Reviews from

in the past


If there’s anything in this world worth keeping alive, it’s love.

In the void that is Revachol, we see the light of love and hope slowly fade away. It is up to us to cultivate and nurture that light so it does not die. Love is not dead! As you read this, you are alive and breathing, and it's up to you to seize what remains and fight for it. We can no longer wait for some great revolution that will fix all of our problems. If you truly desire a revolution, you must create the conditions necessary to birth it!

Disco Elysium isn’t just a game about what political faction you align with or finding out who lynched the man behind Whirling-in-Rags; it’s a story about love and why we must hold onto it, even in the darkest of times. I understand that nowadays, with the current state of affairs, it's hard to believe in love and hope. It's difficult to place our hope in a future that seems to have been stolen away from us, yet that's precisely when we need it the most.

I choose to believe in love. I choose to hold on to the hope that a better future is possible, no matter what, because I believe it is. The people we know, the community we live in, and the world we inhabit are worth fighting for. Disco Elysium taught me that fixing the world and making it a better place isn’t just about picking up a gun and waging some violent revolution; it’s about cultivating community and caring for those in it. That’s where the true beauty of Disco Elysium lies.

I believe the way this game conveys that message is quite powerful. Disco doesn't make some grand showy gesture beating you over the head with its message; instead, it laboriously takes the time to show you that the world you live in is beautiful and worth fighting for. It spends the time showing you the inner lives of those around you and has you helping them, one person at a time.

There is one specific character that I feel best embodies this: Cuno. Cuno, at first, is seen to be an irrational, difficult, vulgar, and poorly-behaved child, which leads you to inevitably hate him. As you learn more about Cuno and his home life, however, you realise there’s something greater at play. He doesn’t act out for the hell of it; he is the way he is because his father is a drunk who’s fallen down on his luck due to becoming a victim of the system giving up on him and his son. He’s left with no choice. The system has abandoned Uuno and his son, leaving them both to fend for themselves and pick up the pieces. Which sadly isn’t uncommon in Revachol and the real world as well. It’s perhaps one of the most striking and poignant stories in the game. I eventually went from despising Cuno to feeling empathy for him, as I did for many others in Revachol when I learned their stories.

I believe this approach to storytelling and character writing is incredibly effective, and the best part about Disco Elysium is that these kinds of stories are all over the game. This goes to show how much love and care was put into humanising the inhabitants of Revachol, which helps make the world feel alive. Because of how well the game fleshed out its world and characters Disco Elysium was successful at conveying the message that this world is worth fighting for. Not only was I captivated by this world, but as the game drew to a close, I found myself deeply invested in the wellbeing of these characters and the city.

As I learned about these stories, Revachol’s history, and the many political factions vying for power, I realised that this game was never about solving a murder or finding which faction is "correct." It was about learning to love those around us and working together to create a better world, one step at a time. Creating a better world was never an unattainable goal conjured up in the minds of idealistic and "ignorant" kids. It is a possible reality, but it demands the working toiling masses of the world unite and work hand in hand in creating this future. It is on us to seize the future and lift eachother up when we need it most.

Never give up on fighting for this future. It is only dead when you allow yourself to be convinced that it is.

Throughout my many years of playing games from Sega’s lineup of consoles, the one console that I have little to zero experience with whatsoever would be the Sega Saturn. I have played some games from the system, such as Nights Into Dreams and maaaaaaaaaaaaybe Sonic R, even though I’m not sure if that’s a real game, but aside from those two, I have had zero experience with any Sega Saturn exclusive games whatsoever. It is a shame too, considering that from what I have seen, it looks like there are a lot of quality games for the system, ones that probably don’t reach the same quality as many other games of the era, but enough to where anyone who owned the system could definitely get their money’s worth from a nice selection of titles to choose from. So, I figured it is about time that I dip my toes further into the pool that is the Sega Saturn library, starting with a game that was a launch title for the system for us Americans, Clockwork Knight.

I have never played this game or it’s sequel before, but I have known about them for quite a while, seeing them being played on some YouTube channels that I have been subscribed to over the years. It looked charming enough with its toy-themed setting, and it did look short enough to where I could get through it in one afternoon, so I figured “Why the hell not?”, and I did blaze through it in that same afternoon, finding a charming and fun game that… doesn’t really do that much. It is a solid platformer all throughout for the most part, and it does the job that it is supposed to do, but there are definitely plenty of other titles that were out around this time that could do what this game did a whole lot better.

The story is fairly standard for a game like this, where in a seemingly average household at midnight, all of the toys in the house are brought to life by the voice of lovely Clockwork Fairy Princess Chelsea, and everybody goes about their merry way as a result, but suddenly, she is kidnapped by an unknown and mysterious force, so it is up to Sir Tongara de Pepperoucha III, or just Pepper, to set out on a journey to rescue her and stop her vile kidnapper, which is all presented in a charming, yet understandably terrifying, intro cutscene, which does give the story much more charm despite how generic it is. The graphics are pretty good, using pre-rendered sprites for the characters and enemies like Donkey Kong Country, and mixing them together with 3D polygonal environments, all of which blend together pretty well, despite it obviously looking dated, the music is pretty good, having plenty of enjoyable tunes to listen to throughout your journey, and the gameplay/control is pretty standard for a 2D platformer, but it all works out pretty well, and you can get a handle on things with no problem whatsoever.

The game is a 2D action platformer, where you take control of Pepper, go through four different worlds, each with two levels and a boss, all themed around different toys and other objects and places you would find in an average house, go through many different platforming challenges while taking out plenty of enemies using your trusty keyblade weapon (wait a minute…), gather plenty of different coins, health upgrades and pickups, and extra lives to give you an advantage for what comes up ahead later down the road, and take on several boss fights that range from being piss easy to mildly annoying, all for the purpose of saving the one girl who is responsible for your entire existence. It’s the same song and dance you have seen time and time again, with very little to make it stand out amongst other titles, but again, it does manage to still be fun for the time it lasts, and its simplicity does help make it more appealing for those like myself who were looking for something to play from the console as an introduction.

Given that this was a launch title for the Sega Saturn (for us Americans, anyway), it is important for the game to not only be fun, but to also show off some of the things that the system was capable of, and while it doesn’t push the system to its limits, it does a good job at showing some of the things it can do. There are plenty of different cutscenes throughout the game, showing the characters animated with a CG style, and while nowadays these cutscenes look terrifying just from the toy designs alone, I imagine this must’ve looked really impressive back in the day. Not only that, but once again, the pre-rendered sprites for the characters and enemies mesh together really well with the 3D environments, and the main gameplay style is familiar enough for those who owned plenty of other well-known titles for the Sega Genesis, being able to bring them into this new generation smoothly without anything too crazy or intimidating getting in the way.

With all that being said though, from the lens of a modern-day player like myself, there isn’t much else the game has going for it other then that. It is a very basic platformer, where ya run, ya jump, ya grab the shiny objects, ya save the girl, ya drill these guys in the ass with your keyblade, we all know how it goes. It manages to do everything right, and it feels good to play, but at the same time, it doesn’t go out of its way to really shake things up or do anything crazy, which leads it to being somewhat generic as a result. Not to mention, the game is REALLY short, only having eight main levels and five bosses, all of which can be beaten fairly quickly if you know what you are doing, which is definitely a letdown. If only there was maybe one or two more worlds with more fleshed out mechanics, as well as possibly adding one or two more levels to the already existing worlds, then maybe this would feel like a complete package, but as it stands, it does feel like it ends too quickly once you beat the final boss, leaving you wanting a little more.

Overall, despite how basic and short the game is, Clockwork Knight manages to not only do a good job at being a launch title for the Sega Saturn, but also for being just an all around enjoyable platformer, full of plenty of platforming challenges for those that are fans of the genre, an impressive visual style and graphics for the time, and having a sense of charm to it that does make it much more appealing as a result. I would definitely recommend it for those who are looking for something to play on the system, or for those who are just fans of 90s platformers in general, because while this isn’t the meatiest one of the bunch, it should provide a good amount of fun and leaves you satisfied by the end of it all. Although, speaking of which, it does kinda suck that it ends on a cliffhanger of all things, which really paints a picture of what they are trying to do. “Aw, you wanna know what happens to Chelsea? Well, you can certainly find out, for a small $60 fee, thank you very much…”

Game #570

I'm in love with the way EO leverages the DS to digitize manual mapping. absolutely wonderful, beautiful stuff that captures the spirit of the genre a billion million zillion times better than any automap ever could. in a perfect world this would've heralded imitative ports of every drpg under the sun, and all of them would've been strong contenders for the best versions by default. unfortunately we live in the eternal piss and shit dimension so I'm doomed to pout about the missed opportunity for the rest of my life

as for the rest: game's like one of those images where either you see the old crone or the smokin hot babe; the lamp or the smoking hot babe; the white and gold dress or the smokin hot babe. you know?

from what I gather if you're coming at it from an EO perspective this thing feels like it was coded straight into zhoukoudian limestone by the peking man. folks act like it's the dustiest, crustiest, most satanic verses ass antipathetic crawler ever made. they're out here throwing blankets over their ds at night like a furby to stop it from talking backwards and shit

but if you're coming at it from a broader drpg ("blobbers" if ya nasty) perspective it's almost the complete opposite: decidedly modern, breezy, and accommodating; its push toward transparency, telegraphs, and convenience at odds with the core tension loop pre-bradley wizardry clones fundamentally rely on

I fall into the second category and found most of this to be pretty dry. by the time I hit the 5th Stratum I was approaching vegetative status, zoning out and mashing A with one hand while reading scandalous celebrity gossip on my phone in the other. hovering out of body, well above the dungeon rather than being subsumed by it; existing outside of stress, anxiety, and uneasy decision making. EO just doesn't got the stomach to wrench your guts around, put you on the perpetual backstep, or fill the role of derelict steward the way the most successful clones do

which is fine! I like most of the experimentation here in isolation; there's a dialogue happening that's a lot more interesting than reheating 1980-1988 endlessly. the deterministic angle opens up a lot of unique design avenues; character building could easily swerve toward embracing shortform tactics over longform attrition; and moments like B20F show that FOEs can be more than softball fodder goin woop woop woop in a 3x3 grid. there's a lot to be excited about, it just needs to be contextualized in ways that flatter rather than compromise

more than anything EO needs to stop being uncomfortable in borrowed skin and start being comfortable in its own. no reason to be another mediocre wizardry when it could be a great etrian odyssey 🌈 ⭐❤️

the ideal arcade game. most versions fucking suck though and the fact the NES version has been preserved in any way proves the lack of God's existence (i am slightly overreacting)

This review contains spoilers

THE BINDING OF ISAAC WARP ZONE: S H A R D S O F I S A A C

Fuck, 100 followers already? AND A 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY? How the time flies, huh? Well, I can’t have my review of some gooner game be my top review. Let’s go all out, WITH...

Genesis 22:10. In the beginning, on April 27th, 2023, zeusdeegoose had just joined Backloggd. He loved to play games, and he loved writing really long reviews. Over 150 reviews of his have been published, from the delightfully enjoyable Blaster Master Zero 3, to the tough as nails Spelunky. He’d never thought he’d get this far. All of these 150 reviews have been leading up to something greater than himself. One review series to triumph them all. And now, the pinnacle of said series is now; reaching its final form, the pinnacle of geesekind. A review so great, a review so grand. And that review IS...

The Binding of Isaac Repentance is the best video game ever made. Honestly, looking at my top 5, NOTHING comes close to it. The Blaster Master Zero Trilogy is a perfect 10/10 in my eyes, almost every single one. Super Meat Boy is also a 10/10 for how simple yet fun it is. Cave Story is a 10/10, for being an incredibly impactful game in the industry, and one of the most concentrated gaming experiences that you can find today. Mega Man Zero is a 10/10, with its near endless replayability and relentless difficulty. Celeste? What’s that??? But in my opinion, The Binding of Isaac Repentance is the only 11/10 game, that one game that I never get tired of; the one game that I’ve 100%ed TWICE at this point, the one game that is inherently PERFECT in my eyes. I love it, go play it right now. Review’s over! Just go play it for yourself.

Well, I say “game”, but Repentance is actually a DLC. A DLC so large, so expansive, triumphing all that has come before it, essentially becoming a game of its own. When a game that is three years old (at this point in time) makes me feel nostalgic, you’ve KNOW you’ve made a good ass game. I guess it’s three years old on a technicality. Isaac Repentance has “existed” since the late Afterbirth+ era, almost 7 years of full-time development, but also The Binding of Isaac Antibirth (a fan-made mod which Repentance near-fully integrates), has existed for about 8 years, and has been in development since about Rebirth’s release. Yeah, 2014 is 10 years old now. Do you feel old, or what? Antibirth was one of the best mods in the Rebirth era, and even beat out Afterbirth+ (deservedly so) in popularity. Also, in the Afterbirth+ era, the developers of Antibirth helped work on the final 2 Booster Packs, so yeah. It was a pretty safe bet to hire them. Just to note; even though Repentance adapts lots of content from Antibirth, the two are still entirely separate entities. If you played Antibirth, you did NOT play Repentance, not by a long shot. There’s so much new shit on top of the already amazing pre-existing content. So, what is Repentance all about? Well, it’s the final expansion to Rebirth (for real this time), and provides a fulfilling conclusion to any Isaac fan out there, both in gameplay AND story. So, for the final time, let’s hop into The Basement, and see what makes Repentance the PERFECT GAME! ZeusDeeGoose proudly presents... THE REPENTANCE REVIEW!!!

But first, I need to talk about the gameplay changes first and foremost. Now, I’ve been bitching and moaning about how Rebirth was a little too easy, and how each subsequent DLC made that only more apparent. But, in Repentance, Oh my god. THEY ACTUALLY MADE THE BINDING OF ISAAC DIFFICULT AGAIN! THANK YOU SO MUCH! 10/10 DLC automatically for that, but how did they make the game harder? First off, they nerfed lots of the items in the game. This has been a pretty controversial change for most people, but I believe the nerfed items argument is so overblown. In fact, I’d say that the general item quality has gone UP compared to previous DLCs. Afterbirth+ thought that adding a bunch of shitty items made the game harder, but surprise surprise, it didn’t, and made the runs overall more frustrating and lame for casual players. Right off the bat, Repentance fixes this by making the quality margin smaller between items. Almost every item has been touched up in some way, and I absolutely LOVE what they did here. Some of the worse Afterbirth+ items are now really, really good! I would’ve never thought that the D Infinity would be a cool item, but now it is! Repentance made it so that you can manually cycle through each dice, rather than throwing it away the second you get the D7, making it actually fucking good! They also reduced charge times for lots of items. Items like Krampus’ Head were borderline useless in Afterbirth+, because they took so long to charge. 6 rooms for a 3 second attack? Get the fuck outta here, how about 3? Or, the Rosary, which just gave you 3 soul hearts and made the Bible occasionally spawn? Now it’s a tears up! Or Isaac’s Heart, infamously one of the worst items in Rebirth, is now REALLY good because you can push away enemies and bullets away from the heart! It’s actually one of my favorite items in the game now, Quality be damned. Shit, they even removed the “special items'' system in Rebirth, making runs far more potent in Repentance than ever! So with all that being said, what about the nerfs of Repentance? Yeah, I’mma say it. Who the fuck cares about the nerfs when half of the items are so much better now? Oh, no... Brimstone does slightly less damage? Tech X isn’t a free win anymore?? Tarot Cloth isn’t a one item break anymore??? TECH ZERO DOES 33% OF THE PLAYER’S DAMAGE NOW?!? These were needed nerfs, as half of the items in Afterbirth+ were simply too powerful for their own good. Even with the nerfs, these items are still incredible pickups for your run. They’re not nerfed to an unreasonable degree... but fuck whoever nerfed The Lost. Oh yeah, speaking of characters, they buffed them too! Keeper no longer sucks ass, Blue Baby... is really good now??? And now Cain retains his positive pills from the Flash version! Oh, and did I mention KEEPER? He’s actually fun now! There are probably over a thousand changes and reworks to this DLC alone, but I really don’t have time to cover all of them, but I genuinely believe each one was for the better, and made the game so much more fun to replay. Speaking of older items, what about these cool new ones? At about 150 of them, there's a lot more variety, but more importantly, practicality. Almost every Repentance item is amazing in it's own right, but it succeeds that something Plus severely failed at; synergies and niches. In addition to Repentance improving tons and tons of synergies from Plus and beyond, almost all new items synergize with something. But ALSO, all of the new items cover a practical niche, altering your runs in various ways, unlike Afterbirth Plus, which had some of the more lame item pickups. Like, hooray. I can shoot my tears in 360 degrees (the game was designed with perpendicular shooting in mind). Or, yay, I can place bombs down faster (???). Now, with Repentance, almost every new item feels like it has some value. Take for example, R Key. This is an extremely rare item, but it resets your run to the first floor while retaining all of your items. Or, what about Glitched Crown? It makes every item cycle through 4 others in the current pool really quickly. Or TMTRAINER, making every item randomized, and so on. Almost no Repentance item feels like filler, and that’s what I really like about it. Every item strikes a fair balance between great and overpowered, and even the weaker items are still so much stronger in Repentance. It has some of the best items in roguelike history, and Repentance really goes back to the roots of Flash, where you had to work with what you were given, whilst also not being so sloppy on your own part. Sure, good items help, but to compensate for the hundreds of improved items, characters, and also new items, what would they do to make the game more challenging? That’s a perfect segway into the new pathways implemented in the story mode.

