The iPlayP0hrnGaems Archive (READ DESCRIPTION)
I used to have an account that I wrote shitposts on called iPlayP0hrnGaems. As of 09/29/22, it's no more. I didn't realize that it was against the rules to have an alternate account, and I don't want to get banned. So I've decided to merge everything that was there for the sake of transparency and nuke the account. If you're seeing anything on my account that's been posted before, this is why.
This list is an archival of every review I wrote up to the point where I deleted my account, going in order of newest to oldest.
I've gone through the effort of not mentioning anything related to likes because I don't personally like the mindset that would lead to me doing that. It's not about ego; it's about expression.
If you're curious to see what my lists were like before I deleted the account, you can find them here.
To the moderators who might be viewing this, please know that none of this was done with malicious intent. I understand that not looking at the rules isn't a very good excuse for not following them, and I'm not going to give you that bullshit. I don't have much of an argument to give you, other than I would like my account to stay up for the time being.
This list is an archival of every review I wrote up to the point where I deleted my account, going in order of newest to oldest.
I've gone through the effort of not mentioning anything related to likes because I don't personally like the mindset that would lead to me doing that. It's not about ego; it's about expression.
If you're curious to see what my lists were like before I deleted the account, you can find them here.
To the moderators who might be viewing this, please know that none of this was done with malicious intent. I understand that not looking at the rules isn't a very good excuse for not following them, and I'm not going to give you that bullshit. I don't have much of an argument to give you, other than I would like my account to stay up for the time being.
112 Games
Post-post-mortem edit: I never considered how this might come across until now. This is tasteless and edgy, because I thought that fit the mold for the stupid things I was writing. That tastelessness was not intended to attack any one specific group of people. Even if I didn't have very personal reasons for that, that's just not who I see myself as. I do apologize if any of you have misread the following as such. I intend to keep it up as part of this archive, but if you find this too offensive to forgive, I understand.
.
(THE FINAL REVIEW IS UPON US)
Dated September 29th, 2022.
NO RATING
They call me Deacon Blues because I can't fucking breathe
.
(THE FINAL REVIEW IS UPON US)
Dated September 29th, 2022.
NO RATING
They call me Deacon Blues because I can't fucking breathe
Dated September 21st, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Jack Frost got a lot of Hee Hoes if you catch my drift
FIVE STARS
Jack Frost got a lot of Hee Hoes if you catch my drift
Dated September 21st, 2022.
0.5 STARS
Shit Megami Tensei
wtf shatlus
0.5 STARS
Shit Megami Tensei
wtf shatlus
Dated September 21st, 2022.
0.5 STARS
Shin Megami Tensei if... you got some bitches
0.5 STARS
Shin Megami Tensei if... you got some bitches
Dated September 18th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
I tomk the wrong red pill and now I look like a woman 10/10
FIVE STARS
I tomk the wrong red pill and now I look like a woman 10/10
Dated September 17th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
I took the wromg blue pill and now i have a boner in front of my parents 10/10
Downvoted on Reddit again
FIVE STARS
I took the wromg blue pill and now i have a boner in front of my parents 10/10
Downvoted on Reddit again
Dated September 12th, 2022.
ONE STAR
Hi, guys, I'm a contrarian, and I'm here to say that [POPULAR THING] is bad, actually™.
ONE STAR
Hi, guys, I'm a contrarian, and I'm here to say that [POPULAR THING] is bad, actually™.
Dated September 10th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Play as Gordon Freeman's more popular step-cousin in this prequel to the Black Mesa incident, in which a fed up Postal carrier decides to make the worst fucking video gambe I've e ver played. 10/109 it's a masterpiece fuck you
FIVE STARS
Play as Gordon Freeman's more popular step-cousin in this prequel to the Black Mesa incident, in which a fed up Postal carrier decides to make the worst fucking video gambe I've e ver played. 10/109 it's a masterpiece fuck you
Dated September 9th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
You when I accidentally print a paper with your home address, home phone number, emergency contact, credit card information, social security number, and then the nuclear launch codes at your public library and then leave without saying a word
FIVE STARS
You when I accidentally print a paper with your home address, home phone number, emergency contact, credit card information, social security number, and then the nuclear launch codes at your public library and then leave without saying a word
Dated September 6th, 2022.
(This was originally a lot more offensive, but I toned it down)
FIVE STARS
This is my Disney/Pixar Planes: Fire & Rescue (2014)
(This was originally a lot more offensive, but I toned it down)
FIVE STARS
This is my Disney/Pixar Planes: Fire & Rescue (2014)
Dated September 6th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Still haven't beaten the first one
10/10
FIVE STARS
Still haven't beaten the first one
10/10
Dated September 6th, 2022.
(Thank you for calling me gay in the comments section, Konic64)
0.5 STARS
I'm not gay, I just want to be able to date the cute boy because I like cute boys, and you aren't allowed to call me gay for it.
(Thank you for calling me gay in the comments section, Konic64)
0.5 STARS
I'm not gay, I just want to be able to date the cute boy because I like cute boys, and you aren't allowed to call me gay for it.
