MisterRyan
1991
Doctor Cossack looks like my dad.
Starting off with what can only be called a "previously on Mega Man!" cutscene sequence before the title drops, Mega Man 4 is a game that has fully embraced its Saturday Morning Cartoon nature.
You get more guys to fight, more music to listen to while you make your way to fight them, and two new ways to get around on that way.
Sadly though, the Wire Adaptor is made pretty useless when compared to the already established Rush Coil and Rush Jet. What a shame.
Despite the stumbles it made in the movement department, Mega Man 4 finally gives us the ability to fire a charged buster shot, dealing triple the damage of a regular shot. The charge shot itself looks kind of weird though. It looks slimy and not at all like something that will blast through a robot.
Mega Man 4 also has the most infuriating final boss, because you can't fight it without its weakness. Good luck grinding to fill up that ammo after you already spent it all.
I've beaten Mega Man 4 something like three or four times. It's pretty good, and the new additions are cute and fun, but it doesn't shine, it doesn't sing. It goes by too fast to even hear any singing that could happen. I don't think i could fully recommend this one, but i would certainly recommend checking out the promotional art for it. Skull Man's skull shaped shoulder pads are an excellent design choice.
Starting off with what can only be called a "previously on Mega Man!" cutscene sequence before the title drops, Mega Man 4 is a game that has fully embraced its Saturday Morning Cartoon nature.
You get more guys to fight, more music to listen to while you make your way to fight them, and two new ways to get around on that way.
Sadly though, the Wire Adaptor is made pretty useless when compared to the already established Rush Coil and Rush Jet. What a shame.
Despite the stumbles it made in the movement department, Mega Man 4 finally gives us the ability to fire a charged buster shot, dealing triple the damage of a regular shot. The charge shot itself looks kind of weird though. It looks slimy and not at all like something that will blast through a robot.
Mega Man 4 also has the most infuriating final boss, because you can't fight it without its weakness. Good luck grinding to fill up that ammo after you already spent it all.
I've beaten Mega Man 4 something like three or four times. It's pretty good, and the new additions are cute and fun, but it doesn't shine, it doesn't sing. It goes by too fast to even hear any singing that could happen. I don't think i could fully recommend this one, but i would certainly recommend checking out the promotional art for it. Skull Man's skull shaped shoulder pads are an excellent design choice.
What if the first eight of the Nine Circles of Hell were a gorgeous paradise of boundless joy, but the second you set foot in that ninth circle you’re immediately inundated with misery and pain so intense and frustrating it drives you mad? That’s the Minish Cap experience.
The Legend of Zelda: the Minish Cap is a spectacular game in almost every way. The sounds, the sights, the way it feels in your hands. It’s perfect. It is truly a gorgeous paradise of boundless joy. I love it.
The last game to be released in the Four Sword Saga, the Minish Cap is the first in the story for that saga. It was also, at the time, the first Zelda game in the lore’s timeline. It was how Link got his iconic hat. This quickly changed.
Anyway, as the starting point to the Four Sword Saga, Minish Cap features the forging of the Four Sword, as well as some much needed intrigue for Vaati, the spherical villain of the Four Sword Saga. He’s a twink now. It kind of makes you wonder why it took them three games to give any kind of backstory to Vaati though. We knew Ganondorf’s deal way back in A Link to the Past, before we even saw his face.
At the time of writing this, I was unable to find any information detailing the production of the Four Swords Saga games. It’s probably out there, untranslated, waiting for me. But for now I’m forced to sit here and wonder which game borrows the Link sprite from which. My uneducated guess is that Minish Cap was in production for a long time, and assets were used for Four Swords and Four Swords Adventures to tide everyone over until that big release.
I say that because compared to its peers, Minish Cap is far and away the most put together and Zelda-like of all the Four Swords games. It is, in its entirety, a Zelda game. No extraneous multiplayer baggage keeping it down. It is a pure experience. This is like if Mario Galaxy was a direct prequel to Mario Party 7.
The sprites and music in The Minish Cap are divine. The GBA gives us a great translation of the Toon Link style by simply updating the A Link to the Past style. Everything and everyone looks great and like they belong there (that wouldn’t be something I’d bring up if the previous game associated with it wasn’t Four Swords Adventures). I don’t think there’s been a Link sprite as solid and versatile as Minish Cap Link, which now has more frames than when it was reused. His head bobs around when his talking hat Ezlo is screaming at him, giving Link a sense of depth and roundness not many other video game sprites have been capable of pulling off. It’s very endearing and impressive.
The game doesn’t stop endearing you there though. The main Gimmick of Minish Cap is shrinking down to the size of a mouse and experiencing the world of Hyrule from that teeny tiny perspective. The boss of the first dungeon is a regular enemy, just fought while you’re tiny. My favorite aspect of this shrinking gimmick is how it activates the part of my brain that loves seeing the creative ways the animators of Tom and Jerry draw up Jerry’s various pocket sized living situations. The Minish Cap has the mouselike Minish living inside of books, in repurposed pots, they have a cafe in the rafters above the Hylian-sized cafe. The detail that goes into the environments in Minish Cap really sell the size differences, and i love it.
There’s so much good to say about Minish Cap. Every part of it is made to be enjoyed. That was a lie. We’ve reached the ninth circle. It’s time to talk about Kinstones, and figurines.
If you love Zelda games as much as I do, you will put in the extra time to 100%-ing them. Getting every Heart Container is the most visually satisfying part of 100%-ing a Zelda game, and for over a decade I was unable to do that. And that’s because i didn’t understand how the Kinstones worked.
Kinstone fusing is another Gimmick added to Minish Cap that involves collecting the stones from random drops and chests, and then finding a willing npc and matching their stone with one you have. Fusing a Kinstone changes the world in some way, like making a Piece of Heart accessible.
There are 100 Kinstone fusions in the game, and 18 of them are relegated to random npcs. Not all of these fusions are available from the start and become available in stages (after each cleared dungeon).
Because I was under the impression that the fusions disappear after each stage, my latest playthrough of Minish Cap was actually done twice on two separate files. One file to scout ahead and check the fusions available at any given time, and one to slowly, and I mean slowly do every fusion available at that given time. I would stop halfway through a dungeon to use the dungeon item to check for more fusions so that I didn’t permanently skip anything after clearing the dungeon (it looks like I didn’t have to worry about this). I utilized a speedrunning glitch to go out of bounds and force the game to give me hundreds of kinstones so I would never be empty handed at any given fusion.
I just wish I wrote down the names of every npc I fused with, which is what I recommend you do! If you can check those 18 random names off your list, you’re set. I spent an hour running around Hyrule looking for that last bastard to fuse with, it was a nightmare. I thought I would have to restart my playthrough and do it even slower. Thankfully I found him, but good lord. I was actually losing my mind. The Kinstone Fusions are the most frustrating part of this game. Keep a checklist on hand.
But anyways, I got the Tingle Trophy as my reward for all the fusions, but I still needed one Piece of Heart, which is locked behind the most tedious part of the game: the figurines. There’s 136 figures in the game, which are doled out in the same stages that the Kinstones use. The figurines also can’t be gotten with regular rupees and have to be traded with Mysterious Shells, which you can find throughout Hyrule but can also buy 30 of for 300 rupees (remember this). You wager your Shells for a chance to get a new figurine, the more shells you wager, the higher the chance for something new. Simple as that. If you don’t want to waste your time eating losses, you can wager huge amounts of shells to bring the chance up to 100%, or you could figure out RNG manipulation.
Since I didn’t figure out RNG manipulation, I spent a lot of time grinding for shells. After a certain point in the game, there’s no more treasure chests with hundreds of shells inside, and you can’t use the out of bounds trick to farm shells anymore. You’re left to grind for money to buy 30 at a time.
I have spent more time playing the Cucco Catch minigame than actually playing the game. (This is hyperbole)
Nevertheless i got every figurine, and then the Carlov Medal, and then the last Piece of Heart. I was done. I’ve played Minish Cap three or four times before then, but for the first time in my life I had 100%-ed Minish Cap. And it drained me.
I recommend Playing this game to every Zelda enjoyer and anyone else who likes games. It’s a treat, it’s a delight, it’s a lovely time. But know what you’re getting into if you want to 100% it. Make a checklist. Try to multitask while you’re catching Cuccos.
The Legend of Zelda: the Minish Cap is a spectacular game in almost every way. The sounds, the sights, the way it feels in your hands. It’s perfect. It is truly a gorgeous paradise of boundless joy. I love it.
The last game to be released in the Four Sword Saga, the Minish Cap is the first in the story for that saga. It was also, at the time, the first Zelda game in the lore’s timeline. It was how Link got his iconic hat. This quickly changed.
