That is a hard pill to swallow, this could be one of the greatest game of all time, and it is for so many people thankfully. But some things I cannot ignore. No it's not the game being woke because they have blue skin and no pronouns. The quintessential space experience is discovery, the game opting to offer most of it in the form of text archives. Now, I understand the limited ressources of the team, but none of the in-game people writing these texts nor the content itself were anything to write home about. I just wanted a space bunny I guess. I love bunnos. Unrelated. The lack of wildlife hits you like a stinky pussay, but there's really no problem with a different scope. Kicking down on indies for their lack of budget and manpower would just be stating the obvious, while at the same time admitting being showered in creativity under limitations stops being enough and you want the paws of capitalism on a product to fully realize... mechanics, at the cost of the vision. Nah we ain't fuckin with that.

The planets were dope, they're small yet you're not allowed to view much, so you have to walk around, jump around, whatever burn some calories man (you're gonna need it in space, bucko!). After landing on a few surfaces, you realize they are surface level LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER NOISE ignore my lame joke BUT still, the scope means the planets have to be small and there is some cool spectacle discovered once you land on a given planet. Nothing as daunting in other media as the storms on Giant's End and the sand pillar on Twin Peaks (idr the name). But das what im sayinnn the wonders cease early on and the rest is grabbing enchantment table ahh texts like they're collectibles. You'd lose some of the disorientation if you made planets bigger, would anyone actually want not to jump a little too high and leave orbit like a child being dropped on his first day of school? No! They tried atleast.

The realistic space movement is genuinely amazing. It really propels up the joy of exploration. Before you even get the hang of it, it just feels cool, that's how I control in my dreams and so do you. Lemme SWOOOSH and THUMP--THUMP--THUMP and YIPPEEEE and demolish my ship, as I deserve for my travesty of a flight. It's a roguelite that's self-aware of being one, just like Hades. But this really isn't a roguelite at all, moreso... slow burn Die & Retry feat walking simulator? We get too caught up in labelling things. It's an arena fighter now. You're fighting the physics and raycasts. A guide to the qintessential indie experience once said "indie games are famous for their lack of set gender" as they mistranslated the french "genre" which both means "genre" (shocker) and gender. The marketing team should go to the MARKET to see which bitches are up for sale, the localization industry is fucked as fuck

The ending's impact landed better on some other people, I do think other scenarists have found less clumsy ways to reach that conclusion. But these people probably did drugs, so you go Outer Wilds!

There are games you finish and don't know what to say because they are so unremarkable, and then there are games like 1000x resist where I sit at my computer inmediately after thinking how exactly I could do the game justice without just playing it again whilst taking notes.

I'll try to be brief, but what 1000x resist's sci fi narrative adventure game brings to the table is that its not only dense as hell plot and theme wise, feeling almost like an adaptation of some acclaimed novel, whilst also having stylistic flourishes that are both impressive and also feel purposeful in a way that a higher budget game probably wouldn't. They made a game this visually striking with what feels like cardboard sets and a few unity shaders. The starkness of the environment design and the various shifts of perspective from over the shoulder to first person to top down to side scroller in a way that feels elegant rather than whiplash to the extreme.

The credits have the usual indie game thing where one guy was Modeler, Texturer, Writer, Designer, Costum Designer, Chef, Lawyer and Defender of the Innocent. The game is so impressive as someone who does 3D modelling myself, I have taken a bunch of screenshots of the game simply because I love how they look. One small ass team somehow puts most AAA games I've played to shame in the visual department.

Thats not to say the game's budget or lack thereof doesn't become apparent with the lack of facial animation. Of course the game understands this to some extent, hence the choice of making the sisters require masks to breathe and be clones of each other (hence, only like 5 or so models had to be rigged up) but thats what taking advantage of your limitations is all about.

Story wise, its again hard for me to really comment because its dense but in a way that all great narratives are, like say, Moby Dick or The Truman show, which are enjoyable both at surface level and on a deeper read of the symbolism. Not everything worked for me, and the resolutions of the endings could have perhaps been more elegant, as well as all the Hong Kong stuff carrying the stench of liberalism about it (Incidentally the cops of the provisional government being called the Red Guard was really on the nose) but the game is otherwise so engaging that I don't mind. Strong personal contender for GOTY, it and Extreme Evolution : Drive to Divinity are the front-runners for me.

For years I avoided playing this game because it looked so stupid and silly that I thought there was no way I could have fun. I have no idea why I decided why to go ahead and pull the trigger and start playing it. Turns out it is stupid but it was also very funny and a nice game to be able to turn off your brain and just play. Its weird to say about a game where your a shark that can fly 50 feet out of the water and your sole purpose is to eat everything in sight can be relaxing but it truly was for me.

The best part of this game by far is the narration, voiced by Chris Parnell. Maneater understands its game is off the rails and uses this opportunity to give Parnell some incredibly off the wall and funny lines. The gameplay at first is very fun but it does quickly become a game of hitting the same few buttons to eat anything whether it be a fish, seal, human, great white shark, a boat, or a sperm whale. To be honest though that was part of what I enjoyed about it in a way. I just sat back, turned off my brain, got collectables, attacked humans, and listened to Parnell say funny things. Its not a great game by any means but if you've just played some challenging games or a few long RPG's I think this game is a good option to kind of reset you mentally to get ready for your next challenge or long adventure.

Also fuck Scaly Pete.

2024 games played ranked.
https://www.backloggd.com/u/DVince89/list/games-i-played-in-2024-ranked-1/

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

For the longest time, this was in my top 5 Kirby games. I got this on the Wii U virtual console back in the day, and remember enjoying it a lot. I also remember that I used save states on certain parts and was annoyed at other parts of the game but I generally loved the game's aesthetic and vibe, I guess those aspects overshadowed the bad parts in my mind. What do I think of the game now though? It's not bad at all, but it does have some really annoying issues that nowadays do hamper my experience.

Let's talk about the gameplay first and foremost. Compared to Superstar, it's a big downgrade. Kirby's running speed is very fast, but his walking speed is incredibly slow. This wouldn't usually be an issue however, a lot of them the camera won't pan at the start of a new area until you've gotten until the edge of the screen. Unless you're as careful as can be, if an enemy is there it will hit you. This never happened at all in Superstar. When Kirby floats and gets out of a float, he loses all momentum he's gained and will basically stop in place. Maybe this is so you don't spam the float but it ruins the flow of the gameplay a bit and is an annoyance since Superstar also never did this. It's also incredibly easy to get hit in this game, not only because or the whole screen having to catch up with Kirby, but because the invincibility frames last like a second or less so it's so easy to just get comboed if you're unlucky. This is something I noticed even back in the day, you get hit A LOT in this game and it's quite annoying. One last thing this game downgraded from Superstar, and this one isn't as bad as the other things I mentioned (at least for me) is Kirby's moveset. Kirby goes back to only having one basic move per copy ability. While this is naturally a downgrade compared to Superstar, the animal friends return from Dreamland 2 and do make up for this a bit I think.