Dated September 5th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
I HAVE A HEALTHY RELLATIONSHIP WITH WOMEN
ALL OF THE WOMEN I KNOW ARE CONSTANTLY SECKSUALIZED AND HAVE BREASTS BIGGER THAN MOUNT OLYMPISS
BUT I LIKE THEIR PERSONALITIES THO
FIVE STARS
I HAVE A HEALTHY RELLATIONSHIP WITH WOMEN
ALL OF THE WOMEN I KNOW ARE CONSTANTLY SECKSUALIZED AND HAVE BREASTS BIGGER THAN MOUNT OLYMPISS
BUT I LIKE THEIR PERSONALITIES THO
Dated September 5th, 2022.
(Thank you, Maradona)
FIVE STARS
WHERE IS THE HOSPITAL
(Thank you, Maradona)
FIVE STARS
WHERE IS THE HOSPITAL
Dated September 3rd, 2022.
0.5 STARS
I read "Getting Over It" and thought this would be free therapy for a dollar. Now I need more therapy.
0.5 STARS
I read "Getting Over It" and thought this would be free therapy for a dollar. Now I need more therapy.
Dated September 3rd, 2022.
1 AND A HALF STARS
Reminds me of the time the road home was just a thousand sleeping stray cats who got up to purr when we saw them and they were the cutest things of all time and then my dad floored it because he hates cats
and oh shit, was I dreaming? I dunno. Sometimes I compartmentalize these things as real memories even though they never happened
still better than the time we ran over uncle ben as a prank, though
1 AND A HALF STARS
Reminds me of the time the road home was just a thousand sleeping stray cats who got up to purr when we saw them and they were the cutest things of all time and then my dad floored it because he hates cats
and oh shit, was I dreaming? I dunno. Sometimes I compartmentalize these things as real memories even though they never happened
still better than the time we ran over uncle ben as a prank, though
Dated September 3rd, 2022.
FIVE STARS
FUCK YEAH I LOVE MICROTRANSACTIONS WITHIN MICROTRANSACTIONS
LET ME SNORT THAT SHIT, VRO
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
GOOD SHIT
FIVE STARS
FUCK YEAH I LOVE MICROTRANSACTIONS WITHIN MICROTRANSACTIONS
LET ME SNORT THAT SHIT, VRO
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
GOOD SHIT
Dated September 3rd, 2022.
(Written specifically for the PC port)
FIVE STARS
When this thing Crash Bandicoots to my desktop, now that's in character
(Written specifically for the PC port)
FIVE STARS
When this thing Crash Bandicoots to my desktop, now that's in character
CONTROVERSIAL REVIEW ALERT!
CONTROVERSIAL REVIEW ALERT!
Dated September 2nd, 2022.
NO RATING
(EDIT: I have been informed that not all of you liked this game. Unfuck you if you didn't spend a year being a transphobe.)
CW: Transphobia, references to GamerGame
This isn't about The Last of Us Part II.
Do you want to hear a joke? There are two parents and a child walking around at The Home Depot. One parent goes, "I think he needs to use the bathroom," so the other one tells the kid to go find a toilet. Where does the kid go? In one of the display toilets.
Do you want to hear a funny joke? A Redditor got so mad that a couple on YouTube, prominently featuring the girlfriend, liked The Last of Us Part II that he faked getting death threats from them just so he could discredit her.
The online reaction to The Last of Us Part II is Charlie Chaplin levels of bigotry, bouncing a giant inflatable earth off his ass in a vain attempt to rule the world. Only Chaplin didn't stay in character for over a year, making suicide statistics jokes and the vilest, most repugnant comments about fictional characters imaginable. And if you want to see where the mask drops, you have to realize that none of these people are playing characters. When they sent death threats to a voice actress because she played a character they didn't like, that was them. When they called that same character a litany of transphobic slurs because she was muscular, they were being honest. And as an honest man, I would have rather you lied.
The same crowd that festers around The Last of Us Part II, generating vitriol whenever the series is mentioned in passing, is the same that was happily chanting "it's about ethics in games journalism" back then. Like that very crowd, they have a peculiar relationship with the word "cuck", with bizarre connotations. Like that crowd, it all comes from the same hatred of women—but with a twist that J.K. Rowling would approve of.
I want to emphasize here just how angry all of this makes me. But honestly? I'm too busy laughing. Imagine being this fucking easy. If you ever feel like you're too gullible, remember that the only reason that the alt-right exists is that grifters took advantage of naive bigots amid GamerGate. If there ever is a substance known to be this fragile, it's best locked on the moon. But here we are. We have to live with it. You could choose to treat that fact with a sense of dread, as one would rationally do. Or you could laugh at it because it's funny.
Fuck all of you; this game is good; go to bed.
CONTROVERSIAL REVIEW ALERT!
Dated September 2nd, 2022.
NO RATING
(EDIT: I have been informed that not all of you liked this game. Unfuck you if you didn't spend a year being a transphobe.)
CW: Transphobia, references to GamerGame
This isn't about The Last of Us Part II.