Anyway, as the starting point to the Four Sword Saga, Minish Cap features the forging of the Four Sword, as well as some much needed intrigue for Vaati, the spherical villain of the Four Sword Saga. He’s a twink now. It kind of makes you wonder why it took them three games to give any kind of backstory to Vaati though. We knew Ganondorf’s deal way back in A Link to the Past, before we even saw his face.
At the time of writing this, I was unable to find any information detailing the production of the Four Swords Saga games. It’s probably out there, untranslated, waiting for me. But for now I’m forced to sit here and wonder which game borrows the Link sprite from which. My uneducated guess is that Minish Cap was in production for a long time, and assets were used for Four Swords and Four Swords Adventures to tide everyone over until that big release.
I say that because compared to its peers, Minish Cap is far and away the most put together and Zelda-like of all the Four Swords games. It is, in its entirety, a Zelda game. No extraneous multiplayer baggage keeping it down. It is a pure experience. This is like if Mario Galaxy was a direct prequel to Mario Party 7.
The sprites and music in The Minish Cap are divine. The GBA gives us a great translation of the Toon Link style by simply updating the A Link to the Past style. Everything and everyone looks great and like they belong there (that wouldn’t be something I’d bring up if the previous game associated with it wasn’t Four Swords Adventures). I don’t think there’s been a Link sprite as solid and versatile as Minish Cap Link, which now has more frames than when it was reused. His head bobs around when his talking hat Ezlo is screaming at him, giving Link a sense of depth and roundness not many other video game sprites have been capable of pulling off. It’s very endearing and impressive.
The game doesn’t stop endearing you there though. The main Gimmick of Minish Cap is shrinking down to the size of a mouse and experiencing the world of Hyrule from that teeny tiny perspective. The boss of the first dungeon is a regular enemy, just fought while you’re tiny. My favorite aspect of this shrinking gimmick is how it activates the part of my brain that loves seeing the creative ways the animators of Tom and Jerry draw up Jerry’s various pocket sized living situations. The Minish Cap has the mouselike Minish living inside of books, in repurposed pots, they have a cafe in the rafters above the Hylian-sized cafe. The detail that goes into the environments in Minish Cap really sell the size differences, and i love it.
There’s so much good to say about Minish Cap. Every part of it is made to be enjoyed. That was a lie. We’ve reached the ninth circle. It’s time to talk about Kinstones, and figurines.
If you love Zelda games as much as I do, you will put in the extra time to 100%-ing them. Getting every Heart Container is the most visually satisfying part of 100%-ing a Zelda game, and for over a decade I was unable to do that. And that’s because i didn’t understand how the Kinstones worked.
Kinstone fusing is another Gimmick added to Minish Cap that involves collecting the stones from random drops and chests, and then finding a willing npc and matching their stone with one you have. Fusing a Kinstone changes the world in some way, like making a Piece of Heart accessible.
There are 100 Kinstone fusions in the game, and 18 of them are relegated to random npcs. Not all of these fusions are available from the start and become available in stages (after each cleared dungeon).
Because I was under the impression that the fusions disappear after each stage, my latest playthrough of Minish Cap was actually done twice on two separate files. One file to scout ahead and check the fusions available at any given time, and one to slowly, and I mean slowly do every fusion available at that given time. I would stop halfway through a dungeon to use the dungeon item to check for more fusions so that I didn’t permanently skip anything after clearing the dungeon (it looks like I didn’t have to worry about this). I utilized a speedrunning glitch to go out of bounds and force the game to give me hundreds of kinstones so I would never be empty handed at any given fusion.
I just wish I wrote down the names of every npc I fused with, which is what I recommend you do! If you can check those 18 random names off your list, you’re set. I spent an hour running around Hyrule looking for that last bastard to fuse with, it was a nightmare. I thought I would have to restart my playthrough and do it even slower. Thankfully I found him, but good lord. I was actually losing my mind. The Kinstone Fusions are the most frustrating part of this game. Keep a checklist on hand.
But anyways, I got the Tingle Trophy as my reward for all the fusions, but I still needed one Piece of Heart, which is locked behind the most tedious part of the game: the figurines. There’s 136 figures in the game, which are doled out in the same stages that the Kinstones use. The figurines also can’t be gotten with regular rupees and have to be traded with Mysterious Shells, which you can find throughout Hyrule but can also buy 30 of for 300 rupees (remember this). You wager your Shells for a chance to get a new figurine, the more shells you wager, the higher the chance for something new. Simple as that. If you don’t want to waste your time eating losses, you can wager huge amounts of shells to bring the chance up to 100%, or you could figure out RNG manipulation.
Since I didn’t figure out RNG manipulation, I spent a lot of time grinding for shells. After a certain point in the game, there’s no more treasure chests with hundreds of shells inside, and you can’t use the out of bounds trick to farm shells anymore. You’re left to grind for money to buy 30 at a time.
I have spent more time playing the Cucco Catch minigame than actually playing the game. (This is hyperbole)
Nevertheless i got every figurine, and then the Carlov Medal, and then the last Piece of Heart. I was done. I’ve played Minish Cap three or four times before then, but for the first time in my life I had 100%-ed Minish Cap. And it drained me.
I recommend Playing this game to every Zelda enjoyer and anyone else who likes games. It’s a treat, it’s a delight, it’s a lovely time. But know what you’re getting into if you want to 100% it. Make a checklist. Try to multitask while you’re catching Cuccos.
1992
This has just what Mega Man 4 was missing: War Crimes.
Mega Man 5 also has a charge shot that looks great and melts through everything in the game.
Mega Man 5 ALSO has nothing but bangers in its soundtrack. I love every song in this game, especially the Proto Man stages. They were cookin here.
The Super Arrow is pretty redundant in this game though, considering Rush Jet is present, as well as an upgraded Rush Coil. It's pretty cool though!
There's not much else to be critical about here, the game is really solid all around. I love every bit of it. They added some extra frames of animation so that Mega Man can spin around. It's great! How could you be mad with that?
I've beaten Mega Man 5 four times and enjoyed it each time. I recommend it to anyone who likes video games. You don't even gotta study or play the previous games to enjoy it, just jump right in and have fun.
Mega Man 5 also has a charge shot that looks great and melts through everything in the game.
Mega Man 5 ALSO has nothing but bangers in its soundtrack. I love every song in this game, especially the Proto Man stages. They were cookin here.
The Super Arrow is pretty redundant in this game though, considering Rush Jet is present, as well as an upgraded Rush Coil. It's pretty cool though!
There's not much else to be critical about here, the game is really solid all around. I love every bit of it. They added some extra frames of animation so that Mega Man can spin around. It's great! How could you be mad with that?
I've beaten Mega Man 5 four times and enjoyed it each time. I recommend it to anyone who likes video games. You don't even gotta study or play the previous games to enjoy it, just jump right in and have fun.
In 1788, in an attempt to lesson the burden on overcrowded prisons, Great Britain began sending British and Irish convicts to penal colonies in what would become modern day Australia. Some of these prisoners would eventually serve their time and be released to return to their lives, stranded in an unfamiliar world. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess asks what would happen if an ancient enemy of an empire used the descendants of its discarded convicts as pawns in a power grab.
At first glance, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is the antithesis to 2003’s The Wind Waker. Not even counting the quickly traversable dry land, the world is darker and more serious, Link is stoic and edgy, he and the people he meets are realistically rendered. But that’s just at a glance. When you actually play it, that’s not at all true.
The Hyrule of Twilight Princess is full of cartoonish freaks, each one brimming with memorable personality. Link himself, the lovable dope he is, has a wealth of expressions to sell the scene with. Don’t get it twisted, this is a cartoony game, it’s just rendered with a touch more realism.
That semi-realistic rendering has aged pretty poorly though. Replaying the GameCube version in the modern age on a Wii with an HDMI adaptor really shows how necessary that 2016 HD remake was. This game is muddy. This game is dark. The golden visuals sing in daytime situations, but once you enter the Twilight Realm, you’re looking at glowing noise. Next time I revisit Twilight Princess, it’ll be the HD version. And I’m looking forward to revisiting Twilight Princess again, because it really is a great time.
Sure, the dungeons are brainlessly easy, but the presentation is flawless. Lakebed Temple doesn’t offer the same head scratching-ness of Ocarina of Time’s unfairly maligned Water Temple, but it still feels like a puzzle box that you can run around in. The City in the Sky is the most visually unique dungeon in the Zelda series at that point in time. And Snowpeak Ruins. Oh, what a dungeon. An experimental fusion of the Village and the Dungeon and it’s all the more rich and interesting for it.
All the while you’re joined by Midna, the lovable snarky scamp, who is easily my favorite Zelda Companion. Midna is a member of the Twili, the descendants of Hyrule’s oppressed and relocated convicts. She is selfish and sly and has many reasons to be, but watching her motivations change as she learns selflessness from Link and Zelda is wonderful.