Once the player kills Hush at least thrice (probably something you did in Afterbirth), you unlock the Strange Door, which is guaranteed to appear after completing one floor. This requires a Key to unlock; but if you don’t feel like going in for whatever reason (or you don’t have a key; it happens), you can always wait until Basement 2. But once you’re in, you’re transported into a new floor entirely. And no, it’s not some dumbass rehashed floor. Afterbirth+ would be like... uhhhh... Here! Introducing the Burning Cellar! No; this is Downpour; a wholly original floor with a sick-ass beat and a cool blue, thundering aesthetic, containing deviously difficult bullet hell-esque enemies and bosses, with benefits given to the player. Each treasure room has a visible and invisible item, so if you’re feeling lucky and the left item isn’t something you desire, you can always take a gamble for the left item. RISK VS REWARD. It’s a pretty cool area on it’s own, but can I talk about that FUCKING MUSIC??? I will gas up Repentance’s soundtrack even when I’m 6 feet under. It’s THAT good. Every track is in your face, non-stop, relentlessly beating you over the head until you see pretty stars, with only the greatest tunes in gaming. Every track, every musical note, is played to perfection by a passionate crew of 2 people. And every boss track is simply magnificent. The Alt path music makes you feel like you’re taking on gods, something of far greater strength than Isaac, and the final bosses are all the more intense. It’s one incredible soundtrack to send off The Binding of Isaac, and it’s one of the best in gaming history.

Anyways, while making your way through Downpour, you may come across a white fire and a mirror. It doesn’t shoot at you, nor does it go out by shooting at it. So curiously, you walk into it. Aaaand, you’re The Lost now. Great. But now, you can walk into the mirror, and enter the Mirror realm. This is a mirrored version of Downpour 2, and you have to go into the treasure room to find the first of 2 Knife Pieces. But, if you wish, you can also refight the boss to gain an additional Boss Item, but with the stipulation of being The Lost. Risk Vs Reward, anyone? But once you’re done, you can leave the Mirror realm and proceed into the Mines.

Perhaps you’re a little low on keys and can’t enter treasure rooms thanks to entering Downpour, but Repentance has a fix for that. If you skip a Treasure Room (without opening the room), you have a higher chance to get a Planetarium room. These are rooms with a very limited pool; however the item quality is even more balanced compared to Treasure Rooms. A lot of these items are pretty solid, but not as great as the Treasure Room’s best. And once you get at least one Planetarium, your chance drops down to 1% per floor. I think it’s a solid trade-off for consistency, but I never find myself going for them very often. The potential benefits aren’t as great as Treasure rooms, but if I have a Dream Catcher and see a bad item, chances are I’m skipping the Treasure Room. But, back to the alt path, next up is the Mines.

This is a difficulty bump compared to Downpour, containing several more projectiles, but with the same benefits and drawbacks of Downpour. It’s more difficult, but you still get the Treasure Room benefits. And, just like Downpour, it’s completely original! No reused enemies to kingdom come; everything feels completely distinct from the Caves. And, of course, the second Knife Piece has you do a quick puzzle. There are 3 switches around the second Mines map, and you have to click all of them to enter the minecart section. Once you do that, you’re transported into an area without any of your items. It’s... eerie. The music is very quiet, the room is dark, and there’s seemingly no place to go, but forward. Once you eventually pick up the second Knife Piece, everything seems to stop. And then... a twisted version of Mother shows up! This is Mother’s Shadow, an unkillable demon that chases you until your demise or escape, whichever comes first. The room layouts change to be more puzzle-like; blowing up rocks to progress, or using the new throwable bombs to create paths, all while the screen is highlighted in blood red. It’s a thrilling moment when it happens for the first time, but one that loses its effect over time. It’s like fully completing FNAF; at one point you simply get tired of the jumpscares, and they turn from scary to fucking annoying. The gameplay of the chase sequence gets pretty repetitive after a while. It’s a good set piece, but it needs that variety to be truly great. Or, you could potentially avoid this issue by placing the Knife Piece in the Minecart Room once you’ve obtained it once, and then having an item in the Chase. Just a thought. But, after obtaining the second knife piece, the knife is completed, and you can enter the Mausoleum in order to get a new ending... once you pay with your own BLOOD! 2 hearts, to be exact. No red heart preference kind of sucks, but whatever.

Perhaps you’re running low on HP, with the increased difficulty of the Alternative paths. But... perhaps you can’t really afford to lose your deals. So, look towards the rebalanced and restructured Angel rooms! First off, Angel deals have seen a few major improvements since Rebirth. For one, if you ignore the first Devil Deal, you’re guaranteed to see an Angel room on your next deal, compared to Afterbirth+ where it’s a 50/50. But if you walk into a Devil deal in Repentance, but walk out without taking anything, you get the 50/50. A much needed improvement, but ALSO, since Afterbirth, Angel items have only been getting better and better. First off, the pool itself is much stronger than before, but also you can typically pick from 2-3 items. In Afterbirth, this was only limited to one. And yeah, Afterbirth+ technically introduced this improvement, but shut up. Now that Angel deals are actually viable now, I’d say the 2 are somewhat on par with one another. Devils give you practicality, while Angels are more defensive now. But, that’s not to say that Angel deals are great now; in fact, I still prefer Devils in general, due to higher deal chances, but Angels are actually a decent option now. The 5 people who used them in Afterbirth Plus are cheering now. But now, back to the Alt path. Speaking of older content, they also went back and retouched some of the older content up. Lots of sprites have been remade to be less fugly (pre-Repentance Big Horn scares me), older areas have gotten new music like Utero and the Boss Rush (best track in the entire game), and did I mention the numerous reworks and re balances in Repentance??? I just really love how the team fixed almost every major issue in The Binding of Isaac. It showed that unlike Afterbirth+, they gave a shit about the quality of their own game!

The Mausoleum not only has the best song for the floor themes, but it’s also my favorite aesthetically. I am a sucker for purple. It’s one of my favorite colors, being slightly beat out by blue. And everything here... IS PURPLE! It’s still an awesome floor, being the most difficult (and also best floor) of the Alt Path in my opinion. The enemies here are really fast, and require some pretty fast reflexes in order to survive. They really change up the floor. One protects other enemies from damage until you kill it, while some will lock in on you, suddenly firing Brimstone. If you die, I can’t blame you, but you may notice on your way back, something called “Dross”, “Ashpit”, and “Gehenna” are unlocked.

Well, guess what? They gave the alternative path AN ALTERNATE PATH! Like the main floors, if you kill every boss on that floor, you get a new floor entirely. And just like the main floors, this applies to the Alt Path as well! And there’s even more obstacles and changes compared to the regular alt paths, keeping the game even more fresh on repeat playthroughs! This DLC is so good. But, at the end of Mausoleum, you fig- goddamn it, it’s Mom. Alt Path was SO close to perfection... Okay, jokes aside, Mom actually got her attacks buffed! Her feet have a chance to explode now, her eyes can shoot Brimstone lazers now, the works! And, just like the regular Mom fight, you can descend down into the Womb, go into Boss Rush (which is now triggered after 25 minutes in Alt Path; god tier design), or... the locked door. You can’t open it with a key, can’t bomb it either, so what’s up? Well, stab those knife pieces through the door, and... Mom’s Hear- GODDAMN IT NICALIS! Okay, like Mom, Heart gets buffed too. More bullets, more brimstone, the works, really. And after you kill her, the screen goes... dark. And now, the boss room changes color palettes to gray with a loud noise, and flies buzzing... Did we... Kill Mom? Only one way to find out.

Welcome to The Corpse. The least lively of the four Alt Path stages; both in a gameplay and narrative stance. All of the enemies here are deceased; being all creepy and crawly. It’s a beautifully animated floor, with the blood flowing on the floor of various rooms. And the beat of the music is incredibly slow, yet tense. It feels as if it’s building up... to one of the best bosses in the game. Once you get to the boss room, there’s just a massive hole. You hop in and...

ISAAAAAAAAAAAC!” the monster pronounces. Mother is one of the coolest fucking bosses in the entire game, and you’re lying if you say otherwise. Good god, this fight just doesn’t stop for one second. It’s one of the fastest foes in the game, shooting tears at mach 10, while the most hardcore music plays. The stabbing of her knife spews hundreds of enemies, summoning 34 dead Isaacs (remember that now), she throws fucking Fistula at you, it’s truly incredible. And that was just the first phase! Once you do enough damage, she retreats before blasting out an incredibly large Brimstone lazer, and then BOOM! She pops out, her fat, dump truck ass on the same battlefield as you, the arena expands to 1x2, and now it’s time for phase 2. This is even cooler! Now that she’s the centerpiece of the arena rather than the very top, she throws out all kinds of new shit that tests your dodging skills, as well as reaction times. I’d say that Mother is the BEST boss in Isaac history, bar absolutely none, and the Alt Path was phenomenal as well. The Alt Path is something I almost always go to, and Mother is a boss I always look forward to whenever I fight her. I’m always at the edge of my seat, dodging her near endless attacks, while I feel like a badass to the awesome music. One of the best bosses in Gaming for the record books. Well, except for one final boss. But first, upon Mother’s defeat, you unlock one (or two) character, so how are the new characters of Repentance?

Repentance introduces a few new characters, the Isaac standard of 2 new characters per DLC. We have none other than Bethany, and Jacob And Esau, earned by killing Mom’s Heart as Lazarus without dying, and defeating Mother, respectively.
Bethany is the more interesting of the two. She has the Book of Virtues, an item which changes depending on what active item she currently holds. But without any active items, Book of Virtues spawns a singular wisp, which shoots with Bethany. Sounds interesting, but there’s a bit of an issue with her. Where the fuck are her soul hearts? Well, she has this “Soul Charge” mechanic, where the amount of Soul Hearts you have can be burned to use your active item. That sounds fine, until you realize Bethany has practically no protection against Deal Loss. Oh, and Angel Deals take precedence with her. Aaaaand that’s why I never play as her. Skill Issue me all you want, but Soul Hearts are too crucial to the game’s design to warrant taking them away for an... okay at best mechanic? I know that there are a lot of Bethany fans out there. Book of Virtues is an incredible item to have, but I don’t think it’s worth the tradeoff of actual defense.
Next up is Jacob and Esau, and some of you are probably ready for me to have a Lost-esque breakdown from these 2, but simply put, I don’t find them to be that deplorable. They’re probably cooler than you, at the very least. Essentially, you’re controlling 2 characters at once, and while that sounds annoying, it’s actually pretty fun (to me at least). If you really take the time to learn how to hold Control/R2, you’ll actually be pretty good at them. Hold R2, and only Jacob will move, both of them place bombs at the same time, and can use their cards and pills individually. It’s not the most complicated character to wield. And thus closes out the Repentance character cast! Well, for now. In order to talk about the other characters, we need to finish the campaign. And it’s the best part of the entire game. The one boss that still gives me goosebumps to my core. The music, the graphics, everything. It’s time to talk about THE ASCENT.

The Ascent doesn’t require any major items, but requires you to solve a simple puzzle. Upon killing Mother for the first time, a weird door will spawn at the beginning of Depths 2. It’s unopenable by any discernible method, but once you kill Mom, you need to grab The Polaroid (or Negative) and teleport out of the room, whether that be via Forget Me Now, or the actual item dubbed “Teleport!”. To help, on Depths 2, a cracked skull will always spawn, containing 0 - The Fool, sending you to the beginning of the floor. In fact, if you kill Mom in under 20 minutes, you can grab an item and teleport out of Boss Rush! But, once you return, you walk into that door, and the door opens (at the cost of the Polaroid). This transports you to the Mausoleum, which remains largely unchanged from before, with the same great music and bosses intact. However, the Boss room is notably empty, only containing a note. There’s no exit, so there’s only one thing left to do. Taking the note starts the final floors of the game; The Ascent. As the name implies, rather than descending each floor, you make your way back up, with the remnants of previous Boss rooms and Treasure rooms left intact, including items. Ever had an item you accidentally skipped? Well, now it's all here, free for the taking. The most striking set piece of The Ascent… is the argument between Mom and Dad!

As you climb and climb floors, you hear the arguments between the two, caused by the Father gambling away the Family's savings. And as you climb, the argument between the two only intensifies, BOOMING, as the music only gains more layers, starting out confusing, but as you ascend, the music layers come together to create a cohesive, incredible tune, as the enemies become more and more challenging, reaching its ultimate climax, as the Dad says foggily, “I'm sorry, Isaac.”, and LEAVES THE FAMILY BEHIND. I was on the edge of my fucking seat the entire time during the Ascent. I knew how it ended, with Isaac’s father leaving, but hearing the confirmation in-game hit like no other. The Binding of Isaac is a game with little voice acting (discounting Isaac’s grunts and whatnot), and to be fair, it's not really needed. But to see them really invest into the production values, having some pretty solid voice acting when it's not even needed, is really special to me. It makes it stand out as an emotional set piece, marking one of the only times the game uses vocals, aside from the “DEO”s of Ascension. And also, the fucking music dude. Tying in perfectly to the story, as we hear more about what broke this family apart, the music grows with each reveal, and hell, if you go on the Alt path, the game has music for that, too! It’s a celebration of what the entire story has led up to, and I’m all here for it. But I'm not gassing up The Ascent just because it has a phenomenal narrative. The Ascent itself is really fun. To compare it to something, how about The Void in Afterbirth Plus? Both are narratively similar, being a final culmination of the game’s themes and content. The problem with The Void is that it had no identity of its own, and the floor itself wasn't exciting to traverse, nor did it really have any narrative relevance. “Isaac dies!” We’ve known that since about 2012. “Oh, but his final delusions!” Okay, so what about the parent’s arguments in the ending? Were those a part of his delusions? Wouldn't his delusions be slightly off? The game never cares to reveal that, nor do I believe it cares. How about The Ascent? ”Isaac’s parents are arguing”? Okay, how do you show that off? “It's in the background.” See? Simple as that. Plus never really cares to ask itself those questions, and it suffers because of it. Meanwhile, Repentance does, and makes itself stand out in gameplay by remixing all of the enemies to be more difficult, and also making the floors super small so that the act of “ascending” isn’t painful, which stands out as this is the only time you go can go back to prior floors. This represents Isaac’s attempt to finish the story he wrote, but going past the points of his own limits. He’s practically dead at this point, no doubt about it. But he really tries to salvage what is left of his own world, and destroys it alongside himself in the process. And once The Ascent is all said and done, you get another cool-ass moment! Once you get to Basement 1 again, the final beam of light appears, alongside the in-game tutorial. Seeing that kind of hit me different. It reminds the player that they've come such a long way since they started the game, or, even Flash starting with the same tutorial! It reminds us that all good games must come to an end… and Repentance does indeed have a good ending indeed. Once you enter the final beam of light, for the final time, a nightmare plays, and you arrive AT…

Home. The very home that Isaac and his family once lived in. The Chest and Bed are the only thing that remains in Isaac's room. There are no enemies. There are no trapdoors if you bomb the carpet. Only you, and the eerie furniture that remains. The living room holds only a TV and a couch. Everything else is empty, and the music is incredibly calm, yet unsettling. You'll come across Mom’s bedroom, and it has a chest, which unlocks The Red Key, a solid item. But, if you go back and use it on the red outline on the wall, your character will appear… slightly changed but not a completely different character. Touching them will unlock a secret. You unlocked… Isaac? Bitch, I've been playing as him this entire time! What does this mean? The game doesn't make this readily apparent, but either way, you truck on. Once you sleep in Mom’s bed, you get another nightmare, with Isaac and his Mom watching TV, and on the TV is… ISAA- The game cuts the cutscene short with a static. Everything goes dark, with only one thing illuminating the floor. Go back into the Living Room… and… I can't even describe it. Just watch it for yourself.