Do you want to hear a joke? There are two parents and a child walking around at The Home Depot. One parent goes, "I think he needs to use the bathroom," so the other one tells the kid to go find a toilet. Where does the kid go? In one of the display toilets.
Do you want to hear a funny joke? A Redditor got so mad that a couple on YouTube, prominently featuring the girlfriend, liked The Last of Us Part II that he faked getting death threats from them just so he could discredit her.
The online reaction to The Last of Us Part II is Charlie Chaplin levels of bigotry, bouncing a giant inflatable earth off his ass in a vain attempt to rule the world. Only Chaplin didn't stay in character for over a year, making suicide statistics jokes and the vilest, most repugnant comments about fictional characters imaginable. And if you want to see where the mask drops, you have to realize that none of these people are playing characters. When they sent death threats to a voice actress because she played a character they didn't like, that was them. When they called that same character a litany of transphobic slurs because she was muscular, they were being honest. And as an honest man, I would have rather you lied.
The same crowd that festers around The Last of Us Part II, generating vitriol whenever the series is mentioned in passing, is the same that was happily chanting "it's about ethics in games journalism" back then. Like that very crowd, they have a peculiar relationship with the word "cuck", with bizarre connotations. Like that crowd, it all comes from the same hatred of women—but with a twist that J.K. Rowling would approve of.
I want to emphasize here just how angry all of this makes me. But honestly? I'm too busy laughing. Imagine being this fucking easy. If you ever feel like you're too gullible, remember that the only reason that the alt-right exists is that grifters took advantage of naive bigots amid GamerGate. If there ever is a substance known to be this fragile, it's best locked on the moon. But here we are. We have to live with it. You could choose to treat that fact with a sense of dread, as one would rationally do. Or you could laugh at it because it's funny.
Fuck all of you; this game is good; go to bed.
Dated August 30th, 2022.
0.5 STARS
One of the greatest games ever created.
(Please help, I'm being forced to say thi--)
0.5 STARS
One of the greatest games ever created.
(Please help, I'm being forced to say thi--)
Dated August 30th, 2022.
0.5 STARS
I like men
(While there are aspects of my old alt that do reflect myself, this is not one of them. This comment was made because I thought it was funny at the time.)
0.5 STARS
I like men
(While there are aspects of my old alt that do reflect myself, this is not one of them. This comment was made because I thought it was funny at the time.)
Dated August 29th, 2022.
ONE STAR
Almost as painful as the time I put IcyHot on my balls and then stuck them through the jet engine of a plane flying toward the sun. Almost.
ONE STAR
Almost as painful as the time I put IcyHot on my balls and then stuck them through the jet engine of a plane flying toward the sun. Almost.
Dated August 29th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Really strange that the sequel to the objective masterpiece with absolutely no flaws game Agony decided to become chibi and shit
Anyway, I liked the part where they just gave up and started playing Squirrel Nut Zippers on a loop
FIVE STARS
Really strange that the sequel to the objective masterpiece with absolutely no flaws game Agony decided to become chibi and shit
Anyway, I liked the part where they just gave up and started playing Squirrel Nut Zippers on a loop
Dated August 29th, 2022.
0.5 STARS
I'm not particularly fond of Tetris. Something about that sentiment is likely to rile a few up; this is "one of the greatest games of all time," after all. However, I can't shake the feeling that that popularity is unwarranted. All it takes to discover everything wrong with this ""classic"" (barf) is to sit down and play the much more superior version, Tetris Worlds. The heartfelt, ambitious narrative about a planet of struggling blocks shaped like erect penises had my heart pumping in a way that this hackneyed, lame-ass puzzle game for babies never could. If only they handed this to Hideo Kojima, then it'd be kino.
0.5 STARS
I'm not particularly fond of Tetris. Something about that sentiment is likely to rile a few up; this is "one of the greatest games of all time," after all. However, I can't shake the feeling that that popularity is unwarranted. All it takes to discover everything wrong with this ""classic"" (barf) is to sit down and play the much more superior version, Tetris Worlds. The heartfelt, ambitious narrative about a planet of struggling blocks shaped like erect penises had my heart pumping in a way that this hackneyed, lame-ass puzzle game for babies never could. If only they handed this to Hideo Kojima, then it'd be kino.
Dated August 29th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Cult of your mom LOL
FIVE STARS
Cult of your mom LOL
Dated August 27th, 2022.
ONE STAR
ShitLife ayy gottem
ONE STAR
ShitLife ayy gottem
Dated August 26th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Too grindy for my tastes
FUCK YEAH, BRO, DID YOU SEE THE WAY HE GRINDED ON THAT RAIL? YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, FUCKING RADICAL, DUDE.
FIVE STARS
Too grindy for my tastes
FUCK YEAH, BRO, DID YOU SEE THE WAY HE GRINDED ON THAT RAIL? YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, FUCKING RADICAL, DUDE.
Dated August 26th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Pokemon Legends: Arseus is objectively the best Pokemon game of all time. It's the Ronald McDonald of Nintnedo, and I couldn't be happier.