The same cannot he said about the foremost villain of the game, Zant. Also a Twili (with all the story baggage that comes with being a Twili), we first see Zant as an ice cold operator, smooth and calculated, moving through the scene with an aloof, mocking menace. By the end of the game, this will no longer be the case, and he is reduced to something so much less effective. His boss fight is pretty cool though! That music kicks major ass.
Speaking of kicking ass, Twilight Princess elaborates on the flashy soft-quicktime event-style parry system from The Wind Waker. Instead of waiting for the UI to blink to let you know to parry, you now have an array of special moves that you have to learn how and when to unleash at the right moment. As an added bonus, you learn these special moves from one of the coolest characters in Zelda, the Hero’s Spirit (later confirmed to be the ghost of Majora’s Mask’s Link)
When you aren’t following the story of Hyrule’s dark deeds and the small grassroots pushback against a creeping invasion, you’re exploring the lush world of Hyrule, and getting distracted by everything and everyone inside it. Bug collecting, ghost hunting, a slew of mini games, a fully fledged fishing game, a sidequest about bringing affordable shopping to Hyrule’s bustling Castle Town. You will always have something to do.
I have 100% completed The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess at least two times. There was probably a third time, but it’s a little foggy. Twilight Princess is a massive and dense playground that will give you so much to do that you’ll be fully satisfied when you roll credits.
A Zelda game where you give a piggy back ride to a shortstack sheila goblin with a fat ass. This game came out in 2006 but they were making it from 3006. It’s good stuff.
At first glance, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is the antithesis to 2003’s The Wind Waker. Not even counting the quickly traversable dry land, the world is darker and more serious, Link is stoic and edgy, he and the people he meets are realistically rendered. But that’s just at a glance. When you actually play it, that’s not at all true.
The Hyrule of Twilight Princess is full of cartoonish freaks, each one brimming with memorable personality. Link himself, the lovable dope he is, has a wealth of expressions to sell the scene with. Don’t get it twisted, this is a cartoony game, it’s just rendered with a touch more realism.
That semi-realistic rendering has aged pretty poorly though. Replaying the GameCube version in the modern age on a Wii with an HDMI adaptor really shows how necessary that 2016 HD remake was. This game is muddy. This game is dark. The golden visuals sing in daytime situations, but once you enter the Twilight Realm, you’re looking at glowing noise. Next time I revisit Twilight Princess, it’ll be the HD version. And I’m looking forward to revisiting Twilight Princess again, because it really is a great time.
Sure, the dungeons are brainlessly easy, but the presentation is flawless. Lakebed Temple doesn’t offer the same head scratching-ness of Ocarina of Time’s unfairly maligned Water Temple, but it still feels like a puzzle box that you can run around in. The City in the Sky is the most visually unique dungeon in the Zelda series at that point in time. And Snowpeak Ruins. Oh, what a dungeon. An experimental fusion of the Village and the Dungeon and it’s all the more rich and interesting for it.
All the while you’re joined by Midna, the lovable snarky scamp, who is easily my favorite Zelda Companion. Midna is a member of the Twili, the descendants of Hyrule’s oppressed and relocated convicts. She is selfish and sly and has many reasons to be, but watching her motivations change as she learns selflessness from Link and Zelda is wonderful.
The same cannot he said about the foremost villain of the game, Zant. Also a Twili (with all the story baggage that comes with being a Twili), we first see Zant as an ice cold operator, smooth and calculated, moving through the scene with an aloof, mocking menace. By the end of the game, this will no longer be the case, and he is reduced to something so much less effective. His boss fight is pretty cool though! That music kicks major ass.
Speaking of kicking ass, Twilight Princess elaborates on the flashy soft-quicktime event-style parry system from The Wind Waker. Instead of waiting for the UI to blink to let you know to parry, you now have an array of special moves that you have to learn how and when to unleash at the right moment. As an added bonus, you learn these special moves from one of the coolest characters in Zelda, the Hero’s Spirit (later confirmed to be the ghost of Majora’s Mask’s Link)
When you aren’t following the story of Hyrule’s dark deeds and the small grassroots pushback against a creeping invasion, you’re exploring the lush world of Hyrule, and getting distracted by everything and everyone inside it. Bug collecting, ghost hunting, a slew of mini games, a fully fledged fishing game, a sidequest about bringing affordable shopping to Hyrule’s bustling Castle Town. You will always have something to do.
I have 100% completed The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess at least two times. There was probably a third time, but it’s a little foggy. Twilight Princess is a massive and dense playground that will give you so much to do that you’ll be fully satisfied when you roll credits.
A Zelda game where you give a piggy back ride to a shortstack sheila goblin with a fat ass. This game came out in 2006 but they were making it from 3006. It’s good stuff.
1993
it's one thing to try too hard, it's a whole other thing to not even succeed.
To keep from letting the fatigue set in (if it hadn't already), Mega Man 6 adds two new Robot Dog+Robot Boy Combination Modes for Mega Man to use in his mission for everlasting peace. The hard hitting Power Adaptor makes Mega Man's charged shot deal one tick of damage more than a regular charged shot, but with a fraction of the distance. You cannot slide with it. Save for some very specific instances, it is only useful as a glorified key for breakable walls. The other adaptor breaks something other than walls, it breaks the game itself.
The Jet Adaptor lets Mega Man fly for a short period of time. You can't charge your buster with it equipped. Hell, you can't slide with it on either, but you don't need any of that. The Jet Adaptor allows you to skip almost everything in the game. What's the point in fighting a tough enemy or performing tricky platforming if you can just fly over it? I would understand this if it was a secret mode, or something that involves collecting something from each stage, but you could get this item after your first boss kill (just so long as that first kill is Plant Man).
The Jet Adaptor is what i imagine purists think an Easy Mode is. You are indeed cheating yourself by avoiding playing the game, but look at that cover art. The Jet Adaptor is front and center, Mega Man 6 WANTS you to use it. You're playing the game as intended. There's only one tricky jump towards the end you have to do with the Jet Adaptor, but everything else is just easily skipped.
And the worst part? The parts you're skipping with the Jet Adaptor aren't even all that great. This is a pretty weak Mega Man game that struggles to find an identity.
They never shoulda made Tomahawk Man, man
To keep from letting the fatigue set in (if it hadn't already), Mega Man 6 adds two new Robot Dog+Robot Boy Combination Modes for Mega Man to use in his mission for everlasting peace. The hard hitting Power Adaptor makes Mega Man's charged shot deal one tick of damage more than a regular charged shot, but with a fraction of the distance. You cannot slide with it. Save for some very specific instances, it is only useful as a glorified key for breakable walls. The other adaptor breaks something other than walls, it breaks the game itself.
The Jet Adaptor lets Mega Man fly for a short period of time. You can't charge your buster with it equipped. Hell, you can't slide with it on either, but you don't need any of that. The Jet Adaptor allows you to skip almost everything in the game. What's the point in fighting a tough enemy or performing tricky platforming if you can just fly over it? I would understand this if it was a secret mode, or something that involves collecting something from each stage, but you could get this item after your first boss kill (just so long as that first kill is Plant Man).
The Jet Adaptor is what i imagine purists think an Easy Mode is. You are indeed cheating yourself by avoiding playing the game, but look at that cover art. The Jet Adaptor is front and center, Mega Man 6 WANTS you to use it. You're playing the game as intended. There's only one tricky jump towards the end you have to do with the Jet Adaptor, but everything else is just easily skipped.
And the worst part? The parts you're skipping with the Jet Adaptor aren't even all that great. This is a pretty weak Mega Man game that struggles to find an identity.
They never shoulda made Tomahawk Man, man
2016
This game has ruined every other farming game for me, because nothing comes remotely close to it.
This is the dawn of the dark age of Zelda. And oh what a dark dawn it is.
In a parallel universe, The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass is a normal Zelda game. It plays with button controls like a normal video game just like every Zelda game that came before it. And in that parallel universe, it is still one of the weakest Zelda games.
Unfortunately, we live in hell and we got the version of Phantom Hourglass that’s worse in every way. The Phantom Hourglass that was made to justify the existence of the Nintendo DS.
Even if Phantom Hourglass was the perfect Zelda game, with an emotional story, soaring music, and iconic boss battles, your enjoyment of it will be through the sickening malaise of the controls. Every action is performed with the touchscreen, making it at the very least abysmally annoying to play on anything but a DS, with which it is only mildly annoying to play on.
Since the DS has a stylus, a lot of actions and theming of the game are made with charting maps in mind. It’s a cute idea that elaborates on the sea chart of the game it’s a sequel of: The Wind Waker. Watching Link scribble on his little map at the same time as you is very cute and funny and also a great bit of synchronicity, further strengthening that he is the Link between You and The Game.