Dogma (noun); principle or set of principles laid down by authority as incontrovertibly true.

IN OTHER WORDS, DOGMA PERSONIFIES WHAT THE MOM WATCHED ON THE TV! I don't think I've ever had as a visceral reaction to any boss since Sans back in fucking 2019! Yeah, a record unbroken for 4 years! A nearly flawless reveal AND FINAL BOSS! God, if Mother was my second favorite boss in gaming, Dogma AND the following each take spot 1. Make everything that made Mother such a fun and dynamic fight, and then make that shit overdose on CRACK. Everything about it is just so GOOD. Dogma starts out completely invulnerable, with you having to attack the TV it's attached to to damage it. But, while you're attacking, Dogma will only keep shooting at you. Once again, the tightest bullet patterns are at display here. I think the team was a big fan of Touhou during this. Dogma also shoots a glitched Brimstone homing shot, which is among the hardest attacks to dodge in the entire game. And that's just the beginning! Once the TV is damaged, Dogma only grows stronger. He jumps up and grows GODDAMN WINGS, and this is easily my favorite phase in the entire fight. He really throws EVERYTHING that you can think of at you; himself, these weird, glitched ass feather bullet thingies, and BEAMS OF LIGHT. And the bullets only get harder and harder to dodge. But, after a phenomenal fight, Dogma goes down. With Isaac conquering the false beliefs inside of him, he's taken aback, and stares as Dogma shapeshifts into a cross, before slamming down on Isaac, and fully consuming him. Suddenly, Home peels back its layers, revealing Hell itself, with the Four Horsemen and The Beast herself (yes, The Beast is a girl) staring directly at Isaac in the ocean filled with lava. The Beast goes full on shmup with this fight. No longer is gravity a factor for the player, as they're granted an item called Dogma which allows them to fly, and also heals them under 6 HP. Hell, on Normal Mode, you're given The Wafer, significantly improving your own survivability. And the Horsemen? Jesus, THIS IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE. Repentance has consistently blown my balls off with its story and gameplay. Or maybe I'm just a big fan of bullet hells. I don't know, BUT REGARDLESS, each Horseman is a test of your reactions; each is all faster and more challenging than the last; a test of reflexes and skill. Boy, you best be moving that Analog Stick with all the precision you can, because these patterns are no slouch. Famine darts around the room, shooting bullets at you, Sloth blows up the ground beneath you, spawning toxic clouds in the process, War fucking DARTS straight at you, and Death tries to quickly finish the job. When you get to Death, the music is just immaculate. Revelations 13-1 is a fantastic track all around. Each boss gets its own tune; Famine is so intimidating, Sloth is tense, and also has that part that goes wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh! Wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh! You know the part. War got some BASS to him, to match his bombastic personality. And Death? It's beautiful, yet catchy, played with an incredible solo from the violin and xylophone; with the vocals only highlighting how enlightened the track feels. Oh, and The BEAST?

It's a finale for the ages. The music is at its LOUDEST point. When you know you’re fighting the final boss through your music alone, that’s when you know you got good music. The Beast can only do one thing. Chase you until your eventual demise! And, she also inhales fire and blasts it back at you, in a Brimstone laser of course. As you shoot her, she only deteriorates, soon one of her eyes disappears, and then the next, and, when she’s finally had enough, a giant beam of light strikes down on The Beast, SMITING the Mother of Harlots asunder and setting the blood lake a- Oh shit, didn't mean to plagiarize there! But, good god. This ending is just perfect. I get goosebumps every time I listen to the narrator's confident voice. “AS HE FLEW, HE COULD SEE ECHOES OF HIS PAST.” It must be listened to to be believed. The final ending recaps and clarifies almost everything that's happened within the realm of The Binding of Isaac's universe. Isaac’s own death, Isaac’s father leaving forever, His cat Guppy, his Mom kissing him on the head every night, it's just so… bittersweet to see. And then, as Isaac gets happier, his ascent becomes even greater, even seeing his own birth, before seeing absolutely nothing, indicating that he has passed. But, the final note the game leaves us on is something truly special to me. You know in Bumbo where I talked about the Dad teaching Isaac about the power of his imaginations? Well, it's revealed that “he” has been leading the story of the game the entire time. Isaac's Dad lives within Isaac’s imagination now. “Dad” asks if Isaac is getting sleepy yet, and as Isaac concurs, the Father starts the intro to The Binding of Isaac again, except with the stipulation that Isaac lives with both of his parents now, as compared to just his Mom. As he retells the story, the screen fades to black, meaning that Isaac has truly passed, and for real this time, ending the storyline of The Binding of Isaac.

Folks, I know that I bitched about how Afterbirth Plus’s story sucked, or how many people misinterpret the meaning of Isaac’s story, but I believe that The Binding of Isaac essentially told a perfect story throughout. And The Beast’s ending solidified that love for the story. It's such a powerful way to end the 10 year saga. I can't really recall any gripes on a fundamental level that I have with it. Yeah, Afterbirth+’s endings were pretty stagnant, but at the end of the day, who the hell cares? I’m not one to hold grudges. and after playing Repentance, I could really see the passion that Edmund and the team had for The Binding of Isaac as a whole. Almost every major plot thread comes out and makes an emotional climax of an ending that shall be remembered in the community for ages to come. Hell, when I actually beat Repentance, I got all misty-eyed. I had only experienced Rebirth and Repentance prior, so to get that impact out of me when I hadn’t even been in the community for that long is a testament to the quality of the story. The Binding of Isaac shocked me at how fast it really made me care about the characters, the worlds, the environments. It's really when I accepted that Repentance is simply my favorite game of all time.

But. We're not done just yet.

Do you recall what I unlocked before the Dogma battle? “Isaac”? What’s that all about? Well, hop into the main menu once more, and go to the New Run button. There’s a new UI element. Pressing E will revea- No. No, nonononooonnonooonono. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

EVERY SINGLE FUCKING CHARACTER GOT A B SIDE. EVERY SINGLE ONE! AND YOU HAVE TO DO ALL OF THEIR MARKS, ONE BY ONE TO 100% THE GAME. My heart SANK when I saw this, because I was genuinely not expecting for them to pull something like this. These are the “Tainted” characters; characters, remixed versions of each base character, and yes, before you ask, ALL OF THE CHARACTERS HAVE DIFFERENT ABILITES AND GIMM- FUCK DUDE! Talk about overachieving, shit, you just cemented yourself as the biggest roguelike of all time! And, did I eventually, 100% them all with every mark in Hard Mode? Yes! I did, it took over 400 hours of gameplay, but you know what? I still had lots of fun with it. Each character feels like its own game entirely. These aren’t simple clones of Isaac, like the base game characters. They all have their own individual mechanics, unlocks, gameplay, and more! So you know what? Fuck it, let’s cover every single character! And lord, HELP ME!
Tainted Isaac is among the easiest Tainted characters to unlock and play as. He has an 8 item limit, but each item cycles between two item choices. Simple to learn, and not hard to master. Also, his unlocks are fucking BROKEN by the way.
Magdalene is among my least favorite characters to play as, but Tainted Magdalene is pretty fun. She constantly bleeds out her HP, but she can heal herself in a pinch with her intrinsic Yum Heart, which heals her for 2 hearts. In other words, she represents my lower anatomy. If she walks towards an enemy, she can hug the shit out of it, doing damage to herself, but dropping health in the process. This presents an issue when you get to The Womb, as you take 1 heart of damage, but the enemies only drop 1/2 hearts. And shooting tears does less damage than normal, compared to other contemporary characters. I think this provides a necessary balance between being good, or being broken. She’s a pretty braindead character, but she’s simple dumb fun to me.
Oh, boy. Tainted Cain. I at least liked regular Cain, Tainted Cain kills my soul. He has to craft each of his items, not being able to pick up any regular items. He requires high quality pickups in order to succeed, and that, in my opinion, makes him not only the most difficult, but worst character in the game. The pickups he needs are far too random, and even with high quality pickups, he can often get screwed over by boss pool items, which is so perplexing to me, because the game has a method to do so in the files (and other items do this, so it’s not unused). He’s also fucking SLOW, and because of his randomness, attempting to maximize your run’s potential is often a crapshoot. Tainted Cain is one of my least favorites in the entire cast, TBH. He’s just too slow for his own good, and crafting items isn’t really all that fun nor rewarding. Tainted Bethany, another character which I’ll get to later addressed this issue by making it so that taking items is devalued, but still recommended, in conjunction to your regular items. And because of that, she’s ultimately one of the best characters in the game. If Tainted Cain could find that balance, I’m sure he’d be one of the best in the game, because Bag of Crafting is still a good item at the end of the day. It’s just attached to a piss poor character.
Tainted Judas is Judas but objectively cooler. He starts with Dark Arts, an item that lets him slice and dice his way through any enemy imaginable. He can also slice at bullets, making bullet hell bosses a breeze with him. For every enemy he slices, he gains a temporary damage buff. Aaaand that’s it! Just another fun and solid character.
Tainted Blue Baby is shit, both figuratively and literally.
I jest, of course. Tainted Blue Baby has his bombs replaced with literal spirals of shit, all of which do different things. From creating a butt blast bomb, to making shit creep on the ground, which powers him up ever so slightly. The poops are mostly used in combat, but spamming them to kill enemies as fast as possible is an actually valid strategy. You get so much poop that running out is of no concern. So... uh... yeah. Not much else to say here.
Tainted Eve. Blood clots. Broken. That’s all.
Rounding out the Flash cast, Tainted Samson is essentially Samson if he were a good and fun character. By taking or dealing damage, it fills up a meter which makes him FUCKING PISSED. This is the berserk mode, leaving Tainted Samson unkillable during it, and turning him into a melee focused character with beefy stats. When you just don’t give a fuck, Berzerk mode will smite almost anything in it’s path. He’s kind of like Tainted Maggy in a sense. The only thing I don’t like about him is that Berzerk is automatically triggered, which can get occasionally annoying during certain fights. Other Tainted characters manually trigger their gimmicks, so I don’t know why Samson couldn’t be the same. Fun character, like I said.
The door into Rebirth opens, starting with Tainted Azazel, and he is certainly a character that exists. He does shite damage normally, with a weak ass Brimstone laser, but if you sneeze on an enemy you can actually kill them in a reasonable amount of time. Oh, you know, like Azazel always does. Oh, and no flight, because fuck you. Yeah, not a fan. I don’t really see much love for this character, unlike Azazel, who’s been popular since Rebirth released. Just kinda eh, moving on.
TAINTED LAZARUS. Is actually pretty cool! He alternates between dead and alive Lazarus for each room clear, but the player can manually switch between the two, each having separate items and HP. Now, you might think that Tainted Lazarus is one of the worst characters in the game, based on what everyone and their Mother has said, but I'll be damned if I'm not that one Tainted Lazarus defender. First off, each item is doubled for each character (so long as you Flip before leaving the room), so the two will roughly be of the same strength. Second, you can always Flip manually if you find yourself in a pinch as one character. So… they're actually not too hard to play as. I really don't know why these two are so hated within the community, as they're not really all that hard to play as.
Back to back on the controversial characters, Tainted Eden! Tainted Eden rerolls all of his items each time you get hit. Moving o- Hold up a sec, I actually like this lil guy! I know, “He’s such a bad character Zeus, why do you like ultimately one of the worst characters in Isaa”- Bitch, I second Little Mac and Gannondorf in Smash Ultimate, don’t even fuck around… Okay, so yeah. He’s not the greatest character, but a part of me also finds him really fun and dynamic. One second, you have Brimstone, Mutant Spider, and Sacred Heart, but oopsies I made a bad dodge and now I have Bob’s Brain and Breakfast; it’s amazing. Honestly, if I’m not liking the run I’m getting, sometimes I take damage on purpose just to reroll my entire run. Really, the only issue I have with Tainted Eden is the universal change with run rerolls in Repentance. If you gain or lose any HP up items, you also lose a corresponding heart container, and this presents problems with Soul heart builds. Say you have lots of boss items. If you reroll, your soul hearts have a chance to be forced out, as the game has a limit of 12 HP. This is an easy fix; just don’t have this apply to Tainted Eden. But other than that, Tainted Eden is fun. I think Edmund really fucking despised the Rebirth cast, don’t you think? All 3 so far have had middling to poor reception, but hopefully it gets better…