FIVE STARS
Pokemon Legends: Arseus is objectively the best Pokemon game of all time. It's the Ronald McDonald of Nintnedo, and I couldn't be happier.
Dated August 26th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Beware of Grandpa has a strange reputation online. You either love to see it or hate it because, I mean, popular thing bad. Not to dismiss criticism of my favorite game ever made, but my opinion is the only one that matters. As a -2 year old who's stuck in my father's vacuum cleaner, anime is the only way I've been able to experience the world. Sometimes I dream of breaking free from the confines of this lint-infested hallway and living and breathing in a world like this. I wish I had eyes that looked like that and that I could telepathically communicate by saying the same three words over and over again. People like my father clearly love it, so I would be a prize addition to the world. But somebody like me can only dream for so long. Long live Violent Grandparent Chicanery! Best series ever made.
FIVE STARS
Beware of Grandpa has a strange reputation online. You either love to see it or hate it because, I mean, popular thing bad. Not to dismiss criticism of my favorite game ever made, but my opinion is the only one that matters. As a -2 year old who's stuck in my father's vacuum cleaner, anime is the only way I've been able to experience the world. Sometimes I dream of breaking free from the confines of this lint-infested hallway and living and breathing in a world like this. I wish I had eyes that looked like that and that I could telepathically communicate by saying the same three words over and over again. People like my father clearly love it, so I would be a prize addition to the world. But somebody like me can only dream for so long. Long live Violent Grandparent Chicanery! Best series ever made.
Dated August 26th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
In a row?
FIVE STARS
In a row?
Dated August 26th, 2022.
FOUR STARS
The girl with green hair kinda hot tho
10/10 BECAUSE MORGANA DOESN'T TELL ME TO TAKE MY FUCKING MELATONIN LIKE SHUT THE FUCK YOU ANNOYING CA T IF YOU KEEP DOING THAT I WILL, AT BEST, TURN YOU OVER TO A SHELTER AND SAY YOU WERE A LOST CAT AND, AT WORST, NOT PET YOU FOR THREE WEEKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
although I had to knock one star off because you still can't date the cat
FOUR STARS
The girl with green hair kinda hot tho
10/10 BECAUSE MORGANA DOESN'T TELL ME TO TAKE MY FUCKING MELATONIN LIKE SHUT THE FUCK YOU ANNOYING CA T IF YOU KEEP DOING THAT I WILL, AT BEST, TURN YOU OVER TO A SHELTER AND SAY YOU WERE A LOST CAT AND, AT WORST, NOT PET YOU FOR THREE WEEKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
although I had to knock one star off because you still can't date the cat
Dated August 26th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Don't call yourself "buddy" around me if you don't think that this is the second definitive version of Half-Life 2 that will ever be created in our known universe.
The first is the original Xbox port, of course. Get fucked, PCucks.
FIVE STARS
Don't call yourself "buddy" around me if you don't think that this is the second definitive version of Half-Life 2 that will ever be created in our known universe.
The first is the original Xbox port, of course. Get fucked, PCucks.
Dated August 25th, 2022.
(Written specifically for the Xbox port)
FIVE STARS
I call myself Gordon Freeman because I only have half a life.
btw OG Xbox supremacy, btfo PC nerds
(Written specifically for the Xbox port)
FIVE STARS
I call myself Gordon Freeman because I only have half a life.
btw OG Xbox supremacy, btfo PC nerds
Dated August 25th, 2022.
0.5 STARS
Wrong, I have a pulse and I am breathing.
0.5 STARS
Wrong, I have a pulse and I am breathing.
Dated August 25th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
I have this very vivid memory. I used to go to these dances with the people I went to church with, and I turned to one of them while the song Life is a Highway from the 2006 Disney/Pixar movie Cars was playing and asked him, " if life is a highway, what happens when you crash?" And he gave me the usual, "well, you pick yourself up, have faith in god," you know, that kind of stuff.
BeamNG.Drive has convinced me of an alternative. Say life is a highway, and you do crash...
WOO, THERE GO MY LIFE SAVINGS!
YEAAAAAAAH BABY! LET'S DO IT AGAIN!
YEAH, MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME, MY FAMILY WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME, I HAVE NO FRIENDS, AND I'M OUT OF A JOB!
ONE MORE TIME!
YEAH!
AMERICA!
FIVE STARS
I have this very vivid memory. I used to go to these dances with the people I went to church with, and I turned to one of them while the song Life is a Highway from the 2006 Disney/Pixar movie Cars was playing and asked him, " if life is a highway, what happens when you crash?" And he gave me the usual, "well, you pick yourself up, have faith in god," you know, that kind of stuff.
BeamNG.Drive has convinced me of an alternative. Say life is a highway, and you do crash...
WOO, THERE GO MY LIFE SAVINGS!
YEAAAAAAAH BABY! LET'S DO IT AGAIN!
YEAH, MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME, MY FAMILY WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME, I HAVE NO FRIENDS, AND I'M OUT OF A JOB!
ONE MORE TIME!
YEAH!
AMERICA!
Dated August 24th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
What is art?