The map charting is a Cute premise but it backfires in a terrible way. There are two or three exceptions to this, but the vast majority of the “puzzles” in Phantom Hourglass involve writing the order in which you have to push a switch on your map.
This game made me question what a Zelda puzzle even is. You might find yourself wanting to write a quick note down about the hint you found (as though you possibly could forget “Dodongo Dislikes Smoke” or “23 is number 1”), but the puzzle isn’t the act of writing the hint down.
Having played it twice before my most recent playthrough, my memories of Phantom Hourglass were pretty positive, despite the controls. I remember Linebeck being a contender for the best Zelda Companion of all time. Imagine my shock when on my most recent playthrough, he wound up an abject disappointment. He’s alright, but he’s not making it past B Tier. He’s not nearly as funny or charming as I remember, and that’s probably because you’re rarely ever interacting with him. It’s mostly just him and your incessantly annoying fairy companion Ceila bickering with each other.
This is one of the meanest and most incorrect thing to say about a video game, but i had a moment of weakness and thought that maybe it’s a good thing that this game is hard to preserve, because it’s so bad. But the children must know of the past. They must learn from the mistakes of those who came before them. Phantom Hourglass deserves to be saved from time’s callous embrace just as much as Action 52 does.
I want to like Phantom Hourglass, and that’s very hard to do. Nevertheless, I am a man who rises to any challenge and I found something enjoyable here. It was not very hard to find.
The Temple of the Ocean King is the most interesting and thoughtful part of Phantom Hourglass. If Twilight Princess’ Snowpeak Ruins was the clever mix of the Zelda Dungeon and the Zelda Village, then The Temple of the Ocean King is a clever mix of the Zelda Dungeon and the Zelda Overworld.
The Temple of the Ocean King is your constant. For half of the game, every completed dungeon has you going back to the Temple to delve a little deeper. And each time you delve deeper, you’re finding shortcuts to make your next trip a quicker time. And you need every second you can get; the Temple is cursed and slowly kills you. The Temple is the most Metroid-like Zelda has gotten in a long time, and I think the two styles really work together, so I would love to see more refined attempts at combining them.
One other thing I like about Phantom Hourglass, and this is tenuous appreciation, is the customizability of your steamboat, the SS Linebeck. There are 72 different ship parts in the game, for 9 different unique ship styles, allowing for seemingly endless customization. This endless customization does come to an end though when you can't find enough matching parts to really do anything. It also doesn't help that certain ship styles award more defense for your already very frail ship, funneling you into searching for the rarer parts, rather than what you like your boat to look like.
It's also a shame that these ship parts are so hard to come across. It takes a lot of grinding in a game that is not fun or comfortable to play.
I have beaten The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass three times, but i haven't 100% completed it once. This game is sick, there's too many things wrong with it. Getting every ship part is a months-long grind. Getting every heart piece requires you to have a device that tells time properly, yet another difficulty of preserving this game or any game like it.
Phantom Hourglass is Fine. But I do not recommend this game to anyone, not even Zelda Freaks. The lovable adventure you expect from Zelda is buried under a pile of fetid gimmicks. Linebeck isn't worth it.
In a parallel universe, The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass is a normal Zelda game. It plays with button controls like a normal video game just like every Zelda game that came before it. And in that parallel universe, it is still one of the weakest Zelda games.
Unfortunately, we live in hell and we got the version of Phantom Hourglass that’s worse in every way. The Phantom Hourglass that was made to justify the existence of the Nintendo DS.
Even if Phantom Hourglass was the perfect Zelda game, with an emotional story, soaring music, and iconic boss battles, your enjoyment of it will be through the sickening malaise of the controls. Every action is performed with the touchscreen, making it at the very least abysmally annoying to play on anything but a DS, with which it is only mildly annoying to play on.
Since the DS has a stylus, a lot of actions and theming of the game are made with charting maps in mind. It’s a cute idea that elaborates on the sea chart of the game it’s a sequel of: The Wind Waker. Watching Link scribble on his little map at the same time as you is very cute and funny and also a great bit of synchronicity, further strengthening that he is the Link between You and The Game.
The map charting is a Cute premise but it backfires in a terrible way. There are two or three exceptions to this, but the vast majority of the “puzzles” in Phantom Hourglass involve writing the order in which you have to push a switch on your map.
This game made me question what a Zelda puzzle even is. You might find yourself wanting to write a quick note down about the hint you found (as though you possibly could forget “Dodongo Dislikes Smoke” or “23 is number 1”), but the puzzle isn’t the act of writing the hint down.
Having played it twice before my most recent playthrough, my memories of Phantom Hourglass were pretty positive, despite the controls. I remember Linebeck being a contender for the best Zelda Companion of all time. Imagine my shock when on my most recent playthrough, he wound up an abject disappointment. He’s alright, but he’s not making it past B Tier. He’s not nearly as funny or charming as I remember, and that’s probably because you’re rarely ever interacting with him. It’s mostly just him and your incessantly annoying fairy companion Ceila bickering with each other.
This is one of the meanest and most incorrect thing to say about a video game, but i had a moment of weakness and thought that maybe it’s a good thing that this game is hard to preserve, because it’s so bad. But the children must know of the past. They must learn from the mistakes of those who came before them. Phantom Hourglass deserves to be saved from time’s callous embrace just as much as Action 52 does.
I want to like Phantom Hourglass, and that’s very hard to do. Nevertheless, I am a man who rises to any challenge and I found something enjoyable here. It was not very hard to find.
The Temple of the Ocean King is the most interesting and thoughtful part of Phantom Hourglass. If Twilight Princess’ Snowpeak Ruins was the clever mix of the Zelda Dungeon and the Zelda Village, then The Temple of the Ocean King is a clever mix of the Zelda Dungeon and the Zelda Overworld.
The Temple of the Ocean King is your constant. For half of the game, every completed dungeon has you going back to the Temple to delve a little deeper. And each time you delve deeper, you’re finding shortcuts to make your next trip a quicker time. And you need every second you can get; the Temple is cursed and slowly kills you. The Temple is the most Metroid-like Zelda has gotten in a long time, and I think the two styles really work together, so I would love to see more refined attempts at combining them.
One other thing I like about Phantom Hourglass, and this is tenuous appreciation, is the customizability of your steamboat, the SS Linebeck. There are 72 different ship parts in the game, for 9 different unique ship styles, allowing for seemingly endless customization. This endless customization does come to an end though when you can't find enough matching parts to really do anything. It also doesn't help that certain ship styles award more defense for your already very frail ship, funneling you into searching for the rarer parts, rather than what you like your boat to look like.
It's also a shame that these ship parts are so hard to come across. It takes a lot of grinding in a game that is not fun or comfortable to play.
I have beaten The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass three times, but i haven't 100% completed it once. This game is sick, there's too many things wrong with it. Getting every ship part is a months-long grind. Getting every heart piece requires you to have a device that tells time properly, yet another difficulty of preserving this game or any game like it.
Phantom Hourglass is Fine. But I do not recommend this game to anyone, not even Zelda Freaks. The lovable adventure you expect from Zelda is buried under a pile of fetid gimmicks. Linebeck isn't worth it.
1995
A fun adventure full of secrets that sadly doesn't stick the landing.
Mega Man 7 is an interesting game. i like it. it takes the secrets and upgrades from Mega Man 6 and runs wild with it. Each stage in 7 has a secret in it that you might have to come back for later, and it adds a level of intrigue that was not present in earlier Mega Man games. They might not have needed that intrigue, but i gladly welcome it here.
One of those secrets involves an overarching side quest with Proto Man, that ends in a really cool reward, i'm a big fan of it.
Even though Mega Man 7 doesn't follow the gameplay of the newly started sequel series, Mega Man X, it does heavily emphasize using the Super Adaptor Armor, a very Mega Man X powerup. Sure, don't give Mega Man the dash, but he can absolutely have the double jump. Thankfully, the double jump doesn't break the game like Mega Man 6's Jet Adaptor does.
The music of Mega Man 7 is odd to me. Up until this point, the musical identity of Mega Man was just 8bit chiptunes, so there was nothing specific to bass this identity off of. So Mega Man 7 goes in the interesting direction of being midi semi-orchestral songs. It sounds softer and slower than its predecessors. It's not bad by any means, but especially considering how Mega Man 8 and 11 would take the more Techno-inspired route, Mega Man 7 feels pretty out of place, musically.
The final boss of Mega Man 7 is a really rough time. It's a war of attrition that spits in your face if you get far enough and fail anyway. Unless you play perfectly, in which case i'm proud of you, you will be forced to use a health and/or weapon refill, and then when you die you will not have that refill next time.