TAINTED LOST. Tainted Lost is among the most hated characters in the entire game. I love him. A lot of people are probably banging their head against their desk right now, but hear me out. Tainted Lost’s only means of protection is his Holy Cards, which have a higher chance of spawning for Tainted Lost; by far more forgiving than whatever Rebirth Lost was, and it’s not like Tainted Lost doesn’t have his upsides. And really, when playing as The Lost (or most characters for that matter), how many times are you really getting hit per floor? Now, I know, nerves and the like. But if you're good enough to go through 6 of the most difficult bosses back to back while only getting hit a grand total of 2 times, then you should be good enough to do the entire game like that. And plus, even if you struggle with Tainted Lost, his intrinsic item rerolls give him so much more to work with than most characters, alongside his higher damage multiplier. So… yeah. He good. Put my head on a wall, why don't you.
Finally moving on from the controversial characters of Rebirth, Afterbirth got some real bangers, here. Tainted Lilith has a fetus whip and it does 3 times the normal damage of your regular tears. "Fetal Fury"? I see your clever references, Edmund! She has among the highest DPS in the game, pretty fun and cool like almost all Tainteds, moving on.
The Afterbirth cast ends with Tainted Keeper. and he’s objectively cooler than you, sorry for being the bearer of bad news. Each enemy Tainted Keeper kills, he drops a quickly despawning coin. He has coin hearts. See the benefits? Tainted Keeper is fucking BROKEN, no doubt about it, unambiguously better than vanilla Keeper anyways. His only downside is that he pays for all of his items, but that’s irrelevant as he can get over 99 coins by Basement 2. So yeah. A pretty mediocre character, clearly.
The penultimate cast, the Afterbirth+ characters are upon us, starting with Tainted Apollyon, and this is what Apollyon should’ve been from the beginning. By using Abyss with any items in the room, they get absorbed and turned into attack flies, which deal as much damage as Tainted Apollyon does. Abyss also gives item specific synergies, and is actually way more fun and interesting, so yeah. Eat shit, Apollyon.
Tainted Forgotten is yet another character that exists!!! Okay, but first, I skimmed over regular Forgotten in my Afterbirth+ review, so let’s talk about him first. He’s a melee based character, who wields a bone (can also be revved up and tossed), who can switch to a tear based character (The Soul) at the click of a button. They both have about 6 heart containers each. A pretty solid character overall, which actually has SYNERGIES! Thanks, guys. That was one of my main problems with Afterbirth+, nothing fucking synergized and it sucked. So now… it's time for Taint Forgor. You don't play as Forgotten himself, but rather The Soul, and you toss The Forgotten around like a baseball. Aaaand, that's it! He's not bad but he's just kinda there. Tainted Forgotten is simple, and that's okay. Just not my cup of tea.
Now… y'all know how much I fucking hate Bethany. Because Tainted Bethany… is fucking BROKEN. I think she's one of, if not THE strongest character in the entire game, and should've been what Bethany was all along. First off, soul hearts only, SO much better than all red hearts, and 2, red hearts actually serve a similar purpose to Bethany's soul charge. Tainted Bethany gets SO many more charges than Bethany, it's insane. And you want to know why??? Because red hearts FUCKING SUCK, BUT THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!! This alone makes Tainted Bethany infinitely more viable than regular Bethany, and no deal loss is just an improvement over Bethany's dumb, Wisp ass. But Tainted Bethany only gets COOLER! Her wisps? Yeah, now they're your ITEMS, and you can still pick up new items regularly. Infinitely better than some fucking jack-off wisps. Obviously, they still have their limits, but talk about one-upping the competition. EAT SHIT, BETHANY! Okay, Tainted Bethany is awesome. Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. You know what isn't so awesome?
TAINTED JACOB. Okay, I have officially HAD it. I don't think he's a bad character, but holy FUCK can he get under my skin at times. First off, you start as just Jacob, but Esau spawns in, and chases your ass down. Imagine being chased by Mom's Shadow for the entire game, only that getting hit ONCE by her almost ALWAYS ends your run. Get hit by Tainted Jacob? Bam, you're The Lost for the rest of the floor. And there AIN'T NO FUCKING MANTLE TO SAVE YOU! I don’t detest Tainted Jacob, but good lord the game was clearly not designed for him. Any room with a linear path (you know the ones) will almost always result in Tainted Jacob ramming his big, fat, flaming ass into yours. You can chain him up for a little while, but even then, it’s such a fucking tight window. But hey, at least Tainted Jacob can one shot some earlier bosses...! Too bad it doesn’t scale with your damage at all, making him essentially worthless at a certain point. Yeah, not a fan. He’s just not well designed, and while his concept is really interesting, it’s just far too punishing to be enjoyable.
Aaaand, we’re done with all of the characters. So, lets recap, with a tier list. We got the S Tiers, the masterpieces, the ones that I main, the A tiers, my secondaries, the B tiers, the simply good characters, the C tiers, the respectables, the D tiers, the bad ones, and the F tiers, the pieces of SHIT that they are. Let’s go, boys!
S: Tainted Bethany, Tainted Eve, Tainted Keeper, ???
A: Isaac, Cain, Judas, The Forgotten, The Lost, Tainted Lost, Tainted Isaac,
B: Eden, Tainted Apollyon, Tainted Eden, Eve, Azazel, Lilith, Keeper, Tainted Magdalene, Tainted Judas, Tainted Samson, Tainted Lilith, Tainted Forgotten
C: Apollyon, Lazarus, Jacob and Esau, Tainted ???, Tainted Lazarus
D: Magdalene, Bethany, Samson, Tainted Azazel, Tainted Jacob
kys (F): Tainted Cain


Really, there’s not a whole lot else to do after getting every single mark with every character. The only main thing you have to do is the challenges. Yeah, before you say it, Repentance challenges, like every challenge prior, is going to suck. There, I said it. Now lets talk about why Repentance challenges are actually GOATed. They're actually fun and dynamic, offering a different experience compared to Rebirth’s mediocre challenges. Afterbirth+ tried to do this, but fucked it up to the point where the game is unfun. Repentance, on the other hand, actually uses the game mechanics against you, whilst also providing a good challenge. Bethany with Blood Oath? Why not? Or make every item be glitched and do all sorts of crazy shit, like crashing the game! It actually innovates upon the gameplay of Isaac, and I'm all here for it.


Oh yeah, and let’s not neglect to forget Repentance’s greatest unlockable, after completing all marks as all characters, including Tainted characters. Being a Secret Room only item, it’s one of the rarest, but also best in the entire game. That item is none other than “DEATH CERTIFICATE - Where am I?” .

Upon its usage, you’re transported to an empty version of Home, grayed out and muted, with the music being a quiet, yet eerie rendition of Home. And every single room in this area holds every item in the game, the end all, be all of the items within The Binding of Isaac. It's the ultimate mark of mastery for a save file, and with that, Death Certificate perfectly concludes The Binding of Isaac’s DEAD GOD ACHIEVEMENT. Good lord, that was an incredible ride. I absolutely ADORE doing Dead God runs, Sure, is it draining? Yeah. But damn, is it satisfying each and every time. I'm on my third save file as we speak, and I've heard people even go for 4 save files. As much as I'd like to do that, all good things must come to an end, eventually. No matter how good they are.


So... Repentance is basically perfect (in my eyes), but that doesn’t mean that there still aren’t issues. Here’s just a quick nitpick section because I don’t know what else to talk about anymore.
- Rework The Void: The most obvious thing to change, just make the Void actually fun to play. As it stands, I think The Void isn’t inherently frustrating to play, moreso just boring. Give us some decently challenging enemies, make it so Curse of the Lost can’t appear (FUCK that shit oml), shrink the map, tell Delirium to pump the brakes a little, add a little more story, and it would be a lot more fun (in my opinion).
- Greedier Mode: Wow, this fucking sucks. I really don’t have any ideas, but if I feel that the removal of an entire game mode is a net positive, chances are that said game mode is pretty bad. At the very least, unlock it from the start and make Mantle for The Lost (and Tainted Lost) regenerate every wave. If that’s too broken, make it every 2, 3, 4, whatever waves. One hit per Greed floor is far too punishing. For Tainted Lost, you could also give a 10-20% chance that a Holy Card spawns each wave.
- Cutscene Quality: Rebirth was originally a 3DS game and while I can understand that, please make the cutscenes actually watchable on a modern display. They’re so blurry, even the DLC cutscenes are pretty blurry, even though those were only released on HD consoles. This is hopefully a simple fix, a mod does this by using some computer upscaling, and it gets the job done (although the source animation would be much preferable).
- Tainted Cain: I’m pretty happy with most of the Tainted Characters, but Tainted Cain is really the only low hanging fruit. I’ve already explained why he sucks, so I won’t restate it here.
- Curses: Pretty mixed on Curses as a whole, but once again, I explained this in the Rebirth review, go read that.
- Challenges: The challenges are fantastic in Repentance, but they should really go back and rebalance some of the older ones. ESPECIALLY any Afterbirth+ challenge, good lord.
- Save-file images: This is a bit of a joke rework, but damn it would it be funny to see. At least give Hush a Save file kill image, maybe with the 3 Alt path doors (considering that’s what he unlocks). Leaving Greed Mode and Void out is fine as they’re not tied to progression, but a Greed or Void stamp to show that you did it would be pretty cool.
- Pity system(s): Self admittedly I stole this idea from another review on Backloggd (you can read it here), but a pity system would be pretty nice for newer players. For example, if you go a few floors without any damage changes (positive or negative to account for Soy Milk and the like), maybe you get a bit of damage (0.50 is fine), and maybe for Treasure Rooms, if you’re on a streak of mediocre items (3 or more Quality >2s), you’re guaranteed a Quality 3 or better on the next. But that may meddle with game balance, so maybe make it only accessible on Normal Mode. Since you need to do Hard Mode for 100%, I feel like having assistance for newer players probably would maintain 100%’s difficulty. Even then, I never find even my worst runs to be unwinnable, so that’s really a nitpick, just to make it easier for newer guys.
- Make Ipecac tear height not scale with range: Whoever did this is an absolute madman. These are where my complaints get into nitpick territory, so be forewarned.
- Void doesn’t give Tear speed or Range: Doing this would make the item much more viable, for obvious reasons. Luck can stay; it’s a decently useful stat, but it can be situational at times.
- Secret adjustments: Why in the HELL do you have to play Shell Game over 100 times to 100% the game? Shell Game isn’t even that good; the achievement is just tedious. Also fix Five Nights At Moms, please. Oh yeah, and also, Bethany’s requirement never made sense to me. What about her original unlock method (have 12 Soul hearts at once)?
- Antibirth music: I absolutely LOVE the Repentance soundtrack, but adding the Antibirth soundtrack would be a neat bonus. Wait, isn’t this the company who added 4 additional soundtracks to Cave Story, a 13-year old (at the time) game???
- Price: Listen, I love Repentance (I really do, look at how long the review is), but I think that $60 for all of the content to one of the biggest roguelikes of all time SEEMS like a good deal, but it doesn’t FEEL like one. I bought Repentance and the subsequent DLCs at full price, and while I don’t feel ripped off at all, a part of me feels like the perfect price point for all of this would be around $30-40 bucks. Very few Indie games reach $40, let alone $50, so I think $30 would be the best price for the amount of content. That way, people who only do a few runs don't feel so ripped off, making it a more comfortable buy for most. I’ve had friends be a bit turned off of Isaac from the price point alone, so I think reducing it by a bit is pretty reasonable, especially since Rebirth itself is a decade old (I'm not old, you are), so it's probably already made most of its bank (although we don't have live sales, I guess). My ideal prices would be as follows: Rebirth $10, Afterbirth and Plus $5 each, and Repentance is $10. Hell, I might even suggest making the original and the DLC that comes with it free or very cheap now, as it's also eclipsed most of its sales.
But uhhhhh. That’s really it. Mostly minor issues, I know, but I really needed an excuse to write these down, because they’ve been in my head for so long. The Repentance team is constantly ironing out issues in some very well needed patches, which are always a treat whenever they happen, so I hope a lot of these issues are soon addressed. But now... it’s finally time to conclude the “Septology of Isaac Reviews”.






The Binding of Isaac Repentance is a game that should not exist. It’s a beautifully crafted game, enhancing and mastering the formula of what makes Isaac that game that you can always come back to. Even without Repentance, I still find myself playing for hours on end, and yes, even with Afterbirth+, which really displays how eternal The Binding of Isaac is and will always be to me. But Repentance solidifies that perfect 10/10 game for me that I’ll replay until the end of time. It's THE defining roguelike, the one that first comes to mind when the genre is even brought up, and for good reason. There's a reason why The Binding of Isaac has been so fondly remembered for over 10 years and counting, and almost rakes in 10 thousand players daily on Steam ALONE. Imagine PS4, Switch, and more… The Binding of Isaac is like Super Meat Boy, in a way. It's gone far beyond than a game, now. Not only does it celebrate gaming history, it twists it and creates something so unique and unreplicable, making it a one and done, personalized experience. If you've never played a single roguelike; hell, if you've never played dThe Binding of Isaac in general, literally what are you waiting for? I've ranted on and on about how Isaac is the perfect game, so if you haven't played it, go. Buy it, Rebirth is 15 dollars on Steam, Xbox, and PS4 (sorry Switch players, you have to buy Afterbirth Plus first…)! Or, if you don’t mind the occasional jank and general lack of content, Flash is 5 dollars! It's a purchase that will change your life, just like it did mine. Hell, don't have 15 bucks? I'll gift it to you on Steam NOW! (joke, or maybe not?) But, that's enough typing for now. I love The Binding of Isaac, and I hope you will too. PLAY IT. or i will be very sad :(

I also want to thank the overall Backloggd community for once again supporting me. I achieved over 50 followers in February, and it only took 2 fucking MONTHS to reach 100. It's pretty stereotypical of me to say, but if nobody could tolerate these long-ass reviews, I truly wouldn't be here. And yeah, I guess my Super Meat Boy Forever review was my 50 Follower Celebration, but this is my 100 Follower Special. Truly, I love you all. Thanks <333 And also, thanks for the 1k likes! That's… a number I probably wouldn't count to.


I'm probably going to take a short break from Backloggd as this project has left me pretty creatively bankrupt, but I should be back… sometime soon. I don't know what or when I'll review once again, but it's going to be good. I promise. zeusdeegoose isn't ending anytime soon! Not when there's much more game to be played. I already have Spelunky 2, Shantae and the Seven Sirens, and even more going on behind the scenes. So, keep your eyes glued! But, for now, thank you for reading this long ass review series, and I hope you have a good day. Or goodnight.






Oh, I'm forgetting something, aren't I?


“The true form transcends / His story stretched to the end / The truth is buried*” “Conclusion” by zeusdeegoose, Written on 4/22/24

CREDITS FOR ISAAC REVIEWS:
Proofreading: @Yuzrnaime, @NOWITSREYNTIME17, @whu (Repentance)


Resident Evil 7 is such a baffling game to me. It's a game that manages to be the best Resident Evil of the modern era in some respects while also the worst modern Resident Evil in others. Whenever I think about this game and its imperfections, I always find myself with a lot more to say about it than I think I did, so I decided to replay this game and it's DLC to finally be able to get it all out in words.

If you looked at just the gameplay and presentation of RE7 you would see nothing really wrong with this game. RE7 was the first RE game to shift to a first-person perspective and I think it works surprisingly well to the point that the third person perspective hardly feels like a series staple anymore. This first-person perspective also adds to the horror element of this game, which when paired with the setting adds up to make one of the scariest RE games I've played. The setting of the Bakers secluded and condemned Louisiana estate is a really good one, each area in the estate matches to one of the Baker family and they all have a different brand of horror to go with them, making each of these main sections feel unique and interesting. The puzzles, combat, and resource management gameplay are all really good here as well and what you'd expect from an RE game. The game is also just really good looking. The way the environments are crafted both visually and in terms of details just feels so real and that adds to the eeriness of the game as a whole.

So if the gameplay, setting, horror, and the presentation of the game are this good what's holding it back you may ask? Well, that'd be the story dear reader, the story is a fucking mess. To give it one thing, the basic plot setup and the way the game starts off. Ethan, being a normal guy who gets dragged into all the game's madness because he's looking for his wife is a good setup and the motivation for him to stay and try to save her is believable. It's in the unbelievablly stupid twists the game takes and the lackluster explanations of whats going on here that this game falters. This is where I get into spoiler territory so if you want to read on just press this link (https://pastebin.com/BhaFdRAE) and it'll take you into the rest of the story section.

The last thing I want to talk about is the DLC. I hadn't played the DLC prior to this playthrough, making it some of the only modern RE content I haven't touched yet and now that I've played it I can say it's alright. Starting off with the Banned Footage, which is where the main meat of this DLC comes from, I'd say this is pretty good. This shows the story of Clancy, another one of the Bakers victims that has to endure and survive their gauntlet of challenges. The Nightmare tape sees you surviving a hoard of nearly endless molded enemies as you try to survive until dawn in a sort of tower defense like mode, the Bedroom tape is an escape room of sorts where you have to use the items and clues available to you in the room all the while avoiding making a lot of noise to avoid attracting Margurite to the room and making sure to put everything back where you found it before she comes back each time otherwise she'll realise you're trying to escape, and the 21 tape sees you playing a few sadistic rounds of blackjack against another victim in Lucas' warehouse, the winner of which is allowed to go free and the loser of which is killed gruesomely. These are all pretty fun ideas that don't outstay their welcome for the most part and are neat little additions. The fourth Banned Footage tape works as a prolouge to the main story thatb shows us from Zoe's eyes the day that things went to shit, showing how Eveline corrupted the Bakers with her gift and how Zoe manages to escape meeting the same fate as the rest of her family, even if she can't leave the estate. There's also two other DLCs that serve as epilouges in "Not a Hero" and "End of Zoe", Not a Hero focuses on Chris Redfield going after Lucas Baker who turns out was much more evil than the game initially showed and is related to the Umbrella corporation, this mode is just a really short epilouge with basic RE gameplay that only really serves to tie the events of this game into the main RE story. End of Zoe focuses on Uncle Joe Baker finding Zoe in a crystalized state and searching for a cure for her all while a swampy version of Jack Baker follows him, the mode has you using Joe's bare fists and brute strength as weapons rather than guns and feels pretty fun and satisfying in that way, it's also nice to see Zoe's story get concluded so satisfyingly and brings closure to the events of the main game as a whole. Overall I'd say this DLC is mostly worth it, it's not a lot to write home about but it's something and if you get it on sale it'll provide you with a few more hours of entertainment if you liked the base game.