Many philosophers such as Plato and Napkin have contemplated the meaning of art. It confounds them. In his most famous literary work of all time, Tony Hawking has been quoted as saying, "I don't understand art. It's all a bunch of penises to me."
Make no mistake, penises are art. Tragedies such as American Vandal put the penis in this place of power. You laugh, but you mostly cry. Why are these sacred symbols so denigrated in our modern society? They are the gateway to art for many children. Without penises, Leonardo DaVinci would not have drawn the Mona Lisa, and James Cameron would not have wasted two hours of my life with Avatar. But like the Na'Vi, society has a pair of blue balls regarding the idea of penises as art. They've been carved into statues for centuries, and yet when I show my fellow cohorts my attempts to mimic the historical significance and embrace of the penis, I am laughed at.
You're A Dick is a fleeting example of enlightenment. The willy is free to be; the wang is here to stay. The last time I felt this spiritual was when I snored through The New Testament during seminary. But You're A Dick has done something that no religious establishment ever could: it's opened my eyes. I am Neo overdosing on both blue and red pills, and I see the Matrix within the Matrix. We are kept together by penises. The Wikipedia page for Cock and Ball torture is now my new bible, my place of worship.
Thank you, unknown developer.
FIVE STARS
What is art?
Many philosophers such as Plato and Napkin have contemplated the meaning of art. It confounds them. In his most famous literary work of all time, Tony Hawking has been quoted as saying, "I don't understand art. It's all a bunch of penises to me."
Make no mistake, penises are art. Tragedies such as American Vandal put the penis in this place of power. You laugh, but you mostly cry. Why are these sacred symbols so denigrated in our modern society? They are the gateway to art for many children. Without penises, Leonardo DaVinci would not have drawn the Mona Lisa, and James Cameron would not have wasted two hours of my life with Avatar. But like the Na'Vi, society has a pair of blue balls regarding the idea of penises as art. They've been carved into statues for centuries, and yet when I show my fellow cohorts my attempts to mimic the historical significance and embrace of the penis, I am laughed at.
You're A Dick is a fleeting example of enlightenment. The willy is free to be; the wang is here to stay. The last time I felt this spiritual was when I snored through The New Testament during seminary. But You're A Dick has done something that no religious establishment ever could: it's opened my eyes. I am Neo overdosing on both blue and red pills, and I see the Matrix within the Matrix. We are kept together by penises. The Wikipedia page for Cock and Ball torture is now my new bible, my place of worship.
Thank you, unknown developer.
Dated August 24th, 2022.
0.5 STARS
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I CAN'T SMASH THE BROTHERS BECAUSE THE BROTHERS SMAHS ME FIRST
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
THEY DON'T WANT TO DO LAUNCH RATE 2 SO I CAN ABUSE LITTLE MAC'S SIDE-B
LIFE IS PAIN
0.5 STARS
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I CAN'T SMASH THE BROTHERS BECAUSE THE BROTHERS SMAHS ME FIRST
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
THEY DON'T WANT TO DO LAUNCH RATE 2 SO I CAN ABUSE LITTLE MAC'S SIDE-B
LIFE IS PAIN
Dated August 22nd, 2022.
FOUR AND A HALF STARS
Overdelivers on its marketing: there are men, and you hit them.
10/10
FOUR AND A HALF STARS
Overdelivers on its marketing: there are men, and you hit them.
10/10
Dated August 21st, 2022.
FIVE STARS
[Intro: Ray William Johnson]
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
[Chorus: Ray William Johnson]
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
[Verse 1: Micfri & Ray William Johnson]
I'm doin' your mom, yes, yours!
First saw her in the Walmart pickin' out your drawers
Big Dolly Parton hair like an '80s prom queen
But her ass was lookin' good all up in them mom-jeans
I approached her in the checkout line, and said, "Yo baby, wassup?"
She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs
Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me
So we went and rocked the minivan like giggity, giggity, giggity
I was ridin' your mom like she's Mario Kart
I gave her a lift back to her crib 'cause her car wouldn't start
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again
How many times I tap that ass? (Over 9000!)
Yeah, she called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it
Later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it
'Cause she knows how I like it, and that I'm a little young
To be in the bed, butt-naked, doin' your mom
[Chorus: Ray William Johnson]
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
[Verse 2: Ray William Johnson & Micfri]
I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie
You other brothers can't deny that she's fly
We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that
She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half black
But your mom's the best, the super M-I-L-F
'Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain't a chef
And I blame it on the al-al-alcohol
If I were you, I wouldn't kiss your mom on the mouth at all
She likes the Donkey-Punch, she likes the Dirty Sanchez
Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed
She likes rough sex with handcuffs, and I'll be honest
She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna
She's so therapeutic, when I need to cure my restlessness
I say br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br, motorboat your mom's breastesess
I didn't wanna tell you, but I had to write this song
'Cause I'm in your house every night doin' your mo-om
[Chorus: Ray William Johnson]
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
[Bridge: Breeze the Beat Machine]
Sex with your mother
And that makes me (Better, better) better than you
I'm having sex with your mother
And that makes me (Better, better) better than you
[Guitar Solo]
[Chorus: Ray William Johnson]
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
FIVE STARS
[Intro: Ray William Johnson]
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
[Chorus: Ray William Johnson]
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
[Verse 1: Micfri & Ray William Johnson]
I'm doin' your mom, yes, yours!