I did not beat Mega Man 7 the first time i played it. Thankfully i pulled it off years later, but good lord. Here's a hint for you that i would have loved to know back then: you can mash buttons to get out of the burning animation sooner.
And then you beat the game and, if you're playing in english, you get a cringeworthy character assassination of everyone's favorite little blue guy Mega Man. it just can't stick that landing, man.
I recommend Mega Man 7 to anyone who likes Mega Man and anyone who wants a taste of everything Mega Man has to offer but doesn't want to wade through over 10 games. Consider Mega Man 7 as your second course after 2 or 3.
Mega Man 7 is an interesting game. i like it. it takes the secrets and upgrades from Mega Man 6 and runs wild with it. Each stage in 7 has a secret in it that you might have to come back for later, and it adds a level of intrigue that was not present in earlier Mega Man games. They might not have needed that intrigue, but i gladly welcome it here.
One of those secrets involves an overarching side quest with Proto Man, that ends in a really cool reward, i'm a big fan of it.
Even though Mega Man 7 doesn't follow the gameplay of the newly started sequel series, Mega Man X, it does heavily emphasize using the Super Adaptor Armor, a very Mega Man X powerup. Sure, don't give Mega Man the dash, but he can absolutely have the double jump. Thankfully, the double jump doesn't break the game like Mega Man 6's Jet Adaptor does.
The music of Mega Man 7 is odd to me. Up until this point, the musical identity of Mega Man was just 8bit chiptunes, so there was nothing specific to bass this identity off of. So Mega Man 7 goes in the interesting direction of being midi semi-orchestral songs. It sounds softer and slower than its predecessors. It's not bad by any means, but especially considering how Mega Man 8 and 11 would take the more Techno-inspired route, Mega Man 7 feels pretty out of place, musically.
The final boss of Mega Man 7 is a really rough time. It's a war of attrition that spits in your face if you get far enough and fail anyway. Unless you play perfectly, in which case i'm proud of you, you will be forced to use a health and/or weapon refill, and then when you die you will not have that refill next time.
I did not beat Mega Man 7 the first time i played it. Thankfully i pulled it off years later, but good lord. Here's a hint for you that i would have loved to know back then: you can mash buttons to get out of the burning animation sooner.
And then you beat the game and, if you're playing in english, you get a cringeworthy character assassination of everyone's favorite little blue guy Mega Man. it just can't stick that landing, man.
I recommend Mega Man 7 to anyone who likes Mega Man and anyone who wants a taste of everything Mega Man has to offer but doesn't want to wade through over 10 games. Consider Mega Man 7 as your second course after 2 or 3.
1996
All Hail The Mega Ball
Mega Man 8 is a game with many faces. And i don't just mean the Playstation/Sega Saturn differences. Mega Man 8, being the first mainline sidescrolling Classic Mega Man game to use voice acting, is one of the funniest and most cringeworthy games of all time ("Doctah Wahwee" is a cornerstone of the western Mega Man fanbase). Mega Man 8, introducing a weapon that drops a platform in front of you to quickly jump off of while you're in the air, is one of the most mechanically deep Classic Mega Man games. Mega Man 8 is a game that follows in its predecessor's footsteps and adds more ability-based puzzles and secrets in each level, emphasizing the adventure that games can bring. Mega Man 8 is a game that sets a new cosmic status quo, which is promptly ignored by the series. It's a game with many faces, and i only find a few of them ugly.
When you're not listening to the lazy, grating, embarrassing, and above all funny voice acting, Mega Man 8 is treating your ears to some of my favorite video game music of all time. Mega Man 8 takes the chiptunes of the classic series and expertly translates that 8-bit style to synthesized techno music. 8's soundtrack is a lot more laid back and subdued compared to its high octane brothers, but i think that just makes it unique. The Stage Select, Tengu Man, Aqua Man, and Wily Tower 1 themes in this game are the best and you should totally listen to them for several hours straight while you draw comic pages, like i have done many times.
Speaking of which, your mileage may vary on this but as a visual person, the backgrounds in Mega Man 8 are supremely inspiring. The rolling verdant hills of Tengu Man's stage, cleaved with city-filled valleys, the flashing metropolis of Frost Man's stage, and the sugarsweet toyland of Clown Man's stage are all beautifully and lovingly rendered and make me want to spend a day there. Tengu Man's especially. I really like Tengu Man's stage.
I have beaten Mega Man 8 three times in my life, despite trying my hardest to get past Wily Tower 1 as a child who hadn't grasped the concept of Being Good at video games just yet.
Mega Man 8 is a fairly easy time with gorgeous anime cutscenes that you might find yourself having to Endure rather than Enjoy. (just find a way to play the Japanese version if you don't want to deal with the voice acting). If you can get over the minor hurdle of annoying and funny voices (or you just skip them), i recommend this game to you. It's an excellent time and i love it. Play Mega Man 8. the Saturn version has some more bosses but the Playstation one is still a fine time.
One more thing, the English voice acting for Roll has her say "Good luck, Mega Man!" in the cutest sweetest voice ever and i hope i can one day get in touch with the voice actress Michelle Gazepis and thank her for doing a line read that has stuck with me my entire life.
Mega Man 8 is a game with many faces. And i don't just mean the Playstation/Sega Saturn differences. Mega Man 8, being the first mainline sidescrolling Classic Mega Man game to use voice acting, is one of the funniest and most cringeworthy games of all time ("Doctah Wahwee" is a cornerstone of the western Mega Man fanbase). Mega Man 8, introducing a weapon that drops a platform in front of you to quickly jump off of while you're in the air, is one of the most mechanically deep Classic Mega Man games. Mega Man 8 is a game that follows in its predecessor's footsteps and adds more ability-based puzzles and secrets in each level, emphasizing the adventure that games can bring. Mega Man 8 is a game that sets a new cosmic status quo, which is promptly ignored by the series. It's a game with many faces, and i only find a few of them ugly.
When you're not listening to the lazy, grating, embarrassing, and above all funny voice acting, Mega Man 8 is treating your ears to some of my favorite video game music of all time. Mega Man 8 takes the chiptunes of the classic series and expertly translates that 8-bit style to synthesized techno music. 8's soundtrack is a lot more laid back and subdued compared to its high octane brothers, but i think that just makes it unique. The Stage Select, Tengu Man, Aqua Man, and Wily Tower 1 themes in this game are the best and you should totally listen to them for several hours straight while you draw comic pages, like i have done many times.
Speaking of which, your mileage may vary on this but as a visual person, the backgrounds in Mega Man 8 are supremely inspiring. The rolling verdant hills of Tengu Man's stage, cleaved with city-filled valleys, the flashing metropolis of Frost Man's stage, and the sugarsweet toyland of Clown Man's stage are all beautifully and lovingly rendered and make me want to spend a day there. Tengu Man's especially. I really like Tengu Man's stage.
I have beaten Mega Man 8 three times in my life, despite trying my hardest to get past Wily Tower 1 as a child who hadn't grasped the concept of Being Good at video games just yet.
Mega Man 8 is a fairly easy time with gorgeous anime cutscenes that you might find yourself having to Endure rather than Enjoy. (just find a way to play the Japanese version if you don't want to deal with the voice acting). If you can get over the minor hurdle of annoying and funny voices (or you just skip them), i recommend this game to you. It's an excellent time and i love it. Play Mega Man 8. the Saturn version has some more bosses but the Playstation one is still a fine time.
One more thing, the English voice acting for Roll has her say "Good luck, Mega Man!" in the cutest sweetest voice ever and i hope i can one day get in touch with the voice actress Michelle Gazepis and thank her for doing a line read that has stuck with me my entire life.
2008
Remember Mega Man 2?
A game too nostalgic for its own good, Mega Man 9 tested the waters to see if anyone was interested in a new Mega Man game after a while. It was also seemingly made for those Mega Man fans who had played so much Mega Man that the previous 8 games were Too Easy. I'm not sure if they wanted people to jump right into 9 as their first Mega Man or they wanted them to go back to the first one, but considering how bare bones this game is, it's a strange approach no matter what.
Mega Man 9, in an attempt to be like only a quarter of its past, removes Mega Man's ability to slide or charge his buster (two things i'm very fond of doing in a Mega Man game). This makes traversal and combat a more pure and challenging experience, but also, potentially, a pretty limited one. Your jumps have to be Perfect.
Your movement is not entirely limited though. While a whole lot more clumsy and scarce than the Mega Ball, the Concrete Shot allows you to scale walls and quickly jump off of frozen enemies, and the game demands you use it in some pretty creative ways. I love the Concrete Shot, i would love to have infinite ammo for it. Speaking of ammo, Magma Man has more health points than you have ammo for Tornado Blow, his weakness. What were they thinking.