Despite its glaring story flaws that hold it back from greatness, Resident Evil 7 is still a really fun game and a good return to form as well as innovation for the RE series. The excellent gameplay, setting, and horror elements add up to what I believe to be the most genuinely scary Resident Evil
game and without it being made and returning the series to it's roots I probably wouldn't be such a big RE fan today.

My first introduction to Banjo Kazooie was in the E3 2019 Nintendo Direct when he was revealed for Smash. I had no idea who this character was or what the series was about, I just knew that a LOT of people were happy they made it, and I couldn't understand why. But having finally played the game I now understand the tears of the people that flow from the lack of this series in the modern day, they are now my tears as well.

The gameplay in Banjo Kazooie is simply phenomenal. The titular duo's moveset is extremely varied and gives you everything you need to master the game with. It never really felt like I hit a wall because of it, if there was a puzzle to solve I was always certain that I had what I needed to solve it at my disposal and the game rewarded me for that. On top of that the platforming is pure joy, the perfect mix of challenge and fun. And then there's just the collectathon structure this game employs to an excellent degree. In any other 3D platformer I would feel content just to get the objectives required to beat the game, but because collecting things in Banjo Kazooie is just so damn satisfying I found myself collecting everything. 100% completing this game not only felt really satisfying but it also felt like the intended way to play the game and enhanced the experience ten times more than it would have been if I just did the bare minimum required.

The other main thing I want to talk about here is the game's presentation. Despite being an N64 game I feel like Banjo Kazooie has held up incredibly well. The game's visual style, world, tone, and sound design are all just so damn charming. There's so much to love here, from all the charming characters and the funny dialogue between them, to the oddly kinda edgy sense of humor the game has (at least for an E rated game) like when they said Gruntilda does a striptease or when Kazooie heavily implied she was gonna shove a key up someone's ass, just jokes that I laughed a lot at because I had no idea how they got away with them. The worlds here are very unique and interesting as well. There are of course some stinkers (looking at you Bubblegloop Swamp) but for the most parts these environments are just interesting and fun in concept and a blast to actually explore yourself. They take basic level themes and add the game's charm to them to make some truly great levels that are some of the best I've ever played in a platformer.

Overall, Banjo Kazooie is a classic game that's well loved for a reason. The game's charm, pristine level design, and incredibly fun gameplay cycle kept me engaged and addicted the whole way through and turned me into a fan of this character and this series that I priorly couldn't care less about.


I would like to thank @duhnuhnuh for gifting me this game, as a part of their massive Steam Key giveaway, and I’d recommend checking it out if you’d like to try some games out for the cost of absolutely nothing.

OlliOlli World is a game that requires you to master it’s mechanics in order to enjoy it to the fullest. Look at my score and you’ll see that I clearly haven’t done that. I do enjoy OlliOlli World, but it’s in a weird place, something akin to Spelunky 2. A sequel for OlliOlli fans, that will leave some disappointed and even confused. I did play OlliOlli on the 3DS a while back, and remember being extremely... conflicted on it. So I don’t know why I picked OlliOlli World specifically, but here we are. World is essentially just those two games, only much, MUCH improved. What I like a lot more about World compared to OlliOlli is the increased focus on player tutorials and support. OlliOlli told you to simply “Look in the Tricktionary!”, but it didn’t really feel that great to do, as it’s just buckets of information dumped straight on the player. Right off the bat, World fixes that, having a whole world to play around in from the get-go. I didn’t feel so left in the dark, so I was already having a decent time by myself. The second thing that World improves on is the level design of Olli. OlliOlli’s level design was pretty flat and not all too fulfilling. There were grind rails, you could do tricks, and that’s really it. World just straight up has better level design. There’s so much new mechanics at play here! From massive grind rails, to alternative, yet more difficult paths, and just a greater sense of speed overall. Also, the tricks were far more pronounced in World than in OlliOlli. I looked up some of the later levels in OlliOlli and I don’t even think they can compare to even the earliest levels in World. Combined with a solid soundtrack, and we have a bit of a banger here! Far better than OlliOlli at least. I’m sorry, I just couldn’t get down with that game. It just wasn’t all that fun.

But unfortunately, it’s not perfect... I do like the mechanics, but I kind of wish there was a bit more variety? It’s a fun loop, but one that only lasts for so long. Like, what if your ingame scores correlated to some shop that you could buy more tricks in, kind of like DMC? I played this on my Steam Deck and I have to say that this was a perfect fit for the game. I can just complete a few levels and hop out. I can see myself finishing the game in the future, but we’ll see. This is a bit of a temporary rating, so we’ll see how the game amps up over time!

After sinking more than a hundred hours into Rebirth, I know the last thing I should do is try to bite off more Final Fantasy. I've already had too much, I'm bloated on chocobos and moogles and nearly ready to burst, and yet I've been eyeballing Final Fantasy IV and thinking "I can handle it." Comparatively speaking, 23 hours of gameplay is light, downright brisk. Rebirth's after dinner mint... Why shouldn't I indulge?

Well, back-to-back negative reviews from mutuals - both of which abandoned the game - should be reason enough for me to pass, at least for the time being.

It's so over.

Or is it? I'm Weatherby, when have I ever listened to anyone about how bad a game might be? Especially for a game I already paid my money for. The cellophane on this unopened Final Fantasy Chronicles is coming off, baby!

We're so back!

It's probably worth pointing out up front that by going with the Chronicles version of the game, I am effectively playing the real Final Fantasy IV, which originally released stateside on the SNES as a port of Japan's easy mode. For babies. I'm not a baby, how hard can this version of the game be?

Turns out very, at least in fits and bursts. Final Fantasy IV is a very inconsistent game in a lot of ways, and I think a lot of this inconsistency is born from the unique space it occupies in the overarching trajectory of the franchise. The SNES allowed Square to do so much more than what they previously accomplished with the NES trilogy, especially in regard to story, but a lot of FFIV's mechanical features feel as though the game has one foot firmly rooted a generation behind. Things like a highly restrictive inventory is just unnecessary thanks to the SNES' expanded memory space, and the encounter rate is just as bonkers as it was on the NES, sometimes sending you from one daunting battle to the next with only a mere tile separating them.

Guest characters, something Final Fantasy II leaned on with its rotating fourth party slot, are commonplace in the early half of FFIV, and a some of them feel more like a hindrance, resulting in a lot of stretches where you need to nanny idiots like Edward, who has no useful abilities, low health, and straight up runs off screen when you try to heal him up. Likewise, you'll occasionally be gifted with guest characters that are too good, creating this pendulum swing of the game being "too annoying" and "too easy."

This combination of antiquated design elements and inconsistent party composition makes the early game a drag, and it's no wonder I ditched the GBA version around Mt. Ordeals back when I originally played it in 2005.

It's so over.

Final Fantasy IV's story also struggles in the early half of the game and spends a bit too long meandering around. It is interesting to play this right off the heels of Final Fantasy III as both games feature numerous character sacrifices, though the greater scope of FFIV means you'll get to spend more time with them rather than coming upon each character briefly before they like, chuck themselves into a furnace or whatever. Each death feels meaningful, which is why it's a bit upsetting that FFIV walks back most of them, sheepishly shrugging and going "I don't know, they lived I guess."

Thankfully, both the story and gameplay eventually find their focus, and once FFIV dials things in, I found that I was starting to have a really good time with the game. Turns out a stable party of well-rounded characters who share a clear and common goal is just what you need to get me invested, even if it may not address every single problem I had with the game up to that point.

By the time the party awakens the Lunar Whale and takes a trip up to the god damned moon, I was fully in it, and I loved the way the game handles the reveal of its true antagonist, Zeromus, who is less a singular consciousness driven by focused malice and more representative of the game's greater themes concerning good and evil, its presence in all men, and the cyclical nature of war and peace. I am a noted Necron defender, so the idea that the party has to do battle with something more representative of a thought or manifestation of man's own nature is my kind of thing.

Also, he's got a sick battle theme.

We're so back

Unfortunately, actually fighting Zeromus is another matter entirely. I thought the Cloud of Darkness was a motherfucker, but this might be the most I've struggled with a final boss in any Final Fantasy game. Apparently this guy can cast Meteo, Holy, Bio, AND Flare, but you'd never know it because he spends 90% of the fight spamming Big Bang over and over again. The solution here is to let Rydia stay dead as all of her spells will result in an immediate counterattack that operates separately from the fixed timer that dictates Big Bang. This also buys you better healing as Rosa only has to split Curaja between four characters instead of five. At the 11th hour, Final Fantasy IV deigned it necessary to saddle me with more dead weight, and the constant run back through several floors with high encounter rates and ~ten minutes of mashing through mandatory dialog is a steep price for failure, which unfortunately sucked a lot of the wind out from Final Fantasy IV's ending.

it's so over. literally, i am done playing this video game

Rating games in a series can be a little tricky, but I think I've more or less settled on a curve when it comes to Final Fantasy. I gave the original game a 3.5/5, which seems a bit high when you consider how approachable, engaging, and bombastic later titles are. All qualities I would assign to FFIV even if I think it spends a little too much time playing around in the protoplasmic puddle left behind by the previous three entries. That's why it's simultaneously the easiest of these four for me to sit down with, yet it's also a 3/5.

Maybe one day I'll check out the SNES version. I am genuinely curious if the easier difficulty curve results in a more evenly paced game, or if it simply makes combat dull and predictable.

Anyway, the next game has a protagonist name Butz. We're so back.

A long time ago, I went ahead and played a little cute-’em-up from Konami called TwinBee, and I remember really enjoying it at the time. The game was a very basic shmup as a whole, giving a bit of a unique twist on how one goes about getting power ups and providing plenty of strange, yet enjoyable enemies to shoot down, but there wasn’t that much more to offer aside from that. Despite this, it was enough to keep me entertained back then as someone who didn’t play that many shmups, but now, it has been almost a year since I have played and reviewed that original game, and something has happened in that timespan…. I have become a shmup fanatic. I have played and reviewed many other games in the genre, and while I haven’t even scratched the surface of what the genre has offered, it is quite clear that I have more experience with them, as well as what makes a great one or a mediocre one. So, now that I have all this “experience” under my belt, I figured it was about time I returned to this series by checking out its second installment, Stinger.

I had actually been wanting to check out this game for a long time, as well as getting back to reviewing TwinBee games as a whole, but I had always put it on the backburner for quite a while. Not really sure why I did this, as I remembered having pretty good memories with the first game, and I figured I would come to enjoy the others, but I dunno, after playing games like Aero Fighters and Thunder Force IV, how exactly do you go back to something like this? Well, I figured I would find that answer out myself, playing through the game finally, and from that experience, I can certainly say that it is, indeed, another TwinBee game. It’s a good time, giving you plenty of what you loved in the original TwinBee while slightly expanding on it, but it definitely isn’t doing anything too crazy or incredible that we haven’t already seen before.

The story is fairly simple to follow and interpret, where one day at Konami HQ, aliens come out of nowhere and suddenly start to destroy the entire place, coming down and kidnapping Dr. Wily before fleeing off towards an unknown location, so it is up to TwinBee, along with his pals WinBee and GwinBee, to set out on a mission to rescue him so that he can save Konami………………… I couldn’t find the official story online, so I had to go with what was shown in the opening cutscene, and, uh, ha ha, CLEARLY it is 100% accurate, and it is the best story of all time. But anyway, the graphics are good, looking pretty much identical to that of the NES port of the original TwinBee, but it is still colorful enough with plenty of goofy enemy designs to where I don’t mind it, the music is also good, but it isn’t anything noteworthy to where I can tell you anything about any of the tracks, as it left my mind pretty quickly, and the gameplay/control is also pretty identical to that of the original game, expanded upon enough to where it does feel like a proper step-up from that original game, but nothing more.

The game is your typical NES cute-’em-up, where you take control of one of the Bees that I mentioned earlier, go through a set of seven different levels through plenty of different environments from the pyramids to the grassy plains and to the far reaches of space, shoot down whatever weird creatures come your way using either your main shots or your unlimited supply of bombs, gather plenty of different power ups from the many bells you can find that can either increase your speed or firepower, and take on plenty of bosses that are also just as weird and out-there as the enemies, but are also pretty easy if you have the right tools equipped for the job. Anyone who played the original TwinBee knows pretty much exactly what to expect from this game, and it does manage to offer several new features for the player to take on and mess around with, but it doesn’t really make the game any more fun or exciting than what had come previously.

When it comes to what has changed from the previous game, this time around, they decided to pull a Life Force and give us not only the top-down levels from the last game, but we also now have horizontally scrolling stages as well, with there not being too much difference between the two other then that one of them has you shooting and throwing bombs down at the same time, which can be helpful in some situations. These levels are pretty fun to play, but they are pretty few and far between compared to the main levels, which does kinda suck, but eh, what can ya do. Not only that, but we have new power ups to mess around with, such as a laser, which, if you know me, is something that I immediately gravitated towards and never let go of for even a fraction of a second, and as I mentioned before, we have boss fights! These aren’t anything too special, especially if you have the glorious LASER, but they can be fun to take down, and have just as goofy and ridiculous designs as the enemies in the game. Although, not gonna lie, I didn’t need the seizure that the game keeps wanting to give me before each fight, you can take that back home with you.

Other than all that though, what you see is what you get with this game, as it doesn’t do much of anything else to excite or entrance the player. It makes sense, given that this is a shooter from the 80s, but if you weren’t a fan of the original game, then you most likely aren’t gonna be a fan of this one either, because it sticks way too closely to its roots to be anything more grand or exciting. Kind of seems to be a running theme with Konami shmup sequels, since I have played so many Gradius games at this point. But hey, if you don’t mind a little simplicity here and there, then by all means, go for it, and if you have two friends nearby that have nothing better to do, have them join the game as well for some good ol’ fashioned fun.

Overall, despite the lack of any major change, Stinger is still a good shmup at the end of the day, and a natural evolution for the TwinBee series as a whole, adding just enough to where it does feel like an upgrade to the previous game, while still keeping the main gameplay and charm of the original intact. I would recommend it for those who were fans of the original TwinBee, as well as those who are fans of shmups in general, but for everyone else, there are definitely plenty of better options out there that you could choose from instead. But either way, I am just glad to finally get this game out of the way, and now that I am back, I guess I will have to check out the rest of the games at some point in the future. It’ll go right alongside Gradius as the series that I will never shut the fuck up about, despite having covered over a dozen games from it at this point… I think.

Game #571

This review has been a long time coming. It's been coming since before the site you're reading this on was founded. It's been coming before some of you were even born.

To know about my relationship with Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation, you have to know something about me. I first started this game some 20 years ago, at a time when I couldn't even tie my own shoelaces. In those intervening years, many attempts to beat this game followed. Just off the top of my head, I can remember attempts in 2004, 2005, 2007, 2009, 2011, 2012, 2015 and even in 2017, a time period where I didn't play video games a lot. Yet I always came up short. After reaching the game's halfway point - which was hammered into me by rote - Tomb Raider 4 would always get the best of me. I would give up. I would quit.

In 2020, I decided that I was never going to finish this game, and I skimmed through its ending cutscenes so that I could claim that I had beaten it. But I hadn't beaten it. I was a hack, a fraud, a liar. I was practically a member of Congress.

When I started my marathon of the Tomb Raider series in January of this year, this was the game I was looking forward to most. This was my opportunity to make things right, to make the lie a truth, to beat TR4 for good - for once in my life, to get the best of this game, instead of the other way around. I proudly proclaimed to my friends that I was Captain Ahab and Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation was my white whale. Of course, nobody has actually read Moby Dick, or they'd have pointed out to me that the story ends with the whale dragging Ahab beneath the waves.

Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation was to be Lara Croft's 'final problem.' Like her detective compatriot Sherlock Holmes, the character was so popular that the creator had burned out, and decided to kill them off. This was to be her last adventure, and she was assigned an appropriately epic quest - saving the world from the scourge of Egyptian god and all-around villain Seth, whom she accidentally releases on a routine raid. Her final send-off was intended to be her biggest adventure yet: huge levels, new abilities and ever more impressive graphics were prepared to accompany her into the afterlife.

The first half of Tomb Raider 4 - up to the point I always gave up at - is the best and most definitive classic TR has ever been. With Lara's new abilities and the tightly focused levels, traversing tombs and temples has never been more fun. There's even a prologue episode with a younger Lara, setting up her rivalry with one-time mentor Werner Von Croy. There are breezy exploration segments, smartly designed puzzles, thrilling timed runs and even a few passable combat sections - something the series has always struggled with. Apart from the introduction, the whole game takes in Egypt, and as a young player, I learned a lot about its ancient mythology just from this game. The race between Lara and a Seth-possessed Von Croy over the world's fate promises a thrilling conclusion to our heroine's last huzzah.

Yet it breaks my heart to say this, but the cracks eventually do start to show. The first half's linearity allows its strong points to shine. Once you get to the point where the game has interconnected levels - almost a sort of open world, and start running into rooms that are dead ends, that's where you should swallow your pride and open a walkthrough, because now it's a lot less focused and you'll want to save your time. The second half's location of keys and gates, with nary a context clue as to what you should do next, almost turns it into a point-and-click adventure game. There are a couple of puzzles whose logic has not been figured out even today, 25 years later. There are even more platforming sections that are made just to fuck with the player. Brute force - or a guide - is the only way through. Somewhere during Tomb Raider 3's development, it seems, Core Design lost their mojo for designing skill-based platforming segments that would throw down the gauntlet and challenge players to make use of everything they'd learned - best illustrated in the endgame of Tomb Raider II. Instead, they opted just to create trial-and-error sections with an instant death on every error.

The most glaring flaw, however is that this game clearly ran out of resources in its second half. Despite the apocalyptic events taking place in the story, the environments hardly convey them. A few half-hearted attempts at showing the brewing storm are made, yet the story tells me the clouds have already burst. The final boss is anticlimactic and subdued, and the final cutscene is too rushed to carry any poignancy. It feels more like a cheap cliffhanger than the 21-gun-salute, fireworks-forming-a-union-jack, not-a-dry-eye-in-the-house send-off Lara deserves. Of course we are aware that Eidos bosses found out that Core Design were planning to kill Lara off and screamed at them about it, but all oral histories say it was too late to alter the ending, so why wasn't it made better to begin with?

There isn't even a proper credits screen - after Lara is buried alive, her rival Von Croy (now suddenly back to his usual self) having failed to save her, we are kicked back to the title screen with a staff roll. No stats screen, no 'The End,' and not even a new music track to signal the end of an era - all we get is the same 'danger music' we heard throughout the game's boss encounters (except the final showdown, which lacks gravitas in part because of how awkwardly silent it is). This has to be the worst possible choice for what's supposed to be a downer ending.

This ludonarrative dissonance takes away from the latter half of the game, and I am utterly confident that if The Last Revelation was remade today with its second half done right, it could still be the best Tomb Raider game.

I've read many reviews of TR4 over the years saying that Core Design had gotten lazy with the series, and were pumping games out annually like the new Madden or Call of Duty. I completely disagree. While Tomb Raider 4's latter half does show the hallmarks of money running out during development, of an exhausted development team, and of time constraints, I can't say the developers were lazy with it. The gameplay is the best that classic Tomb Raider has ever been - just compare how many more fan mods were built in the TR4 engine than in any other classic TR. It also looks incredible for its time, and the FMVs are among the best of the era. It's just a pity that in the end, Core Design lacked the resources to make this the farewell it should have been. Not when they had Eidos breathing down their necks.

Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation will always be my favourite classic TR, the one I have the fondest childhood memories of, the one dearest to my heart, but objectively it's not the best one. That title still goes to the original. It was also the last 'good' Tomb Raider game for several years: the next entry, Chronicles, was a collection of B-sides that was hastily cobbled together like the yearly Madden, and Angel of Darkness is remembered as a promising yet half-finished mess. That was the end of Core Design's control over Tomb Raider, and the series was handed over to Crystal Dynamics.

But hey, that gave us the Legend-Anniversary-Underworld trilogy. Sometimes when God closes a door, he does open a window.

God bless Stella and her walkthrough site. Where would we be without that woman?

Slowly this year is becoming the year of great reimagined “casino” games. Buckshot Roulette takes the simple premise of Russian Roulette and makes it an indie horror gem.

Gameplay is primarily passing a loaded shotgun back and forth between yourself and a dealer while using a mix of items and luck to turn the odds in your favor. A general run will involve chipping away at your opponent’s health bar before taking away life support to really up the ante. Once a run has been won you will unlock a double or nothing mode that spice ups items and become essentially endless if you are prepared to take the risk for bragging rights.

Buckshot Roulette seems to take place in some kind of secret backdoor Russian nightclub that lends itself greatly to the twisted washed-out horror aesthetic. All runs begin in a dirty bathroom as you pass through a walkway with loud thumping techno music before entering the dealer’s den. At all times you can almost always hear the music muffled through the walls as the sound design is honestly fantastic.

The simple premise makes it easy to pick up and the addictive double or nothing mode is great to try for a high score. With such a low asking price I can’t recommend Buckshot Roulette enough.

While technically a full complete standalone game, Pre-Sequel feels as tho it is simply a substantial extension of Borderlands 2 - and this massive DLC-like dynamic might explain why it feels just as janky and buggy as some of the DLCs do. The fact that this game serves mostly as fanservice for Handsome Jack makes it hard to care too much about its issues (tho maybe Gearbox took the wrong lessons from this)

Personally speaking, I was ready for more diversity in environments, and Elpis provides an excellent change in color palette; neon purples and blues and aquamarines. More time spent in space-age structures, lunar stations, energy refineries. Its a great vacation from Pandora, but I also feel like Pre-Sequel starts to pull the series out of orbit with too much focus on exposition, setting the series up to take itself too seriously. (The Handsome Jack stuff does whip ass tho)

They did it. They made it. Poyo Poyo. A bastard child, much like its brethren Doctor Robotik Lean Bean Machean, yes my dyslexic ass is smashing records tonight. But... That's it, it is Poyo Poyo and there is nothing more to its meat. I tought the Kirby series was allergic to low quality products, yet here we are. That's the part where Kirby smoked that hooka indubitably cuz you seein how much lip he's givin them?? That is not the poyo I raised. He's callin them cunts and everythin 😭 we finally got the American Kirby from all those US box arts. May God bless us all he is yappin kinda E for everyone.

So, pretty much everything I say about Super Puyo Puyo would apply to this (as of yet, have not said anything about Super Puyo Puyo). They're scared half to death of giving us cutesy stuff so they'd rather reskin it for overseas audience with Kirby... I'm probably not the only one having trouble with the logic. Putting so much ressources into a lost cause when the solution is RIGHT THERE. I do admit the... forest background... is better than some minerals? Hank would kill me for this. This cabrón called an avalanche on all of them or what, that sounds like an hardcore term for such a calming experience OH MY GOLLY I'M BEING BURIED ALIVE IN SLIME

The gang is all here. I don't always recognize their names through the Super Nintendo Entertainment System sound chip, and for us zoomers this is gonna sound a whole lot like the Wii Remote yapping in Smash Bros. Brawl. They should have replaced the colors while they were at it, where's the pink slime? Despite all its faults, this game still remains a cult abomination, a stain in Kirby's rapper career. What says a lot about me is that, much like not knowing I could crouch in RE4 to avoid attacks, I did not know I could see the next bundle of slime to fall. Rest in power brain 👑👑👊 wowie, I wish an actually unique Kirby game with Tetris-like elements happens to fall on my laps soon. Kid named Star Stacker:

Borderlands 2: The Video Gaming Experience is a slightly acquired taste - but there is an undeniable flow here once you figure it out. With the Diablo influence finally finding its feet, the game walks the line between Zany and Serious in both its combat and narrative in a way thats riveting and compelling. The sad truth is: Gearbox will probably never write a character as good as Handsome Jack (or most of the cast) ever again.

In fact (hot take) it was probably essential that Borderlands 2 was written with a largely comedic lean, because the unserious attitude helps you feel less seriously about the games cheap feeling gameplay. The games looter-churn means youll be obligated to use guns that suck in a game where the shooting already kind of sucks, the artstyle is pretty but also very poorly assembled and buggy - it all feels less irritating (key word being “less”) when the world is already absurd and illogical.

I finally did muster through Super Mario Sunshine after about three and a half years of leaving it on the backburner, and I must say I still don't get it. It's not all bad but it's like, not very fun to me at all. I found its best moments to be pretty decent, and put up against Super Mario 64 and Super Mario Galaxy I don't really think it stands a chance in most if not all fields. I did not gel with the aesthetic, controls, or level design nearly as much as in either of them.

The biggest thing that irks me about Sunshine, though, is it doesn't feel as open as it lets on. You can beat the game with a minimum of 50 shines (I completed it with 53), but rather than a basic threshold to close off the final level, like how you can get any 70 stars in 64 to reach the end, you are required to do all the first seven missions of each level. In order, too. You can't go out of order like you can in 64, you have to do mission 1, then mission 2, etc. This works fine in Galaxy because the level design reflects it better, it's already more linear to begin with in its design and progression. Sunshine's level design does not reflect its linearity, it presents itself as a lot more open and implies a lot more freedom than you're actually provided. The end result takes away the feeling of free exploration, and it begins to feel more like crossing off a checklist than finding things yourself and reaping the rewards for doing so. Some of these required missions are frankly quite awful as well. A few of the bosses (Petey Piranha 2, Manta) are super tedious and slow, and some other missions littered around are bordering on unacceptable. I could not locate any enjoyment to be found in the "chuckster" mission, for example, and there's just no way to get around it without enduring it. If you have a star in 64 you really hate, chances are you can just work around it, but such is not the case this time.

I figure you can warm up to this with enough playthroughs, but the first is deeply unsatisfying and unrewarding. A competently made and designed game for the most part, but mundane and unenjoyable especially in comparison to the high points surrounding it in the series. Why would I want to play it some more in order to warm up to it if the first playthrough was so consistently rough? I dunno, man. It just doesn't really make sense to me. I really see now why this seems to be the most divisive of the 3D Mario entries, and try as I might to enjoy myself during its runtime, I can't seem to do so often enough to really call it something I like as an overall experience. I'm just glad I at least have it off my back now.

Veredito: Navinha 3D de fliperama bonzão, antes de existir 3D.

Cara, eu sou fã de jogos com espírito de arcade e de jogabilidades caóticas baseadas em reflexos. Gosto muito de Star Fox, de Kid Ikarus Uprising e de ambientações lisérgicas viajadas. Não é nenhuma surpresa que eu ia gostar de Space Harrier.

É um jogo de navinha 3D focado em conseguir chegar o mais longe possível. Só que não tem muito foco em navinha. Você é um cara voador com um canhão debaixo do braço e os inimigos são insetos gigantes, mamutes caolhos e estátuas saídas direto da Ilha de Páscoa que jogam bolas de fogo em cima de você, tudo enquanto tu desvia de dados D20 que a fase te joga do nada pra te matar e de postes indestrutíveis que parecem uma fusão de coqueiros com cogumelos gigantes. Apenas mais uma terça-feira na Zona da Fantasia.

Infelizmente só cheguei na 8ª fase por enquanto. Quando descobri que eram 18 no total... É, joguinho, um dia eu volto pra você. Por enquanto ainda não gitgudei o bastante pra te zerar, assumo minhas limitações. Mas um dia eu consigo!

When you really, really think about it, this is better than the sum of its part! I mean, it's some goofy nae nae golf game, but with the Kirby sauce! what ok so this game is kinda lit my brothers in christ, Kirby never misses an opportunity to suck EXCEPT he did, yup very sadge and all for the sake of violence, bumping into his foes like accidentally bumping into Senpai and sliding a date invite into the apology UwU enough of that just wanna say it's great how well the abilities fit into the mix. Despite Sakurai not working on this one, the abilities are still unbalanced! That U.F.O. Kirby said fuck off i'm headin out to do a side quest 💀 I didn't realize I could drive him the first time. We got Air Ride at home gentlemen.

The last level is the easiest and you're just given a buffet of abilities, while you skillfully mash that button of mass destruction. We gettin a hole in one with this one and with this hole 🗣️🗣️ HAL said "Special Tee Shot who???" but I gotta say, we all wanted Kirby to become ฿̶̘̪̖͇̼̫͇̣̰̏̈̏̔̀̎̇̓̾̚͜͝₳̶̢̧̘̝̟̻̔̍͘͠Ⱡ̷̮̼̅̇̓́̐̅̓Ⱡ̵͈͓̼͕̘̦͍̝͗͒̃̓͊͗̎̌͘͠ again, right? It can be a challenge in its own right to know where tf kinda direction Kirb is going in that 3D space. Where are we, some kind of Dream Course?? Well, the backgrounds do look pretty dreamy as always. Not too shabby, not too shabby... now draw Kirby naked in them! Oh, hold up.

Eight courses, eight levels in them, now that's a lot of holes 😳 notice how similar his story is to Sisyphus once you end up at the bottom of an hill? This game definitely has "ahah laugh at this user" moments like these, but it's definitely easy-going and casual. Whomstever worked on this shit your crunch work hours paid off!! I think it's funny when you use the "snail" technique and do snail pattern, that's the true "fuck it we ball" energy right there. Though once again, Dedede gets absolutely demolished in a spin-off. It took Avalanche for him to get serious'd!

A spin-off that, when you figure it out, runs like clockwork, but you don't have to figure it out! That's what all true warriors strive for. It even has multiplayer! I cannot criticize Dream's Course <--- just did

Goddamn I have never felt like an absolute APE banging on drums like a bloody raged gorilla. This brought out an inner PRIMEPAE dormant within my soul. One of the best stress relieving games I have played.

DKJB is definitely one of those games you NEED the bongo peripheral is was made for. The option to play with a controller is there, but you'd be absolutely robbing yourself of one of the most amazing experiences on the gamecube. Or at least, try to find way to play the wii motion control version, even if you are playing on an emulator, please hook up some sort of motion control gimmick to make this game what it's worth.

It is a platfomer that is controlled by banging the bongos. Bang the left bongo, go left. Bang the right bongo, go right. Bang both at the same time and you do a jump. Clap to grab and punch things. Simple and it works because it's so satisfying when translated to gameplay.

There are 32 very fun levels that have you running, sliding, bouncing and swinging all around while keeping combos up. The name of the game is to collect as many bananas as you can till you get to the end of the level. The more combos you keep up by not touching the ground, the more bananas collected will multiply. The more bananas you have collected, the more health you will have when facing the boss at the end of the level. A really good system that rewards you with medals depending on the amount of bananas you have, thus creating a great replayable game.

One of my favorite things about this game is fighting all the enemies, especially the big one. Every enemy you defeat feels so goddamn satisfying as you grab, throw or pound the fuck out of them. ESPECIALLY the bosses as when you stun them, you get to go all in 1000 punches first of the north star style, and the faster you bang those bongos, the faster DK will beat the shit out of the fuck. And it feels SOOOO goddamn good.

This is truly one of the most unique games I have played, and offers a great experience you can't get anywhere else. This deserves some kind of port on the switch so people can play with the joycons with that HD rumble doing it justice.

THE BINDING OF ISAAC WARP ZONE: S H A R D S O F I S A A C

This is my Shrek the Third.

Straight and to the point, this is the ONLY, and I mean ONLY time I genuinely do not have anything that is unambiguously positive to say regarding The Binding of Isaac. Rebirth is an INCREDIBLE game. Afterbirth was decent. Repentance is my FAVORITE game of ALL time. Flash was good. The Legend of Bumbo was also good (if unpolished at times). So that leaves ONE release, that flabbergasts the mind at how it costs 10 United States Dollars. That ONE stain on Isaac’s legacy that shan't be forgotten. That ONE DLC that’s more worthless than that 25 Lives bullshit in Sonic Lost World. THAT ONE DLC THAT IS...