First saw her in the Walmart pickin' out your drawers
Big Dolly Parton hair like an '80s prom queen
But her ass was lookin' good all up in them mom-jeans
I approached her in the checkout line, and said, "Yo baby, wassup?"
She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs
Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me
So we went and rocked the minivan like giggity, giggity, giggity
I was ridin' your mom like she's Mario Kart
I gave her a lift back to her crib 'cause her car wouldn't start
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again
How many times I tap that ass? (Over 9000!)
Yeah, she called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it
Later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it
'Cause she knows how I like it, and that I'm a little young
To be in the bed, butt-naked, doin' your mom
[Chorus: Ray William Johnson]
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
[Verse 2: Ray William Johnson & Micfri]
I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie
You other brothers can't deny that she's fly
We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that
She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half black
But your mom's the best, the super M-I-L-F
'Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain't a chef
And I blame it on the al-al-alcohol
If I were you, I wouldn't kiss your mom on the mouth at all
She likes the Donkey-Punch, she likes the Dirty Sanchez
Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed
She likes rough sex with handcuffs, and I'll be honest
She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna
She's so therapeutic, when I need to cure my restlessness
I say br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br, motorboat your mom's breastesess
I didn't wanna tell you, but I had to write this song
'Cause I'm in your house every night doin' your mo-om
[Chorus: Ray William Johnson]
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
[Bridge: Breeze the Beat Machine]
Sex with your mother
And that makes me (Better, better) better than you
I'm having sex with your mother
And that makes me (Better, better) better than you
[Guitar Solo]
[Chorus: Ray William Johnson]
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
Dated August 19th, 2022.
NO RATING
ebick plzz add secks
NO RATING
ebick plzz add secks
Dated August 19th, 2022.
ONE STAR
My phone just popped up with a thing that said "Try saying 'Okay Google, create a post using Instagram'," and doing that in public might be less embarrassing than this game's narrative is.
ONE STAR
My phone just popped up with a thing that said "Try saying 'Okay Google, create a post using Instagram'," and doing that in public might be less embarrassing than this game's narrative is.
Dated August 18th, 2022.
ONE AND A HALF STARS
Why would Zack Snyder do this?
ONE AND A HALF STARS
Why would Zack Snyder do this?
Dated August 18th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
ooh so pretty
FIVE STARS
ooh so pretty
Dated August 18th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
I've... seen things you people wouldn't believe. Quality control on fire off the shoulder of Valve. I watched objective masterpieces like Anime Feet (2020) glitter in the dark near the New Releases page.
All of these moments will be lost in time...
Like tears in uranus.
FIVE STARS
I've... seen things you people wouldn't believe. Quality control on fire off the shoulder of Valve. I watched objective masterpieces like Anime Feet (2020) glitter in the dark near the New Releases page.
All of these moments will be lost in time...
Like tears in uranus.
Dated August 18th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Eat your heart out, Crapcom. You will never make such an objectively good piece of kino masterpiece Zack Synder approved Alfred Hitchcock blushing from the grave good game as A Dump in the Dark
FIVE STARS
Eat your heart out, Crapcom. You will never make such an objectively good piece of kino masterpiece Zack Synder approved Alfred Hitchcock blushing from the grave good game as A Dump in the Dark
Dated August 18th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
My inspiration, both of my muses, in video game form. Free to be at last. Hehehehehehehe to the very end, my friends.
FIVE STARS
My inspiration, both of my muses, in video game form. Free to be at last. Hehehehehehehe to the very end, my friends.
Dated August 18th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
STICKY BALLS
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
THEY NAMED THEIR GAME STICKY BALLS
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
wait why is the game good tho
FIVE STARS
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
STICKY BALLS
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
THEY NAMED THEIR GAME STICKY BALLS
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
wait why is the game good tho
Dated August 18th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
It's such a shame that Orson Welles and Alfred Hitchcock and Andrei Tarkovsky and some Japanese guys probably died before they could make their next masterpieces in 3D Kino Maker (1995)
FIVE STARS
It's such a shame that Orson Welles and Alfred Hitchcock and Andrei Tarkovsky and some Japanese guys probably died before they could make their next masterpieces in 3D Kino Maker (1995)
Dated August 18th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
I'd say "fuck cancer," but that would imply that I have a monogamous relationship with it.
FIVE STARS
I'd say "fuck cancer," but that would imply that I have a monogamous relationship with it.
Dated August 17th, 2022.
0.5 STARS
The Shit Piss
0.5 STARS
The Shit Piss
Dated August 17th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
American propaganda makes me hard, don't ask why
FIVE STARS
American propaganda makes me hard, don't ask why
Dated August 17th, 2022.