Not only are Rick, Kine and Coo back from Dreamland 2, this game adds three new animal friends as well. Nago the cat, Pitch the bird and ChuChu the octopus are the new additions and they're all very solid. Nago is actually my favorite of the six, cuz he feels the best to control but also because he has a very helpful triple jump. Pitch doesn't really have any abilities but he is a cute little guy. ChuChu can only float a couple of times at once but she has the ability to hang from ceilings (it only really gets used once tho lol). Anyways, like Dreamland 2, Dreamland 3 gives each animal friend their own specific take on the copy abilities. With six animal friends now, and 8 copy abilities, that's 48 unique animal friend abilities. There are way less copy abilities in this game compared to Superstar, however with this many animal friend abilities, I feel like it never gets boring since you're more than likely always discovering new ones throughout the game which is fun.

Going into the level's themselves, they aren't great tbh. A good chunk of them are very simple with enemies littered throughout. The level design is way too basic and can get boring some of the time (mostly some of world 3 and 4). They try to combat this with the game's main collectable, the heart-stars, but this can also be a mixed bag. Early on they aren't bad. Each world has six stages, and each of the six stages use the same heart-star conventions. The first always deals with flowers. The second always has you bringing a specific copy ability or animal friend to some part of the stage and interacting with whatever. The third has you playing a minigame a way into the stage. The fourth has you collecting a single object in the stage and bringing it to the end. The fifth has you bringing a specific animal friend to the end of the stage so they can be with their girlfriend/boyfriend. And the 6th has you collecting several objects in the level and bringing them to the end character. Yeah, you get a heart-star from a character at the end of the stage..and they can be pretty fun to see. Mostly because this game cross overed with other Nintendo properties like ROB the Robot and Metroid. Anyways, heart-stars aren't usually too bad to get but the endgame has some really annoying ones. The last couple minigames are like annoying as balls to do without save stating, otherwise you have to redo the stage each time you lose, so I decided to just save state again like I did all the way back in the day. That plus others can just be plain cryptic, and yeah..the collectables aren't super fun to get some of the time.

I know I've spent most of this review complaining so far, and yeah, the gameplay probably is the weakest part of this game, but some of the other aspects are fantastic and make up for the gameplay a bit. The visuals for example are amazing in this game. I still think Yoshi's Island is the best-looking Super Nintendo game, however this is right next to that. This game is a coloring book come to life and it's so nice to look at. It fits Kirby perfectly too and I really wish the modern games tried to do something like this again. Besides the amazing art style, this game is just really charming in general. Whether it's all the animal friend's reactions to Kirby picking other friends instead of them, or the bosses of each world standing idle not fighting you after you purified them by getting every heart-star in the world. Gameplay be damned, it's clear the Kirby3 team were passionate about the actual world and characters. I also always loved the atmosphere in this game. Idk if it's because of the cutesy art style combined with Dark Matter as an antagonist, but this game always felt a bit off in a way I really liked. I don't know how to describe it, but Dreamland 3 fans will probably understand what I mean.

The bosses in general are solid. You have the usual Wispy Woods and some other cool ones. Besides the introduction of Ado (who is basically just Adeline before Adeline), Dark Matter and Zero are great final bosses to the Dreamland trilogy. Dark Matter is cool ofc but Zero is very creepy especially for a Kirby game. The fact it's a giant white sphere that bleeds as you attack it, and the fact its last final form is its eyeball ripped out of the sphere, all bloody and everything, it's so unlike Kirby and just gives the game this eerie feeling I love.

The music in this game is also super good and drives the atmosphere home even more. My favorite songs were probably Grass Land 1, Grass Land 4 and Ripple Field 1. The entire soundtrack is really solid though and like I said, really helps with game feeling atmospheric.

I'm sad this isn't in my top 5 Kirby's anymore. This game has a lot of charm and heart to it but on the gameplay side, it just has too many issues for me to rate it super high. My judgement was clouded back then by the art style and atmosphere, and while those are still great now, I can't deny this game isn't as good as I once thought. I still like it overall, but I will kneel to all the Superstar fans despite not loving that game's structure...that is the superior Kirby game. If they took the gameplay from Superstar and the art style, atmosphere and single campaign structure from this game...I may have gotten my perfect Kirby game. Ah well, a man can dream. I will say tho, I do like this more than Dreamland 2. There isn't a level as bullshit as that trial and error in 2 and this game visually just looks so much better of course. That and I have more nostalgia for it haha. Anyways, next is Donkey Kong Country 3 so look forward to that!

6.5/10

To me, Side Order distills the Splatoon PVE experience to its best qualities. Considering Splatoon campaigns have been exclusively composed of levels designed as obstacle courses, enemy gauntlets, and various other trials, it makes perfect sense to forgo the formalities and just introduce a format that is, itself, a series of challenges: the Roguelike genre. Not only does this create more harmony in the progression systems but it also eliminates some of Splatoons more aggravating mission types: theres no instant-failing rail shooting galleries, box sculpting mini games, and generally speaking no requirement to use some of Splatoons more estranged weapon types.

Or at least for the most part. Unlocks are exclusive to each weapon and so full and total completion would require you to do a full run with every weapon type. This is not necessary to enjoy Side Order however, and the way the DLC doles out upgrades makes it more easy than ever to spec away the flaws of particular weapon types - meaning that while this might be Splatoons most demanding campaign to 100% in terms of effort, its also the most flexible and most rewarding Splatoon has felt across the past 4 campaigns theyve made.

Bonus Thoughts:

- The Jelletons (jelly skeletons?) taking inspo from Salmon Run enemies was smart cuz Salmon Run is also something that plays alot to Splatoons strengths as a game.

- Story lacks the huge climaxes that more traditional story campaigns usually have, however I think the more agnostic boss design is much more interesting.

- With even just a few permanent hacks purchased you are nearly unstoppable (pure happiness) It might seem like quite a task, to be expected to win with weapons like the Umbrella but in truth power skews so far in your favor that essentially every run is a win no matter what youre using. It is deceptively doable.

- Its impossible to not make my Agent 8 look like a gimp that just got back from edm night at the club

Going into this, I had the expectations of a typical retro modern "remake" of the era. You know the type, where it is fairly faithful to the game it is recreating, but uses ugly 3D models for a 2D platformer that strips the original soul the game had while also not getting the controls and physics exactly right thus somehow still not making it the best version to play.
I am happy to say that Castle of Illusion is not that type of remake, but something closer to a remake that takes advantage of the eras Tech to truly make something that enhances the original experience, but also gives it it's own identity to not replace the originals. Something akin to the Resident Evil 2/4 remakes.