Afterbirth+, also referred to as the worst fucking thing in existence by the overarching Isaac community, is easily the worst DLC I have ever played, and I mean that with no hyperbole, or anything of the sorts. It’s that BAD. There's almost NOTHING to be enjoyed here that couldn't be found within the previous, and infinitely more fun predecessors, and I highly recommend that literally skip over to Repentance.

EXHIBIT A: The new items are actually dogshit! There were about 70 new items in this DLC at launch, a poultry amount compared to the likes of Rebirth and Wrath of the Lamb, and almost all are terrible to boot. The most gimmicky, incompatible, Enter The Gungeon-tier bullshit you could ever imagine. The items are far too niche to be useful, and rarely synergize with the hundreds of previous items. Almost all provide little to no benefits to any run, or are just too finicky to be worth a damn. Remember the old-school D-Infinity? You know, the item that gave you a new dice each time you used it? That shit was so ass. Or Adrenaline? Which gives you more damage for each empty heart container? Or Greed’s Gullet? Or Large Zit? Or Brown Nugget? Or Shade? Sure, each DLC had it’s fair share of bad or niche items, but not to this level. And even if you got a bad item, it didn’t matter because they all SYNERGIZED. That’s the ENTIRE FUCKING POINT of The Binding of Isaac, and ensures that most of your runs are GOOD. But when your items border on no synergies, you lose a lit of your run’s overall potential. And the items themselves plainly suck, so what’s the point? Introducing too many bad items into the fray doesn’t make your DLC harder, it makes it more unfun and luck based. But difficulty doesn’t mean anything when your DLC is even EASIER than before! Not only is it as easy as previous releases, the game breaks have only gotten easier. A new item introduced, The Tarot Cloth, is a GAME WINNING item, and it’s pretty common at that. It doubles almost all consumables’ effectiveness. Ever wanted to have infinite money? Bam, Tarot Cloth + 2 of Diamonds, and you’ve broken the game. Or hell, Rune of Jera for the easiest game breaks in the world. Or get IV Bag and Restock for quite LITERALLY infinite money and items. Shit, you might as well remove the roguelike elements of Isaac at this point. And the actual content here? It is some of the most irritating bullshit you’ll ever find in roguelike history. The Void? GREEDIER MODE??? CHALLENGES?!?!?! ALL FUCKING TERRIBLE. I’ll be damned if I could find genuinely anything within the rough here, filled with rehashed and unfun content. I WISH I was joking, this DLC genuinely sucks and is a fundamental misunderstanding of the entire game’s DESIGN. Let's start off from the very top, with THE VOID!

EXHIBIT B: Look guys, it's the ultimate conclusion to Isaac’s story! For the first, erm, second... third... FOURTH, FOURTH TIME GUYS! Aren't you excited? And what's the ultimate final floor? What do you have to get in order to see the true ending of The Binding of Isaac? It's fucking random. Upon each Final boss kill, a small Void portal has a chance to appear. No items needed, nor skill involved. Off to a great start. And then you have the actual floor itself. It's a big, open floor, with 6 bosses each (one of which holds the final boss, Delirium), built off the backs of each individual floor already within the game. How fuuuuuuun… This is so fucking shameless. I'm not even fucking kidding. There's literally NO new enemies on this floor, aside from these weird ass portal things which… spew out other reused enem- 10 UNITED STATES DOLLARS EVERYBODY! It's so fucking LAZY. It just becomes so repetitive, traveling slowly between every floor, likely smiting anything in your path because of how strong you are, doubly more so if you dare to get Curse of the Lost and have no fucking map. And when you eventually, after 9 million years, find the final boss Delirium, you're in for an ass-blasting finale. Now, before I speak, let me just say that conceptually, Delirium is such a fucking cool fight on paper. AND he has a pretty banging design. Representing Isaac’s final dying delusions in a single boss is really interesting. But fuuuuck me if this fight isn’t annoying! Guess what Delirium is? Literally all of the bosses encountered in your past runs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!2!2!2! He transforms into each boss that you've encountered in prior runs, but now with a million bullets and twice as fast. Oh and get telefragged because fun and fair game design. Self admittedly, the boss isn't too bad to fight, in fact, it's kinda fun at points. But the fight itself is so creatively bankrupt and anti-climactic. When I think of the Repentance bosses, they all stick out in my mind because actually cool stuff happens leading up to them. In fact, there's borderline no storyline to this floor either. No rhyme nor reason. A Void just appears. Happens every Tuesday. And the contents within the floor barely correlate to the ending at all. Isaac dies… again? We get to see an argument between his Mom and Dad (not a new plot point but I digress), and then he dies. PLUS CAN'T EVEN INVENT NEW STORY! It's so funnily terrible at everything it does. And then Isaac walks into Purgatory? I was so confused when I got this ending. It’s not something I brought up, but almost every Isaac ending had correlated to the story, even a little bit. Even the one that was least connected to the story, the Hush ending, made sense because Blue Baby (dead Isaac) IS Hush. It’d make sense to show Isaac dead after that, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS! What does some Semen-esque Demon have to do with parents fighting? Sure, the actual floor connects with this, but not the ending! Yeah, I guess Isaac dying would be something that Delirium represents, but where the HELL did the parents’ arguments come into play at all? But in the end, does it matter? Because overall, the Void FUCKING SUCKS. It’s so ludo-narratively dissonant for its own good, and the gameplay is abysmal as the final chapter of The Binding of Isaac. Good music but 2/10. Moving on.

EXHIBIT C: Speaking of Voids, Apollyon, the new character! He starts with The Voi- It's the fucking D6. The Void absorbs items and gives you stats. Literally, in WHAT SCENARIO DO YOU NOT USE THE D6 WHEN YOU USE VOID??? Oh, it can absorb active items??? Okay??? Oh, no, that's some QUALITY 5 shit right there. Apollyon sucks and he is lame good character design tho 3/10.

EXHIBIT D: Greedier Mode. Need I say more? 0/10

Okay, but for real this time. Greedier Mode is commonly cited as one of the worst elements to Isaac as a whole. And this time, I actually agree. Hell, I even LIKED Greed Mode in the original. So what's so bad about Greedier?

First off, you have to donate 500 coins just to UNLOCK IT. That’s a big issue when it comes to game progression, as you won’t be able to even play Greedier even if you wanted to. Isaac has already let you play Hard Mode from the start, so I can’t see why Greedier had to be different here. Second of all, the mode itself fucking SUCKS. You get a poultry amount of money, barely enough to even SURVIVE, one extra wave spawns, and the timer is so sped up, oh my god, make it end please. Basic enemies also can be champions with no rewards for killing them. But hey, at least the Jam chance for the Donation Machine is decreased!!!! God. I am tired. And now the final boss has a second phase that lasts all of 2 seconds? Cool???

Exhibit E: Challenges. THIS is my breaking point. You might’ve thought Greedier was, or Delirium? No. The challenges in Rebirth and Afterbirth were fine, if a little short, and perhaps too easy. THE CHALLENGES IN AFTERBIRTH PLUS. They’re all TERRIBLE. EVERY SINGLE ONE HAS GIVEN ME FUCKING EPILEPSY. Pokey Mans and Pong are the only moderately okay ones, but the final 3 made me lose all hope for this game. April’s Fool: Everything has the wrong sprite and everything is the Bloat. We’re so funny, guys! It’s not like Spelunky, Nuclear Throne, and almost any roguelike is cooking us up on the market right now! Backasswards: Clear the game with 8-10 randomized items and do it backwards. Fun game de- LITERALLY JUST HOLD R UNTIL YOU GET A BROKEN ITEM COMBO!!! But, believe me folks. None of these compare to the worst challenge in the history of The Binding of Isaac. Do you wish to know the name? Well, here it is (barring the curse word).

ULTRA MOTHERFUCKING HARD. OH MY GOD. I have no idea what the entire developer team was on when creating this fucking challenge (or DLC in general!), but this is straight up poppycock. ALL CURSES ARE ENABLED, NO HEARTS SPAWN, AND EVERYTHING IS A CHAMPION!!! Do I even need to explain why this sucks? And guess what you get for completing ultimately one of the worst challenges in the game? A starting trinket. Uno. For Samson, which is a character you’ve probably 100%ed at this point. A SINGULAR FUCKING TRINKET. Not a cool ass item or anything for all of your troubles, like almost EVERY SINGLE ISAAC RELEASE HAS DONE AT THIS POINT, BUT NO! ONE FUCKING TRINKEY THAT SUCKS SHIT ANYWAYS. Hooray, I REALLY feel accomplished! This is a game that’s priced at $10, by the way? Could’ve fooled me!

At this point, what else is there to talk about? Victory Laps; runs that don’t even give you achievements during them? Or 100%, as unfun as the main game? Oh, guys, you gotta do everything with every character all over again. AND, as an additional fuck you, do 31 DAILY RUNS IN A FUCKING ROW. I AM NOT JOKING, AT LAUNCH, YOU HAD TO DO 31 FUCKING DAILY RUNS FOR A SINGULAR PILL. FUCK YOU! But yeah. Afterbirth Plus 100% SUCKS.

Before I close out this review, I wanted to mention the mod support, and zeusdeegoose policy. All products I review are reviewed as-is; mods are irrelevant to this discussion overall. Because if I did, basically every product I’ve review would be at least worth a 6/10; maybe higher. So that’s why I’ve neglected to mention it. But I will note that, while the mods for Afterbirth+ are cool, barring the numerous NSFW mods that have caused irreparable damage to the community (god, I hate you all), the mod scene for Afterbirth+ was limited by an incredibly shitty API. Not even Afterbirth+ could get mod support right, one of the main draws for the DLC in the FIRST PLACE! Later on, Repentance would release with these issues intact unfortunately, and modders had to REVERSE ENGINEER the entire game just to get an actually USEABLE API. What a shitshow, man...


Afterbirth+ is one of the worst expansions ever released, and I wholeheartedly stand by that. It’s unfun, recycled, unexciting content with absolutely nothing in it’s favor. Ultimately one of the worst releases I’ve seen, get it away from me, goodnight.

Or... was it? Well, announced before the release that the game would receive Booster Packs, small additions of content made by the community. What are my thoughts on these? Just as, if not more terrible than the base game. It’s just more items, and while some of these are pretty good, like Tech Zero, Mystery Gift, among others, the base game is still just as bad as before. Sure, The Forgotten is... cool, but other than that, there’s nothing. Delirium still sucks, Greedier Mode is still unfun bullshit, and overall, there’s still a major lack of content. But hey, at least they fixed the Dedication bullshit. God, what a joke. I have nothing else to add; Plus sucks, play Rebirth, Afterbirth, Antibirth, literally any other Isaac expansion instead instead, goodnight sweet prince, I’m out.

The void inside cries / Consuming dissatisfied / Eating all alive ” - “Afterbirth Plus” by zeusdeegoose, Written on 4/22/24

Around this point in time, say, 1990-1992, Konami, despite having plenty of successful titles under their belt, didn’t really have any kind of mascot to call their own. Yeah, they had plenty of successful franchises, like Castlevania, Contra, Gradius, and so on, but they didn’t have a main character that had that worldwide appealing factor to them, as can be seen with other video game mascots like Mario, Sonic, Mega Man, and Bub- I MEAN, UH………. Aero the Acro-Bat. Nice save there, Mega. But anyway, these characters were all the rage back in the day, so they figured that they needed to throw their hat into the ring somehow, and they managed to do so by not only creating a cute animal mascot to call their own… but also by giving them a rocket pack! This character would then get to star in the first of quite a few games known simply as Rocket Knight Adventures.

For the longest time, I had never played any Rocket Knight game before, but I REALLY wanted to, as it looked to be right up my alley. I am a big fan of these mascot platformers from back in the day, and it looked like it had the exact kind of chaotic energy that Konami usually put into their games back then, which I adore, along with charming characters placed right alongside it. It’s almost as if they made this game just for somebody like me! However, I still hadn’t checked it out in a long time, so I knew it was about time that I finally gave the series a proper shot, so I played through the first game, and yeah, it was just as great as I expected it to be. This is definitely one of the best mascot platformers that you can find on the Sega Genesis, giving you everything you could want from one of these games, mixed with a dash of Contra-level energy and craziness that makes it damn near perfect for someone like me.

The story is pretty decent for a game in this genre, where chaos erupts in the kingdom of Zephyrus, with the fair Princess Sherry being captured by the evil Axel Gear, along with a mysterious force seeking to reactivate the power of a destructive starship known as the Pig Star (hey, if Sonic can do it, so can this series), so it is up to Sparkster, taught in the ways of being a Rocket Knight, to set out to not only save the princess but also to stop the Pig Star from destroying everything, which is a story that basically decided to take the two most generic plot points for platformers from the 90s and combine them into one, which I can definitely respect. The graphics are wonderful, having plenty of colorful levels to travel through, accompanied with plenty of characters and enemies, Sparkster included, that have wonderful designs, the music is pretty great, having plenty of up-beat, yet still menacing-at-times tunes playing throughout the game, with this just being one of the many great tracks to be found here, and the gameplay/control feels just right for this kind of game, giving you plenty to work with for a typical platformer, while also mixing in plenty of fresh and exciting elements to help it stand completely on its own.

The game is an 2D action platformer, where you take control of Sparkster, go through a set of seven different levels spanning many different environments that range from peaceful and simple to deadly and chaotic, slash your way through many different enemies using your trusty blade or your rocket pack in many different situations, gather plenty of fruit to keep yourself healed throughout the journey, as well as extra lives for whenever you die (not IF you die), and take on plenty of large and insane bosses, each putting the player’s skill to the test in plenty of different ways. You have all the right ingredients for a fairly standard platformer present here, but then you have the standout elements that make Sparkster what he is, mixing them together with these standard elements, to end up with a concoction that provides a sweet and satisfying experience all the way through.

Sparkster himself does many of the typical things a platformer mascot should, such as running, jumping, and slicing down foes with a weapon of his choice, but alongside all of that, he also incorporates the rocket pack in with everything else, making for one of the best mechanics of the game. With this rocket pack, you can charge it up and launch yourself in any direction you wish, allowing you to not only speed along through plenty of different parts of the levels, but to also reach certain areas you wouldn’t be able to do so otherwise, and to cause MASSIVE damage to enemies and bosses while swinging your sword, and that shit right there ROCKS, I don’t care what anyone says. Mix all that with some other small, yet nice touches, like how you can hang onto trees and other platforms at some points, along with level gimmicks like going in and out of the background and high-speed cart segments, and Rocket Knight Adventures gives the player plenty of challenges to overcome with some kick-ass tools to boot, and it is a joy from start to finish in every way.

Not only that, but the game also makes sure to keep the gameplay fresh and unexpected as you go along, with there being plenty of sections and entire levels where it will change up the gameplay style to make things interesting. There will be plenty of instances where you will be continuously rocketing forward, taking on a horizontal shmup style, slicing down many things flying in your way, dodging plenty of projectiles coming from all over the place, and taking on plenty of bosses along the way. It doesn’t do anything too crazy with these segments, certainly not to the level of actual shmups out there, but it manages to be refreshing and fun enough to where you can definitely get behind it a lot of the time. If all of that wasn’t enough for you, how about an entire boss fight of the game where you control a GIANT ROBOT, swinging punches at Axel Gear, who is also in a giant robot, in an over-the-top game of Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots? It isn’t necessarily the best segment in the game, but it does still manage to be fun and fairly tricky, to where when you manage to take Axel Gear down, you feel like you truly triumphed over a hard foe.