I have beaten Mega Man 9 twice and hated it the first time because i was young and dumb. The second time, as a wizened sage, I appreciate it so much more. It's a decent time that rewards a really (emphasis on really) skilled player. There are better Mega Man games out there.
I can really only recommend Mega Man 9 for people who like Mega Man and have played the previous games in the series, and know full well 9 takes all your toys away and still expects you to play.
yes yes, Splash Woman is cute.
A game too nostalgic for its own good, Mega Man 9 tested the waters to see if anyone was interested in a new Mega Man game after a while. It was also seemingly made for those Mega Man fans who had played so much Mega Man that the previous 8 games were Too Easy. I'm not sure if they wanted people to jump right into 9 as their first Mega Man or they wanted them to go back to the first one, but considering how bare bones this game is, it's a strange approach no matter what.
Mega Man 9, in an attempt to be like only a quarter of its past, removes Mega Man's ability to slide or charge his buster (two things i'm very fond of doing in a Mega Man game). This makes traversal and combat a more pure and challenging experience, but also, potentially, a pretty limited one. Your jumps have to be Perfect.
Your movement is not entirely limited though. While a whole lot more clumsy and scarce than the Mega Ball, the Concrete Shot allows you to scale walls and quickly jump off of frozen enemies, and the game demands you use it in some pretty creative ways. I love the Concrete Shot, i would love to have infinite ammo for it. Speaking of ammo, Magma Man has more health points than you have ammo for Tornado Blow, his weakness. What were they thinking.
I have beaten Mega Man 9 twice and hated it the first time because i was young and dumb. The second time, as a wizened sage, I appreciate it so much more. It's a decent time that rewards a really (emphasis on really) skilled player. There are better Mega Man games out there.
I can really only recommend Mega Man 9 for people who like Mega Man and have played the previous games in the series, and know full well 9 takes all your toys away and still expects you to play.
yes yes, Splash Woman is cute.
The little train that couldn’t quite.
Back when I first played it as a teenager, I hated The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. I said that it was the worst Zelda game ever. I said that the train limits your exploration and riding it around is boring.
And it turns out over a decade later I was still right, but now as a wizened sage, I think I was too harsh on it. Like an ounce. Half a pound of Too Harsh.
Spirit Tracks is not the worst Zelda game. It has a whole lot to like about it, maybe even love. But sadly, it also has so, so much going against it.
I want my thoughts on Spirit Tracks to be positive. But there are three fatal flaws that need to be addressed first. Any enjoyment there is to be had with Spirit Tracks is experienced while fully submerged in these fatal flaws. You can’t ignore them, and neither will this review.
The first fatal flaw is the controls. I will not speak too much on them because I already did that during my thoughts on Phantom Hourglass. It’s Bad. Simple as that. Spirit Tracks controls a little bit better than Phantom Hourglass but not enough to be anything but Bad.
The second fatal flaw, something you will thankfully not encounter much, is the instrument interludes. You know how bad it is if it’s a fatal flaw that you don’t encounter often. It’s a crudely formed simulation of playing a flute under the strictest parameters. You will curse Ocarina of Time for ever popularizing fun instrument microgames in Zelda. My advice is to play each note individually and not slur your notes, but even then that hasn’t worked for me every time. It’s bad.
The final fatal flaw, the actual killing blow, is the nature of the game itself. Going from place to place on the train on the titular Spirit Tracks. It’s not enough that it’s pretty slow getting around, or that the tracks are a convoluted nest of paths that you rigidly chug along, no. You are forced to look at the pleasantly rendered New Hyrule and you are denied fully exploring it. The forests and mountains in the distance are set dressing, not a destination.
There’s a lot of talk about linearity in Zelda these days, but I think the focus of that discussion is that there isn’t an open ended objective a lot of the time (it’s mostly Zelda 1 fans wanting to start any dungeon first, which I understand). Most Zelda games have set destinations, but a wide path leading to that destination, full of things to get distracted by. Spirit Tracks isn’t literally the most linear Zelda game (that title goes to Four Swords Adventures), but the lack of a wide path leading to your destination is painfully apparent. The experience of going from one important place to another is literally On Rails. Your only agency is to stop the train and clumsily catch a bunny if you see one. This is the second game to follow The Wind Waker and it ignores the cornerstone of its gameplay. Embarrassing.
Truly, the worst thing about Spirit Tracks is how good it can be despite all of its flaws. There are things about it that I feel would be nice to revisit. It’s no Wind Waker, but there is fun to be had.
Firstly, let’s get it out of the way, the music is excellent. The “Realm Overworld” and “In the Fields” songs are particularly solid bangers that I will never forget. In a game where the kitchen was mostly closed, it’s a blessing that the composers were still out there Cooking.
Secondly, this is the first and only Zelda game where Princess Zelda herself is your companion. She’s a ghost, but she’s with you all the way. And she’s a fun character to have talking all the time, she has a streak of self-centeredness that makes for some mildly funny interactions. This might just be my expectations being so low they’re subterranean after playing Phantom Hourglass but Zelda is good here. Watching her and Link go from strangers to friends over the course of the game is a genuinely nice thing, and watching them brace themselves for their uncertain future, together, is one of my favorite things. She’s also afraid of rats.
Her fear of rats is mechanically important, because when she possesses the invincible suit of armor enemies, the Phantoms, her hulking form will be left paralyzed with fear if she sees even a single rat. It’s cute, I like it. There’s even a pretty good puzzle involving her in the Phantom armor. You don’t have to write the order in which you have to press a switch, it’s automatically a good puzzle in this game.
The only issue with Phantom Zelda is that controlling her has you tracing a path along the floor, and not just outright moving her around like you do with Link (which is already a clumsy affair). It’s a stumble but I’m willing to accept that they made it this way because they wanted to. Maybe it’s to show off how much effort Zelda has to exert to control the armor. I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt because even though they’re going with a dumb stupid control style I don’t like, they’ve got the hang of it this time around. Now that’s some high praise. There’s at least one thing about the game to support that supremely generous theory.
The Sand Wand (which I accidentally called the Sand Rod in the first draft of this review) is maybe my new favorite Zelda tool. It’s not useful 24/7 but it shines like diamonds when there’s sand around, and hey check it out, it actually has synergy with the touch screen. So many of the other items that got their start with button gameplay in older Zelda games can feel like a square block/round hole situation on the touch screen. The boomerang used to be the most useful item but now that it’s tied to stylus gimmicks, it’s so obtuse and clumsy and slow that i rarely use it. The Sand Wand, being made specifically for stylus gimmicks, just works. You scribble all over the sand and pillars of the stuff emerge in an instant. And the puzzles they craft for the sand rod are genuinely clever, especially the boss for the Sand Temple, Skeldritch. Everything involving the Sand Wand is just the right amount of clever to make me be thankful for it.
Before this essay gets too long I want to praise the stamp stations. It’s a great way to emphasize Exploration in the grand scale (finding new locations on the rails) and then the small scale (finding the sometimes hidden stamp station at those locations). The rewards for collecting stamps are solid and fun, but I’ll be corny and say that sometimes the stamp itself is the reward.
There is sadly not all that much left for me to praise about Spirit Tracks. Byrne is a somewhat interesting and Cool character. I like his design well enough, his big Freddy Krueger hand is neat. Him being the muscle for a Demon opened the doors to the “demon era” of Zelda we’re in where seemingly all the evils of the world have a single origin. But this is a discussion for another game.
I have played Spirit Tracks twice and beaten it only once. Every phase of the final boss is a miserable time so if the game had a crumb of replay value, that brushed it off the table. I have not 100%ed Spirit Tracks and will more than likely never 100% it. I do not respect it enough to give it that much of my precious time.
I cannot in good conscience recommend The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. I now understand and acknowledge the good in it but that good does not outweigh the bad. This game gave me a headache both times I played it and those times were a decade apart. Two of my three favorite things in Spirit Tracks can be experienced with a savvy YouTube search. This game is not for Zelda freaks, it’s for Zelda scholars who play the games academically.
Back when I first played it as a teenager, I hated The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. I said that it was the worst Zelda game ever. I said that the train limits your exploration and riding it around is boring.
And it turns out over a decade later I was still right, but now as a wizened sage, I think I was too harsh on it. Like an ounce. Half a pound of Too Harsh.
Spirit Tracks is not the worst Zelda game. It has a whole lot to like about it, maybe even love. But sadly, it also has so, so much going against it.
I want my thoughts on Spirit Tracks to be positive. But there are three fatal flaws that need to be addressed first. Any enjoyment there is to be had with Spirit Tracks is experienced while fully submerged in these fatal flaws. You can’t ignore them, and neither will this review.