0.5 STARS
Friday Night Fuck Shit is like the Rock Band 2 of video games, truly an incredible masterpiece of unprecedented proportions.
beep beep boop oh my god JC a bomb
10/10
0.5 STARS
Friday Night Fuck Shit is like the Rock Band 2 of video games, truly an incredible masterpiece of unprecedented proportions.
beep beep boop oh my god JC a bomb
10/10
Dated August 17th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Dues Ex? More like
do sex
hahahahahahahahah
good game tho
FIVE STARS
Dues Ex? More like
do sex
hahahahahahahahah
good game tho
Dated August 17th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
A subtle metaphor for the fact that I spent 40 hours on a Nintendo 3DS game and liked it
...shit, I meant
A subtle metaphor for my sexual education
FIVE STARS
A subtle metaphor for the fact that I spent 40 hours on a Nintendo 3DS game and liked it
...shit, I meant
A subtle metaphor for my sexual education
Dated August 17th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
The only kino that could have convinced Roger Ebert that video games are art
RIP to a real one
FIVE STARS
The only kino that could have convinced Roger Ebert that video games are art
RIP to a real one
Dated August 15th, 2022.
ONE STAR
Sadly, committing arson isn't considered a sport
ONE STAR
Sadly, committing arson isn't considered a sport
Dated August 15th, 2022.
0.5 STARS
fithv nightz at freddis sex modd
Google plz
0.5 STARS
fithv nightz at freddis sex modd
Google plz
Dated August 15th, 2022.
ONE STAR
I don't want to, encore
ONE STAR
I don't want to, encore
Dated August 15th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Could have been a solid satire about the crime genre. I can envision it now: "hey, Antonio, we need a fall guy for this shit." Cue to them driving to literally buy one at a store named "Fall Guys."
But hey, the games fun as is.
FIVE STARS
Could have been a solid satire about the crime genre. I can envision it now: "hey, Antonio, we need a fall guy for this shit." Cue to them driving to literally buy one at a store named "Fall Guys."
But hey, the games fun as is.
Dated August 15th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Yes yes trans rights
FIVE STARS
Yes yes trans rights
Dated August 15th, 2022.
3 STARS
Sus jokes are overrated. Among Us jokes are overdone.
This is just an okay flash game for five dollars, don't come at me
3 STARS
Sus jokes are overrated. Among Us jokes are overdone.
This is just an okay flash game for five dollars, don't come at me
Dated August 15th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Guess what else is solid? ;)
FIVE STARS
Guess what else is solid? ;)
Dated August 15th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Truly, the Dark Souls of Dark Souls
FIVE STARS
Truly, the Dark Souls of Dark Souls
Dated August 15th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
My final fantasy is dea--
FIVE STARS
My final fantasy is dea--
Dated August 14th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Honestly, I liked the part where
FIVE STARS
Honestly, I liked the part where
(This entry was incorrectly archived, thus what you're seeing here is an approximation of it in its original form)
JAJAJAJAJAJA
PLEASE COME TO BRAZIL
JAJAJAJAJAJA
PLEASE COME TO BRAZIL
Dated August 14th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
A subtle metaphor for my sexual education
FIVE STARS
A subtle metaphor for my sexual education
Dated August 14th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
It's kind of sad that we don't have the Steins;Gate equivalent of Chad Warden referring to Halo as Gaylo, it would be so easy
FIVE STARS
It's kind of sad that we don't have the Steins;Gate equivalent of Chad Warden referring to Halo as Gaylo, it would be so easy
Dated August 14th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Soma ny reasons for me to say that this is a good game
but you aren't going to hear any of them, fuck you
FIVE STARS
Soma ny reasons for me to say that this is a good game
but you aren't going to hear any of them, fuck you
Dated August 14th, 2022.
0.5 STARS
I'm a paraplegic; how am I supposed to do unscrupulous things to myself now?
0.5 STARS
I'm a paraplegic; how am I supposed to do unscrupulous things to myself now?
Dated August 14th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
A subtle metaphor for the dread I feel inside when I realize it's 6 AM
FIVE STARS
A subtle metaphor for the dread I feel inside when I realize it's 6 AM
Dated August 14th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
why am i hard
FIVE STARS
why am i hard
Dated August 14th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
Now you bitches got no escape
FIVE STARS
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
Now you bitches got no escape
Dated August 14th, 2022.
0.5 STARS
Sad that you can't romance the cat in this one
0.5 STARS
Sad that you can't romance the cat in this one
Dated August 14th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Made in a Piss
FIVE STARS
Made in a Piss
Dated August 14th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Sometimes I wonder if stepping into a portal feels like sticking your finger into one of those swirly things in the pool for reasons that I can't quite articulate here
FIVE STARS
Sometimes I wonder if stepping into a portal feels like sticking your finger into one of those swirly things in the pool for reasons that I can't quite articulate here
Dated August 14th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
I really liked the part where you could romance the cat
FIVE STARS
I really liked the part where you could romance the cat
Dated August 14th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
This is like that scene in Blade Runner where Roy Batty goes, "Ayyo, I've seen some shit, vro" but instead of being depressed in a dystopian hellhole I'm horny
FIVE STARS
This is like that scene in Blade Runner where Roy Batty goes, "Ayyo, I've seen some shit, vro" but instead of being depressed in a dystopian hellhole I'm horny
Dated August 12, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Video games are art
FIVE STARS
Video games are art
Dated August 12, 2022.