And speaking of triumphing over a hard foe, that belatedly leads onto one of my only real criticisms for the game as a whole: it is REALLY HARD. In the good ol’ classic Konami tradition, this game will not hold any punches, sending plenty of enemies and hazards you way at any chance it gets, some that can even insta-kill you if you aren’t careful, and you need to react accordingly and carefully in these situations, otherwise that rocket knight suit will be donned by nothing other than a rotting marsupial corpse. Granted, there are plenty of difficulty options that can help you make things easier for yourself, but once again, this is a Konami game, which means that not only will you not get the true ending by playing on certain difficulties, but the amount of lives and continues that you get vary greatly depending on which difficulty you choose, mostly not in your favor. Also, this may be just a little personal grievance, but I think the final level gets a LIIIIIIIITLE too trigger happy with its bosses, as you have to go through, like, five or six of them before you have truly beaten the game, even during sequences when you think you are truly save. Again though, that might just be me.

Overall, despite how brutal it can be and the final level dragging things out further than they needed to be, I can’t believe I didn’t try out any of these games sooner, because this first entry manages to get just about everything right, having wonderful and charming visuals, a soundtrack full of bangers, incredibly fun and satisfying gameplay, and that classic 90s Konami insanity that I just can’t get enough of. I would definitely recommend it for those who are a big fan of mascot platformers, as well as those who are looking for more games from the Genesis to play, because if you haven’t given this game a shot yet, then you, my friend, like me for most of my life, were truly missing out. And hey, it’s even coming back in a brand new collection, so that means you will have very easy means to try it out!............. unless you wanna play it right now, in which case, if you aren’t willing to go out and find a copy for yourself, yar-har-fiddly-dee it is.

Game #569

they 'fixed' the MP5 and shotgun so instead of needing to rely on a whole arsenal of explosives, traps and weirdo guns you can just handle every single fight with two guns
they 'fixed' the HECU marines so instead of erratic freaks they just kinda stand around and impose a health tax if you look around a corner
they 'fixed' xen by making it look like it was trending on art station and replacing all the weird cool levels with Half-Life 2 puzzles for some godforsaken reason

Had a lot of fun with Stellar Blade and I'm currently going through NG+ for the plat. The game has very clear strengths as well as weaknesses. Overall though I'm pretty surprised by how well made it is.

It goes without saying that the most fun part about Stellar Blade is its combat and while it falls short to something like Sekiro, it is still damn good. You get sick ass moves with Combo Attacks, Beta and Burst skills that will not only make you look cool but also do hella damage. Some of these can even cancel out annoying moves or strings, really useful against bosses. The defensive options like Perfect Parrying and Dodging feel very nice too even though I suck at dodging the yellow attacks. You also get access to follow-up attacks when you land these, making it even more satisfying. Also having a dash that basically teleports you to the enemy is convenient if you wanna close the gap and be aggressive.

The Naytiba's have great looking designs and there's a hefty amount of them so you never really get bored fighting these enemies. Boss fights are solid and I'm glad they were because I got hooked on the demo, fighting the Boss Challenge over and over again. Unfortunately didn't get a no damage run but the Stalker fight gave me hope for what's to come and majority of the bosses in the full game actually did deliver.

Paired with an exceptional soundtrack that could very well be the best one this year, it is a fire recipe they have here. Not a single bad track in the entire game and the list has a ton of range too, keeping it refreshing. It also made exploring so much more enjoyable especially since I was doing all the side content.

Oh yeah, the graphics are good.

And I almost forgot to mention but there wasn't enough sword surfing.. sad!

Now this is where it gets bad because while I really liked doing the side stuff, there are so many things that just drag down the experience. First of all, the fast travel and map. Why is it so annoying to get from Point A to Point B? There's just too many steps and when you have to backtrack constantly like it's a metroidvania or something but then you're also met with multiple loading screens, it's just terrible. You can't fast travel to every camp nor can you open the map and look at a different location, not to mention you only have an actual map for only half of the locations. Another thing I noticed when exploring is that there are lots of spots where it looks like you can make a jump or a climb but you literally can not. Is it designed this way to piss off the player? I don't know.

I haven't gotten to the story and characters yet but simply put, it is bland. You are not NieR. The main trio of EVE, Adam and Lily have no synergy at all. I simply didn't care for any of them, or the rest of the cast but I guess at least Lily has some personality. EVE just has cool outfits and a ponytail so long it reaches her heel, so swag!

Despite all of that, majority of my time spent with Stellar Blade was fun and that's what matters the most in my humble opinion. Looking forward to the DLC with the Boss Rush mode so I can attempt some no damage runs. Anyways I'm giving it a 7.5/10.

Just pure, simple good fun shit. I beat this for the first time while sitting on the toilet in about 30 mins (in one sitting) .

Being the first Kirby game and being the only mainline game without his iconic copy ability, it essentially feels like a Kirby's Adventure beta. Yet despite not having his copy ability, it's still a lot of fun to play through and makes bosses actually have some challenge and methodology as you need to wait for opportunities to attack, as opposed to spamming your best copy attacks. It makes me want to do no-copy runs of other Kirby games for that same challenge.

Good shit. Simple shit. Fun shit. Has aged gracefully and is still an excellent 2D platformer.


THE BINDING OF ISAAC WARP ZONE: S H A R D S O F I S A A C

Back in my original review, I think I sold Wrath of the Lamb a little short. I had called it one of the most unfun, bullshit things I had ever played coming from Edmund McMillen. But, there was one, small. Perhaps a tiny issue. Maybe with skill? Hell if I know...

Wrath of the Lamb is where The Binding of Isaac truly began, adding all types of new shit into the game. From bosses, to items, and even modes, Wrath of the Lamb is one of the most influential expansions to Isaac as a whole, and solidified the game as a masterpiece. Did 2011 simply not have enough content for you? Well, it's Wrath of the Lamb now, bitches!

This is where the alternate floors come into play, and the greater enemy variety is more apparent here than ever. I didn’t notice how limited 2011’s enemies were until I installed Wrath of the Lamb, because holy shit. This is way bigger! And the bosses? Far more intimidating than before. Each boss is far more devious than the previous Flash bosses, being faster and even more intimidating with the new music, which goes just as hard as the rest of the soundtrack. The difficulty of the game itself is so much higher than before. I nearly died on the first FLOOR when playing, it’s that grueling. In fact, it might be a little... too hard. I do really like Wrath of the Lamb (now that I don’t suck at it), but in GOD’S NAME, at least play Flash for a little bit before downloading it, because the type of shit you’ll encounter far exceeds the difficulty of any expansion to Isaac, and yes, even Repentance. To compensate, Angel rooms have now been added, and you can also manipulate them into spawning, and these have weaker items, like Rebirth, but the pool doesn’t suck now!!! Hooray! And, just like every previous Isaac expansion, there’s new story. There’s the Cathedral, and The Chest. Now, you might say that I already covered these, but Wrath of the Lamb’s Cathedral is NOT the same as Rebirth’s, not by a long shot. It’s a far more challenging area, with enemies being far superior and faster, and the final boss (Isaac) has been completely changed in Rebirth, honestly one of the only things Rebirth did worse compared to Flash. It’s a complete slap fight, with Isaac only firing and firing hundreds of tears towards you. After doing that for a bit, he stands up and starts firing homing tears in a D-Pad pattern, and does it even more frequently, before finally gaining flight, summoning so many enemies and light beams, descending down on the player. And this is where the true fight begins, easily being the hardest part of the battle. And the music, once again, is fucking incredible. After killing him, you get a piece of an image on the title, and I think you know what that means. So after 6 kills, you get The Polaroid trinket, and it drops after killing Mom. Now, go into the Chest dropped from killing Isaac, and bam. You’re in the final chapter of the game. This floor is essentially a victory lap, with every dropped chest being converted into items, and the final boss is Blue Baby. He’s essentially the Hard Mode of the Isaac fight, shooting even more tears, having more health, and having the ability to teleport across the room. And, for the final time, the Chest drops. The final ending shows numerous polaroids, showing Isaac’s memories, as the screen slowly fades to back, while the Library music plays in the background. Nightmare fuel. But, when it comes to the rest of Wrath of the Lamb, there’s not much to say that hasn’t been said already in my prior reviews. All of the new items are pretty cool, there’s even more run variety, and practically everything from Flash is fixed, so yeah. Wrath of the Lamb is pretty damn good, if I say so myself.



Except for ONE, tiny, SMALL issue. 100%ing Wrath of the Lamb is fucking TERRIBLE. Okay, so we all know the usual “defeat every boss with every character” stick, right? I neglected to mention this in my previous review, but Flash Isaac is just as straightforward as Afterbirth when it comes to 100%. But thought Flash was too easy? You sir, have not played Wrath of the Lamb. And it’s all due to a little update in 2015, without Mcillen’s involvement. Wrath of the Lamb wasn’t too taxing of a 100% prior. Sure, Isaac and ??? were pretty hard, but once you got it down the first time, the difficulty only snowballed. And the challenges weren’t so bad either, so 100% was pretty fun and engaging. But... in 2015... oh man, Curse Alert for those who care.

ETERNAL EDITION IS THE WORST FUCKING THING EVER INTRODUCED INTO THIS GODDAMN FRANCHISE. HOLY SHIT, WHERE DO I BEGIN WITH THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT??? There’s NO new items nor anything in this update, only Hard mode, taking most of, if not ALL of the fun out of 100%. That’s the entire fucking POINT of The Binding of Isaac. The achievements are difficult WITHIN REASON! You actually get shit for going out of your way to do something difficult. THAT’S WHY IT’S FUN! I need way more incentive to play Hard mode rather than an achievement on Steam. That’s what made Super Meat Boy 100% so fun. The Meat Ninja is actually a cool unlockable, even IF Leaderboards are disabled with him! Shit, if you couldn’t come up with any new items, just take some from Rebirth, that would be COOL and neat to see in the older version of Isaac. You use Godhead for your achievement icon already, why not go all the way? Oh, and Hard Mode? I kid you not, this is some f the most grueling, unfun BULLSHIT THAT I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN THE BINDING OF ISAAC. The D6 got nerfed for no fucking reason, the Eternal Bosses are controller breaking frustration, and the difficulty relies on heavy luck to even succeed. I’m not kidding when I say I had an awesome run but with low HP, and I had over 5 seconds of unavoidable damage that KILLED me and made me start ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the way back to the fucking Basement. Great and fun game design, Himsl. Oh, and whoever designed Eternal Monstro can eat a dick t- OH, OOPS! Eternal Edition isn’t fun. Don’t go for these achievements. Seriously, they’re awful. Wrath of the Lamb is an amazing game, but simply put, Eternal Edition just sucks.

But overall, Flash Isaac as a whole is pretty solid, despite Eternal Edition being far from the greatest. If you’re getting tired of Rebirth, I’d recommend trying out Flash, even for a little bit. It’s shockingly fun, and I think it held up pretty well. Hell, I'd say that it's on the same tier as Rebirth in terms of greatness. But thats enough dawdling. We all know what’s coming next. So it’s time for the finale, the PINNACLE of zeusdeegoose. Until then, my friends.

Life isn't fair, isn't it? / Wrath forges his fury, his sin / From within he cries” “Wrath” by zeusdeegoose, Written on 4/22/24

This review contains spoilers

Now that I've had a bit of time to collect my thoughts about this game I still find myself struggling to put into words how exactly I felt about Signalis after beating it, I've seen my fair share of bleak settings, but I think this one takes the cake for how brutal it can be for the characters of its own universe.

It's haunting, dreadful, merciless, and it's communicated to the player extremely well through gameplay, thanks to its overwhelming atmosphere, cryptic storytelling, and how it feels like you are never truly safe from what might be lurking around the corner. And while I think it suffers a bit from its excessive backtracking, it's still worth giving a shot, specially if you enjoy puzzle games.

One thing I'm certain about once the credits rolled, is that now I understand why its fandom is so obsessed with portraying Elster and Ariane in wholesome and cutesy situations, because it's the only thing that might save them from the overbearing feeling of Existential Dread that at least my ending (Promise) left me. But at least, I can find solace in knowing that they both went out together, to a place where time doesn't exist, to a place where they can dance together to the rhythm of the music, to a place where Ariane can finish her paintings, to a place where they can both feel whole again.

That level with dead ends is quite the unexpected surprise! Keep it expected next time 🗣️ 🗣️ that fish mad chill tho I didn't know he was chill like that damn 🚬 and there's Coo who... honestly he cheesed the game for me, him and the cutter ability? Damn we are witnessing a genocide my friends. Then, we have Rick... yeah big hamster, pet hamsters can die if you fart too loud so this one was doomed from the beginning. Still that makes 28 unique moves for Kirby, we are truly gaming. I still know how to count, too. Is it really the "power" of friendship if you're limiting your movements ? No, no... think of waiting with your friends at the bus stop to keep them company. I am flabbergasted by this star shit though wtf is this shit? They're still here until Kirby 64? It feels like Mandela effect that I never knew about Kirby thinking he's Mario without shame.

This is more fitting as baby's first platformer compared to Dream Land and Adventure, you're not an useless pack of meat when you float for starters! And yeah it's a spring breeze. Get your acquaintances hooked on Kirby with this one simple trick (they won't)! Playing the DL2 DX pack, this is as beautiful as it gets! But do not forget my brother in christ, the fog is coming. When you get the ending and the game would rather credit its critters before its developers, thats the typa shit that tells you something malicious is brewing. That Dark Matter fella is sweet stuff compared to DL3 and 64, still you'll have to "avada kedavra!!" his ass like your star rod is a semi-auto.

With all this commotion, did you notice this game lacked the invincibility candy? I want to complain even if I didnt notice it. Grrrrrrr!! Well I tried. Why complain about things that actually need complaining? Give that man a [TRUE...]! Will the homies hop on Dream Land 2 if they knew it was peak and had soul? This makes excellent bait for the average Backloggdian. Unfortunately, the level design seems to have suffered from having to compete with Dream Land. It's in the dictionary next to the definition of "short term memory loss". But it doesn't mean they're not fun! (except the aforementioned dead ends segment) because, see, it's got a good rating here. My stamp of approval should tell you enough, too bad I'm mentally unwell and cannot be trusted as such.

This is yet another Kirby game I had yet to play prior to this Kirbyathon. I was honestly feeling a 6 most of the time I was playing, and was thinking this is the best Kirby spin-off thus far (after Dream Course). Then the endgame happened.

Let's start with the positives first though. This is basically Kirby breakout and it's generally pretty fun. You break blocks by bouncing Kirby against the paddles, typical breakout basically. The twist here, besides being Kirby themed ofc, is 4 of Kirby's staple copy abilities are in the game and used as power-ups. Stone let's you destroy anything directly below you, burn anything directly above you, needle stops you in place briefly and let's you cling back onto a bumper and aim again and spark bounces you sporadically destroying any block in your path more effectively. This was probably the coolest part of the game. Like Dream Course, the copy abilities are implemented super well into the actual gameplay.

Each level also has a boss at the end, like Pinball Land, but unlike that game I was actually able to beat (almost) all of them this time around. They can be pretty fun but watch out you don't get thrown into the spikes. Luckily in the stage prior to the boss, you can get a sneak-peak at what the boss will be as well as the opportunity to get safety blocks that cover the spikes in the boss stage.

The OST was alright, I saw some reviews saying it was really good but I can't say any of the songs stood out imo.

Now for the endgame, the later stages can be quite annoying with their block placement and the use of 4 bumpers around the screen. The 10th stage, I even decided to save state past that first section cuz it was just so obnoxious. The hit detection on the bumpers can be wonky, which I can't discredit the game too much since it's still a Gameboy game, however it still led to some frustration in the endgame. That plus you can't even play the final level and get the true ending without getting a certain score threshold in each stage. I did this only once in stage 9, and it was by complete accident. I tried to beat the required score a couple of times in stage 1, but I think there's also a secret time requirement (from one of the reviews I read on here) and with how random the game can be with being able to hit blocks in time, yeah no thanks. I know they did this, so it would make you replay the game a bunch, however it's still a bummer.

Overall, it's a decent little game however the true ending being locked to a somewhat frustrating 100% and the endgame levels being kinda frustrating brings it down a bit. It's a fun little time waster, and definitely better than Pinball Land. And yeah, this is yet another game I technically wasn't able to beat due to the 100% requirement. At least I beat every other stage in the game otherwise.