winner for 'Best Child-Friendly Game That's Secretly About Genocide & The Ethnostate' goes to, uh
hmm
hmm
Watching one of the most overworked gamedev teams on earth finally get their closure after a decade on this passion project was incredible. Intentionally unfair and miserable. Couldn't have it any other way for a perfect sendoff.
(Arcade)
I hate this game but my brother loves it and demanded me to play it with him. Imagine Portal 2 co-op if it was 10x less funny and had 10x more backstabbing people over spikepits. Bad shit, groan-inducing writing - but, I can't deny the experience got a lot of miserable kicks.
Nero is the most invested I ever got into a DMC character arc. I was constantly frustrated and disappointed with the game's numerous issues, but it still left an imprint where it mattered. An accurate reflection of Nero's surging rage and love. Gaming's most relatable teenager.
videogames came back
"I love JRPGs but hate grinding" motherfucker JRPGs ARE grinding. this shit cums
(Genesis)
(Arcade)
Played a lot of golf this fall and this wound up the best on a pure player experience level. Excellent swing tools on top of 10/10 course design. Sucks that online got cut and 30% of this game's content is gone but I still got my fill from mastering the courses and perusing the character creator.
(Game Gear)
One of my favorite indie plays! A marriage of the 'live for fun' design schemes of 2000's flash games into the system-psychotic quirks of Treasure games. Rare to find an indie throwback to 16/32-bit gigs that understands the same child-like wonders and humors those did.
One of the few non-deckbuilder roguelikes that I think is truly impossible to divorce from its content randomization: Zagreus' doomed escapades are a solid action spree supported by good components in all the right places. Makes you feel so proud of yourself for overcoming challenges but never steeps to the obscene difficulty peaks other roguelikes do. No real weak points and a lot of heart to love. Excited for 2!
'UNLIKE MOST SHMUPS THIS ONE IS ABOUT THE CHARACTERS' but silly and quirky
The PS2 Hot Shots games would be the best golf of their entire generation if my american ass could play the version without the bad mighty beanz ass 'tude characters
The trojan horse meme but the horse is 'the worst shmup you've ever played', Troy is 'touhou fans' and the Greek soldiers are 'killer7 but about drawing fetish art of your crush'