Right off the bat, the game is gorgeous. I did not expect a remake from the PS3/360 era to have this much detail, effort and soul in it's artstyle. The original game on the Genesis has some of the best backgrounds and sprites on that system, and somehow the team at Sega Australia lived up to it using their own modern style. As you platform your way through the colourful levels, everything is oozing charm. Even the backgrounds have things happening such a seeing the boss of the level sneaking around, doing their thing. It feels like an alive world and that is very impressive for a 2D platformer.

While mentioning this is a 2D platformer, the game brings it's own unique spin by having 3D platforming sections that work just as great as the 2D sections switching seamlessly between both perspectives like a modern Sonic game. The levels are not a 1-to-1 of the original, but something a bit more remixed while retaining all the aspects that made the original levels memorable.

The gameplay itself retains that fun bouncy Ducktales-like gameplay the original had, yet somehow made it even tighter to play.
All the setpieces from the original are here, such as the part where you need to run away from the giant apple. But this time these set pieces are now remixed into their own big budget cinematic parts of the levels.
Bosses get the same treatment, where in the original they were fairly quick and easy to beat; here they have their own big segments now that make them so fun to fight. They are closer to a boss from something like crash bandicoot.

It is a short game, but feels like biggest budget short game ive played, and I highly recommend you play it if you are a fan of platformers. Get it on steam if you see it on sale, because you'll definitely get a bang for your back. I wish Sega continued remaking these with the other Illusion titles because if they kept this quality up, it could have been the best bunch of remakes we have seen in gaming.

I am a big fan of the phrase “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”, and having this mentality when it comes to making anything is usually the best to have, but at the same time, sometimes the product in question, like a sequel to a popular video game, needs to have a little kick in the ass, or one or two changes here or there, to really make it feel justified in its existence. This can directly be applied to Final Fight 2, which in all aspects was still a good game, and a decent follow-up to the original game, but it introduced pretty much nothing to change up the gameplay from the original game, which could be good for those that loved the original game to death, but for those that didn’t, it wouldn’t give them much of a reason to seek that, or any of the other FF games, out. But hey, the game still sold pretty well, so it was naturally gonna get a follow-up regardless, and we would get that follow-up just two years later with Final Fight 3.

I was actually pretty excited to come to this game, cause it has been quite a bit now since I last played one of these games, and I was curious to see how this one would turn out. I didn’t think it was necessarily gonna be too special, but I have been in a big beat-’em-up mood lately, and I was curious to see if they were actually gonna do more with this rather than just being “another Final Fight again”. So, I played through the thing, and as it turns out, it is just another Final Fight again!......... but only kinda. It does feel like somewhat of a proper follow-up to the previous games, since this one does actually offer some new additions compared to the previous game, but most of it is still your typical Final Fight beat-’em-up action, which is all good for me, yet it could be tiring for others.

The story is fairly straightforward, where after the defeat of the Mad Gear Gang in the previous game, the streets of Metro City have grown rampant with crime groups terrorizing the place, with the new Skull Cross Gang taking over as the dominant gang of the city, leading to a large riot being started in the prospect of taking over said city, so it is up to Mike Haggar and Guy, along with newcomers Lucia and Dean, to set out to defeat this new gang once and for all, and to save Metro City once again. Once again, it is a pretty straightforward story, one that we have seen plenty of times in beat-’em-up games, and like with most beat-’em-ups, you don’t need that complex of a plot to go out and start kicking ass all over again, so it is fine by me.

The graphics are good, looking almost identical to that from the previous two games, yet having just enough differences when it comes to the character sprites that you can at least tell something has changed….. barely, the music is also good, having plenty of decent tracks throughout, but nothing that is gonna get me raving and bobbing my head like the tracks you would hear from Streets of Rage 3 (random example, but it works, cause beat-’em-up), and the gameplay/control is pretty much what you think it is if you have played any of the previous Final Fight games, with there being some new additions sprinkled in to spice up your Final Fighting, but it is pretty much another Tuesday for fanatics of the genre.

The game is your typical beat-’em-up romp, where you take control of one of four characters, but if you know me at this point, you already know that I am gonna play as Mike Haggar, while refusing to play as anybody else for even a fraction of a second, go through six different levels through many different locations throughout Metro City, beat down a seemingly endless horde of thugs from the Skull Cross Gang using a plethora of moves at your disposal, gather plenty of weapons to help lay the smackdown on your foes while also gathering plenty of food and point items to assist you along the way, and take on plenty of big, beefy bosses that are relatively easy to defeat, just as long as you don’t mind the giant health bars that a lot of them have. You know the drill, ya punch people, they die, and you can have even more fun punching said people with a buddy, which is all well and good in my book, even if I wouldn’t be so quick to try to get anyone to play this with me, especially if they have already played any of the other Final Fights.

New to the series in this game is that now, instead of having the basic movesets that we have had, we now have additional moves that you can pull off while facing opponents, such as a dash manuver, a charging attack for that dash, throwing attacks, and unique techniques that can be performed for specific characters. This doesn’t change up the gameplay too much from what you are used to, but it is enough to make this game feel like the series is progressing forward, giving the player more to work with and making for a much more fun and versatile experience, so I can definitely appreciate that. Also new in this game is the addition of Super Moves, which pretty much work exactly how they would in a Street Fighter game: you go around, beat dudes up, and when it is charged, you enter a button combination and use it to absolutely ANNIHILATE an opponent. I didn’t really use these all too often, cause the difficulty wasn’t extreme enough to the point where I felt it was a necessity, but it did come in handy against plenty of boss fights, so it is definitely a much welcomed edition.

Now, for this next new feature, I have to ask those Final Fight 3 experts a question real quick….. am I a fucking idiot? Cause I didn’t notice this shit at all when I was playing the game. Apparently, according to what I have read online, there are multiple pathways that you can take in the game, to reach new areas and potentially hidden goodies, but I for the life of me didn’t see that at all in the main game. Yeah, I know there are hidden bonus stages that you can find in order to get more points, but most of the game seems like a clear straight shot from beginning to end, just like with the first two games, so either these branching paths are really well hidden, or I am just incredibly stupid. I will let you all in the comment section decide for yourself why it is the latter option rather than the former.

With all that out of the way though, most of the game is still your basic beat-’em-up through and through at the end of the day, meaning there isn’t really that much here for you to be excited about or want to try out if you weren’t too big into the previous two games. Yeah, the new moves and branching paths do make the game more fun and replayable, but in an era were there were already so many different beat-’em-ups out there, this one doesn’t do anything to make itself stand out from the crowd other than being “another Final Fight”, which is fine for me, but it probably wouldn’t be for others. Also, in terms of actual problems with the game, the dialogue that shows up in the cutscenes in this game is TERRIBLE, holy shit! Like, I am well aware that plenty of games back in the day had mistranslations up the whazoo, which is fine, but I don’t remember this ever being an issue for Final Fight before, yet it is plain as day here. Seriously, it even goes as far as being Mega Man and SNK levels of bad, it is hilarious. Look up the cutscenes at some point later, and you’ll see exactly what I mean.