The first fatal flaw is the controls. I will not speak too much on them because I already did that during my thoughts on Phantom Hourglass. It’s Bad. Simple as that. Spirit Tracks controls a little bit better than Phantom Hourglass but not enough to be anything but Bad.
The second fatal flaw, something you will thankfully not encounter much, is the instrument interludes. You know how bad it is if it’s a fatal flaw that you don’t encounter often. It’s a crudely formed simulation of playing a flute under the strictest parameters. You will curse Ocarina of Time for ever popularizing fun instrument microgames in Zelda. My advice is to play each note individually and not slur your notes, but even then that hasn’t worked for me every time. It’s bad.
The final fatal flaw, the actual killing blow, is the nature of the game itself. Going from place to place on the train on the titular Spirit Tracks. It’s not enough that it’s pretty slow getting around, or that the tracks are a convoluted nest of paths that you rigidly chug along, no. You are forced to look at the pleasantly rendered New Hyrule and you are denied fully exploring it. The forests and mountains in the distance are set dressing, not a destination.
There’s a lot of talk about linearity in Zelda these days, but I think the focus of that discussion is that there isn’t an open ended objective a lot of the time (it’s mostly Zelda 1 fans wanting to start any dungeon first, which I understand). Most Zelda games have set destinations, but a wide path leading to that destination, full of things to get distracted by. Spirit Tracks isn’t literally the most linear Zelda game (that title goes to Four Swords Adventures), but the lack of a wide path leading to your destination is painfully apparent. The experience of going from one important place to another is literally On Rails. Your only agency is to stop the train and clumsily catch a bunny if you see one. This is the second game to follow The Wind Waker and it ignores the cornerstone of its gameplay. Embarrassing.
Truly, the worst thing about Spirit Tracks is how good it can be despite all of its flaws. There are things about it that I feel would be nice to revisit. It’s no Wind Waker, but there is fun to be had.
Firstly, let’s get it out of the way, the music is excellent. The “Realm Overworld” and “In the Fields” songs are particularly solid bangers that I will never forget. In a game where the kitchen was mostly closed, it’s a blessing that the composers were still out there Cooking.
Secondly, this is the first and only Zelda game where Princess Zelda herself is your companion. She’s a ghost, but she’s with you all the way. And she’s a fun character to have talking all the time, she has a streak of self-centeredness that makes for some mildly funny interactions. This might just be my expectations being so low they’re subterranean after playing Phantom Hourglass but Zelda is good here. Watching her and Link go from strangers to friends over the course of the game is a genuinely nice thing, and watching them brace themselves for their uncertain future, together, is one of my favorite things. She’s also afraid of rats.
Her fear of rats is mechanically important, because when she possesses the invincible suit of armor enemies, the Phantoms, her hulking form will be left paralyzed with fear if she sees even a single rat. It’s cute, I like it. There’s even a pretty good puzzle involving her in the Phantom armor. You don’t have to write the order in which you have to press a switch, it’s automatically a good puzzle in this game.
The only issue with Phantom Zelda is that controlling her has you tracing a path along the floor, and not just outright moving her around like you do with Link (which is already a clumsy affair). It’s a stumble but I’m willing to accept that they made it this way because they wanted to. Maybe it’s to show off how much effort Zelda has to exert to control the armor. I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt because even though they’re going with a dumb stupid control style I don’t like, they’ve got the hang of it this time around. Now that’s some high praise. There’s at least one thing about the game to support that supremely generous theory.
The Sand Wand (which I accidentally called the Sand Rod in the first draft of this review) is maybe my new favorite Zelda tool. It’s not useful 24/7 but it shines like diamonds when there’s sand around, and hey check it out, it actually has synergy with the touch screen. So many of the other items that got their start with button gameplay in older Zelda games can feel like a square block/round hole situation on the touch screen. The boomerang used to be the most useful item but now that it’s tied to stylus gimmicks, it’s so obtuse and clumsy and slow that i rarely use it. The Sand Wand, being made specifically for stylus gimmicks, just works. You scribble all over the sand and pillars of the stuff emerge in an instant. And the puzzles they craft for the sand rod are genuinely clever, especially the boss for the Sand Temple, Skeldritch. Everything involving the Sand Wand is just the right amount of clever to make me be thankful for it.
Before this essay gets too long I want to praise the stamp stations. It’s a great way to emphasize Exploration in the grand scale (finding new locations on the rails) and then the small scale (finding the sometimes hidden stamp station at those locations). The rewards for collecting stamps are solid and fun, but I’ll be corny and say that sometimes the stamp itself is the reward.
There is sadly not all that much left for me to praise about Spirit Tracks. Byrne is a somewhat interesting and Cool character. I like his design well enough, his big Freddy Krueger hand is neat. Him being the muscle for a Demon opened the doors to the “demon era” of Zelda we’re in where seemingly all the evils of the world have a single origin. But this is a discussion for another game.
I have played Spirit Tracks twice and beaten it only once. Every phase of the final boss is a miserable time so if the game had a crumb of replay value, that brushed it off the table. I have not 100%ed Spirit Tracks and will more than likely never 100% it. I do not respect it enough to give it that much of my precious time.
I cannot in good conscience recommend The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. I now understand and acknowledge the good in it but that good does not outweigh the bad. This game gave me a headache both times I played it and those times were a decade apart. Two of my three favorite things in Spirit Tracks can be experienced with a savvy YouTube search. This game is not for Zelda freaks, it’s for Zelda scholars who play the games academically.
2010
The tenth time around, it’s still more of Mega Man, rather than more from Mega Man. I like Mega Man, so that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
If Mega Man 9 was a cautious return to form, then Mega Man 10 is a comfortable product made to capitalize on the positive reception to its careful predecessor. It’s a slightly more enjoyable time, despite including the hang ups I had for the previous one.
There’s less annoying mini bosses eating your attempts on your way to each Robot Master. The new Bolt economy lets the shop be useful earlier on. Bosses have shorter i-frame duration, making Mega Man’s lack of a charge shot not seem so bad.
They still coulda given my man Mega Man that slide and charged shot though. Proto Man coulda been the Hard Mode.
They also coulda given us a real movement-enhancing weapon like the Mega Ball or even the Concrete Shot but all we got is the wall-climbing Wheel Cutter. Its usefulness isn’t in as nearly as many instances as the Concrete Shot or god forbid the Mega Ball.
The Bass DLC is a fun addition that rounds out the character variety, but I feel like his dash could have just been a separate button instead of the down+jump combo we’ve been using for the slide for years now. Bass moves too fast for it to be comfortable to do it with that combo input. Classic Mega Man by and large completely ignores any steps forward that the X series took, but this is one time they should have paid attention to it. Just give Bass a dash button.
I have beaten Mega Man 10 twice and it’s pretty alright. It’s tricky at times, and I would have liked a more unique presentation, but it’s a fun enough experience that Mega Man Enjoyers can snack on.
I like that you can finally swap weapons with the shoulder buttons again : )
If Mega Man 9 was a cautious return to form, then Mega Man 10 is a comfortable product made to capitalize on the positive reception to its careful predecessor. It’s a slightly more enjoyable time, despite including the hang ups I had for the previous one.
There’s less annoying mini bosses eating your attempts on your way to each Robot Master. The new Bolt economy lets the shop be useful earlier on. Bosses have shorter i-frame duration, making Mega Man’s lack of a charge shot not seem so bad.
They still coulda given my man Mega Man that slide and charged shot though. Proto Man coulda been the Hard Mode.
They also coulda given us a real movement-enhancing weapon like the Mega Ball or even the Concrete Shot but all we got is the wall-climbing Wheel Cutter. Its usefulness isn’t in as nearly as many instances as the Concrete Shot or god forbid the Mega Ball.
The Bass DLC is a fun addition that rounds out the character variety, but I feel like his dash could have just been a separate button instead of the down+jump combo we’ve been using for the slide for years now. Bass moves too fast for it to be comfortable to do it with that combo input. Classic Mega Man by and large completely ignores any steps forward that the X series took, but this is one time they should have paid attention to it. Just give Bass a dash button.
I have beaten Mega Man 10 twice and it’s pretty alright. It’s tricky at times, and I would have liked a more unique presentation, but it’s a fun enough experience that Mega Man Enjoyers can snack on.
I like that you can finally swap weapons with the shoulder buttons again : )
1994
perfect video game. i've missed so many of my son's baseball games because i was busy playing it
2018
Expectations can grow very high if they’re given enough time to themselves, and eight years is a very long time.
After the halcyon days of the NES, and the X series’ golden era of the SNES and PS1, the Mega Man franchise has had a hard life. I’ve lost count of the canceled projects that were to star my beautiful Blue Bomber. Even the Archie-produced Mega Man comic got canned. Nothing was safe. Being a Mega Man enjoyer then (and still now) meant dealing with constant disappointment. Why do you think Mega Man being in Super Smash Bros. was such a big deal? Why do you think Mighty No. 9 got the funding it did?