NO RATING
mmm tuna sandwich
NO RATING
mmm tuna sandwich
Dated August 11th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Cute puzzle game that you should definitely buy for your little cousin
FIVE STARS
Cute puzzle game that you should definitely buy for your little cousin
Dated August 11th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
No anime girls
FIVE STARS
No anime girls
Dated August 11th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
It says it has boobs in it, that's all I need!
FIVE STARS
It says it has boobs in it, that's all I need!
Dated August 11th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
It's a masterpiece, comrade. It made me really stuffy, comrade. You should buy it, comrade. Vodka plz
FIVE STARS
It's a masterpiece, comrade. It made me really stuffy, comrade. You should buy it, comrade. Vodka plz
Dated August 11th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Alfred Hitchcock eat your heart out
FIVE STARS
Alfred Hitchcock eat your heart out
Dated August 11th, 2022.
FIVE STARS.
I'm a consumerunist
FIVE STARS.
I'm a consumerunist
Dated August 11th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
I thought this was going to be about the orange soda Orange Crush, disappointed
20/10
FIVE STARS
I thought this was going to be about the orange soda Orange Crush, disappointed
20/10
Dated August 11th, 2022.
0.5 STARS
I thought there was going to be nudity hot one on one what in gods name is that hot sexy sex because the Internet told me they're would be
I haven't been this disappointed since Jesus showed up to my baptism and bitchslapped me and said that I wasn't worthy
0.5 STARS
I thought there was going to be nudity hot one on one what in gods name is that hot sexy sex because the Internet told me they're would be
I haven't been this disappointed since Jesus showed up to my baptism and bitchslapped me and said that I wasn't worthy
Dated August 11th, 2022.
0.5 STARS
I'd rather not
0.5 STARS
I'd rather not
Dated August 11th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Ayo now it's a party
Where the beer pong at
FIVE STARS
Ayo now it's a party
Where the beer pong at
Dated August 11th, 2022.
0.5 STARS
They removed incest, now how am I going to get my sim's great great great grandmother to want to bone down from beyond the grave?
0.5 STARS
They removed incest, now how am I going to get my sim's great great great grandmother to want to bone down from beyond the grave?
Dated August 11th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
I can't make games about big breasted women who look too conspicuously young for their age
But I can make Kill Butt 2
FIVE STARS
I can't make games about big breasted women who look too conspicuously young for their age
But I can make Kill Butt 2
Dated August 11th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Guys guys did you hear that they're bringing back silent Hill and it's going to be at game com at e3 at Sony at Microsoft at your mom's house
Waa they're doing something new with the series
Waa they made it political
Waa fuck you Sony Santa Monica
Waa #FucKonami
Waaaaaaaaaa
FIVE STARS
Guys guys did you hear that they're bringing back silent Hill and it's going to be at game com at e3 at Sony at Microsoft at your mom's house
Waa they're doing something new with the series
Waa they made it political
Waa fuck you Sony Santa Monica
Waa #FucKonami
Waaaaaaaaaa
Dated August 11th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Jet Set Radio to classic rock ahh yea Taylor Swift
Also the games fun and the music was good and
FIVE STARS
Jet Set Radio to classic rock ahh yea Taylor Swift
Also the games fun and the music was good and
Dated August 11th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
infinitely better when you consider that it's one letter off from being spelled "HuniePoop"
FIVE STARS
infinitely better when you consider that it's one letter off from being spelled "HuniePoop"
Dated August 11th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
A piece of generation defining artwork, riveting from beginning to end, proof that video games are better than stupid Call of Duty, a pie ce of art that asks serious questions like "2b? More like 2 butt cheeks"
1000000/10 gaMe if all time
FIVE STARS
A piece of generation defining artwork, riveting from beginning to end, proof that video games are better than stupid Call of Duty, a pie ce of art that asks serious questions like "2b? More like 2 butt cheeks"
1000000/10 gaMe if all time
Dated August 11th, 2022.
FIVE STARS
Hey, what's under there?
FIVE STARS
Hey, what's under there?
Dated August 11th, 2022.
0.5 STARS
Final Fantasy 7 has aged poorly.
Ignoring the fact that I consider being recommended JRPGs tantamount to being mugged, there's something unpleasant about replaying Final Fantasy 7 in 2022. It's hard to articulate exactly what that "something" is, but once you realize it, it all makes sense.
That something?
uh
His swords too big
Whatever happened to realism in games?
10/10 I loved it
0.5 STARS
Final Fantasy 7 has aged poorly.
Ignoring the fact that I consider being recommended JRPGs tantamount to being mugged, there's something unpleasant about replaying Final Fantasy 7 in 2022. It's hard to articulate exactly what that "something" is, but once you realize it, it all makes sense.
That something?
uh
His swords too big
Whatever happened to realism in games?
10/10 I loved it
Yultimona
8 days ago