Overall, despite its lack of major change and some horrible translations for the dialogue, Final Fight 3 is still a decent beat-’em-up and entry in this series all around, with plenty of stages to go through with a buddy, while also not feeling like they last forever (cough, Final Fight 2, cough), plenty of new moves to try out, and just that overall energy and sense of fun that these games haven’t failed to deliver on just yet. I would recommend it for those who were big fans of the previous two games, as well as those who are big beat-’em-up fans in general, because while it isn’t too revolutionary or unique, it can still provide a decent hour of entertainment, especially with a buddy along for the ride. After all that though, I’m just wondering what the next game in the series is gonna- AAAAAAAND it’s a fighting game, GODDAMMIT, CAPCOM! Look, I get it, the games take place in the Street Fighter universe, so it makes sense, but not everything needs to be a fighting game! There’s only so much punching and kicking and killing one can do before they grow completely numb to it, I swear….

Game #597

(CLAP, CLAP!) SHIP REVIEW!
Since there's two characters in Bayonetta 3, you get two different jokes. Hallelujah. This game is what I like to call the “Seven Sirens Syndrome” (a term coined by the wonderful @yuzrnaime).

…Bayonetta 3. What. In the absolute FUCK was pre-release period for this game??? Bayonetta 3 was announced at the nigh end of 2017, and while the trailer looked intriguing (most notably with Bayonetta straight up dying in the trailer, too), we didn't see any gameplay for over 4 years, only getting held over with the “Oh, don't worry, it's not canceled frfr”. And then out of nowhere, in September of 2021, we FINALLY got the first trailer, and yeah, I was pretty hyped. Time passed, Hellena Taylor hurled accusations at Platinum Games, no more Hellena Taylor, boycott Bayonetta 3 because she was underpaid, oh wait, she lied, revenge-buy Bayonetta 3. Oh, wait, THAT WAS A MISTAKE, TOO. This game's prerelease was a disaster, and that summarizes most of my thoughts on Bayonetta 3, unfortunately. You can tell that this game went through an extremely troubled development. For a game which took 5 years, it feels very... off-putting. Not bad, of course, it's still a Platinum Games title at the end of the day, but something just doesn't click with me that Bayonetta 1 and 2 did. But, with that being said, it's time to discuss why Bayonetta 3 is easily the weakest title in the series. Frequent rant warning, folks. This one’s gonna be a bumpy ride...

Right off the bat, Bayonetta 3 starts AMAZINGLY, much like the previous games. While it’s not as action packed, it leaves a surprisingly lasting impression that’s actually somewhat emotional. In the first battle, Bayonetta is doing her stereotypical Bayonetta thing. Fighting and fighting, until the bitter end against a dark entity, but UNLIKE usual, she’s eating straight ass. It’s a great contrast between the hyper action packed intros of before, as it has that action, but it’s definitely neutered compared to before. Fitting the tone, Bayonetta straight up DIES. Like, flat-out, shattered into the red orbs of Devil May Cry. Hey, point the gun away from your head, I want to hear Platinum out first, for as much as I can in this genuine shit show. Cut to Sigurd, some random soldier who I presume is close to Viola, a Saints Row 2022 looking-ass character, where Bayonetta’s… something is absorbed into Viola. The entity kills Sigurd off too, leaving Viola alone. With that, Viola retreats into… fucking Manhattan??? Hey, my dad grew up in New York, so I appreciate the shout out, but the city, alongside a girl who looks ODDLY like Cereza, and a guy who sounds AWFULLY like Enzo, are all completely fine, and that’s when I realized, that combined with the monologe about branching paths in the intro, that Bayonetta 3 is a fucking multiverse story. A MULTIVERSE STORY in BAYONETTA. Shit, man. Bayonetta 1 and 2 never had the greatest story to begin with (hence why I barely talked about them), so I’m flabbergasted as to why they even attempted this in the third entry, no less. But hey, let’s hold our “Shit Within”. Maybe it’ll actually be good? NOPE!!! Okay, so Cereza (we’ll call her that for the time being), and… Eggman, alongside… Rodin (i don’t have a good name sorry)??? are all New Yorker-ized, just your average day. But of course, this is a Bayonetta game, so shit gets WACKY! Rodin notices a storm approaching, and Cereza activates her Spider Within to hear someone calling for help. She says something about… a destined time and date to Eggman, as they arrive at a cruise ship dock. Cereza, being Cereza, dresses up for the occasion, and god. I can’t help but notice already.

These graphics are so disappointing, man. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that even Bayonetta 1 looked better; hell, at least it had a consistent style from beginning to end. Bayonetta 2 followed suit, being extremely colorful with incredibly detailed environments, and made one of the best looking Wii U and Nintendo Switch games. 3 looks rather rough in comparison. It’s not ugly per-se, but it’s far below the quality of other Nintendo-produced (or at the very least ASSISTED) games on the Nintendo Switch. Shit, if you squint enough, it looks like Sonic Frontiers on Switch. The first 2 Bayonettas look great, and still do to this day, but 3 looks and feels a lot worse to play. The frame pacing in cutscenes is rather nauseating, the shadows look off on the characters, and overall, I’d say that the models fall far below the quality of Bayonetta 2’s. Not to mention, the really bad frame drops on Switch. I played on Yuzu as I’ve previously said, but I’ve heard horror stories about Bayonetta 3 on Switch. A shame, really. Because we have so many great looking games on Switch, some even coming from Platinum themselves. Astral Chain, Metroid Prime Remastered, Super Mario Odyssey, Luigi’s Mansion 3, Smash Ultimate, some of the best looking Switch games, with most having rock solid performance too. Hell, Bayonetta 3 is one of those Switch games that run at a sub-720p resolution in handheld mode and it looks REALLY fucking rough. I don’t understand why so many Switch games run at sub-720 in handheld mode when they support well above that in Docked Mode. That’s a leg up on Bayonetta 1 and 2 being locked to 720p Docked on Switch, but those games were also 720p on Handheld, the way it should be. You lose an incredible amount of visual clarity without it as the Switch is a decently sized display, and on Handheld, it just looks awful. And seeing Bayonetta 3 still struggle to run on real hardware with THESE kinds of visuals, noticeable pop-in in tow, is quite disappointing to me. Hell, emulators still struggle to maintain a solid FPS with it. Once again, I played on an emulator (using Ryujinx this time, Yuzu kept crashing), and while 2 maintained a solid FPS throughout, Bayonetta 3 was LAG CENTRAL. Hell, it stopped working at a certain point (I needed to enable Vulkan + Texture compression). Nintendo really needs to step up their hardware, because when it’s hurting such a high profile release, it’s very sad to see. But, gripes aside, back to the story.