That last paragraph was written because I need you to understand that any problem I may have with Mega Man 11 is minuscule compared to the sheer amount of gratitude I have towards fate for allowing this game to be made at all.
This may be cynical to say considering how at the time of writing this, Capcom has been on a serious roll with no signs of stopping, but i see the release of a no-nonsense, microtransaction-free Mega Man game in the modern age, as nothing less than a miracle.
Speaking of miracles, I am also very thankful that they chose to make Mega Man 11 so visually distinct. It looks like a great animated cartoon, and the backgrounds are just stellar. The first area of Torch Man’s stage is a particularly beautiful sight to see.
While being beautiful, the levels in this game are equally tricky. I’m a seasoned Mega Man veteran but I had a hard time early on during both of my playthroughs. But maybe that’s because I wasn’t making much use of the game’s new mechanic: The Double Gear System, the Speed Gear in particular. The Power Gear’s good for bosses but slowing down time with the Speed Gear made everything a lot more simple. At a certain point in the game you can take out Sniper Joes without them even noticing you’re there.
Speaking of not noticing things that are there, the music in Mega Man 11 is a shocking disappointment. With decades of games with numerous incredible bangers each, it's such a shame to get a Mega Man game where the level themes feel more like wallpaper in the room than the furniture. The sound mixing in Mega Man 11 is already so obnoxious that you can't hear the tunes as it is, but when you turn the music up, there's no strong identity. Bounce Man has a pretty nice song though. Not catchy enough to remember it by heart, but it's good.
Lackluster music is a small price to pay for another Mega Man game to be made, i suppose.
But that's just it, Mega Man 11 IS just another Mega Man game. Besides the Double Gear System, there's nothing so earthshakingly new that it paves the way for a new future of Mega Man titles. You DO get weapon that's a Mega Man X-style dash that can even be used in the air, which has the potential to be a huge game changer, if you're clever enough. But this isn't really doing anything that the Mega Man franchise hasn't seen before.....
It's just, more Mega Man, and at the end of the day, that's something i'm okay with.
I've beaten Mega Man 11 twice and had a decent time each time.
I recommend it to see Mega Man at its flashiest and most fully featured. There are better games in the series, though.
After the halcyon days of the NES, and the X series’ golden era of the SNES and PS1, the Mega Man franchise has had a hard life. I’ve lost count of the canceled projects that were to star my beautiful Blue Bomber. Even the Archie-produced Mega Man comic got canned. Nothing was safe. Being a Mega Man enjoyer then (and still now) meant dealing with constant disappointment. Why do you think Mega Man being in Super Smash Bros. was such a big deal? Why do you think Mighty No. 9 got the funding it did?
That last paragraph was written because I need you to understand that any problem I may have with Mega Man 11 is minuscule compared to the sheer amount of gratitude I have towards fate for allowing this game to be made at all.
This may be cynical to say considering how at the time of writing this, Capcom has been on a serious roll with no signs of stopping, but i see the release of a no-nonsense, microtransaction-free Mega Man game in the modern age, as nothing less than a miracle.
Speaking of miracles, I am also very thankful that they chose to make Mega Man 11 so visually distinct. It looks like a great animated cartoon, and the backgrounds are just stellar. The first area of Torch Man’s stage is a particularly beautiful sight to see.
While being beautiful, the levels in this game are equally tricky. I’m a seasoned Mega Man veteran but I had a hard time early on during both of my playthroughs. But maybe that’s because I wasn’t making much use of the game’s new mechanic: The Double Gear System, the Speed Gear in particular. The Power Gear’s good for bosses but slowing down time with the Speed Gear made everything a lot more simple. At a certain point in the game you can take out Sniper Joes without them even noticing you’re there.
Speaking of not noticing things that are there, the music in Mega Man 11 is a shocking disappointment. With decades of games with numerous incredible bangers each, it's such a shame to get a Mega Man game where the level themes feel more like wallpaper in the room than the furniture. The sound mixing in Mega Man 11 is already so obnoxious that you can't hear the tunes as it is, but when you turn the music up, there's no strong identity. Bounce Man has a pretty nice song though. Not catchy enough to remember it by heart, but it's good.
Lackluster music is a small price to pay for another Mega Man game to be made, i suppose.
But that's just it, Mega Man 11 IS just another Mega Man game. Besides the Double Gear System, there's nothing so earthshakingly new that it paves the way for a new future of Mega Man titles. You DO get weapon that's a Mega Man X-style dash that can even be used in the air, which has the potential to be a huge game changer, if you're clever enough. But this isn't really doing anything that the Mega Man franchise hasn't seen before.....
It's just, more Mega Man, and at the end of the day, that's something i'm okay with.
I've beaten Mega Man 11 twice and had a decent time each time.
I recommend it to see Mega Man at its flashiest and most fully featured. There are better games in the series, though.
1993
i've written a review of this game already and it was silly and hyperbolic but nonetheless, how i felt. i will delete that first one as i will go more in depth here in this second review.
This really is the perfect video game.
It’s astonishing how intense of an evolutionary step 1993’s Mega Man X is in the Mega Man series timeline. Just the ability to cycle through your special weapons with the shoulder buttons would have been enough to be a game changer, but then Mega Man X adds the ability to climb walls, to charge up those special weapons for a unique super attack, and above all else, to perform a momentum-carrying dash.
And that’s not even counting the brilliant level design, and how some of the stages are intertwined. The effects of this is limited to three stages, but beating one stage can alter another, allowing you to explore further and find more goodies. Aside from the immediate upgrade you might find, this connectivity between a fraction of the stages really adds to the sense of Place the game has. Throw in a world map on the stage select screen and you really are saving a capital W World.
In this world, every character design and silhouette is stellar and iconic. Zero and Vile and Storm Eagle and of course, X himself, are some of the coolest designs around. It is Classic Mega Man, but more "hard core", with just the right amount of excess. If anything, it separates the Mega Man style from Astro Boy just enough to have more of its own identity, and I'm thankful for that.
Beyond the visuals, every sound, every song, is a serenade for the ears. Once again, Storm Eagle takes a W for having such a good theme, but Boomer Kuwanger and Sigma 2 and the Cast Roll themes are all certified bangers. The sound of X charging his buster is one of my favorite sounds of all time. That violent harmonizing that hums before crescendo of a blast of energy has to sound pleasant if you’re going to be holding down the shoot button the whole time you’re going through a level.
They COOKED.
I have lost count of the number of times I've played and beaten Mega Man X. I've 100%ed it multiple times. I've done a humble speed run of it. I've done a Buster Only run. I've done a no-dash run. I've wrung every drop of novelty i could out of this game and yet it is still a fantastic time, every time. It feels good in the hands, it sounds good in the ears and it looks great in the eyes. Play this game. That's not a recommendation lmao it's a demand.
This really is the perfect video game.
It’s astonishing how intense of an evolutionary step 1993’s Mega Man X is in the Mega Man series timeline. Just the ability to cycle through your special weapons with the shoulder buttons would have been enough to be a game changer, but then Mega Man X adds the ability to climb walls, to charge up those special weapons for a unique super attack, and above all else, to perform a momentum-carrying dash.
And that’s not even counting the brilliant level design, and how some of the stages are intertwined. The effects of this is limited to three stages, but beating one stage can alter another, allowing you to explore further and find more goodies. Aside from the immediate upgrade you might find, this connectivity between a fraction of the stages really adds to the sense of Place the game has. Throw in a world map on the stage select screen and you really are saving a capital W World.
In this world, every character design and silhouette is stellar and iconic. Zero and Vile and Storm Eagle and of course, X himself, are some of the coolest designs around. It is Classic Mega Man, but more "hard core", with just the right amount of excess. If anything, it separates the Mega Man style from Astro Boy just enough to have more of its own identity, and I'm thankful for that.
Beyond the visuals, every sound, every song, is a serenade for the ears. Once again, Storm Eagle takes a W for having such a good theme, but Boomer Kuwanger and Sigma 2 and the Cast Roll themes are all certified bangers. The sound of X charging his buster is one of my favorite sounds of all time. That violent harmonizing that hums before crescendo of a blast of energy has to sound pleasant if you’re going to be holding down the shoot button the whole time you’re going through a level.
They COOKED.
I have lost count of the number of times I've played and beaten Mega Man X. I've 100%ed it multiple times. I've done a humble speed run of it. I've done a Buster Only run. I've done a no-dash run. I've wrung every drop of novelty i could out of this game and yet it is still a fantastic time, every time. It feels good in the hands, it sounds good in the ears and it looks great in the eyes. Play this game. That's not a recommendation lmao it's a demand.