Slarvath
2020
A game with a solid premise and really fun gameplay loop brought way down by some of the most insipid writing I think I've ever experienced. Does the writing matter in a job sim game? No, but the writing is so shit that I couldn't just ignore it, and it also effects the gameplay.
In gas station simulator, every now and then something weird will happen. A customer comes in and just drops a fish on the ground and leaves. It's cool, it's fun, and most importantly it's infrequent enough that you don't expect it. In barn finders, you explore 1 regular barn without anything paranormal happening in the entire game. There is not a single normal ass barn outside of the tutorial. I was actually so bored of aliens by the end of the game that when I saw a level called "Logging Barn" I got excited because it was a genuine surprise that the game would take me to someplace without a crazy conspiracy or ghosts or some other shit. Of course that level turned out to be mostly a 'hidden' alien mothership that had fuckall to do in it.
Outside of the writing bombarding you with weird shit until it's not even surprising anymore, it's also painfully unfunny. How about a fart sound every time you crouch? How about every level having a toilet that you can take a shit in? How about finding golden toilet paper as collectibles? How about some very very questionable characters that aren't quite racist caricatures enough that I stopped playing but are enough to make me grit my teeth whenever they showed up on screen? Like they're not "Jesus Christ I'm refunding this" bad but are bad enough that multiple high rated steam reviews mentioned them and you know it's a problem when even steam users agree that it's not a good look.
Frustrating game. If you're out of job sims to play with a podcast on it can scratch the itch, but I don't really think the genre is sparse enough that you need to dig through the bargain bin.
In gas station simulator, every now and then something weird will happen. A customer comes in and just drops a fish on the ground and leaves. It's cool, it's fun, and most importantly it's infrequent enough that you don't expect it. In barn finders, you explore 1 regular barn without anything paranormal happening in the entire game. There is not a single normal ass barn outside of the tutorial. I was actually so bored of aliens by the end of the game that when I saw a level called "Logging Barn" I got excited because it was a genuine surprise that the game would take me to someplace without a crazy conspiracy or ghosts or some other shit. Of course that level turned out to be mostly a 'hidden' alien mothership that had fuckall to do in it.
Outside of the writing bombarding you with weird shit until it's not even surprising anymore, it's also painfully unfunny. How about a fart sound every time you crouch? How about every level having a toilet that you can take a shit in? How about finding golden toilet paper as collectibles? How about some very very questionable characters that aren't quite racist caricatures enough that I stopped playing but are enough to make me grit my teeth whenever they showed up on screen? Like they're not "Jesus Christ I'm refunding this" bad but are bad enough that multiple high rated steam reviews mentioned them and you know it's a problem when even steam users agree that it's not a good look.
Frustrating game. If you're out of job sims to play with a podcast on it can scratch the itch, but I don't really think the genre is sparse enough that you need to dig through the bargain bin.
2020
2018
2012
Most shock games are pretty predictable at this point. You've seen South Park, you've played Postal. That kind of thing is why Eggwife was kinda disappointing, it didn't go any further than I expected it to. Grezzodue is not that. Grezzodue is the first game in a long time that I had to play only after making sure nobody else was home. I am 23 years old and my parents have seen me play postal 2. It's great. It's exactly the kind of dumb shit I would have made if I was 14 and surprisingly good at designing levels. Some of this is lost on me because I'm not Italian but I have played Blood so I understood about 90% of this game I think.
2023
I was really unsure on whether I was liking the game or not. The combat felt fine, but the enemy design was not in line with its mechanics at all. Bullet time is damn near useless because every projectile enemy shoots explosives anyway so dodging those is a hail mary. Everything deals half your health or more so you either pick things off at a distance or circle strafe and get hit by jank collision damage anyway. Despite those issues I was still having fun enough. It felt like a roblox remake of Max Payne but it was still Max Payne and I like those games.
The story is weird. I don't like the protagonist. He's a sadboy drug addict like Max Payne but he's constantly giving reddit quips and talking about how good he is at killing things. Maybe my memory is fuzzy but Max Payne never said "Hell Yeaaaah!" after killing someone that was involved in murdering his entire family.
It was starting to work for me, the further it went. There's a really long cutscene about staying in an abusive relationship despite knowing it was bad for you because of the memory of a good time and it was starting to all come together. There's a cool intro to a boss fight, and then the fight was awful. Just a terrible, poorly thought out fight with telegraphs that are basically nonexistent. It was a fight so bad that it made me look back on the rest of the game and realize that if a game made me ask myself constantly if I was having fun or not, I wasn't having fun.
Also having your main char's VA narrate over the game constantly while the soundtrack is sung by the same VA and the sound effects from the monsters are also the same VA is one of the dumbest moves I think I've ever seen.
The story is weird. I don't like the protagonist. He's a sadboy drug addict like Max Payne but he's constantly giving reddit quips and talking about how good he is at killing things. Maybe my memory is fuzzy but Max Payne never said "Hell Yeaaaah!" after killing someone that was involved in murdering his entire family.
It was starting to work for me, the further it went. There's a really long cutscene about staying in an abusive relationship despite knowing it was bad for you because of the memory of a good time and it was starting to all come together. There's a cool intro to a boss fight, and then the fight was awful. Just a terrible, poorly thought out fight with telegraphs that are basically nonexistent. It was a fight so bad that it made me look back on the rest of the game and realize that if a game made me ask myself constantly if I was having fun or not, I wasn't having fun.
Also having your main char's VA narrate over the game constantly while the soundtrack is sung by the same VA and the sound effects from the monsters are also the same VA is one of the dumbest moves I think I've ever seen.
2022
This game has the atmosphere of something that was not supposed to be in this world. Every aspect of the game comes together to make the entire game feel fundamentally wrong and it's one of the creepiest games I've ever played as a result. "You are being stalked by a monster" is a fun feeling in a horror game, but this one instead nails the vibe of an actual nightmare. Not the kind where you're getting chased by a giant spider, but those visceral nightmares where your mind just activates all your fear responses to things that your waking self can't even figure out.
2020
2009
For all my life I had heard this is one of the best games ever made, and I can totally see why people think that. It's an amazing game with a lot that other games I've played have unabashedly stolen from. I admire how much extra game content is here too, with time trials and hard mode and goodies to find throughout the map. I did have two complaints and both of them involve the camera and the horse sometimes deciding to go to Kenya. I found some colossi more annoying than others but there were none I would outright call bad. If I played this as a kid it might very well be in my top 10 of all time, and even now it's probably the best game I've played this year so far.
2021
2020
2018
A game I am endlessly nostalgic for and loved as a kid. As an adult a surprising amount of the bits still hit. It's a fun goofy game with lots of little gags to discover, and there's so many so fast that you'll definitely find something you really like. I dunno what all the director's cut adds except some more stuff to do in level 2 though.
2016