Viola quite literally falls on Enzo, demanding to see Bayonetta once mor- SUDDENLY, FLOOD! How in the FUCK did nobody notice it until now? What, did Flood Watches not exist in this tim- SUDDENLY, RODIN! Comes up and smacks the ever loving fuck out of the demon who made the flood occur. Bayonetta rides the cruise ship on top of the flood, and you know the drill by now. Bayonetta dances her way through the enemies, clothes get cut, BAYONETTA COMBAT TIME!!! Oh, and Moonlight Serenade. Not as good as Fly Me To The Moon or Moon River, but I still really like it.

Bayonetta 3’s combat mechanics are… solid. At least, in theory. As said nearly a hundred times over at this point, Bayonetta 3 returns with the delay based combos, present in Bayonetta 2, 1, and Devil May Cry. Weapons return from Bayonetta 2, but the Umbran Climax has been reworked into a “Demon Slave” mechanic, summoned by the power of the left trigger. Bayonetta 2’s Umbran Climax was fun, but incredibly overpowered. Bayonetta received a constant stream of health, with her attacks all being turned into devastating Wicked Weaves. In Bayonetta 3, the strength element remains, but leaves Bayonetta vulnerable as the demon only stays out as she dances, while the monster attacks for Bayonetta. Hence the term, Demon Slave. I appreciate the added combat strategy, as Umbran Climax was far lacking in that, but Demon Slave is a bit more skill based, akin to V from DMCV, I felt rather disconnected from combat when I used it. It’s theoretically a little better than Bayonetta 2’s Umbran Climax, but… it still doesn’t feel all that great. If anything, I kind of preferred 2’s because you always felt like the badass slaying all of the monsters. Instead, you get a demon to do the dirty work? Lame! And that also somehow makes Bayonetta 3 BY FAR the easiest in the franchise. I barely died, outside of challenges and the like. It’s SUPER fucking easy, and I played on Hard Mode on my first playthrough, too. Bayonetta 3’s enemies are woefully pathetic. Even on Hard mode, they were shockingly slow and easy to kill. No longer do they resist you like Bayonetta 2, you can wail on them to your heart’s content, and by god, these designs just flat out suck. They all blend in, all being built on the same, boring, robotic designs. Additionally, they removed the item caps from the shop, a dumb as hell move on the developer’s part. And since, like Bayonetta 2, there are no punishments for using items, you can haul absolute ASS in this game. At least Bayonetta 2 tried to limit your items, and while that didn't solve the issue with items and scoring, it still felt well balanced. But with the currency divided between upgrades, costumes, and items in Bayonetta 3 (an idea that’s not bad on paper), items are of little risk to buy since your upgrades don’t suffer from it. Item prices needed to be tuned all the way up, or the items had to be severely nerfed for this to be a good change. Bayonetta 1 and 2’s currency forced you to understand the game’s combat in order to get more skills. If you were good at the game, the Concoction Menu still let you get items for free; hell, I bet some of you never even knew Concoction existed until now. Buying items directly takes away from your currency in which you buy even better techniques from. In Bayonetta 3, this fact is of no issue. I bought 20 goddamn MEGA herbs at the end of the SECOND mission, and still had a lot more money to spare. THAT alone proves how easy Bayonetta 3 is. Want 8 Hot Shots for practically nothing? There you go, you’re practically immortal, now! Because of this, I was basically on autopilot for the entire journey, because the game is so easy to break. Big hit? Oh, just use my 9 million Herbs that I have! Hard Mode, my ass. What we need is a “Witch Must Die” mode or something, as the Bayonetta series gets disappointingly easier with each game. As it stands, Bayonetta 3 is easily a contender for my least favorite in the series for this fact alone. Sure, Bayonetta was a pretty brutal game, and Bayonetta 2 had issues with scoring, but it always put up a good fight. Bayonetta 3, once again, fails to live to the standards of 1 and 2, by being one of the easiest games ever released. You could argue that Bayonetta 3 is meant to introduce newcomers I guess, but even then, Bayonetta 2 did a better job at that. This leaves Bayonetta 3 unengaging for a large majority of it's runtime, and it unfortunately only gets worse from here on out.

Although the Demon Slave has several fatal flaws, to give Bayonetta 3 a genuine compliment, they do something kind of cool with this, where your demons are linked to the weapon you use. Neat shit. It’s a bit more limiting than Bayonetta 2, as you had hands and foot slots, but I’ll… allow it to slide. JUST this once. The weapons themselves are as solid as Bayonetta 2’s, in my eyes, although the variety isn’t as strong. My personal favorite was the yoyos, which provide an excellent balance between close-quarters and mid-ranged attacks. I usually never used the big club, which did great damage but was slow as fuck, because unless you made Devil May Cry 5, it’s usually not my favorite pick for an action game weapon. But the rest are fun, and I did like experimenting with them. And, oh yeah. Torture attacks are now gone too, now you just press 2 buttons, and bam. It's better flowing, but it still feels… so unlike Bayonetta. I don’t know how to say i- SUDDENLY, JEANS! Sporting a more hippie attire, she fights with Bayonetta against this large, tentacle monster thingy, before promptly getting eaten alive by some Penis Flytrap. Damn, is this fucking Endgame? They’re killing everyone like it’s nothing! Oh, nevermind, Jeans is saved by Madame Butterf- SUDDENLY, GIANT FISH? Before getting smacked by a massive building, never to be seen again. What was the point of that??? Anyways, after the massive flood, Cereza, Eggman, Jeans, and Rodin retreat to The Gates of Hell to watch the news, or something. Yeah, Eggman straight up LOST his entire family in that flood. Anyways, Viola introduces the entire multiverse structure, they can't manually control it but they go to Thule where all of the universes lie... IDK. I was already tuned out, man. Anyways, soon enough, Variant Bayonetta in this universe, she’s a super high tech yoyo spider wield- aaaand she dies anyways. Cool. Cut to one of the worst minigames in the entire series, then, the Monster Fighting Game. I don’t know how they made a fighting game character with slower attacks than Ganondorf, but hey, you do you. Then cut to THE worst mini game in the series... FUCKING. KHAKI. JEANS.

Yes, in Bayonetta 3, there are fucking 2D STEALTH MISSIONS. Bayonetta, you sure are one mysterious destiny. Nope, we can’t make her playable in the mainline story, eat shit, Jeanne. All you do is walk around, one shot everything, bam, move on with your life while you do... stuff. Are these supposed to be funny or something? It’s not funny enough to warrant FOUR ENTIRE CHAPTERS to this braindead nonsense. It’s SO boring and tedious, that this is where I started to lose all hope for Bayonetta 3 EVER being better than 1 and 2. And unfortunately, Bayonetta 3 never gets better from those very lofty heights.

Because eventually, you have to play as Viola... and this is. Fine. Not bad, not great, just. Okay. Okay, so unlike Bayonetta, she wields a Katana, and only has one Demon Slave, Chesire, who automatically attacks alongside Viola. Okay... not really that different than Bayonett- WHAT IN THE FUCK IS HER WITCH TIME??? She has to PARRY attacks, which REALLY fucks with my muscle memory, and her combo game is bland. Unlike Bayonetta, who actually has fun mechanics, even in 3, Viola genuinely has NO SAUCE. No fun combo game, no other abilities, nothing! She’s so lame, man. She’s not different enough to warrant a whole ass character, and her playstyle is even worse than Bayonetta’s. Because of this, Viola is easily one of the worst characters in action game history. She’s so MID. Fuck, man. Each time I played as her, I let out a giant, massive SIGH, man. And BTW, she’s so FUCKING annoying. “my name is v-i-o-l-a VIOLA!!!!” Shut UP, man.

And, of course this wouldn't be a Bayonetta 3 review without mentioning the godawful story and ending. Oh my god, that fucking ending, man. It's so BAD. Okay, so after Jeanne dies (LMFAOOOOOO), Bayonetta fights Singularity, but out of fucking NOWHERE, is assisted by all of the Bayonettas from across the multiverse… before including two different Bayonettas... from BAYONETTA 1 and 2... and then Bayonetta 1 and 2 merge with 3- what the fuck??? Did Umbran Witches have this ability all along? And then Bayonetta 3 (the third incarnation of Bayonetta) dies after the fight with Singularity because she exhausted her strength (Persona 3, much?)so now all Bayonettas are dead, but then Luka... hugs Bayonetta... oh, Christ almighty... they both die... that’s it??? WHAT IN THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?!? Okay, first of all, the elephant in the room. Bayonetta’s sexuality. Folks, I know that Bayonetta was hailed as our Lesbian Queen prior to Bayonetta 3, where she flirted with Jeanne, LIVED TOGETHER with he- what the fuck??? You’re telling me after Bayonetta 2, after Bayonetta quite LITERALLY went to HELL and BACK just to save her that they’re just good FRIENDS??? Okay, I guess they never had an active relationship on screen, I guess, and I was mostly pissing around with the “lesbianism” jokes of the earlier reviews. But the same could be as equally said for LUKA, and before you say I’m bi-phobic or some shit (cough cough Gayming), hear me out, as a bisexual myself. First of all, I don’t object to Bayonetta having a heterosexual relationship, but what I DO object to is Luka’s lack of character development. WHO in the Story department put this fucking JIZZER with Bayonetta??? In Bayonetta 1 and 2, they never went past teasing, but Bayonetta did that with EVERYBODY. Luka made an ass out of himself because he WANTED that ass, but Bayonetta never felt the same way! That was the joke! Like Amy and Sonic, it was played off as a simple joke. But you're telling me that it's Knuckles and Rouge now? Bitch, please! They have borderline NO chemistry throughout the entire game. If Bayonetta and Luka were going to “Hit The Climax!”, let's say, then their relationship needed to matter a WHOLE lot more throughout the game. Better yet, why doesn't Viola chat with her Mother before she's banished to Inferno. No??? SHE JUST SITS THERE WATCHING ON??? OKAY!

Thirdly, this presents a fatal flaw in how Viola even EXISTS to begin with. Okay, so let's say, hypothetically, Bayonetta and Luka... fucked. Okay, that's one thing. But that presents a major problem. WHO'S VARIANTS ARE VIOLA’S PARENTS??? It CAN'T be the Luka we see; otherwise, why would Bayonetta 3 accept a kiss from a complete STRANGER? And, either way, if Bayonetta 3 was the mother of Viola, she would certainly recognize her own child in the prologue, no??? If in the grand scheme of things, Luka and Bayonetta were destined to be, and Luka and Bayonetta are destined to give birth to Viola (which isn’t even true based on the variant Bayonettas being seen without Luka), then where are Viola’s variants??? I’d doubt that Luka himself would be able to time travel, fucking everybody in the neighborhood, my guy just followed Bayonetta! Yeah, if you couldn't tell, THIS STORY FUCKING SUCKS. And I'm not done just yet, finally, WHERE DID THE OTHER TWO BAYONETTAS COME FROM? I can buy that variants exist in a multiverse story, believe me. Spiderverse 2 is amongst my favorite movies of all time. But isn't this the fated day where Singularity wins? You mean to tell me that Bayonetta 1 and 2 were two different timelines? THAT'S BULLSHIT. Bayonetta 2 takes place a few months after the first one. You mean to tell me that (the character) Bayonetta 1 time traveled a few months back only for Singularity to fuck shit up during that time? You mean to tell me Bayonetta 3 is a completely separate entity from the other Bayonettas? Sure, Bayonetta has done time travel before, but hasn't broken its own rules to such an extent. Maybe this has something to do with Bayonetta: Bloody Fate, but THAT’S an adaptation, NOT a different story line. Sure, in Bayonetta 1, Bayonetta did help Cereza go back to her own timeline, which was referenced in Bayonetta 2, but that was a ONE. TIME. OCCURRENCE! This is amongst the most PRETENTIOUS stories that I've ever seen in GAMING, with its head stuck up its own ass for most of the runtime. It GENUINELY pisses me off that they decide to kill off Bayonetta AND Jeanne, two INCREDIBLY PREVALENT CHARACTERS IN THE SERIES with ZERO payoff, nor EMOTION to this scene. Nobody gains ANYTHING from it, there’s no character arc completion, no shocking character revelations, NOTHING. Bayonetta dies, Viola cries, GET FUCKED. Well for one exception. Viola is Bayonetta now, hooray, and good lord, the franchise’s story is now ultimately fucked for what it's worth. This story is a crowning achievement of bullshittery that happens once in a few millennia. Bayonetta 1 and 2’s story were not impressive, yes, but Bayonetta 3 takes it to an astronomical level of pure awfulness that not even die-hard Bayonetta fans can appreciate for its absurdity. Just... WHY A MULTIVERSE STORY? It’s SO hard to get right, and when Bayonetta 1 and 2 weren’t great stories by any means, you’re only asking for the bitter disappointment of fans, and thats what fans got! We waited 8 YEARS, just for this. Bayonetta 3 is genuinely one of the worst stories that I’ve EVER SEEN. It’s ABYSMAL. They never do ANYTHING fun with fthe Multiverse setup. Outside of the first cutscene, there’s nothing interesting or intriguing about the world. Bayonetta and company just go through the motions because they’re the main characters in the Video game called Bayonetta 3 for the Nintendo Switch, released on October 28th, 2022, available for $59.99 MSRP. They don't give a fuck, clearly. Why should I? The only time I smiled at the concept was with the pseudo-rhythm game near the end of Chapter 12, but other than that, Bayonetta 3 humor rolls straight ones throughout its painfully short runtime. Who the FUCK cares about all of these different Bayonettas dying when we’ve only seen them for FIVE. SECONDS!!! There’s no payoff, no emotional impact, NOTHING AT ALL. “Ohhhhh, but they come into the final battle for like 3 seconds,” NEAT SHIT!!! And even if there was, we already KNOW what’s going to happen to all of them, because they all died ON SCREEN consistently. They NEVER do anything clever with this setup, maybe save for Bayonetta 3 nearly dying, but that’s supposed to happen. After all, the game is called Bayonetta 3! Not “Viola”, or “Rodin”! And, even then, if ANYBODY in the world cares about all these variants dying, I’ll be DAMNED if it was Bayonetta 3 (the character). She never goes, “Oh shit, with all of these other Bayonettas dying, I might be next!!!” She never runs in and tries to save the others, does she do ANYTHING of value? NO! She just carries along, lets the Bayonetta die, not even reflecting on any of the Bayonettas, when the first one she saw, got torn in TWO RIGHT, IN FRONT OF HER EYES! I don’t know how you go to HELL AND BACK to save your BEST FRIEND/LOVER (IN MY HEART), but lack ANY SORT OF EMPATHY, NOR THE BALLS TO SAVE THE OTHER UMBRAN WITCHES. Oh, what did Bayonetta do before, for the record? Defeat OTHER, stronger Umbran Witches and Lumen Sages, and beat Aesir and Jubelius’s, giant, GODDESS ASS! Is she fucking scared or something??? How did she fend for her own reality all this time??? It’s DUMB! It’s simply. DUMB. This story is fucking stupid, simple as that. Do yourself a favor, press Plus, Up, A whenever a cutscene pops up. It’s so awful and not worth subscribing to. Avoid it like the plague. It accomplishes absolutely NOTHING through it's 9 hour runtime, probably fucks up the future Bayonetta stories, too, and it just flat out fucking sucks overall. It's truly THAT BAD. Actually, back to that comment of “probably fucks up the future Bayonetta stories, too”, apparently, Hideki Kamiya, one of the founding fathers of the Umbran Witch, wanted to make nine entries in the Bayonetta series overall, but… uh oh! Kamiya left Platinum Games in September of 2023. So… yikes. Platinum Games got dealt the worst cards here. I really hope that with the release of future Bayonetta games, that they greatly improve the story. Apparently, Bayonetta Origins has a much improved narrative, but I haven't played it, so all that I can say is that we'll see. But now, it's time for the conclusion.

And folks, that story simply set me over the edge. I’ve never rated a game lower for its story alone, but call me petty, because Bayonetta 3 cleared that bar of absolute TERRIBLENESS, enough for me to rate it a 5/10, when the BARE MINIMUM was shattered. I didn’t care about the stories of Bayonetta 1 and 2, but if anything should be said about Bayonetta 3’s abysmal story, it's that it’s a one of a kind, absolutely nonsensical story that actually made me give a shit about how bad it was. But hey, if you skip the cutscenes, the game is like a 6/10 dw :). But, seriously, Bayonetta 3 is the low point of the franchise. Do I even need to say anything more at this point? I’ve already bitched about the story for several Google Doc pages on end, how it’s gameplay is good on paper but any substance nor appeal surrounding it, surprisingly more so than Bayonetta 2, which had “WIN BUTTON THE GAME MECHANIC”, and how it’s just a mess overall. Yes, there are several things I liked about Bayonetta 3. The combat mechanics of the older games are still there (albeit neutered), the level design is still solid as always, and the music is still great albeit different, but when everything else that surrounds those good elements is middling at best and when it's been done so much better in Bayonetta 1 and 2, I can only give so much praise, man. It’s definitely not the worst game I’ve ever played (hello, Super Meat Boy Forever), but it’s among the most disappointing, if not, the most disappointing. It has its moments, yes, in fact, the Chapter 4 Boss was really fun! But the good heavily outweighs the bad, and leaves me thoroughly mixed on the game as a whole. I don't have any urge to replay this game at all, hell, I didn't even go for the portals since it was so easy to abuse items, so I’ll leave it at that. I don't like saying “Why would you play this when you can play (another game in series)”, because that feels weirdly disrespectful in my eyes as most games still offer different experiences, but Bayonetta 3 offers nothing of value to the Bayonetta franchise. 1 and 2 are infinitely better, and more worth your time. For now, at least. Because next up is Bayonetta Origins, the one that not even Bayonetta fans played! And it's one that I haven't even played, either. I at least played Bayonetta 1 and 2 a bit and I watched videos on Bayonetta 3, so I knew what I was getting into, but I've seen nothing about Bayonetta Origins. Apparently it's a fun game, but you'll have to wait for the review on that one. So, until next time, folks!

As a Mega Man fan who is playing through the Castlevania franchise, this was a nice little surprise. A parody spinoff of Castlevania puts you in the shoes of the long time antagonist, Dracula, when he was a child has you jumpn' and shootn' Mega Man style through levels with a boss usually waiting at the end.

Other comparisons to Mega Man is the fact when you defeat a boss at the end of a level you get a new weapon in the form of a charge blast, that you are able to switch. Some of these charge blasts are homing attacks, explosions or even the ability to turn you into a bat for a short period. The only other thing the gameplay does to really differentiate itself from Mega Man is the ability to shoot up (which if Mega Man could do, he would be so OP).

I do wish this game had the structure of a Mega Man game where you could choose your level order, considering bosses do give you weapons this time around, it would have been cool to find an order that gives you your favorite weapons first.

Level wise, the design is more focused on shooting enemies then platforming. There are a handful platforming sections but nothing too hard or stressful. You won't get the disappearing blocks over a bottomless pit type of challenge. Some of the level themes are cool as they take some of the designs from Castlevania and "kidify" them in artsyle. The first level itself is a straight up recreation of Dracula's castle from the original title and it was so cool reliving it. Other levels are more typical levels you'd see in a platformer like the Ice stage or Desert stage - not bad but nothing too great and original either.

The game difficulty is very fair for a NES game and Castlevania game nonetheless. Someone with decent experience with NES platformers should be able to beat this in one sitting with a good level of challenge.

I liked this little fun break from the rage inducing early Castlevania titles, especially as a fan of Mega Man this is a solid MM clone and treat.

Unfortunately I never quite made it through my original playthrough of this game, and my GameBoy Cart battery has since died, meaning my save is gone forever. I still plan on beating the remake one day, but for now I'll log my thoughts on the original from what I played.

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening is beyond incredible.
It contains a world so full of life and personality, and somehow it manages to squeeze it all into a teeny GameBoy screen. The graphics, music and story have aged wonderfully, and will instantly charm you in a matter of seconds. It's honestly very easy to forget your playing on such a terrible screen half the time. Not only does this game have arguably one of the best stories on the entire GameBoy library, but also the Legend of Zelda series as a whole. It makes the cast's of games such as Botw look extremely bland in comparison. My only real issue with the game is that there are a few too many puzzles that you could never logically solve without a guide, but that is also true for the majority of older Zelda games. In my opinion this is without question the best 2D Zelda, and an absolute must play GameBoy title.

There are three ways to approach Fear & Hunger. Yes, this is an overly reductive take, but bear with me.

The first approach is casual. Load it up, wander around, lose your shit at the first sight of a stinger, die early, and then quit and experience the game vicariously via YouTube. Approached this way, F&H is actually a great experience. It has a unique aesthetic and broaches topics that rarely appear in the medium of games.

The second approach is hardcore. Play for a while, die a lot, double down, study the wiki, learn the best strategies, take advantage of the game’s secrets, and become an F&H expert. For gamers who want to dig in deep, F&H can also be an excellent game. It offers all sorts of mechanics, many of which are hidden, for tenacious players to discover and exploit. Likewise, it’s packed with rewarding secrets for those willing to put in the work. Notably, players who play this way are also the ones who make captivating Let’s Play videos of the game.

Which brings us to the third way, a middle approach which falls between the first two. More dedicated than casual, but not as deep-diving as hardcore. This is where I fall in the F&H spectrum, and as you probably guessed from the two-star rating I slapped on this review, I did not have a good time.

The biggest issue for me is time. Fear & Hunger is a slow game. Your character walks like they’re wearing stone boots. Yes, there are ways to move faster, but you won’t find them unless you engage in lots of trial and error or read a guide.

The slow pace is exacerbated by the fact that life or death is often predicated a literal coinflip. Yes, there are many ways to avoid coinflips – methods which you can learn via extensive trial and error or guides. If you’re really crafty, you can even find a way to turn the coin flips in your favor – but it’s a secret you’re unlikely to discover without the help of a guide.

Personally, I found that the slow pace and chance-based deaths worked against the horror elements. Horror works best when there’s a sense of relief every now and then, but here it’s all tension all the time. Likewise for the obscenity: The game turns the flesh up to 11 early, and after ten or fifteen minutes I was completely inured to the depravity. When everything is obscene, nothing is.

After a few failed runs, I grew tired of the tedium. Under most circumstances I would’ve just dropped the game, but it was the game of the month for a group I’m in, so I felt compelled to finish it. So instead of quitting I downloaded a “Game Genie-fied” version (whoops – my age is showing) of the game that gave me lots of extra weapons and items and plowed my way through.

A few hours later, I limped across the finish line. Burnt out as I was, I was still feeling curious about why everyone else loves this game, so I jumped over to YouTube and watched a few Let’s Plays. Taking a step back like this, extricating myself from the brutality, helped me appreciate the game more. The art is lovely, and there are all sorts of cool mechanics that I didn’t even know existed.

That’s good and all. But it doesn’t change the fact that my experience playing the game was less Fear & Hunger and more Tedium & Frustration.

I had this game at a 9/10 for the longest time, and now on this replay I realize that that was just pure foolishness. I've played this game so many times throughout my childhood and enjoyed the hell out of it, the level design is so fresh and Mario's moveset, while simplified from 64 and Sunshine, fits the game so perfectly and still allows for some cool tricks once you get used to it. The freedom of choice that the expanding comet observatory gives you in choosing a level is done masterfully, having tons of incredibly well designed galaxies and stars to choose from and being able to ignore stars or galaxies you don't like is simply genius game design and something that should be a staple in these types of games. The presentation of the game is also phenomonal, having an incredible sense of atmosphere in nearly every level, that is only backed by the fantastic visuals (that still hold up really well for a game from 2007) and the majestic orchestral soundtrack that I could never imagine this game without. And finally, there's the story which is something that has never been done this well in a Mario game nor do I think it will be again. The plot is the same basic setup, Bowser kidnaps Peach and Mario has to go on a long journey to save her only this time the journey is to the center of the universe and is therefore much more cinematic. As it plays out you become attached to the key character of Rosalina, a character shrouded in mystery that slowly becomes unveiled through her backstory told in the storybook in the library, as well as becoming endeared to the lumas and how sweet and selfless they are and just how much the Comet Observatory feels like a home, not just to Rosalina and them, but to you, the player. The final level and all of its accompanying cinematic cutscenes in this game are just done so right as well, the fight with Bowser is one of epic proportions and you really feel his power in this game which is unlike most other Mario games, and the scenes showing the aftermath of it and the lumas sacrificing themselves en masse to stop the universe from imploding in on itself is such a powerful and moving scene not just for a Mario game, but for any video game I've ever played. From the moment it began to when the credits roll Mario Galaxy tells a fantastical and cinematic story. Despite whether I prefer it or not, Super Mario Galaxy is a masterpiece in the medium of video games and one that deserves the universal praise and respect it gets.

Did you know that in 2004, a great accident took place where several victims were apparently beheaded in public with a mirror repurposed as a saw? Look up "mirror inflation rule34" for more info... So... ah, good, you have not fallen for my tricks. Seeing Meta Knight get owned in a 5 seconds cutscene made me believe that anything could happen from this point on. One could mistake this one for its GBA predecessor, as they share the same... about everything, but the affectionately dubbed Mirror Company has given us a nice slice of kirbyvania. What's the worst that can happen...?................ Well, I've had a healthy dose of fun. A dawg is a dawg, and Kirb is Kirb.

Nobody ask Kirby about the time loop of Candy Constellation. Seriously I entered the area and could not get out of the 6 same rooms hellooo child services this pink child has been: kidnappd 🤣🤣 such are the trials of a metroidvania. Aside from that, exploring has its perks. Kirby has different skin colors, and diferrent Kirbys, and... why are there so many Kirbys??? Is the hour of the Mass Attack upon us already. But clearly, only the pink one is putting in any effort, no red Kirby you do not have "goofy rizz" start vacating that Moonlight Mansion room in the boonies and put in work posthaste. Still impressive in a basic kind of way. I assume they just get assigned rooms and are not actually doing anything when you're not here. Like a classroom once the sub teacher "will be back in 5 minutes".

I guess my boy is getta pilferin'. The treasure system is much better realized in Squeak Squad, but we take the Ws we can. I don't know who made all these mini-bosses respawn, but they officially classify as hindrances, I'm damn hindered by this. The teleportation mirrors have Melee Marth range, at least, but I did die more often than the usual Kirby experience. It wasn't quite the walk in the park you'd expect, but it's also easy to navigate for the genre. Also... get this... I thought you could only destroy the iron blocks with hammer. That shit rare af. If only this mf knew he could fire 🤣 oooh the shame he brought on his entire family tree. But Mom... do you know why all those new enemies didn't even come back in further entries, let alone Squeak Squad or were heavily nerfed? Yeaaah Mirror Company had some trouble down the road. Why do I gotta fear the basic star blocks, whyyyyy. I'm baby

This time, to get to the scary final boss (another one of them), you have to beat nine shareholders shard holders. I think it's a great lesson to instill in that generation's youth, to not throw away your shit when you can fix it 👍 but on the other hand, Kirby's movesets fuckin suck 👎 so if you get any copy ability with more than one move, treasure it. I think you may even get the scare of your life with a certain hand in a certain room... no more half-measures. By sheer happenstance, I also know about the underground dealings that led to Mirror Company's inclusion of the Ohio theme song as an unlockable treasure chest. Look up "ohio big chest" for more info.